Characters I'd hire to help me take over the world

These are the people (or creatures) of questionable morals I'd count on to help me take over the world... and then I'd promptly kill them all.

List items

  • Considering Kefka has experience in world domination and ruling, he's a no-brainer. I wouldn't even need to check his references. However, there was that little situation where he killed his former employer and threw him off a floating island.... We'll have to keep an eye on him.

  • Laharl has experience as the rule of the underworld and has successfully defeated other world rulers and claimed their realms as his own. He may seem young but he has a lot of ambition and power. is only flaw is that he does have a bit of a conscience, but we can probably work around that.

  • A perfect candidate as a "grunt" type of employee, it should be no problem to get this crazy octopus doing the dirty work. Key word: Insane. I'll have to make sure to keep him on a tight leash so he doesn't decide to start eating my other employees.

  • This one might have some people-skills issues, as he's somewhat of a megalomaniac and I doubt he's easy to work with. We'll give him a shot, but may let him go during the 6-month probationary period.

  • It says here in his "related work experience" "ea...tin.... th...ng....l..ot... of.... thi...gs..." Hmm, so he has some communication issuee, so I suppose PR-related work is out of the question, however it sounds like he'll be useful for bruiser-type tasks.

  • When asked if he had any allergies, he replied quite specifically -- "Garlic, Holy Water, and the sun". I'm sure we can work around Holy Water and the sun, but I dunno about the garlic one.... we'll have to ask our cooks if they won't mind coming up with some garlic-intolerant dishes for our pale friend.

  • Get this man on our "child conditioning" project, pronto! He has a knack for manipulating people... Warning: Do not, I repeat, do NOT do anything he requests that begins with "Would you kindly..."

  • We received this applicant's resume some time ago but since then have received word he has found employment with a "Save the World" foundation... It's too bad, as his credentials were impressive. We'll keep his name on file should he seek employment in the future.

  • On his application where we asked "Why do you want this job?" He wrote "I'll do anything for money as long as I can look good doing it". I'm sure we can find a grunt-level position for him where he can fulfill his narcissistic desires... and then dispose of him when he's no longer useful.

  • Note to supervisors: Shredder believes himself to have more combat prowess than he really does. If he whines that he's too good for grunt work, you have the authority to use corporal punishment.

  • Hired en masse as cheap, disposable fodder for our undead warmounts. You'd be surprised how much you save ordering Goombas in bulk.

  • Applied for a supervisor position but was turned down. We offered him the job as our nightclub bouncer and while reluctant at first, he eventually agreed.

  • Speaking of our nightclub, we've managed to find a sadistic DJ who loves watching car crashes and promoting wanton destruction on his radio station. He should help keep our soldiers morale high and is a welcome addition to the team.

  • Has experience with clandestine operations, running an army and a country, as well as cloning experiments.However, we're not too sure where his true allegiances lie so we'll have to keep a close eye on him. Note: When disposing of this employee, make sure to eliminate all clones, duplicates, and make sure he is REALLY dead.

  • Hell, why not?

  • Combat tests have determined these to be decent weapons of destruction. Mechanics please ensure the manufacturer does not send us defective machines and if you find any glaring flaws or weak points, return them for a refund.

  • Every ruler of the world needs a couple of guard dogs.

  • Recruit en masse as front line cannon fodder. These creatures will do anything for money, in fact, they HAVE to... something about their souls being in limbo until they can pay off their debts. As such, we will ensure that payment is kept to a minimum so we can make use of them for as long as possible. Note to supervisors: Prinnies will self-combust if thrown. Do with this information what you will.

  • Under "Previous Experience" it says he's killed gods. Not bad. Not amazing, but he's got potential. We may have issues dealing with his temper, though.

  • A company who's policies and practices often mirror our own and supplies a relatively cost-effective energy source. Currently we have a 38% stake in the company's shares and growing. We're looking to perform a hostile takeover in the near-future, which will save us a fortune on energy bills.

  • Having seen some of his work on "Reality TV: Lobotomies Gone Horribly Wrong", we were impressed with his work. Apparently his dentistry skills are impressive, as well.

  • A member of a family that refuses to die, Kazuya has experience running a zaibatsu which will come in handy with hostile takeovers and corporate politics.We've also been told he can shoot laser beams from his eyes. Pew pew, indeed.

  • Note to employees: Scorpion has enough problems dealing with the fact he has a skull for a face. Please remember your sensitivity training and show him the same respect you would show any other member of our team.