Straight up, I hate these fucking games. (Rough Draft)

Time for another list, this time I'm going to bring up a pretty controversial subject, my least favorite games of all time. I know, it's usually not fun to read a bunch of negative ranting, but hey, you gotta do it sometimes. So, a few things. First, I say of all time, but I'll be honest, a lot of these games are more recent. Why? I can't really remember that much about bad games that I hated two decades ago. Sorry. Another thing, I hate quite a few really popular, beloved games. I'll guarantee this list is going to piss someone off. It's all good though, opinions and what not. Well, there you go.

Note: The list will ultimately include 10 games. However this is a work in progress, so bear with me.

Edit: Yeah... kind of lost the wind in my sails with this list. I'm sure I'll get back to it at some point. Funny thing is though, I actually ended up removing one of the games on this list (Demon's Souls) because I tried it again, and liked it a little more. So there you go!

List items

  • Too Human is, easily, my most hated game of all time. I was really excited for Too Human before it came out. It sounded pretty neat, a action rpg with a cyber norse setting? Yeah, I'll bite. I'll even say it was one of my most anticipated games of that year. And then... I bought it, and played it, and finished the game. It was fucking terrible. There isn't a single redeemable trait about this game. The character, and story was atrocious. In retrospect the character designs were horrendous. The controls were god awful. The loot was pointless. And it had a fucking 30 second non-skipable death animation that played EVERY TIME you died. And I'll tell you right now I spent THREE HOURS of gametime looking at that shit. And while it doesn't really have anything to do with the game, as an added bonus, Denis Dyack is a complete shithead. So there you go. Fuck that game.

  • Oh god, how did I go so long without adding this pile of crap? First, let's get one thing out of the way. I don't care that this isn't like Castlevania. In fact I'm glad it has little enough to do with a series I love. It's fucking terrible. The combat isn't nearly as fun, or as exciting as people who seem to love this game seem to think it is. It's a brutal exercise in slamming your dick in a door. That is to say, the game is brutally difficult for no reason, and just about every fight in the game feels like a chore. There's also the fact that it's really easy to get straight up lost in the game. I don't know how many times I was lost, wandering around for a good half an hour wondering what to do. In a fucking character action game no less. And why? Mostly because the game didn't make any sense. I distinctly remember one time where you had to like, grapple up to some higher point. But the camera in the game is so shitty, and unhelpful that you can't even tell there's anything up there to grapple onto. Another thing, assuming I recall this correctly, there are a bunch of shitty puzzles and platforming in the game as well. Finally, this game bugged out on me a number of times. I've taken several youtube videos of Gabriel just freaking out UNDER the level. I see why people really like this game. However, to the game's credit: it looks and sounds really nice. So I guess that edges it in just under Too Human.

  • Alright. So here's the thing with Angry Birds. I'll admit, like many people, it's ridiculously undeserved popularity factors into why I hate it. Hold on though. The other thing is... the game is just fucking shitty. I downloaded the free version back in 2010 when I first got an iOS device. It was relatively new at the time, but had built up enough hype that it was on my radar. So I played it. It's a joke. You can hardly consider it a game, and even if you enjoyed the concept, which I didn't, I don't see how you could continue to play it for more than like, 5 minutes. Yet, somehow, people do, and it fucking baffles me. So it's the combination of it being a bad "game" and it being extremely popular that brings my piss to a boil. If Angry Birds wasn't popular, it'd just be an inoffensively bad game. Instead, there's one attached to the Space Needle now.

  • Uhg. Christ. What happened here? Fable 2 was a pretty good game, a bit overrated by a particular outlet, but still pretty good. This is just horse shit. Again, bought the collector's edition. Loved Fable 2, what could go wrong? Well, everything I guess. The game seems worse in every possible way, except not only are things from the second game worse, but they added a bunch of really terrible shit. Worst of all being the god awful menu. Yes, Fable 2 had a nightmareish menu system, but it was a menu. Here? You have to go into a virtual room every time you want to do anything. It's like Playstation Home: The Game: The Menu System. Even for the map! The map! God dammit it pisses me off. I played about half way through the game and just felt dead inside the whole time. Terrible.

  • This entry will probably get me the most hate. But it is beyond me why anyone likes Assassin's Creed. Not just the first game, but the entire series. I'm not going to list the rest of the series on this list, just the first one, which is easily the worst one. To be fair, I even think fans of the series will agree the first one isn't that great. I played about six hours of it, and I was done. I think that the combat in these games is not fun, at all. And the climbing is terrible. Terrible. Terrible. I don't know why people think the climbing is good, it isn't. It looks bad, it feels bad, and you have to do it all the time. Aside from those two things, which, unfortunately make up most of the game, the other thing that pisses me off about the game is just how much people seem to love it. Because I really don't see it. In it's defense though... the story is pretty neat. In 2, and Brotherhood at least. Speaking of the other two games. I finished 2, to completion. It was painful, and I bitched about it the entire time to my friend. And then I gave the series a third chance and tried Brotherhood, and got about four hours into that before I was just like "Nope. Not doing this again."

  • Hey, maybe a little too premature on this one. But, this list isn't even full yet anyway, so what the hell. Not much to say here really. There's one glaring problem with D:SF, it controls like horseshit. I played the demo back when that first came out, and was kind of amused by how shitty the game controlled, and by how corny the rest of it was, then just set it aside as something I'm never going to bother playing. Then I started hearing some positive things about it, and admittedly was compelled to try it again by how awesome some of the missions sounded. Sadly, when I tried playing it again, it still controlled like shit. So, in a game where you driver around 100% of the time, and your car is just sliding around and crashing into shit that entire time. Just, no thanks.