*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Eleventh:

“Three more scrolls to go. Hold on, Princess! I’m almost there…”

The first thing I notice after beating Relic Keeper and entering the town is that the town theme is back to normal. Good, I was getting tired of that creepy song. I go to the bakery to buy myself some supplies. According to Jam at the bakery, the mayor is currently sick. I decide to go pay him a visit.

Some lady greeted me at the mayor’s place and asks Musashi if he wants to be mayor temporarily, I’LL TAKE IT!

First Job As Mayor: Restore the well.

I think I know what I am supposed to do to restore the well, activate the water crest inside the well area or something like that. Speaking of crests, I still haven’t seen an earth one.

So I head inside the well and activate the water crest, then the area fills up with water. MISSION OVER! But wait, Musashi hears 2 guys walking in talking about the stolen church bell. Apparently, they are the thieves that took the bell. One of them is a short guy with a speech impediment, the other a generic “muscle” that is dumb as bricks. They mention something about their leader, Capricola (I think that is how it’s spelt). Musashi then tells them that their bell is gone because he has returned it to the church. They get mad, and then walk away. Okay…

So I head back to town for my next assignment.

Second Assignment: Fix the Gondola!

I head to the castle to visit Steward Ribson and to ask him if he can lend me some carpenters. Oh wait, I still need the gizmos for them to fix it. So I ask the three carpenters what they look like. According to them, a gizmo: has a golden rim, looks like a wheel, and has 4 holes. Time to head over to the Scrap Depository/Garbage Dump and find myself a gondola gizmo.

Man I hope that’s the right one…

I head back to the castle and … NOOOOOOOOO I WAS WRONG! I head back to the scrapyard to grab another gizmo. Thankfully, this time I got the right one. Musashi decides to take a nap…

When he awoke, this is what awaits him.

Mrs. Govern runs up to Musashi and tells him that he must put out the flames! I guess the water scroll is gonna come in handy for this. Time to play fireman! Good thing it was just a fire, I thought that Steamwood went crazy again.

After I put out the fires, Mrs. Govern tells me that she saw two suspicious men staring at the church’s roof before the town was set ablaze. I bet it’s the two bell thieves…

Anyways, I visit the mayor’s house after and he gives me a calendar as a reward, and his wife gives me rocksalt. These things don’t even sound like rewards…

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Tenth:

“A statue of an angel? It opens the door to the fire god?”

I’m assuming that the door Musashi is talking about it that one door in the restaurant’s dungeon that I’ve yet to go through (I guess it was locked last time). I stock up on cheese and head my way to the dungeon.

And it turns out that I was right! “Gotta crush the CREST GUARDIAN that protects the Water Crest!!” Seems like Musashi knows that the water crest guardian is hiding about in this dungeon. Here we go!

What follows is a lot of platforming and puzzle solving that only my 2 new abilities, water walking and double jumping, can solve.

Ahh this place is filled with fireballs that chase Musashi all over the place!

I don’t think they can be killed.

At last, I reach a room that seems to signify the end of the dungeon, also, a simple puzzle. 4 torches surrounding the center, I’m assuming I have to take out the flames that are igniting them. I do so with my water-Jesus powers and…

Oh look a door opens and it looks like it leads to someplace ominous! With all this cheese in my inventory, I can take on whatever that awaits me inside! I head in!

This is what awaits me…

THE WATER CREST GUARDIAN: RELIC KEEPER!

It kinda looks like a Reaverbot from MegaMan Legends…

It starts to move and…

Hahahaha! Musashi says some badass lines and the fight starts. Of course, Relic Keeper is at a disadvantage… But I’ll take this chance to kick it when it’s down!

Oh snaps it summons a larger version of those fireballs with eyes!

Man, despite the Relic Keeper at a clear disadvantage this thing still has some fight in it! The fireball seems to be it’s main way of attacking Musashi. Well, all I have to do is take it out with my water-Jesus powers. Once the fireball is destroyed, a teal orb is revealed, located at the Relic Keeper’s eye. Must be his weak spot, so I smash it with Lumina! It takes out a huge chunk of the guardian’s health! YESH! He summons his fireball persona and we start this dance all over again!

The fireball seems to get fiercer each reiteration too. By the third iteration it can transform into a sword or bounce itself all over the room or go all sandworm on Musashi. Seriously, that stuff is hard to avoid!

I’d like to think that he is drowning in my water every time he reveals his weak spot.

And then… MUSASHI IS VICTORIOUS!

The game then takes us to a cutscene occurring at the Thirstquencher Empire (again). Seems like Princess Fillet/Flonne is doing just fine over there, even though she is all bound up. She decides that Musashi is taking too long to rescue her, so she summons another swordsman from a nearby pylon.

Unfortunately for her, the new swordsman seems to be hellbent on dueling Musashi to the death. Some rat lady (or maybe those things on her head are satellite dishes) overhears the 2 talking. She then walks into the room and strikes a deal with Kojiro/Laharl/New Swordsman. Funny how Laharl is still an ass to Flonne in this universe…

CHAPTER 4 START! The Duel at Dragon Island!

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Ninth:

Time to find out how good this belt really is. Really… it’s a story-specific item so I should expect something important to come out of it. So I head to pawn shop Connor’s and get that thing appraised!

AWWWW YEAH! Another piece of the Legendary Armor! Now I can double jump! This should be useful for… platforming(?). Actually, double jumping in a game like this doesn’t seem that useful, damn.

After equipping the belt and leaving the shop I run into the restaurant’s owner again. And he seems to be distressed. Turns out that he is panicking about the well being dry since he needs water for his cooking or something. Can’t he just use that nearby fountain as a source of water for now? Cus that fountain looks like it is supplying a mighty fine amount of H2O. He wants Musashi to check out the well for him. Sure, but first I’ll be needing a rope to get inside that well.

So there’s a rope at the church. Musashi tells Restaurant’s Mannick to get the rope for him, but he admits that he is too scared to go in. THIS GUY IS USELESS! I better get something good in return, like infinite cheese!

I head over to the church and… “Ah shoot! The gate’s locked! But if I jumped over the fence…”

I don’t know about you, but I think that belt is gonna come in handy for that task. So I double jump over the fence and onto the church’s lawn.

Why is the father hanging outside the church sleeping? Turns out that some thieves stole the church’s bell and proceeded to lock him outside. WHY DIDN’T HE ASK THE VILLAGERS FOR HELP OR SOMETHING?! Instead he locks the church gate and takes a nap. This whole village is incompetent! Apparently, the church is producing strange noises at night, and it’s up to Musashi to investigate. So I take a nap till it’s 2AM.

Turns out that there are Vambees or something inside that church. With the help of the father, Musashi gets onto the roof and inside the church through where the bell used to be.

Turns out that one of those Thirstquencher women is waiting for me in the church.

Along with a ****load of pink muscled up Vambees! Bubbles and Musashi trade disses. With her calling him short and complaining about how she finished second in some lame beauty pageant because of her sister getting first place. Meh, it doesn’t surprise me that it was easy to win a pageant in a country populated by pigmen and fat German dictators.

Bubbles runs off and lets her soldiers do the dirty work.

Oh damn they aren’t dying! No matter how much I smack them with Lumina they won’t die!

OH GOD!

But to my rescue comes sunlight! Goddamn Vambees and their hit stun! The sunlight flood the church and reduce the pink Vambees to little pink cubes. Father White gives me the rope and it’s now time to enter the well!

AWW YEAH!

“You will be able to walk on water and shoot water bubbles to put out flames.”

Using my newfound Jesus powers I get to the platform where the church bell is and carry it outside.

In return, Father White gives me a statue of an angel. Hmm… the statue is some kind of key.

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Eighth:

Today is the day we will find the source of the Vambee problem! I wander around town looking for a hint of where the Vambees might be originating from. Inside the local bakery, Jam tells me that her father has been hanging out at the restaurant at night. She asks Musashi to tell him that she wants him to come back home and eat her food or something. So I wait until 6 and then went to the restaurant, which is closed because it’s been OVERRUN BY VAMBEES! Well, the stupid guy is seen banging on the door of the restaurant.

What is wrong with this guy? He turns around and yells at Musashi, and then he threatens Musashi by telling him that he will bake the young swordsman. Oh I see, he needs his drug fix.

Riiiight… “porkchops.” He then complains about how the restaurant’s owner is gone and that all the employees are at the inn. So the next logical place to investigate is the inn, where we would have witnesses.

The two employees are definitely there, and they both tell me the same thing: that there is something suspicious behind the counter of the restaurant.

Oh and the barmaid is still hitting on Musashi…

So at night, when the Vambees start coming out of the restaurant, I decide to sneak my way in. And behind the counter was a secret passage, one that leads underground.

I follow a trail of “sodapop” bottles and find the restaurant’s owner drunk as hell! He tells me that the Vambees’ leader is behind some special door and that I will have to open it in order to get to him.

It turns out that opening this door would require some dungeon crawling, 4 times in fact. In the hub area of the dungeon, I find a treasure chest containing some Legendary Cloth, also 4 doors that lead to the 4 separate dungeons that will unlock the special boss door.

First door turns out to be some kind of bowling alley, with plant-like enemies that spit out bowling balls. There is also a Vambee bowling minigame/puzzle in this section of the dungeon.

I will knock em all down!

Second door leads to some lame maze that I need to maneuver in order to get to the end. Third door leads to an area with rotating blocks, pretty simple platforming stuff. And the fourth door leads me to an area that requires memorization in order to traverse the correct path. All of them end in a room that required me to use Lumina to smash open an orb.

After all that is done, the boss door opens and I enter the new area. But instead of a boss greeting me, all I see is the restaurant’s manager along with a treasure chest.

He goes crazy and starts saying how whatever that the chest contains is all his. He opens up the chest and inside it is a Disgusting Belt. He doesn’t seem to happy at that… Then he confesses to Musashi that he was the one who released the Vambees (obviously) and that he will make up for his mistake by making the restaurant the best one in the village, even though his restaurant is the ONLY one in the village. Musashi gets to keep the Disgusting Belt and mystery of the Vambees is solved… not! I will still have to find a way to stop them.

NEXT UP: Appraising the Disgusting Belt.

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Seventh:

So ever since this chapter started the village’s theme song has been replaced with this creepy organ instrumental. To make things worst there are Vambees coming out from inside the bar during the times when it’s closed! Don’t they know that the bar is closed!? Do they work there!?

So I wander around the village for a while until I see the mayor and Hotelo talking in front of the shop. Seems like that brat Tim has gotten bitten by one of the Vambees. The mayor then explains that in order to cure him we need to get two ingredients for a remedy. The first one is Aqualin, some type of holy water located at Twinpeak Mountain; and the other is Misteria, a flower that blooms in the underground lake at the mines. Hotelo volunteers to go get Aqualin, and the mayor decides to do nothing about it but ***** and moan. Thus, Musashi has to get it himself.

So I go up to the guy who lives in the windmill and get the key to the mines from him. According to him, Misteria only blooms between 3 to 7 AM. Oh well, I’ll just go there and if it isn’t the right time I can sleep till it’s time.

But before going to the mines I will need to stock up on items. So I head to the store and got myself some antidote and cheese. Cheese can restore more health and BP with age (HELL YEAH! Best restorative ever!)! Then after all that preparation, it’s time to head to the mines! Inside the mines the first enemy I run into is a mushroom, AND THAT THING POISONED ME! I decide that maybe I can cure the poison if I take his ability with Fusion. Turns out that it is a bad idea because the ability I got made things even worse: Temporary feel poisoned. So I use an antidote to get rid of the status effect and head on deeper into the mines. The mine housed standard mining stuff: like makeshift paths, conveyor belts, falling boulders, and little annoying ball-like enemies that like to ram itself against you. I get past all that while saving a couple castle members. Including this guy, who says that he will teach me a new move if I visit him at the castle.

I get to the underwater lake and it seems as if it’s not time yet for the flower to bloom. So I run around the area, jumping on floating rock platforms, exploring the place. There seems to be a lot of crystallized castle people here, since I saved like 3. I also found a Minku here, which gave me a piece of vitality fruit (MORE HEALTH!) after I beat the crap out of it.

So I take the flower and gave it to the mayor. He says that he is worried about Hotelo since he hasn’t returned yet. Musashi volunteers to go find him. I head to Twinpeak and find Hotelo relaxing inside a cave.

Musashi gives him a verbal beatdown and decides to retrieve the water himself. A timer pops up in the corner of the screen indicating that I have around 15 minutes before Tim becomes a Vambee. Surprisingly, it doesn’t take too long to get to the top of the mountain, where Aqualin is found!

I return to Hotelo and gave him the water. I head back to the village to see if Tim is cured.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF…! Also, the shop owner gave me an orange for going through the trouble of getting the ingredients.

* Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Sixth:

Time to find that douchebag Rootrick! Now where was he last seen?

So I make my way to Twinpeak Mountain. I explore the base of the mountain for a bit until spotting him attempting to climb one side. Rootrick goes all “I’ll have my revenge because you killed my dumbass robot! Oh and there is one of the five Legendary Scrolls up there in that cliff! Hopefully you don’t know about it.”

Then Musashi and Rootrick proceed to have a cliff-climbing race. Rootrick, with his elephant mask (or is it his head), seems to be too dumb to notice that some parts of the wall will stick out at times, thus knocking him over to the bottom.

Musashi makes it to the top before Rootrick does. He then picks up a small boulder and throws it at Rootrick, who has for some reason stopped climbing. Rootrick tumbles down the cliff and falls back down onto the base, his body then phases out. I-I-is he dead?

So I guide Musashi towards the center of the new area and what a surprise, there is indeed a Legendary Scroll here. Doesn’t look much like a scroll though, I was expecting a treasure chest containing a piece of rolled up paper.

I hit the scroll with Lumina and a cutscene occurs along with some crazy camera swinging. Cue Zelda treasure chest sound effect!

Lumina then starts talking… telepathically. Something about killing the Earth Crest Guardian. Don’t do it Musashi it’s a trap! Maybe… maybe the sword is evil! ‘Cus red usually means bad news! Musashi decides that he will listen to the sword, so he heads back to town to ask the people at the castle about the location of the guardian. But along the way, he is stopped by Jon, who somehow knows that the guardian is located at Hell’s Valley. He wishes Musashi luck and tells him that he will be looking for the other treasures (could he be talking about the other crests?).

So I head back into the castle and talk to “Geezer” (I still can’t remember this old dude’s name). He tells me that I’ll be needing four assistants in order to open the way to Hell’s Valley, good thing that I’ve saved more than four castle members already. Then I go all the way back to Twinpeak, and use the path to get to Hell’s Valley.

Here we are at Hell’s Valley. The four assistants look a bit funky, less polygonal even.

I head into the center of the area and a giant scorpion/skeleton comes out of nowhere. You can even call it a SKULLPION. So the fight with this boss isn’t difficult considering it’s the first of 5 other Crest Guardians. It’s a matter of timing your attacks so that the bombs your assistants have prepared over the arena drop and land on Skullpion. After a couple bomb drops, Skullpion gets stunned and all you have to do is run over and smash his revealed weak spot with Lumina (which will take out a quarter of his health). Do this a few more times and Skullpion is done for.

After the fight, everyone heads back to town and a cutscene ensues.

You see that fat guy back there, that’s Fuhrer Flatski, and he has a HORRIBLE GERMAN accent. Zhe varts velling avout vome vuy veing ze vailure – or something like that. Then one of his henchwomen tells him “Mission Vambee won’t fail.”

Okay woman, let’s see if it doesn’t or else you’ll have to suffer more of his bad German.

CHAPTER 2 END!

CHAPTER 3 START: MISSION VAMBEE!

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Fifth:

So I leave the inn and… What was I supposed to do again? Oh yeah ARRRRGH STEAAAMWOOOOOD! The worst part of this game is coming up!

So I run around town looking for the Administrator to Steamwood. And here is what the townspeople are doing while the power plant (lol plant) next to them is undergoing meltdown:

“HEY YOU! WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING!? GET OUT OF HERE OR ELSE YOU GONNA GET DEAD!”

Musashi reminds me that the Administrator lives on top of a cliff. So I head to where the gondola is and there seems to be an oddly colored wall to the side. With the L-Brace, I can now climb walls such as these. “Sweet.”

At the top of the cliff I see a bald dude running back and forth. I talk to him and it turns out that he is the Administrator of Steamwood. Here’s what he has to say:

How can he tell that it’s gonna explode in exactly 24 hours? Well, if it’s going to explode so soon, why aren’t you doing anything about it?! Being the useless and incompetent administrator he is, he makes Musashi go and fix the problem.

Musashi is handed a manual and a timer start up at the top right corner of the screen. 24 minutes…

OH ****! I make my way to Steamwood as fast as Musashi’s feet can go. Along the way I rescue Musician Pianissimeat. He thanks me for being rescued, but little does he know that if I don’t do anything about Steamwood soon, he’s gonna die along with his other buddies at the castle.

I reach Steamwood, Musashi takes out the manual and the in-game tutorial teaches me how to fix the steam leakage.

The first valve (aka the tutorial valve) wasn’t too hard. I head inside Steamwood. Oh snaps this place is going to hell and fast too!

Using the elevator, I get up to the second floor and start working on the first 3 valves. Not too hard… yet. Around 15 minutes to go with about 60 seconds before the valves reset and I’ll have to redo the whole thing. I get up to the second floor, this time the valve fixing mini-game is a little bit more difficult. But still, I finish the set on the second floor. 2 more valves to go! The elevator stops at the floor I am on and I attempt to hop onto it… only to FALL RIGHT THROUGH IT! DAMMIT! Less than 30 seconds before the valves reset! As I was waiting for the elevator to come back down to the ground floor, I lose 20 seconds! I knew that I wasn’t going to make it so I stop by the second floor anad waited for the valve timer to finish before I redo the whole thing. ARRRGH I HATE STEAMWOOOD! Second try, and I finish up the first 2 sets. This time I get to the third floor. Valve number 7 is pretty difficult, but it was doable. But number 8 was a nightmare! With 15 seconds left on the valve timer and the constant mistakes I was making at valve 8, I thought that it was over. But somehow I managed to fix valve 8, thus ending the worst part of the game.

The administrator comes up to Musashi and tells him that he saw Rootrick near the Steamwood before it went berserk, so I leave Steamwood and into the inn to save.

NEXT UP: Hunting down that elephant faced bastard!

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Fourth:

What was I supposed to again? Oh yeah, Jon is waiting for me at the top of Twinpeak Mountain. I also have to cut down 4 trees and bring the logs to Jon. Away I go! Along the way to the base of the mountain, I save another castle member, Mercenary Meitlofe.

He seems a bit too happy…

I find a path that leads through a cave and out towards a bridge. Below the bridge, I spot a treasure chest and another Bincho crystal. Using one of the ropes attached to the bridge, I climb down to where the crystal is and saved another castle member, Shepherd Beefalo. After that, I made several attempts to grab that treasure chest. GRRR the platforming in this game suuuuucks! But with a bit of patience I finally got to the chest.

I

Time to leave the bridge area! So I head to the next area. There, I find another castle member, Knight Lardwick, along with the first log. Following the path to the top of the mountain, I find 3 more logs and finally Jon. He tells me that he doesn’t know a whole lot about the 5 Scrolls.

Jon tells me that there is some kind of Legendary Armor at near the base of the mountain and that I’ll need a raft to get there. So he takes the 4 logs and makes it into a raft, Musashi jumps in and what follows is some kind of raft mini game. It’s a pretty difficult mini game too. You have 4 logs and every time you touch something (the edge of a rock, the edge of the wall, falling boulders, spiked balls, etc) you lose one logs. Lose all the logs and you’ll have to start over.

So I try my best to dodge the falling boulders but by the midway point a few of them have already caught me by surprised. 2 more logs left… A river fall comes up next and I lose another log… GAH STUPID ROCKS. By now, I am hopelessly surfing on that one log hoping that I don’t crash into another rock. Thankfully, nothing big comes up and I reach the end of the river.

Finally back on land, I explore the new area that the river took me to. Except that there seems to be nothing of importance around here besides a treasure chest containing a bracelet. So I head back into town to the pawn shop so that I can appraise the new items I got. First item appraised turns out to be a comic book, the second turns out to be a penknife, and the third is a…

HELL YEAH! NEW POWER-UP SON!

I leave the shop to find the town filled with fog and the townspeople going berserk. Are we in Silent Hill now? Nope, apparently Steamwood, the town’s source of energy, is falling apart or blowing up or something. AUGH! I remember this crap! Steamwood wasn’t very fun at all back when I played it! I decide I can do the Steamwood stuff later and head to the inn to save.

Next up: STEAMWOOD!

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Third:

Alright, right now it’s around 6 in the morning. So I run around the town a bit, exploring until everyone is awake. Grabbed some H2O from the well… and suddenly Musashi starts walking reeeeaaally slowly. It looks like he is tired. Well too bad Musashi you are going to have to talk to the mayor first! Time to find out about the 5 Scrolls!

“GRRR! HE TRICKED ME!”

He tells me to go find some guy on the outskirts of town, because that guy knows more about the scrolls than he does. I find the guy locked up in stocks. Apparently he won’t tell me anything until I give him some bread and water. Time to get some bread… But first Musashi needs to take a quick nap. I sleep till 7 in the morning and find out that after all that time Musashi has been slowly losing health!

WHY IS HE LOSING HEALTH!?

Maybe he’s hungry? So I head to the bakery and got myself two loafs of RyeBread: one for me and one for the guy in stocks (aka Jon aka guy who is probably voiced by Steve Blum). After feeding him he tells me to set him free. I refuse.

“Hah, you’ll be back.”

And indeed I return to him because there isn’t any other way to progress without doing his quest. He tells me to follow his dog to Meandering Forest. There, the dog will lead me to where the key to the stocks is hidden. Why does he have the key to the stocks anyways?

I head to the forest and saved another castle member, a body guard, before following the dog. He leads me to a graveyard, which is where the key is apparently hidden.

Spooky… >.>

I retrieve the key and return to Jon and release him. He tells me to meet him at the top of Twinpeak Mountain, and to bring 4 logs when I get there. Then he bails.

I decide to take a break for today and go to the inn to save.

Oh, and some of the Fusion abilities you absorb from enemies come with pictures of naked girls. Isn’t this game rated E?

*Spoilers for the game Brave Fencer Musashi*

Entry the Second:

Musashi awakens to find himself in one of the castle’s rooms. “Geezer” and Butler Livers greet him and then give him his objective: To save the princess, save 35 people that worked in the castle, and to find the 5 scrolls of the 5 elements. The elements being EARTH! FIRE! WIND! WATER! And HEA- SKY! They suggest that I do some research before heading down to Grillin’ Village! HELL NO! I decide to head to the village immediately!

Once I get full control I check out my stats. WHY DOES IT SAY LITTLE TURD?! I hope that stat changes later on.

Also, I love the fact that the game directly tells you what your next objective is without any stupid vague hint.

Anyways, it turns out that I have to go ask the mayor permission for access into Twinpeak Mountain. To the village! I wander around the village for a bit till I find the mayor in his house. He makes a deal with Musashi, help him find the village’s dog, Leno, and he will tell Musashi more about the 5 scrolls. I agree to it and head to Twinpeak. But first, it seems that the bar is now open. I head inside to find a barmaid who obviously has the hots for our pint-sized foreign hero…

Damn pedophiles!

I talk to the locals and one of them offers me a game of High and Low for 100 Drans. Sure, I need some extra bit of cash. He pulls out a 4, so I guess that the next will be a High. Nope, the next card was a 3. This game cheats… So I leave the bar… Angry… and out 300 Drans (yep, I tried it out 2 more times).

So I get to the road to Twinpeak and find myself running along a river. Turns out that the dog is stranded on a small island in the middle of the river. All I have to do is carry him back to town. Not too hard. I return to town to find that everyone is asleep because it’s 3 in the morning; I guess I’ll have to ask the mayor about the 5 scrolls later. So I go to the inn and save.

Also, **** this guy. I hatehatehatehatehatehatehate him! Musashi is puny enough.