Yesterday, I got murdered by a dragon while trying to cross a bridge. Later I learned that you can actually kill it by standing at the top of a tower and shooting at it. I tried to do so with my magic, but failed to hit it because it was too fast. I figured I should try using a bow.

Problem! I don't have a bow!

Went back to the hub and talked to the blacksmith dude, and he didn't have one. I then decided to replay levels to get more souls, so I could upgrade my stats and then maybe the bridge part wouldn't be an issue.

Off I went, and I found a bow on the ground. Convenient.

I bought 150 arrows and climbed back to the tower and took aim at the dragon. It was rather hard to judge the exact moment I should let the arrow go, because the dragon kept moving.


It took A LONG GOD DAMN TIME, but the dragon went down.

Crossing the bridge wasn't that big of an issue now, because I had enough space to fight the enemies properly. After the enemies, a foggy door. Behind the foggy door....


You can call him the Tower Knight. Now go back to the picture and look at the player character at his feet there.

Tower Knight is pretty big.

The cutscene introducing me to my certain death also showed me tons and tons of archers gathering all around the area. The first order of business was to RUN THE HELL AWAY from the Tower Knight and up the stairs (The stairs on the picture)

I quickly made my way around the area and cut all the archers down. This only left the small problem OF THE HUGE GOD DAMN KNIGHT.

I had no desire to get up close on him, so I tried to shoot at him from the high ground. It hit his shield and didn't do any damage at all.

He started fighting back by shooting some kind of a projectile at me.

In order to shoot, he moved his shield away from his face.

Aha! Is this our chance?

I see how this goes.

I shot, dodged, shot, dodged, shot, dodged, shot, dodged, shot, dodged, won.

I still fail to see how this game is for hardcore masochists...

Alrighty then. Moving on.

Wait. I can't move on because I don't have the appropriate soul for it. What this meant in practical terms was that I had to go back and choose another level, because several were unlocked.

Off to Some Other Place I went.

Killing the boss at the end of a level brings you to body form, which means that other players can invade your game and murder you.

I was a few minutes in the next level when I got the message about someone else invading. Okay, I know the direction he's coming from so I lifted my shield up and prepared my newly bought fire spell.

I saw someone and I shot at him a few times. He died.

...

That was easy.

Very soon after I got another invader. He was kind of tougher, but I managed to stay away from him and whittle his life down. "Maybe one more hit?" was my last thought before my mom walked past the TV screen.

I died.

Well, whatever. I'm in soul form now and that means no invaders! Yay!

This level consisted of very tight corridors and hallways. There were a bunch of slave-like creatures working around me, who were all so very weird because every 5th one would attack me and others couldn't care less that I was there. Okay, moving on.

Nothing especially interesting here other than the fat guy who shoots fire at you. He made a funny sound before attacking.

Slaves, fat guys, slaves, slaves, slaves with huge metal rods with heated up tips and some weird fire salamander creatures. Right.

Then a huge elevator took me down a long way right to a foggy door. Time for a boss fight again?





Yup. That's a giant spider. When I first entered the room I got raped by it's web-fireblast combo, but I survived. Then I figured out it's rhythm of shooting fire and the web. I shot at it when I saw an opening, and I won.

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I GET TO THE PART WHERE I'M SUPPOSEDLY GOING TO THROW MY CONTROLLER AT THE WALL.

Stay tuned! There's always tomorrow!
 
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