Ranking of Metal Gear Antagonists

These rankings are correct.

I have never played Metal Gear Rising.

List items

  • Revolver Ocelot is an illuminati-busting Russian/Western-American cowboy whose dad was a psychic goth and mom was the most accomplished soldier in the history of the United States. He also makes finger guns and goes bang bang bang at one point to command his private army

  • They should make an alternate universe Metal Gear where The Boss kills Snake in 1964 and then is forced to be the protagonist for the rest of the series. Even though this means most of the franchise wouldn't have happened. Maybe everything would be...normal?

  • The End's parrot is actually God

  • The most Goth MGS villain of all. MVP status

  • This motherfucker made me GET UP off my COUCH to keep playing the video game!!!

  • Second most goth MGS villain, FIRST most Anime MGS character. The full package

  • I can't justify why I feel this way, but Sniper Wolf is the MOST PS1 bad guy on this roster

  • DIARRHEA TERROR

  • Crying Wolf's whole deal is she's this speedy wolf mech who becomes an enormous sniper rifle on command. VERY Armored Core, VERY cool

  • I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

    I CAN'T DO IT

  • He may have the design aesthetic of a late '80s Frank Miller comic book, but you have to give credit where it's due. Fatman spends his days rollerblading around helipads, drinking daiquiris and making fun of his enemies. He's living his best life

  • The Fear is Spider-Man if Waluigi was his mother

  • I feel an enormous amount of pity for Solidus. At the beginning of his story he's president of the United States of America and by the end he's a literal organ farm. NO ONE acknowledges how creepy and bizarre that is

  • The tonal shift from Peace Walker Paz to Ground Zeroes Paz is...hoo. It's a lot

  • The Pain is one of the most unintentionally hilarious villains in any media. He's like a venture bros. side character who somehow made it into a real spy thing. His big power is he's full of bees

  • Kojima: "you're gonna feel REAL gross once I get into Quiet's whole thing. Awwwww yeah. Gonna fuck you UP with this shit."

    *player gets to Quiet's scene*

    Quiet: "I BREATH THRU MY BOOBS"

  • Skull Face looks like he was the main antagonist in the Arkham Asylum/MGS crossover game, and he DOES suck the big one. HOWEVER. He also takes you for that long jeep ride, which raises his rank quite a bit. This is an enormous however we're talking

  • No one gives Screaming Mantis credit for being so talented at arts and crafts. Those marionettes are super detailed. I would buy stuff from Screaming Mantis' Etsy store, no problem

  • Did they make a ground control to Major Tom joke when The Fury died? I can't remember if they did. I bet they did

  • Lots of iconic scenes of this guy, but everyone knows he's the least exciting antagonist in 3. Even when he's resurrected by PURE RAGE in Phantom Pain, it's still kinda like, yeah ok buddy, go kuwabara somewhere else

  • I'm not actually sure what use Laughing Octopus would have on the battlefield. She's a slow Doctor Octopus who can turn invisible

  • Easily the most combat-equipped of all the MGS 4 bosses, Raging Raven is also the most boring

  • What a dick. Vulcan Raven wastes so much time monologue-ing about a true fight between warriors and then enters his TANK to explode you. The only reason he gets bonus points is because for some reason there's a canon, in-universe action figure of him that shoots little pellets

  • Liquid is an enormous failure. It's humiliating. He tries to murder snake with a helicopter, a torture machine, a turret and a nuclear-equipped mech. When all that fails and he challenges you to a fistfight, he STILL loses

  • He's just a vampire

  • LARGE BOSS. I love large boss, but he just didn't do a good job in that MSX game. And he's on your side in 4, if anything, so he's really only a villain for one game. Oh well. Sorry large boss

  • I didn't spend 150 hours balloon trip-ing fully manned tanks just to see Venom Snake clunk around mother base like a koopa troopa in Metal Gear for the MSX. What happened, buddy????

  • Galvez has that sick right hand, and makes a peace symbol with it, due to SYMBOLISM

  • I just can't remember a single thing about this guy, but WHO CARES. His name's Hot Coldman

  • The Ocelot Unit are obsessed with Revolver Ocelot, just like the rest of us

  • She only gets one boss fight and then kinda flits in and out of the action for the rest of MGS2, but I like Olga a lot. I like Olga better than I like Raiden. Not really much of a villain tho. Just the one boss fight. Oh well

  • This woman calls your night vision goggles "nightsights." However? Excruciatingly goth. Thumbs up.

  • He's like a CIA guy who double crosses you. Or something

  • Gene's whole thing is supposed to be that he's so charismatic he's EVIL. And yet, I can't remember a single other thing about him. Loser

  • An honest to God ninja. The first one in the whole series. A beautiful baby ninja

  • This guy hides in shrubbery, pops up out of nowhere and and looks at you with his single-pixel eyes, like a shitty slenderman. Not bad!

  • Night Fright is the last remaining member of The Whispers. When Metal Gear 2 reveals this information to you, it assumes you are therefore terrified

  • Got kind of a Yu-Gi-Oh thing going on. His fight is a pain in the ass. So you can be that I'm gonna be blue eyed white bragging ON! about beating him

  • Decoy Octopus says hello to you and then dies instantly

  • Gurlokovich is on this list because, at one point, there's a boss fight where you shoot a bunch of his soldiers in a hallway. Also, it's FUN to say GURLUKOVICH. You try it!!!! GIRL-LUKE-OH-VITCH

  • So Python is Mr. Freeze, but also Hellraiser. He was an antagonist in Portable Ops, the first game in the series where you could capture and recruit enemies. I remember when I recruited him and felt uncomfortable. I don't want this pervert hanging around my good boys. Get him out of here

  • This guy fights like a fire pit in Super Mario Bros

  • Shotmaker like...shoots pepper at you or something

  • Almost as good as a normal guard

  • Looking over this list, I know how this will sound, but, but, Slasher Hawk is probably the dumbest character here

  • Bloody Brad is honestly much worse than the average guard

  • No matter how hard I think about it, Pyro Bison's aesthetic eludes me. Get, uh, get this Megaman X-ass motherfucker out of here! Ugh, no, not quite right. Anyway he's blue

  • Dirty Duck is the second best character in the Metal Gear franchise to use boomerangs as a weapon

  • Ain't nothin' red ABOUT this guy!!!!

  • Running Man has the least intimidating villainous monologue ever written. Here it is:

    "A guest? Haven't had a guest in a long time. You have arrived at a good time. I was just going for a run. I'm Running Man, the fastest mercenary in the world. Watch!"

    And then Running Man RUNS AWAY!

    NONE of that was a joke