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Duke Nukem Forever Review

2
  • PS3
  • PC
  • X360

Duke Nukem Forever is a sad mess of a game, but hey, at least it finally came out, right?

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I certainly never expected that I'd write a review of Duke Nukem Forever. It was long-dead, relegated to the isle of canceled games alongside StarCraft: Ghost and Thrill Kill. So, in some weird way, the notion that Duke Nukem Forever is a final, shipping product is all the victory it needs. Duke Nukem Forever is practically a historical document, and my advice to you is that if you're the sort of person who followed 3D Realms all the way down and you're feeling like you need to know how this crazy tale ends, you should play Duke Nukem Forever and see what it's finally become. But also know that this final product is kind of a terrible shooter with a bunch of really mindless attempts at referential humor, both of which do a great disservice to the Duke Nukem 3D legacy. If you're not a history buff and you're just looking for a good time, look somewhere else.

For a game that's supposed to be so over-the-top and bombastic, Duke Nukem Forever sure is boring. Its longer-than-average campaign attempts to deliver on variety by mixing in a few vehicle sequences, an underwater section, and multiple levels where you're shrunk down to tiny size and forced to carefully jump from one platform to another, but these only help make the game feel old. Most of this stuff--the platforming and awkward underwater controls, specifically--has been bred out of modern shooters for a reason. In the context of Duke Nukem Forever, a lot of these sequences feel like filler, meant to distract you from the game's lackluster action. Duke can hold two weapons at a time and has a recharging, Halo-like shield meter, though it's called "Ego" here. This doesn't quite lead to the tactical considerations that a limited inventory might initially imply, though, as the only time you really need a specific weapon is when you're in a boss fight. The game's bosses can only be damaged by turrets or RPGs, so whenever you get into one of these situations, the game makes sure that you have the appropriate weaponry nearby.

The arsenal covers most of what you'd expect from a Duke Nukem game, including a shrink ray and a freeze beam that lets you toy around with enemies a little bit. Duke 3D had one of my all-time favorite shotguns (which is a pretty short list), and the gun returns in Duke Nukem Forever feeling mostly intact. Blasting pigs up close and watching them crumble after one shot is kind of satisfying, even after all these years.

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But that's probably the only true satisfaction to be found in Duke Nukem Forever. We're past the point of getting thrills from basic interactivity like "hey, you can flush the toilets" or "oh, you can sort of play this awful pinball machine." If the core shooting in the game was exciting, these lame little extras would be forgivable. Instead, they make you wonder if the main parts of Duke would have been better if people weren't wasting their time making sure that the pool tables almost work. Enemies don't really burst apart in a satisfying way, and the bulk of the weaponry feels underwhelming. The console versions of the game also lose something extra in the translation, as an unstable frame rate that only seems to get worse when you're firing heavy weaponry makes everything that much harder to follow.

The action is often monotonous and basic in a way that doesn't even leave room for "old-school" thrills. This is a game that allows for headshots, but certainly doesn't require them. Most enemies don't put out too much of a fight and they go down relatively easily. The game doesn't make up for their weakness by throwing large numbers of bad guys at you at once, and there are even large sections of the game where there's no combat at all. Considering most of the non-combat sequences require you to wander and jump around bland, old-looking environments that feel like they were touched-up by someone wielding nothing but a shader that somehow makes every single surface look slightly greasy, the breaks from combat aren't any better than the parts where you shoot your guns. Even the boss fights get repetitive by having you face a sort-of-harder version of the game's first boss as the game's final boss.

The entire campaign is sprinkled with bits of dialogue from Duke Nukem himself. This, you might remember, is one of the key points about the character. He's a wise-cracking, movie-line-stealing misogynist who loves strippers and cigars. Back in 1996, we were still coming to terms with the idea that PC game characters could talk at all, so it was easy to fall in love with Duke's constant chatter. But times have changed, and Duke's schtick just feels unimaginative and sad in Duke Nukem Forever. Duke's still lifting his material from other sources, and he's getting a fair amount of it wrong. Plus plenty of it is way, way out of date. A mangled version of the "remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? I lied" line from Commando makes its way in here. At one point Duke sings "America, fuck yeah" just because your commanding officer mentioned America. The Internet isn't safe, either, with "porkchop sandwiches" dropping in straight out of Eric Fensler's GI Joe PSA reedits. That happened in, what, 2003? No jokes are wrapped around these references, making the whole thing feel like some kind of sub-Family Guy attempt at getting you to chuckle just because you remember a line from Starship Troopers.

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When he's not "being Duke" by using movie catchphrases, he's "being Duke" by alluding to how much trim he gets. In the unironic world of Duke Nukem Forever, Duke's a superstar sex god with his own Vegas penthouse, complete with a set of sexy twins willing to do anything for him. Females that you encounter along the way fall all over themselves when they encounter you, and the first 30 minutes or so is little more than ego stroking, probably designed to remind you that Duke's a bad-ass. Men want to be him! Women want to be with him! The whole thing feels like it's trying too hard, and Duke's act was already kind of lame the first time around. This time, presented at face value without any meaningful wink or nod to modern sensibilities, the whole thing feels like it was written by crazy people. The character simply doesn't work in 2011, and now that I've played Duke Nukem Forever, I'm left wondering if the character ever truly worked at all, or if standards were just so much lower back then that we didn't bother paying much attention to how stupid it all was.

Though some will probably be offended by some of the things in Duke Nukem Forever, it's not worth getting agitated over. Like the previous game, Duke Nukem Forever's tone is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. You'll again see topless women and some other childish dialogue to accompany those boobs. I think this tone is best summed up in one of the alien hive areas, where you stumble upon a trio of human-looking boobs just sticking out of an alien-looking wall. No bodies, just boobs. Sexy, right? You can slap them around via the use button, and Duke chuckles to himself like some kind of sociopath. It's downright creepy, and it reinforces my feeling that a game with a bit more self-awareness about how out-of-touch the Duke character feels would probably be way funnier. There's certainly a place for sophomoric humor in video games, but the attempts to include it in Duke Nukem Forever fall flat most of the time. It makes Duke feel like a sad, pathetic character that continually needs to pump himself up by reminding anyone who will listen that he is, indeed, the king.

In addition to the campaign, the game also has a multiplayer mode with four different game types. These let you take the Duke weapons into standard deathmatch, team deathmatch, king of the hill, and capture the flag games. It has a maximum player count of eight. Hey, at least that's more than Duke Nukem 3D supported, right? You'll find a remake of the Hollywood level from Duke 3D among the 10 maps, but it just looks weirdly filthy. The map design doesn't feel like it sets you up for elaborate trip mine and pipe bomb traps like the previous game did, which is too bad, as that was one of the best parts about Duke's multiplayer. Like the rest of the game, the multiplayer feels a little mindless and old. Not classic--old.

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When comparing platforms, it's clear that the PC version was the priority for the game's developers. There, the game is capable of running at a smooth frame rate with reasonable load times between levels. The console versions look extra grimy and unoptimized--things like texture pop-in and depth of field effects aren't as clean. The frame rates aren't as stable and the load times are practically a deal breaker, with huge gaps between levels and after any death. They give you just enough time to realize that you could probably be spending your time doing something else.

It feels weird to criticize a game that's been in development for as long as this one has for feeling like a relic, but in the end, Duke Nukem Forever's development history only really matters to a fraction of the overall audience. As I said before, if you're a part of that crowd, part of that faction that finds yourself so fascinated by this whole project that you need to know how it ends, I recommend you play Duke Nukem Forever for yourself. But I'd practically insist that you do so on the PC and try to wait for a sale. If you're not willing to play a sloppy, cobbled together first-person shooter just because it has some kind of weird historical meaning, though, just forget this ever happened and move on. It's great, in some ways, that Duke Nukem Forever was released at all. But don't be confused into thinking that it's a great game.

Jeff Gerstmann on Google+

249 Comments

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durden77

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Edited By durden77

I love this game. It's so fucking fun. Been playing the campaign for hours and me and my friend are having a blast with the multi. 

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rmanthorp

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Edited By rmanthorp  Moderator

I expect less...

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Eyz

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Edited By Eyz

"Duke Nukem Forever is a sad mess of a game, but hey, at least it finally came out, right?"

 
Well...yes!
Do every title, ever game (and even to some extend, every movie, every comic, every book, etc..) need to be a perfect AAA-title, perfect in all places, award winning, etc..?
Well, no!
If one game deserves to be allowed to not be perfect, it's this one.
After having been the end of tons of jokes, with its ~15 years in the making, clusmy development, change of development teams in production, complete  change of engine, etc... It was obvious it would be far from perfect with such a difficult development. I'm surprised it's even playable!
 
But, hey, it finally exists! Damn'!

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LiquidSwords

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Edited By LiquidSwords

Best review I've seen:

Imagine a giant cock flying towards your mouth, and there's nothing you can do about it. And your like "oh man, I'm gonna have to suck this thing", and you brace yourself to suck this giant cock. But then, at the last moment, it changes trajectory and hits you in the eye. You think to yourself"well at least i got that out of the way", but then the giant cock rears back and stabs your eye again, and again, and again. Eventually, This giant cock is penetrating your gray matter, and you begin to lose control of your motor skills. That's when the giant cock slaps you across the cheek, causing you to fall out of your chair. Unable to move and at your most vulnerable, the giant cock finally lodges itself in your anus, Where i rests uncomfortably for 4... maybe 5 hours... That is what playing 'Duke Nukem forever' felt like

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Eiskalt

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Edited By Eiskalt

Thank you Jeff for giving Duke Nukem Forever the respect it deserves (and not just saying it is a shitty game with out explaining anything).

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probablytuna

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Edited By probablytuna

Great read. Now we can move on with our lives.

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MagikGimp

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Edited By MagikGimp

"Damn, I'm bad"

And not like Michael Jackson (it's not that old!). Perhaps the fact that it was made for the PC before the consoles is the biggest sign that Duke is far over the hill now. I hate all of the Duke games but even I find this tale a little sad.

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Yalbit

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Edited By Yalbit

I agree 100%. If you need to see what this game is based on it's history I think the demo will answer that question nicely, but I don't think anyone should buy this game.

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deactivated-57d3a53d23027

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@President_Barackbar said:

@Kaigan said:

@President_Barackbar said:

new Duke game [...] could be really good.

Nah.

If you told me a couple months ago that I could possibly be interested in a sequel to Prey, I would've laughed in your face. NOTHING is impossible.

Second that comment. I don't even know what the Prey series is but I checked out the footage of the new one and I think it might be great.

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DarkbeatDK

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Edited By DarkbeatDK

"I'd buy THIS for a dollar".

I think part of the reason that we thought that Duke 3D was so amazing compared to Forever was that the industry as a whole was a lot more juvenile back then (Just try reading Magazine reviews from that time period) and both you and I Jeff, weren't 30+ back then. Also, it was cooler to us back then to be referential of things we grew up with like movies and television. Duke Nukem Forever is internet referential which, to you and I, probably seem a lot less important than it is to a younger generation. While we find CAN those jokes funny at first, they get old really, really quickly.

There's a Leroy Jenkins joke in there and while I'm not sure, I bet there is an All Your Base joke in there as well, which really shows when that specific part of the game was originally made.... oh and seesaw puzzles.

At least Duke Nukem Forever is interesting enough to make you want to see where you will go next. There are tons of really D-grade military FPS out there hidden away on places like the Wii, where you just don't care where the campaign is taking you as it's all uninteresting stuff.

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Bouke

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Edited By Bouke

I actually know some people who were looking forward to this...
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buft

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Edited By buft

im kinda disappointed but at the same time its the same disappointment that i felt when it was cancelled.

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Chris2KLee

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Edited By Chris2KLee

I'd be disappointed if I had expected this to be anything but a mess of aimless developmental hell. Like Jeff said in the podcast, it gets a star for just getting out the door.

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selbie

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Edited By selbie

Thank you Jeff for laying this pulverised horse to rest.

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geirr

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Edited By geirr

This game made me feel grown up,

and that's just sad.

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dropabombonit

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Edited By dropabombonit

Seems fair. never thought this would be good anyway

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bmeason

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Edited By bmeason

 want my money back. now

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punpun

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Edited By punpun
@LiquidSwords said:

Best review I've seen:

Imagine a giant cock flying towards your mouth, and there's nothing you can do about it. And your like "oh man, I'm gonna have to suck this thing", and you brace yourself to suck this giant cock. But then, at the last moment, it changes trajectory and hits you in the eye. You think to yourself"well at least i got that out of the way", but then the giant cock rears back and stabs your eye again, and again, and again. Eventually, This giant cock is penetrating your gray matter, and you begin to lose control of your motor skills. That's when the giant cock slaps you across the cheek, causing you to fall out of your chair. Unable to move and at your most vulnerable, the giant cock finally lodges itself in your anus, Where i rests uncomfortably for 4... maybe 5 hours... That is what playing 'Duke Nukem forever' felt like

Like being raped by a giant cock, yeah that's really clever and funny.
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von_OberWurst

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Edited By von_OberWurst

I have been waiting 14 years for this game to come out. Now that's here, I  think they deliver.... on what they promised it would be like. Duke Nukem 3D is still on my top 3 of the best gameexperinces I have had and Duke Nukem Forever just starts out, where we left him. So its old school, but I woulden't have any other way. I've now finished the game (came out the 10 of june in Europe) and I was laughing out loud in most parts of the game.

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G0rd0nFr33m4n

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Edited By G0rd0nFr33m4n
@von_OberWurst said:
I have been waiting 14 years for this game to come out. Now that's here, I  think they deliver.... on what they promised it would be like. Duke Nukem 3D is still on my top 3 of the best gameexperinces I have had and Duke Nukem Forever just starts out, where we left him. So its old school, but I woulden't have any other way. I've now finished the game (came out the 10 of june in Europe) and I was laughing out loud in most parts of the game.
 
This. I wasnt expecting an amazing game, and I totally agree with the 2 out of 5 stars, that being said I'm enjoying the game as I play it. To each persons own.....
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crevisjr

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Edited By crevisjr

Nothing can live up to that many years of hype. But hey, Jeff is right. At least it came out.

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cozmod

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Edited By cozmod

Here's my short review. At $60 it is garbage. Instead rent it at Red Box for $2 a night and treat it like the hoe-bag game it is. So far, I'm past the first RC car level... While it's been okay so far... I see it going downhill from here. I feel like Duke has already shown me all of his tricks. Also... yes the jokes don't hit and the voice acting sounds phoned-in.

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Edited By SHADOWINFINITE

Good review

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jNerd

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Edited By jNerd

This was a great review. I really enjoyed reading this! I have the "Balls of Steel" edition upstairs. I know it won't be great; but with my love for Duke & the imagination I use when I play videogames, I'm going to enjoy this!

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Destroyeron

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Edited By Destroyeron

At least it'll take another 10 years for us to see the next pile of crap.

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Grognard66

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Edited By Grognard66

I have to say I'm a bit surprised at the piling on by the gaming media about this game.  It seems like they take it as a personal offense that the game took so long to come out and also decided that this would be the game where they draw a line in the sand about immaturity in gaming.  In an industry which reveres many of the endless Mario games that have come out the past 20+ years with little to no evolution in game design or character development it seems really odd to single out Duke Nukem for condemnation.  2K and Gearbox didn't mislead anyone into thinking this game was anything but the same character, humor and game style as the old game (much like Serious Sam and Painkiller which scored significantly higher). 
Don't get me wrong, this is hardly a great game - the little I've played have me thinking it would end up being a 3 star game in my book, but the knee-jerk vitriol and feigned surprise at what this game is feels arbitrary and contrived.  Misogeny and bad, tasteless humor are hardly unique to this title...
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Mushi

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Edited By Mushi

I wonder if this game is worth getting from a collectors standpoint? I guess it depends on how many copies they printed. Thinking about it .... 
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aldo_q

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Edited By aldo_q
I fully understand where this review is coming from. But I do think one group of people have been overlooked. I admit it's a small group but I do think dnf is great for people like me. Who have been longing for an old school shooter on a modern console. I personally love al the old things Jeff mentioned as bad things. I missed it a lot over the years. Only serious Sam was somewhat keeping the old shooter mechanics alive. The uncomplicated shooting and the odd ways of navigating through a level. The humor is also something that is a welcome come back to shooters for me. I actually do not think the game takes itself serious at all. It's clear to me that duke is the joke in the end. But he's just to cool to see it :) so I would say if you miss the old ways this also is a great game for you. Not just to see what happens but just to get that uncomplicated fun schooter experience agai . Without it either being a blockbuster action movie or too realistic. Just uncomplicated b movie quality :)
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LackLuster

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Edited By LackLuster

great review there was no way this game could have been good, I was hoping it was at least going to be interesting.

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Edited By crithon

  

It's good to read this review after this
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deactivated-5865c6a5c9438

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I think I want to experience the trainwreck. I went back and played both bloodrayne games recently and I am ready for some more bad games.

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Edited By FrankCastle

Insert Jeff/Bad review/Gamespot joke here. 

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gzl5000

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Edited By gzl5000
@Lind_L_Taylor said:

fuck you. I was playing Nukem after college & enjoyed
the hell out of it.
 

I'm impressed you finished college at such a young age.
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popmasterruler

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Edited By popmasterruler
@crithon
 
Indeed Jeff's greatest moment
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Sandwichbull

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Edited By Sandwichbull

I just dont or can't agree with Jeff's review. The quick look wasnt even very good at all. Seriously, what do you guys want? I'm not here to troll, but, i'm so displeased with some of the reviews coming out lately. How can you JEFF seriously slam this game the way you have, when you loved games like Borderlands?    
 
The shooting sections in this game are very fun, very satisfying. The level design isn't boring, its diverse. The filth, bad one liners and source material referenced are what makes DUKE NUKEM WHAT DUKE DUKEM IS!  
 
I don't know what game you guys are playing, but I'm playing Duke Nukem Forever and I love it. Comparing graphics and slamming them is sad..... have you looked at whats coming out? Ohhh lets see, um MINECRAFT for example? That game is great, but, there isn't major high polished graphics in that. Its almost Wolfenstein 3d graphics, yet, its fun.  
 
So, hopefully, people will take this game, try it out and decide for themselves. This isnt Call Of Duty. This isn't Halo. This is Duke Nukem. While there is flaws and issues with the game performance that are unacceptable, the game is a riot, start to finish, well WORTH my 60 bucks. I hope Gearbox makes more of them! So do the other millions of us out there that enjoy this product.  

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GunGraveTZA

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Edited By GunGraveTZA

Honestly, I don't get it.
 
I understand if people call it dated or with bad visuals or with poor shooting mechanics, but boring?
 
I cannot see how anybody can find this game boring apart from the driving and puzzle sections.

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LemonJoose

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Edited By LemonJoose

To each his own.  I know Jeff is being honest in his opinion.  But reading this and a lot of the other DNF reviews gives me the sense that some reviewers are losing their funny bone as they get older.  If Duke's humor seems too juvenile, crude and misogynistic I think reviewers are missing the joke -- Duke himself is a parody and always has been.  If find Duke's boob-ogling, poop-throwing, over-the-top, narcissistic humor funnier than all the gross skillshot names and dick references that Epic games could come up with for Bulletstorm, although that game is to be commended for at least trying to inject some irreverent humor back into shooters.  What I find more disturbing than DNF's boob and poop jokes is all of the complete gorefest games being released lately with absolutely no humor to temper the fetishization of the violence.  I'm referring to games like Mortal Kombat, Left 4 Dead, Dead Island and The Darkness.  Yet the reviewers fawn over these types of humorless torture-porn slaughterhouse games.

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Darkpeing

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Edited By Darkpeing

this is just sad.

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SgtFopper

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Edited By SgtFopper

I love that game in every second! Good choice to boy if you're really Duke freak like me! :)

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Motherfucker

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Edited By Motherfucker

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

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otzlowe

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Edited By otzlowe
@LemonJoose said:

To each his own.  I know Jeff is being honest in his opinion.  But reading this and a lot of the other DNF reviews gives me the sense that some reviewers are losing their funny bone as they get older.  If Duke's humor seems too juvenile, crude and misogynistic I think reviewers are missing the joke -- Duke himself is a parody and always has been.  If find Duke's boob-ogling, poop-throwing, over-the-top, narcissistic humor funnier than all the gross skillshot names and dick references that Epic games could come up with for Bulletstorm, although that game is to be commended for at least trying to inject some irreverent humor back into shooters.  What I find more disturbing than DNF's boob and poop jokes is all of the complete gorefest games being released lately with absolutely no humor to temper the fetishization of the violence.  I'm referring to games like Mortal Kombat, Left 4 Dead, Dead Island and The Darkness.  Yet the reviewers fawn over these types of humorless torture-porn slaughterhouse games.

The conclusion you've come to here is kind of drastic. "Torture-porn"? Really?
 
I'm not going to say that grotesque over-the-top violence isn't with a moral double-take, but you seem to be entirely flying past the fact that modern sensibilities might preference gritty "realism" (so to speak), as opposed to silly, crude humor. Two of those games are zombie games (and if you think Left 4 Dead has no humor, you've never played it, same goes for MK) which, realistically, would probably not be horribly funny. Pardon some people for wanting to feel even a modicum of the stress that a scenario like that would bring, without the blow being softened by a dumb joke. That doesn't make it torture-porn.
That said, Jeff suggests plenty of things that would take the crude humor out of its vacuum and actually have it be something bigger. I don't at all think that is an indication that he, nor anyone else, is losing their funny bone. I think that all it means is that what we want from humor has changed in the last thirteen years, which isn't really all that weird.
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leejunfan83

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Edited By leejunfan83

all of the reviews take this shit to seriously they completely miss the point this is plain old dumb fun it nothing wrong with that 

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von_OberWurst

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Edited By von_OberWurst

I love the game. Jeff and Ryan must have been in a bad mood. The video says it all. Jeff has a cold and is grumpy like an old man. Ryan is trying to be grumpy (is he secretly enjoying the game?). Did they forget to drink their coffee that morning?
 
 Sure, the game has flaws, but is in no way broken (the pc version anyway). The graphics is not top notch, but its not ugly either. I was looking forward to playing the sequel to DN3D, and guess what, thats what I got.... nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I am a happy camper. 
 
PS: Ryan, the graphics is far better in the PC version. Plz, take off the no-hat and put on the yes-hat for at bit.

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bulldog300

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Edited By bulldog300

Well it's obvious that the developers thought 'Hey, this game has been in development for 15 years. People aren't going to expect much and most are just going to buy it to see how the tale of Forever ends.' The sad reality is that they should have figured out the second the re-green lighted it is that the industry has changed, and now people expect a lot more bang for their buck. 
 
I hope they make another duke, and I hope it is culturally relevant and not politically correct, but polished and at least somewhat competent in humor and gameplay. GTA manages to be both offensive and loved, so it is far from impossible.

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Gritzor

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Edited By Gritzor

I actually did really enjoy this game. Wasn't a revolutionary game, but I wasn't expecting it to. I was expecting it to be a hell of a fun time and it was.

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TornadoCreator

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Edited By TornadoCreator

The video won't fucking play, how can you fuck this up Giant Bomb, I've tried 3 different browsers. YouTube, MegaVideo and Blip.tv can get it right, what's your excuse?

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HURRyDURRy

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Edited By HURRyDURRy

When teams of people fail to walk away from this. When a man insists that it is imperative this should end up on the publics lap. When if after supposed years of development and even the videos have little to wow anyone, 
 
you know that there is something terribly wrong

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CouncilSpectre

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Edited By CouncilSpectre

Can't wait for the sequel! I'll be 53.