1983 Ranked
Is every single main character on this list.......a huge doofus?
List items
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Every day Tapper's life is his worst day ever. The customers are violent and hamjammered out of their brains, screaming for more drinks. He's getting threats from people that they're gonna throw him across the bar. Tapper's crying, slapping drink after drink at psychopaths. What a hard life
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Don't you just hate the Dragon's Lair guy? What a dingus
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A lot of Midway's most classic games nail their core premises but don't capture the imagination as arcade titles, relying on high concepts over clever game design. Spy Hunter is an excellent example of that: if you play Spy Hunter a few times in passing, it's probably one of the coolest arcade games ever, because yeah, it does kinda feel like you're driving a gadget-equipped James Bond sports car in the early stages. But there isn't exactly longevity here - once you've played Spy Hunter for about ten minutes, you've seen *everything* it has to offer. Playing more of it just means the game gets harder to play, and therefore less fun to play, until it ejects you from the game and asks for more quarters.
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The title of Punch-Out!! is a museum-quality exhibition which displays the joy of inessential syntax. The hyphen implies that it is not called Punch Out simply because the player can expect to punch one out, but also because a Punch-Out is its own unique phenomena. And the additional exclamation point signifying the reckless, spirited nature of the contest...this is a true beauty
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At first glance, Mappy seems like - well, frankly just a mess of weird inexplicable bullshit all happening at once. Once you get the hang of it, though, there's actually some elegance to its design.
The idea is that you're Mappy, a mouse who is also a cop, in a world inhabited entirely by cats who are also criminals. So it's, uh...the movie Zootopia, I guess. Huh. Uh, anyway, unlike Zootopia, Mappy is not a barely veiled fable about race essentialism masquerading as a liberal call for police reform in the format of the animated children's movie. Instead, it uses its premise to design a game in which every enemy can easily overpower the player in a straight up fight. As a result, the player has to outthink enemies by trapping them and outmaneuvering them. Levels are filled with trampolines, pitfalls, and other simple obstacles like that. It's a pretty smart game, all things considered.
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The Food Fight kid likes regular food in the way that Hannibal Lector likes human flesh. I'm not going to call it sexual, but to say it flat out ISN'T sexual severely misrepresents the situation
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The first game to accurately capture that pulse pounding aspect of spywork we've all fantasized about...being an elevator passenger
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What if we got to space for the first time and there was just ZX Spectrum graphics. The only alien life out there is squares that fly around. It would ruin Star Wars
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Nintendo lost their FUCKING marbles. Who the fuck is Stanley??? What is he doing to Donkey Kong with that syringe??? The wikipedia for this game says Stanley is a "bugman" what the fuck is a bugman????
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Buried beneath the cultural influence of their hyperbolic bourgeois siblings, the default bros' sewage toil will forever remain an obscurity
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I dream of a world in which all cops are the Keystone Kapers cop
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Sinistar is the star of the show here. Who cares who you are or why you're fighting Sinistar. You hear Sinistar introduce himself, and you KNOW he's gotta go
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UUGgghh the name of this game. I don't even want to talk about it. Bleck
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Their first album was amazing, but they just haven't been able to pick it up since Alice Glass left
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Lunar Jetman explodes with the energy of a moonwalk in a 2D space you can't really move so good in
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