For those of you who stayed, you must be wondering why the hell I bothered playing this game. Rest assured, there's a very stupid reason for it: I needed a game that would go well with BioShock Infinite and the Disney princess jokes I make therein. That's it. That's the only reason. Little did I know that this would result in me taking far too many screenshots of this admittedly mediocre game. 65 (essentially three days) may not seem like much, but given how short the game is, I feel the density justifies this feature, no matter how brief. That out of the way? Good. Let us get started.
"Go ahead. Try to configure any of the other buttons. I DARE you."Beast at the bottom, however, sternly disapproves of this crap.A family barely clinging to the fringes of sanity.You know, Belle, this probably isn't what your father meant when he told you that you needed to get out more.What's worse: this giant block of text within the first two minutes of the actual game, or Gaston's skills with the ladies?It's better in motion. He just stands there indefinitely with that dumb scowl on his face, angry at nothing in particular."Which book? Your damn dialogue's blockin' the window."Oh, OK.....which book?Their eyes...they penetrate all...I wasn't kidding: he's still standing there after all this time.Good news: I think this is the last ludicrously huge textbook in the game. Bad news: it doesn't get much better from here.Man, can I relate.There is no talking mechanic in this game. He just walked up to me and blurted out this random information."The Red Rose commands you from beyond the void.""You hear that, Chicken? Now I can read all the dirty books father won't let me keep!""They did things to me, Belle. They did horrible things no-one should ever suffer through."The hell's going on with her body? Is she part raven?Uh, Belle, you might want t-Oh. Never mind, then.You know, Belle, for somebody who spends all her time reading, you sure did do something completely stupid. Just saying.
Who wants to see a French girl get completely drunk today? (Not many of you, judging by the lukewarm reception this thread has received.)
Wipe that smile off your face, Belle. You're getting third degree burns from that handshake. (Also, what's up with the Bel? It looks like it's on an entirely different level from the other letters.)"This confuses the Beast beyond belief."By vomiting their guts up right in front of her.Is the stove checking Belle out? I feel like it's checking Belle out.I didn't realize it at the time, but this was a mini-game where the goal was to override Belle's survival instinct and make sure she gets beaned in the head with falling cutlery, dishes, and cylinder things.Oh, don't worry. This impromptu picture didn't have any text in the game, either."What time is it? Motherfuckin' party time!""For me, dishwasing IS a party.....What's gone wrong with my life?"Turn that jug around, I guarantee you it reads "Mad Dog 20/20" on the label.Why do I recognize this face?"He prizes his demonic statue far too much. Get out while you can.I know what you're thinking, but no: we don't use Lumiere to light this part of the castle (that should be lit, anyway, from the light pouring in from the open door).Man, Beast, you've really let this place go.This is what we use to light that passage from before: a lit torch just lying on the ground, waiting to burn this place down.Oh, come on...Acclaim."Why did I think this was a good idea, again?""They're charging WHAT for repairs!? To hell with it; I'll do it all myself."Notice that arrow in the upper right? That's why I had to cross the balcony. (It's a magic mirror, by the way. I'm not sure, either.)"At last, we are one. Take me from this castle, Belle. The Red Rose commands it."The funniest rage imagineable.
@video_game_king: Yeah it's hacky, but it's one of my favorite RD quotes. If I remembered the quick look in which he said it I'd clip it out and turn it into a gif.
And we finally arrive at the final update for this particular Renegade Photo. That other Renegade Photo's still going to continue for obscenely long, but this one's wrapping up.
Oh dear god, WHAT HAPPENED TO ITS NECK!?This is actually a mini-game wherein the dancers drunkenly careen around the ballroom, collecting the flesh of the Red Rose until the game decides it's had enough."Your dancing is worth nothing.""All the while, collecting rose petals that are mysteriously falling from the ceiling. Go figure.""Why did you think I'd want to see this?" "Because it's fuckin' hilarious!""At least YOU still love me, magical rose."She ran out of firewood LONG ago."Fuck that old guy with the goggles! Who's with me!?"Seen here....I think.I wanted to get this yesterday, but didn't notice it in time: the 1ups are just Belle's face, disapprovingly hovering in the air. Also, this is part of a really bad platforming section.With the greatest dur face she can possibly muster."Damn it, cut! You screamed too early AGAIN, Beast. Let's take it from the top!"You know what? I prefer his beast form."Hey, Belle, you want to catch rose petals again? For old time's sake?"Wait, seriously? I was kidding."Now steal all his gold and run away in the night. So I command."The fact that it resembles a pre-existing Disney movie is just sheer coincidence.OK, which one of you is to blame for that damn horse level? Fess up."This flip book fucking sucks. What's it even supposed to look like?""The hell did you do in my bathroom? I haven't been able to get it to flush for, like, a week."Man, even the Beast is worried that she's too into this shit.COMEDY.I was going to comment on Belle's face, but the hell happened to the Beast's? Did he suddenly grow jowls between this screenshot and the last?Ladies."You'll have to pay for your own hand surgery."
So now that it's over, what am I going to do? Post the actual blog I wrote for this game here? Hell no! That would defeat the purpose of playing this game in the first place. But I will give you a concise snippet of my opinion regarding this game:
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