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Lame Hispanic Characters

This list is the companion peice to my Cool Hispanic Characters list. Now pretty much every hispanic character you can find in a videogame will be a painful caricature of a stereotype. If that was my only measuring standard they'd all end up here. No this list is for the ones who are nothing but stereotypes, with little or no substantive personality, background, story development, or character growth. If they're minor background characters, ingloriously killed off or humiliated in some way, or their in-game mechanics portray them to be unusually weaker than the other characters then they'll probably find their way onto this list too.

I am also considering adding hispanic characters who ARE cool badasses but upon further scrutiny, you see that they're not actually hispanic at all. This would include people like Luis from GTAIV: Ballad of Gay Tony, Blanka from Streetfighter, etc, etc. Which just goes to show that when you finally do convince game developers to give you a decent hispanic character there's a 50/50 chance they'll throw in a plot-twist ethnic swap when you ain't looking.

I'm not bitter.

Ok, i'm a little bitter.

List items

  • While his costume does initially evoke a stereotypical matador image, there's enough tweaks and twists to give it a distinctive and unique vibe. I like the look. I WANTED to put Vega on the cool list. Alas, it can not be so. Despite his speed, his damage is low, and his damage tolerance is lower still. He is definitely one of the weakest characters in the game, despite using a weapon. Incidently, the weapon makes him lamer. It's bad enough he's bringing two-foot long razor sharp blades to a fistfight...but he's bringing them to a fistfight and STILL loses more often than not. The effeminate mannerisms and angst over his "beauty" isn't doing much to knotch up the respect-o-meter either. There is some minor potential in his background story that could go a long way toward redeeming the character, but nobody ever does anything with it so he will likely continue to be a preening over-hyped buffoon who can't win a fight against a serious opponant even when he's cheating.

  • Sigh. The Saints Row series FINALLY introduces a hispanic protagonist character and he's a small-fry runt who comes across as a hapless sidekick who's only kept around because he's as cute as a button. He seems badass(Or at least competent) during the tutorial portion of the game but you quickly see how much of a failure he really is once you get into the main storyline. He quickly proves himself a failure as a Leutenant for the Saints, and ultimately dies rather patheticly. He is pretty much never mentioned or thought of again except in generic taunts from random goons, which seems to indicate the other main characters of the game didn't even really give a crap about him.

  • I'm really getting sick of the token Luchador that every fighting game must include. They never have any kind of substantive storyline(Case in point: Blaze here enters the Tekken tournament to feed his ego and show up some other wrestler as a poser), and IF they ever appear in an animated or live action spin-off of the game you can rest assured that after one minute of flashy acrobatics they will be beaten like a red-headed stepchild as if they were just generic cannon-fodder grunts for the main characters to blow past enroute to the real fight.

  • Again I am so damn sick of the token Luchador. Fuerte here in no way breaks the pattern. Like all the rest, his over-all look and his moves are just silly and impossible to take seriously. Like all the rest he has no substantive storyline. He's just there as part of a pathetic attempt by the game developers to appear culturally inclusive.

  • I'll give King this much. Unlike the rest of the token Luchadors on this list, he DOES have a decent storyline. That's about all that can be said for him though. Like the rest of them though you can bet that in every animated, comic or live action adaptation of the game he is easily torn apart by the Heiichi Mishimas of Jin Kazama-type characters. The real stars of the series. Despite having been part of the Tekken series in some incarnation or another from the very beginning King, isn't even a second banana. He's more like a third or fourth. Also, the various King characters have a funny habit of being killed off in a rather pathetic fashion, as washed up drunks or in a bar fight with some other third banana character.

  • I'll give Ramon credit for having a better fashion sense than most token luchador characters. Due to the blonde hair I wasn't even sure he was hispanic at first. But remember he was created in Japan, and in Japan they seem to think that pink, purple, and blue are naturally occuring hair colors. Ramon is ultimately another of those third rate characters who, despite his popularity never appears in any of the adaptations of King of Fighters and if he does you can rest assured he will be nothing but a minor speedbump in the path of the main characters. In-Game he has no real storyline and a one-sided infatuation with a married woman who has no interest in him whatsoever.

  • Yup. Yet another token generic cookie cutter luchador. Why even bother at this point?

  • Unlike his buddy Mask de Smith(who may ultimately join him on this list) nothing in Coyote's GiantBomb entry indicates any particular level of badassery. Apparently he's the only member of the team who's value is called into doubt, and the services he does provide seem to be generic rogue stuff. Lockpicking and long jumps. I'm not impressed.

  • Oh look. Another Luchador. Sigh. Despite having the claim to fame of being the man who "Broke the Bat", it has since been made painfully clear that Bane was a one-hit wonder. He's a grotesquely overmuscled freak who is pretty easily taken apart once you cut off his supply of super-steroids, which probably means his genitals are super-shrunken. Sigh. Despite being initially depicted as a brilliant tactician he's just another villain in Batman's rogue's gallery now. One who utterly fails to inspire any sense of dread when he appears on the battlefield. in the comics he even got his arse kicked by some generic third rate Judo chump hero who I won't bother naming because you never heard of him anyway. EDIT: And apparently on top of all that the comicbook Bane has recently been revealed to be the biological son of some gooberass called King Snake. And King Snake is a blonde haired, blue eyed slice of aryan perfection. So now Bane's not even hispanic anymore. Chances are this is a prelude to him being bumped to a more prominent role within the comics.

  • Based upon his GiantBomb information entry I initially had him on my cool list in spite of him being yet another freakin' luchador. More extensive research into the character, and viewing how he performs in-game via youtube has forced me to put this ridiculous idiot here on the lame list. He ALMOST managed to at least LOOK cool with the unique combination of the suit and the mask but he had to ruin it with a cape that changes his look from exoticly menacing to clownishly foolish. And get's not even the real Mask De Smith...the real one was killed and killed pretty easily by some other dude who then somehow absorbed the abilities and skills of Mask and simply uses his abilities. And since this guy seems to need the abilities of six other assassins Mask must not be all that singularly impressive afterall.

  • Luis started kind of cool. He didn't really do anything impressive(especially compared to Leon who, in DnD terms, appears to have taken about five levels in Badass since RE2) but the more you learn about him, the more potential as a character he shows. He can handle himself in a fight, he's a scientist, Ada seems to consider him to be cool and a bit of a womanizer...then they killed him, long before he ever got a chance to actually demonstrate any of that potential. The end. Sigh. EDIT: He reminds me of Rodrigo from Resident Evil: Code Veronica. Another hispanic character who...from his background story...had the potential to be really a pretty cool addition to the franchise, but dies in the first stages of the game. I would put him on this list by himself, but Giantbomb doesn't have a page for him.

  • The big bad scary villain of Assassins Creed 2 is a old fatass. I havn't played the game yet. I'm sure he can put up a hell of a fight in the big boss battle at the end...for an old fatass. He's still an old fatass. Sigh. EDIT: I HAVE played the game now. He DOES put up a decent fight at the end...for an old fatass. Oh and apparently he's an incestuous rapist to boot. So...yeah.

  • Pretty much a sleazy scumbag from the moment you first meet him. How the hell he's so succesful with women(which is the only respectable thing to be said for him) is a mystery. He's always making Marston do the real fighting. Of course you never really expect him to be a true revolutionary, but that didn't mean he had to be such a wuss or an idiot. Alas, he was and thus has earned his way onto this list.

  • Sorry Luisa...your were cute as a button, and your idealism was endearing...but the stupidity of falling for Abraham Reyes...and the EPIC stupidity of getting yourself killed trying to save that tool have condemned you to the hall of lame.

  • See, GiantBomb thinks he's lame too. They won't even put a picture of him up. Don't worry, you're not missing anything. He's one of the major antagonists of the entire go through hell just to FIND him...and when you finally confront him this guy who was supposed to be a key figure in one of the baddest gangs in the west is a tubby lardass who is surprisingly easy to beat. Well, maybe not so surprising considering he turned out to be a tubby lardass. EDIT: So Giantbomb finally put a picture up. Now you can see his beergut for yourself. Don't you feel special?

  • Sleazy rapist scumbag, surrounded by sleazy incompetent underlings that makes you wonder how the hell these idiots ever rose to power in the first place...then again if Abraham Reyes is typical of the kind of enemies he has maybe it's not so surprising afterall.

  • I think he's only half-hispanic judging from his surname, but that's enough for me. He seems to be a carbon-copy of the "Guy" character. Unlike Guy, he seems to need to bring a sword to a fistfight. I don't recall much of his story actually, but it doesn't really matter since you can count the total times he's ever appeared in any videogame franchise on one hand. Once again we have ourselves a character here who doesn't even rate high enough to be called a second banana. Other than this one game I think the only other time he was even seen was in a background scene for Mayor Haggar in another game and that was for all of two seconds.

  • He's actually named after his stereotype. He's generally a mid-level character. Tough in the early stages, not so much in the later stages. Also...he's got a skull for a face. I'm not sure if that heightens or lessens the lame factor...but he's still lame either way.

  • He's freakishly emaciated for starters. To a truly disturbing degree. That makes him rough on the eyes and in and of itself secures him a spot on this list. Seriously, just the tiniest hint of body fat or..god forbid...muscle definition and I would have given serious thought to putting him on the cool list. As it is, all in all Mordecai is the weakest character in Borderlands. He's a great support character mind you, but solo he kinda blows. He's clearly meant to fight from afar. He crumbles quickly in close quarters combat. Having a deadly alien bird for a pet is kind of cool...but it's special attack is crap against bosses, and none of the other characters in borderlands need a Sidekick to win their fights. But seriously, if his entire leg wasn't skinnier than my wrist I could have put a positive spin on those things to put him in the cool list.

  • Ramon. Vega. And now Eric here. Somebody really needs to gather the collective people of Japan and explain to them that hispanics do not have blonde hair. Anyway, I was all set to put Eric on my cool list. But it turns out he too is the perpetual second banana of the Castlevania mythos. His spear is apparently intended to serve only as a support weapon to the Belmonte whip. There's a whole storyline where Eric actually sets out to prove the spear is superior...and succeeds! Then they decided that entire storyline is non-Canonical(In other words, it never actually happened in the game-world, so "screw you" to all of us who played it). Then they had a second-rate Dracula wannabe kill Eric and enslave his pre-teen daughters. THAT remains fully canon of course. Hmmmm....old crusty Dracula wannabe and pre-teen goth princesses...I'm sure nothing inappropriate happened there. So...yeah. I hereby condemn thee to the Hall of Lame Eric.

  • As far as villains go Bitores never impressed me. Not much of a personality or any real motivation or depth other than to be big and scary until Leon kills him. I'll give him that much, he was indeed big and scary...until Leon killed him. The end.

  • The body of a ten year old. The face of an eighty year old. The fashion sense of Napoleon Bonaparte. Nuff said.

  • A second-rate Dracula wannabe killed her daddy and (probably)pimped her out.

  • Pretty much the same story as her sister Stella.

  • Pretty much an inconsequential NPC.

  • No.

  • Ditzy skank with daddy issues who goes on to star in porno...which pretty much describes every woman who's ever been in porno. So...yeah.

  • Again, a minor character of little real consequence. About the only thing worth saying about him is that his daughter is a porn-slut. And that's about it.

  • Despite the excellent voice acting Navarro spends most of the game as a flunkie being talked down to by his boss, and manhandling a woman half his size. In the final boss battle, he gets his ass beat down by the hero of the story despite having a dozen heavily armed mercenaries backing him up, and is dragged to the bottom of the ocean. Adios.

  • I just...I don't even...c'mon!!! Argh!!

  • Yanno I was torn on this one. She's bisexual and that pretty much magnifies every woman's coolness quotient by a thousand percent. But ultimately all we have here is a shallow, superficial, neurotic chick who has little impact on the story of the game.

  • I love the look but she IS a whore so...yanno. STD Bonanza right there. And she doesn't seem to actually exist in the game.

  • He's supposed to be this skillful veteran soldier the first game he lasts all of 60 seconds before he dies. In the prequel to that game he talks...alot. Then he dies.

  • *bleep* you Bethesda. *bleep* you up the *bleep*!

  • Granted, Umberto was funny...but he was also a pansy ass who made Vercetti do all his dirty work and then took all the credit.

  • Every bit as lame as his son, nowhere near as amusing.

  • Yanno considering how badass Danny Trejo is, this was just sad. Fought like a punk ass bitch, and died like one too.

  • Points for style, but he shows himself to be an idiot and a coward in the game.

  • Old, bald, and chubby. Nuff said.

  • Again, loving the style here and in theory he was the brains of his operation. You never got to see it though since you kill him off early in the storyline.

  • Typical vapid gold digging bimbo. The only way she could be more annoying is if she was blonde.

  • We get one hispanic character in the entire Soul Calibur series and he's a freaky-looking ghost. And an OLD, busted, crusty-looking ghost. Sigh. Bonus points for being a pirate but...sigh. A game full of heroic looking warrior badasses and the one hispanic in the entire lineup is the crusty broke-down looking dead guy. EDIT: Uh oh...what's this? New picture you say? Looking kinda...badass. Also kinda homoerotic, but i'm gonna choose to ignore that and focus on the badassery. I may need to re-evaluate this one...

  • He's a boy. No...seriously. He's male. He has a penis. I'm not joking.

  • Old nut. Funny old nut, but still an old nut. Yanno I may move him over to the cool list afterall cuz he IS funny and his entire game is full of bad acting and steretypes so it's a tad less offensive given the context.

  • Just a average and uninteresting woman. Nothing particularly bad about her. Nothing good about her either. She simply exists, and existing...well existing is kinda lame. Plus, her taste in men blows.

  • Small time drug dealer. Not even a competent one since she gets caught by the Liberty City Police. Not exactly the best and brightest of the boys in blue, yanno? I almost put her on the coolest list since she's a lesbian and lesbians rock simply by existing...but she's a fat, ugly lesbian. So that's serious demerit points right there.

  • A punk ass who's all talk, but can't do anything for himself. He gets killed by a character only sligtly less lame than he himself is. Good riddance.

  • A pink effing sombrero. They gave him a pink effing sombrero man!

  • I barely even remember him to be perfectly honest, but one look at that picture was enough.

  • I'm not sure he even has any dialogue I can recall from the game. A dumbass who trusted the least trustworthy psychobitch in the GTA Franchise and suffered the precise fate one would expect.

  • Poorly animated skeletons with hispanic names just fail to impress me.

  • Again, poorly animated skellies with latino names just do nothing for me.

  • For the moment let's just ignore the fact that i'm not even sure he IS Hispanic. Don't let the name fool you, his biological father looks more like an elf of the distinctly anglo-saxon variety than anything else, and Daddy's name bears that out. Rico has a fairly cool name but I don't think I ever used him because he's the most annoyingly useless kind of JRPG character. The "Tank". Tanks may work well in MMORPGs but in JRPGs they're WAAAAAAY slower than all your other characters, and only inflict/sustain a little more damage than your main character. Furthermore, after making the main character of the game endure a gauntlant of one-on-one fights with Rico's top henchmen, Rico fights him and actually has to struggle to win. By then Rico should have been able to mop the floor with the runt. That's just lame. Also, he's a total Blanka-ripoff. And Blanka isn't even a real hispanic either.

  • I wasn't even gonna acknowledge Blanka's existance on this list but after adding Rico Banderas, I felt there was something about Blanka worth mentioning. As a child, I thought blanka was the coolest Streetfighter, and not because he was the only hispanic. I was still young enough to not even notice race at that point. No, blanka was the coolest because he was like a mutant monster-man a child...that's way more awesome than some mundane pretty boy like Ken Masters. Also, he chewed people's faces off. Bitchin! Then I experienced puberty and realized Blanka would never be crushed between Chun-Li's thighs in any but the most painful of possible ways. Still, he was the one and only hispanic character in the entire franchise...and then one day he wasn't. Nope, turns out he was Charlie Nash all along. Screw you too Capcom...then again maybe I should thank Capcom instead? I dunno. Screw it. EDIT: To be fair, I THINK that may be from the really crappy Steetfighter live action movie now that I think about it. Is he really Charlie Nash in the videogame too?

  • Basically she got kidnapped off-screen, and died on-screen. The end.

  • A theiving, lying, drugging jerk-ass from start to finish.

  • He had an army of goons and a flamethrower. Vic still kicked his ass.

  • He had an army, AND the aforementioned lameass Jerry Martinez backing him up and still couldn't take Vic.

  • He has a glandular condition that makes him a big ol' tubby-butt AND disgustingly sweaty. Thanks alot for this one Rockstar. Go screw.

  • A pink feather boa? Seriously? Screw the luchador mask for a minute. A pink feather boa?!?! God I can't wait to Rock Bottom this loser. EDIT: Turns out, he ain't even hispanic.

  • One arm. Well aren't we off to a rip-roaring start? Pyromancy! Except it's channeled through his missing arm...WTF? Add to that he's a relatively inconsequential character in an equally inconsequential game and...yeah. Lame.

  • A whole team of wicked cool multicultural spec-ops badasses and the one hispanic in the bunch is a fat, crippled gimp. Go screw Capcom. Go screw.

  • A bigot. God forbid just ONE of the brand spankin' new three playable characters would have been hispanic. Fine. I can live with that. But the one brand spankin' new hispanic character they DO create for this game is a big honkin' bigot? And a self-loathing bigot to boot apparently, since it turns out he's a mutant too. Screw you Mike Carey.

  • Basic damsel in distress. Whatever. Points for hotness i guess.

  • I would have loved to put him on the Cool List...if not for that pesky little fact where he's banging his own sister. All the intelligent, cunning, and ruthless skill in the world doesn't change that fact that you're nailing your own sister you sick, sick little freak. Mind you if this was based on the version of Cesare who appears in the showtime TV Series "The Borgias" I'd have loved to put him on the cool list.

  • Just as incestuous as her brother. None of his cunning or prowess. Sigh.

  • I never played the remake but in the original he looked ridiculous and was a total pushover.

  • Sigh. He lost me at "Steroid Abuse" and "Stunted Growth".