How the hell am I the only birthday this year?

Yep, it's my birthday

( But how am I the only one this year?) Last year, there were so many birthdays flooding the forums that you'd think Satan Claus's escaped elves decided to fuck all the Earth women during the Christmas season. This year, I seem to be the only one celebrating another year closer to the Reaper's grasp. Despite this, I decided to swim against the non-existent tide and do the unprecedented: travel into the future so I can know what happened on my birthday, even as I'm doing it! And time-travel I did, meeting myself at noon, destroying any chance of lunch, what with the ensuing horrific identity crisis. But oh, how we made up for it! We (what the hell is the plural first person when you're with yourself? Damn the English language!) spent the day beating/losing to each other in Brawl, using those pesky Mooninites as target practice, and permanently vowing NEVER to do anything like this. (Oddly enough, the English language DOES have a word for that: Ouroboros.)
Of course, after a long day of giving a stern fuck you to causality, we decided to go out for dinner (it was not Ouroboros!) at Uno's. We had a pretty good time, the only regret being that I couldn't continue waxing philosophical with Icemael. (That was an incredibly heated and intellectual discussion. He's a pretty worthy opponent.) The best I could do was discuss Descartes with myself, and we found myself agreeing with Søren Kierkegaard on the matter. (If you find that sentence a bit dry for your tastes, just focus on how funny that Danish guy's name is.) When dinner finally ended, we were greeted with a surprise party, and, in a great panic, I shot the nearest soldier. Then I shot him again because the act reminded me of this one battle from Tactics Ogre, a game that's kinda pissing me off at this point. After said soldier was taken to the nearest hospital, out came the presents! A list of them:
  • A wireless adapter for my 360. OK, this one was just a replacement for one that was previously lost, but not by me. I suspect the goblins got to it.
  • This shirt. I realize what a flagrant offense this is to Mario canon, which is why I'll wear it, anyway. Somebody's gotta shake up the Former Mushroom Kingdom.
  • A fridge. Somebody must've heard about my love for fridge sled races.
  • A cell-phone. OK, this one just confuses me, since I already have that video phone thing from that one episode of Futurama.
  • Singularity. I refused to play it today due to the time travel mechanic; I don't want a meta birthday.
  • Dragon Quest IX. Despite the character creation feature, I'm not playing as Bushwald Sexyface this time. Although...

His Holiness, Bushwald Sexyface.
His Holiness, Bushwald Sexyface.

I also intend on getting Metroid: Other M tomorrow, something I'm used to in terms of games and birthdays. A shitload of awesome games come out on the 31st, yet I could only find four that came out on my birthday. One of them was The Guy Game. You understand my pain, no? Then give me better gifts than The Guy Game, damn you!