I'm sorry to just be adding to the huge pile of people saying similar things now. I really wanted to write something yesterday when I heard the news but I literally couldn't string a sentence together let alone lay down any of my thoughts on the matter. Now with just over 24 hours gone since it was announced, I feel maybe I can say a little of how I feel.

Ryan always was and always will be the heart of Giant Bomb to me, the glue that kept all the crazy and amazingly different personalities of the GB crew from drifting apart. I read the news on the train home yesterday. Like any other day, the second I had signal on my phone I was straight on Giant Bomb to see what craziness would be in store today, but I wasn't expecting anything as crazy as this. I'll be honest I cried walking home.

Obviously I've lived long enough now to have seen death before, but Ryan's passing is the first case of me being that upset over someone who, really, I never knew. It felt like I knew him though, all those hours of podcasts, those thousands of videos and live streams that I could always rely on cheering me up on shitty days or just being the icing on a great day. Those things will continue I'm sure, but they wont be the same.

I've called myself a fan of the work Ryan and Jeff have been doing since the early Gamespot days. I followed them after that into the blogs, then arrow pointing down and finally here, to say that they have been a part of my life in some way or another for the past decade is no exaggeration and to think that going forward Ryan won't be, well... I still can't really accept it.

It's weird the things you think of in this situation, as well as the obvious stuff like the sympathy for his friends and family, the terror at thinking I'll never hear him on the Bombcast again or hosting a live stream, it's random little things. Watching the GTAV trailer today, I couldn't help but feel sad that Ryan would never get to experience it, and that we'd never have the privilege of hearing his thoughts on it.

When I got into the games industry I always assumed one day I'd get to meet the whole Giant Bomb crew, even if I did have the honour of meeting them now, it won't be the whole crew.

Anyway, I'm sorry this hasn't read very well... it's more of a random set of thoughts than anything but I still had to say it.

Goodbye Ryan. You are already missed.