There is absolutely no saving this game. By this, I don't mean that Sequence is a bad game. (In reality, it's sort of OK.) Instead, I mean there's no possible way of fixing this game's problems. Each one is necessary for what the game is trying to accomplish, and it's not as easy as saying Sequence should be something else. There's something worth pursuing in there. But paradoxically, all the things that should make Sequence worth playing are the very reasons why it isn't terribly good. It's like the game's fighting with itself, and what you end up with is a mildly average game.

I mean, it starts off with a good enough idea. DDR-esque rhythm gameplay with an RPG battle system? Why the hell not? Of course, that means you're paying attention to three screens at once (attack, defense, and a third thing), but that's what makes the game so good in the first place. It strikes a decent balance between urgency and moment-to-moment strategy. There's a certain flow to switching between the three screens, and victory depends on working out when to switch between each one. It can be challenging, yes, but finally syncing yourself up with the rhythm and coming out the victor just feels so rewarding. Speaking of rhythm, the music! It's pretty good. Not great, mind you, but it's enough to keep you involved in the battles. At this point, the only egregious flaw would be casting spells. Each spell's linked to a number key, so you have to move your fingers a considerable distance to cast many of your spells. It's awkward, to say the least.

But not as awkward as all the side stuff. What? You thought that this game was all about musical button presses! There's also a meaty crafting system to play around with. I mean, it's not a good system, but it's there. Here's how things work: after each battle, the enemy has a certain chance of dropping an item. Gather enough of these items, and you can create all sorts of doo-dads that will help you in your journey. I say "can" because there's no guarantee that you'll actually get the item you want. Instead, the game flips a coin and decides if you should get the super cool item you've been grinding for. If you're lucky, then you get the item. Half the time, though, you're simply paying the game (you basically have to sacrifice your strength to get a cool item) to laugh in your stupid face.

At this point, everything's reliant on invisible dice rolls you have very little real control over. Just like that, the game's sense of accomplishment has completely evaporated. You know, the very same sense of accomplishment that constitutes Sequence's appeal in the first place? Oh, and it also slows the pacing down to a monotonous grindfest, but that's the least of our worries at this point. Yet even with all these problems, you still can't cut the crafting system out of the game. Mining items off enemies is what lends the game any purpose to begin with. Without it, Sequence would be little more than a series of intricate button prompts. Pretty good as a simple diversion, but as a full fledged game? That simply isn't happening. And good luck working any sort of narrative into that.

Speaking of the narrative, I probably should've mentioned that by now. In fact, I would have if there as anything worth mentioning about it. All that really happens is a generic guy gets kidnapped (you wouldn't believe me if I told you why) and must fight his way out of a magical tower to earn his freedom. Along the way, he'll meet a wide cast of utterly abrasive characters. Hell, he'll even form contrived relationships with a few of them simply because the plot demands it. Throw in some flat humor that's full of more comments than actual punchlines, voice acting dull enough to give Valis a run for its money, and an overall lack of soul, and you have the narrative thread that ties Sequence together. At least on this aspect of the game, I have a clear opinion: it needs a story, but certainly not this story.

But the rest of the game? Again, I'm rather ambivalent about the whole thing. I really like what the game's trying to accomplish, and there's some degree of success there. Looking at the battles, at least, the game knows what to borrow from dance games and RPGs. Move outside that, though, and things get hairier. Everything we need to get there simply doesn't come together. On paper, the game should work, but somehow, the very things that make the game what it is sabotage any chance it has at success. Maybe it's just a small number of flaws that could easily be tweaked; maybe the game's very concept was doomed from the start. Who can say? I know I can't.

Review Synopsis

• Switching between screens to funk an enemy to death? Awesome!
• Grinding for hours on end, only for the game to tell you to piss the hell off? Not awesome!
• Joseph Ducreux would not be pleased. (That's my way of saying this game references shitty shit memes.)

Surprisingly, this song ISN'T in Sequence. Way to disappoint.

It was quite a journey getting to this game. I know that sounds a little confusing, so allow me to elaborate. I'd originally intended to tackle Space Channel 5 for this part, since that would be a good match for Sequence's rhythmic charms. Sadly, technical issues shot that down, along with pretty much every Dreamcast game I tried to substitute in. Oh, and Sol Feace, for good measure. Bishi Bashi Special's also out, largely because of how brazen the AI is about its cheating nature. And so that leaves us with Project Horned Owl, an inoffensive rail shooter. It's offensive how inoffensive this game is, really.

Speaking of offensive.....I honestly don't have any sort of transition there. I just want to talk about the story, since that's about half the reason why I like this game. Imagine a buddy cop movie circa 1985. Now stop, because that's exactly what this is. I don't even have to elaborate. It's over the top, enthusiastic, full of energy, and perhaps best of all, completely unaware of any of this. I don't even really know how to put it. I just get the feeling that if this game knew what I thought of it, it wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable. Fortunately, there's no danger of that going on. Instead, the story's just so genuine and innocent that you can't help but enjoy what it's showing you. Yes, what it's showing you doesn't make a lot of sense (all I can remember is something about a stupid sci-fi terrorist person). But who gives a shit? The game wouldn't be nearly as good if it made sense. Project Horned Owl creates a world where people clumsily explode their bodies through walls rather than open a door. What's not to like about that?

This is where I talk about the game. It's a rail shooter/light gun game where you make things explode for about an hour. That's right: you're essentially playing an interactive fireworks show (except not that). I guess the only real difference is in the levels of excitement, because Horned Owl is dull. Well, dull in its presentation, at least. The environments are utterly bereft of life, and the game at least feels like it moves at a slow trickle (even if it doesn't). In short, the game looks boring. (It probably doesn't help that the graphics haven't aged a day past 1996.) There simply isn't enough to keep you engaged, so playing the game feels like you're simply going through the motions, waiting for something better to come along. How did this happen? Previously, the game was doing such a good job about getting me excited! Where's the resplendent energy you were just oozing before?

It's a shame, too, because the game itself is rather cromulent. Not too good and not too bad; just cromulent. The game gives you a regular shooty weapon, a spread shooty weapon that completely wrecks absolutely goddamn everything, a limited supply of grenades that somehow wreck more, a steady stream of enemies to shoot, and not much else. I know that doesn't sound exciting, but it's exciting enough. Despite what your eyes might tell you, you're always doing something in this game. So in that sense, I guess Project; Horned Owl is fun (if you ignore all the rote memorization, at least).......That's not enough to sell you on this game, is it? It was only a short moment ago that I said the graphics quell any sense of excitement the game might have, and the only mitigating factor I can offer is "well, the game plays satisfactorily, sort of"? That's no reason to play a video game! Yes, I enjoyed the story both ironically and unironically, but it's hard to sell a game based on something you could easily YouTube. Not that it's stopped modern video games all that much.

Review Synopsis

• Clash at Demonhead: The Buddy Cop Film.
• The plodding, unengaging buddy cop film.
• But it plays well, I guess. Maybe.