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Ranking of '90s Platforming Mascots

Two criteria for success on this list:

1. Be as '90s as possible

2. Be quality

List items

  • Everyone knows Sonic is the penultimate '90s character. Moving on

  • You can't really rock a red hat with white text any more, but other than that, grade-A fashion icon right here

  • Now HERE is a '90s Mega Man character

  • I would get fucked up with Cool Spot

  • Feels out of the spirit of this list to put Bomberman on it, but Bomberman Hero was really good, just as Bomberman is really good

  • I like that Crash Bandicoot is canonically a dumbass. Every non-violent interaction he has in Crash 2 involves people implying or stating outright that he's dumb as hell

  • What if...mega man had a good haircut? Pretty cool!

  • We don't talk enough about what a good name Banjo is

  • Other characters evolved from their '90s design, or had the decency to die. Bubsy does not change. He is an intractible plague, a perpetual source of GenX dysfunction, a nightmare from which none can escape

  • It's Miles 'Per-Owler,' get it

  • Mega Man is the platforming hero of the 80s. His placement on this list does not reflect the quality of his character, which is otherwise prestige-tier

  • Ristar's got heart, but he lacks any observable features that translate into a fun gameplay mechanic. I dunno. Ristar's OK

  • Getting hives thinking about Toejam and his friend Earl

  • now THIS is hip hop

  • Gex is such a cursed 90s character. What a weird attempt to teen-pander. He's voiced by Dana Gould - every '90s teen's favorite comedian! He gets points on this list because of 100 Gecs alone

  • I don't really wanna, like, get into it, but are the spikes growths on his hand? Or is this a brass knux situation? Furthermore, are they gloves, or are they flesh? And...are those, like, Sonic the Hedgehog dreads, or...?

  • Hold on hold on - you're telling me she grows blond hair over her fur???

  • Name a single identifiable character trait about Spyro the Dragon. Not possible

  • His head go bonk

  • It's hard to fathom designing this guy and being like 'yeah, that's right. that's the final product.' You'd have to be SO French

  • We're really stretching the definition of what a character is, here. Bunch of circles with a helmet

  • Ew!

  • Kinda creeps me out that Kazooie's relationship with Banjo is fundamentally parasitic. REALLY don't like that he can grow his legs to twice their size and gallop around shrieking, VERY not good

  • That's not how you spell wreckin

  • Croc's eyes are the eyes of the abyss, staring back

  • I think Titus was the team who made Superman 64? I mean, that's not Titus' fault. Seems nice enough

  • Kid Chameleon grew up to work in PR

  • fuck

  • Waitwaitwait Zitz AND Pimple???

  • Kill me

  • Turning the Jersey Devil into a mascot...not a TERRIBLE idea, per se. Too bad he's a Taz the Tasmanian Tiger knock-off

  • Christ

  • This motherfucker SCARY