I usually go one notch above the default, if there are more than 3 options. The middle ground between hardest and normal is usually not much more difficult than normal so I don't usually have a problem. I refrain from selecting the hardest option because they always seem to fuck up the balance in such a way that mechanics that were viable on easier difficulties become redundant. When choosing a difficultly, I try to select something that will be close to what the developer intended while still giving me some level of challenge.
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