Quick Look: 5 Star Wrestling

That "eagle noise" that @jeff refers to is actually a Red Tailed Hawk, It is constantly being substituted for an eagle call because most eagles sound like dumb idiots. Especially Sam The Eagle, fuck that guy.

all of the knockoff themes are amazing!

they are mostly on the game's soundcloud. The Kurt Angle knockoff is probably the best one.

this looks uh, bad. but at least the matches can be over quickly, unlike in the thq games when they took fucking forever. also this music is funny. those load times, tho

I don't know about Jeff, but Dan did a Test Chamber for Wrestling Revolution back when he was at GI. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0uRVCvXw1o

oh my god, 19:00. i burst out laughing

@gardamis: Ha! High five me bro!

Should wrestlers talk?

Wrestlers were infants who said "fuck life" as they came out the birth canal.

Is the announcer for this game Kermit the frog?

This is Ole Anderson's favorite game. Not even when he brought in RoboCop or The Black Scorpion, could he come up with something like a wrestler beating another wrestler through the fucking ring. I don't think I've ever broken out into such a laugh that had me instantly crying. Oh that was great.

I'm constantly embarrassed when Dan goes on about wrestling with child-like glee like it's something cool. And disappointed in Jeff as he should know better.

Jeff's hatred of Brock Lesnar is something I'll never understand.

Bah Gawd King, Gregg Hearty just performed a Stage Fatality on Harvee Dee!

This should be an "Unfinished", except it can't be.

Man, Jeff could not have sounded less interested, less enthusiastic, or less out of it than he did in this QL. Long gone, it seems, are the days where he would MST3K his way through a video of a bad game.

Or maybe he was just having a shit day, who knows.

...Who is cheering in that empty gym?

Shrug. You're the one missing out.

I wasn't sure about this video until Macaulay Culkin showed up. Now I just want to watch wrestling....damn you.

I guess we finally learned a way to make Dan feel bad. Compare him unfavorably to Vince Russo. I knew Dan would over book PAXW the second he got his hands on it.

@sessh: off the top of my head, once JBL won a cage match by being choke slammed through the floor. Since he touched the floor he technically won.

Smashing someone through the ring and... buh-gawwww, that man had a family.

That slap sound byte is excellent. Not many of those around anymore.

These guys are awesome for trying to do this, but a well animated, well executed, wrestling game with a good sized roster is a lot for a small team to do.

Man, this game makes you appreciate the 2K series even more. Even with their faults, at least it looks good and has a realistic atmosphere. This game is total garbage despite it having some cool ideas. It looks like a PS2 game and animates like one, too.

Do you not pay attention when they constantly talk about it being dumb, stupid, but loveable and a passion they have? I totally get why you don't like it, but liking wrestling is no different than being a huge fan of anime or video games, even. It has its own culture and yes, I understand it might be overbearing at times — but really, that's a Dan problem not a wrestling problem.

You don't "get" wrestling, which is understandable because it is certainly it's own thing, but don't act like it's embarrassing when Dan does plenty of other (more) embarrassing things. Not to mention this is a wrestling game Quick Look so not like it's unexpected they'd talk about wrestling the way they do.

@legendarychopchop: I agree entirely. But the way Dan inject wrestling into almost every bit of content grows real tiring.

Ok I had to put this Quick Look on hold while I watched this video. Nice find!

Oh and yeah, Fa-KeEODa -

The funniest thing about this is, yes, this is worse than the official WWE games, clearly. But that distinction is mostly academic, because all wrestling games are fucking garbage that wouldn't fly if people didn't have an affection for the characters or the sport. No Mercy is one of the "good" ones, yes? It seriously doesn't look (as in conveying the feeling of wrestling, not graphically, of course) or play any better than that Gaelic Games Hurling Danny showed off on gamespot's St. Patrick's Day show.

Bad game, but we got a Dan Story, so it's a net gain.

Ick, even as a funny aside to wrestling fans, this is a rough one to justify. I'm surprised they managed to play it for that long.

Dan's story about himself at 14 years old trying to get backstage to wrestling shows with a "press-pass" and lying about being related to Shawn Michaels is amazing.

This is looks like some real hot garage

Oh god, I did E-fedding for a few years when I was a teenager.

Have Dan or Jeff ever tried the Adam Ryland wrestling business simulators? They're not really video games. They're text-based games that have you running a wrestling company, putting together shows and competing with other companies.

Dan Rykert the Vince Russo of video games!!! The rip off music is the best part of this game.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huns.

I suppose the ps3 is entering that late stage where everything passes certification.

Wrestling Quick Looks are always good for a laugh. Especially when they're busted.

When the guy fell through the ring I lost my shit.

We're still waiting for that wrestling game that simulates the performance-art of wrestling. And no, Jeff wasn't the guy who came up with the idea, it's been discussed on wrestling game forums for years. The problem is that it may be boring to play a game where you're mimicking getting hurt or blading yourself, etc. Even if they were to have Tony Hawk style points for how well you 'take' or perform a move, it might not be fun to play.

Man Jeff sounds absolutely miserable when doing these videos.

It must be awful to have to play and review video games for a living.

I feel like I'm watching an episode of Xavier Renegade Angel

Jeff: "The loading times are kind of horrendous"

....so it's an improvement over the officially licensed WWE games, then?

@lowestformofwit: video games are toys for children, but wrestling? that's too immature.

I know Jeff's been down on wrestling for a good long time, but this feels like the first time where he's truly just fucking tired of it.

@metalmoog: Yeah actually, it kind of does suck.

Think about this cool fun thing you do whenever you want to, except now its your job and you have to do it everyday, then you have to write a 2-3 page review on it otherwise you don't get paid.

Wow, that unlock cost on the different match types. Ridiculous.

How was the tagline for this video not, "OH DEAR GOD"?