TimeSplitters: Future Perfect (Game)

TimeSplitters: Future Perfect

GAME » on March 21, 2005

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The third and final installment of the TimeSplitters trilogy, putting players back into the role of a futuristic soldier attempting to end humanity's war with the time-travelling "TimeSplitters".

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Overview

It's time to split!

TimeSplitters: Future Perfect is a sci-fi first-person shooter developed by Free Radical and published by EA Games (Company) for the PlayStation 2, Xbox, and GameCube in both North America (on March 21, 2005) and Europe (on March 24, 2005).

The third and final installment of the TimeSplitters (Franchise) trilogy, Future Perfect further revamps the game's main campaign and multiplayer options, introducing online multiplayer to the series.

The story is set directly after the events of TimeSplitters 2 (Game), where 25th-century soldier Sgt. Cortez has evacuated the self-destructing space station of the hostile alien "TimeSplitters". After recovering the Time Crystals, he is tasked with traveling through time and space himself to find a way to stop the TimeSplitters once and for all. Unlike the previous game, Future Perfect has Cortez (now with full voice acting) reprising his role throughout the whole game, with the co-op partner being deuteragonists who aid him throughout his adventure (such as 1920's adventurer Captain Ash (Character), 1960's detective Harry Tipper (Character), 1990's high-schooler Jo-Beth Casey, 21st century spy Amy Chen (Character), and 23rd century robot R-110).

The game later received a digital release by Deep Silver (Company) as a PS2 Classics (Concept) title for the PlayStation 5 (Platform) and PlayStation 4 (Platform) on August 20, 2024. The Xbox version was also made backwards-compatible with the Xbox Series X|S and Xbox One (Platform) on November 15, 2021.

Story Mode

Time to Split, 2401 - Co-op partner is Pvt. Hicks.
Scotland the Brave, 1924 - Co-op partner is Captain Ash.
The Russian Connection, 1969 - Co-op partner is Harry Tipper.
The Khallos Express, 1969 - Co-op partner is Harry Tipper.
Mansions of Madness, 1994 - Co-op partner is Jo-Beth Casey.
What Lies Below, 1994 - Co-op partner is Jo-Beth Casey.
Breaking and Entering, 2502 - Co-op partner is Amy Chen.
You Genius, U-Genix, 2052 - Co-op partner is Amy Chen.
Machine Wars, 2243 - Co-op partner is R-110.
Something to Crow About, 2243 - Co-op partner is R-110.
You Take the High Road, 1924 - Co-op partner is R-110.
The Hooded Man, 2401 - Co-op partner is Pvt. Hicks.
Future Perfect, 1924 - Co-op partner is R-110.

Arcade Mode

The series's standard Arcade mode returns, featuring customizable multiplayer

Leagues

The game includes 27 total single-player League missions in Arcade mode, each split into three "Leagues" of three groups each. Completing each mission, along with earning higher-grade medals in each mission, can unlock new characters and cheats.

Each mission takes place on a particular map, game mode, and weapon loadout, with players as a particular character.

Amateur

One Gun Fun (Rockets 101, Big Game Hunt, Divine Immolation)
Nightstick (Commuting Will Kill You, Toy Soldiers, Dam Cold Out Here!)
On The Take (Vamping in Venice, Pirate Gold, Virtual Brutality)

Honorary

Dead Weight (A Pox of Mox, Rumble in the Jungle, Freak Unique)
Fever Pitch (Outbreak Hotel, Missile Bunker, Bag Slag)
Mode Madness (I Like Dead People, Zany Zeppelin, Lip Up Fatty)

Elite

Smash 'N Grab (Screw Loose, Oh Shoal-o-mio, Astro Jocks)
Group Therapy (Zone Control, Front Loaded, Old Blaggers)
Retro Chique (The Dead, The Bad and The Silly, Ninja Garden, Sock it to Them)

Custom Arcade

The Custom Arcade mode allows players to set up their own crazy game modes for multiplayer matches. The matches can be played Split Screen with or without bots and online (though the online mode is more limited). Players can customize numerous options, including general difficulty, bot characters and their difficulty, the weapons present on the map and their hierarchy along with numerous options for scoring matches. The amount of options the player is able to change, along with the use of the map maker and custom maps, makes TimeSplitters: Future Perfect a very customizable FPS, particular for the consoles.

Multiplayer maps included in the game are:

Vietnam - A large, natural, open area set in the sunset of Vietnam. Features as one of the assault levels.
Hotel - A mostly indoors level, the Hotel has been abandoned by all but the undead it seems.
Venice - Classic architecture setting, complete with indoor areas, outdoor areas and a river.
Temple - Captain Ash's stomping ground, a throwback to the Aztec level of TS2.
Disco - Welcome to the Big Tipper, Harry Tipper's swinging club.
Subway - Complete with a switch to send trains down the tracks, crushing unsuspecting enemies.
Zeppelin - Fight thousands of feet in the air, just don't go on top and accidentally fall off.
Mars Prison - In the future, prisons are on Mars and are always used for the occasional deathmatch. Features as one of the assault levels.
Siberia - Features multiple bunkers and towers, this time set atop the dam on the frozen lake.
Bunker - A super secret bunker. Tight corridors and small rooms.
VR - A VR training simulation. Features two distinct sides with a large divide in between them. Features as one of the assault levels.
Spaceport - A Spaceport with a large center landing pad.
Chinese - The original classic map, now with an extra tunnel.
Mexican Mission - Returning from TS2 with some slight improvements, this fan favorite map is still as frantic as ever.
Training Ground - This classic Assault/Capture the Bag map returns, minus turrets.

Challenge Mode

Similar to Arcade Leagues, the game features a single-player Challenge mode with several curated missions. There are 21 total missions, split into 7 groups. Completing each mission, along with earning higher-grade medals in each mission, can unlock new characters and cheats.

Behead The Undead (Brain Drain, Rare or Well Done?, Boxing Clever) - A wave-based horde mode where you fight undead monsters (sometimes requiring a decapitation), scoring points based on kills, combos, and wave bonuses.
Cut-Out Shoot-Out (Hart Attack, Come Hell or High Water, Balls of Steel) - A timed mode where you shoot cardboard targets that present themselves while avoiding shooting friendly targets.
Cat Driving (The Cat's out of the Bag!, Lap it Up, The Cat's Pajamas) - A "racing" mini-game where you drive Khallos' remote-controlled cat Strudel around a multi-lap course as fast as you can.
Super Smashing Great (Avec Le Brique, Absolutely Potty, Don't Lose Your Bottle) - Break objects (from plates and glass, to stone pots and beer bottles) scattered throughout the level as fast as you can.
TimeSplitters "Story" Classic (Queen of Harts, Sammy Hammy Namby Pamby, Glimpse of Stocking) - Similar to the Story mode of the original TimeSplitters (Game), run through a level while battling enemies in order to find a target object and reach the exit, all as fast as you can.
Monkeying Around (Electro Chimp Discomatic, Melon Heist, Brass Monkeys) - A trio of mini-games centered around the series's signature simians, from keeping dancing cyborg monkeys powered-up, to sniping melons held by walking monkeys, to monkey curling.
Miscellaneous Challenges (Cortez Can't Jump!, TSUG: TimeSplitters Undergound, Plainly Off His Rocker) - A trio of other uncategorized challenges, ranging from using the Temporal Uplink to propel "balls" to goals, to controlling two separate wall-mounted turrets at once to shoot waves of TimeSplitters, to shooting down planes with a mounted machine gun.

Weapons

Here is a list of the weapons included in TimeSplitters: Future Perfect.

Baseball Bat (Object)
Brick (Object)
Pistol 9MM (Single or dual wield)
Kruger 9MM (Single or dual wield)
LX-18 (Single or dual wield)
Sci-fi Handgun (Single or dual wield)
Revolver (Object)
Injector
Mag-Charger
Flamethrower (Object)
Machine Gun (Object) (Single or dual wield)
K-SMG (Single or dual wield)
Shotgun (Object)
Dispersion Gun
Tactical 12-Gauge
Soviet Rifle
Harpoon Gun
Electrotool
Plasma Autorifle
SBP500
Minigun
Rocket Launcher (Object)
Heatseeker
Ghost Gun
Sci-fi Sniper
Vintage Rifle
Sniper Rifle
Flare Gun (Single or dual wield)
Proximity Mines (Object)
Remote Mines (Object)
Timed Mines
Grenades
Plasma Grenades

Story

Sergeant Cortez (Character) is back. Picking up immediately after the events of TimeSplitters 2 (Game), Cortez crashes his ship back down on to earth, where he is able to return the Time Crystals to a character referred to as "The General". Now the Time Crystals are in human possession, it's time for them to mount an offensive. By traveling through time, Cortez and his comrades plan on finding the source of the TimeSplitter scourge and stopping their plans before they can ever begin. Cortez finds that a Dr. Jacob Crow had created the TimeSplitters and sets out on a mission to destroy him and his plans.

The games story takes you through 13 levels and 6 different time zones. There are spoilers in this section.

Time to Split, 2401

You start the game hanging upside down from your crashed ride. A human guard helps you to your feet and pleads that you get moving fast. Apparently, the Splitters have been stirred up by your return and you must fight through them as well as a parade of mysterious ninja-esque foes of unknown origin on the way to the base. The content of the mission is mostly designed to warm you up to the controls of the game. Once you get inside, warm greetings are exchanged between Cortez, Anya, and The General but its not long before you are geared up, given an arm-mounted time device / PDA (Object) and sent back in time to regain control of the time crystals. Time to split.

Scotland the Brave, 1924

Cortez appears in the air a few feet from a boat near an island found to have massive time fluctuations and, as such, is rumored to have a large deposit of time crystals somewhere on it. Cortez boards the boat, commandeered by Captain Ash (Character), and accidentally sets the scene ablaze with cannons when he fires the Captain's flare gun at a sniper. The flare was a signal for the nearby naval fleet to begin bombardment. Captain Ash offers aid to Cortez in exchange for his help in finding the Jungle Queen, who was imprisoned on the island. This level features the first wormhole where Cortez helps himself out by going back in time a few minutes, giving himself the key to a locked door. After singing the island fortress and finding his way down to the cellar, Cortez encounters Jacob Crow (Character), the game's primary antagonist. Before Cortez can so much as speak to Crow, he hastily grabs a bunch of items from a nearby desk and teleports away. A postcard with Crow's picture gives Cortez coordinates for his next jump.

The Russian Connection, 1969

This level begins at night on the outskirts of a secret Russian military base. Cortez runs into Harry Tipper (Character), an international man of mystery (whose mannerisms and voice are nothing like the TimeSplitters 2 character of the same name). Harry's nemesis, Khallos, has kidnapped his girlfriend Kitten Celeste (Character) as well as jacked a nuclear missile from the French. It's up to him to get there in the nick of time and save the world. Khallos has struck a deal with Crow, giving Crow a small army in exchange for the prospect of eternal life. Using stealth rather than brute force and classic spy techniques rather than common sense, Cortez and Tipper infiltrate the base, disguise themselves as guards, and narrowly miss both Khallos and Crow who board a train carrying the nuke.

The Khallos Express, 1969

Kitten Celeste is tied on the railroad tracks, a nuclear warhead is about blast off, and Crow is getting away. Time is of the essence as Cortez weaves his way through the cars of a speeding train. Another wormhole opens up on the train to allow Cortez to take out a helicopter; his future self hits the copter with missiles and his former self keeps guards off his back. The level introduces a puzzle game very similar to Pipe Dream (Game) to disarm the nuke. Cortez dispatches Khallos on top of the train and races to the engineer's car to put the brakes down. Celeste is left uninjured and the world is saved. During the train mission, Anya does some research into Jacob Crow's whereabouts and traces him to a haunted mansion in the 90's. Time to split.

Mansion Of Madness, 1994

Cortez and Jo-Beth explore the Mansion of Madness.

The scene opens with Jo-Beth Casey, resident photographer/ slut (according to her T-shirt) about to enter the mysterious house on the block. She is startled by Cortez, who jumps in behind her. They decide to go inside the mansion through the front door, a decision that traps them inside only moments later as lightning strikes a tree which blocks the way back out. This level is loaded with horror and paranormal themes from ghosts to possessed corpses to maniacal scientists and everything in-between. The double-barrel shotgun is the prominent weapon throughout this mission, effective for blasting off zombie heads. Jo-Beth and Cortez make their way through all of the nightmarish obstacles until they reach the basement, where the first of the two mansion mission ends.

What Lies Below, 1994

After jumping down a hole of questionable grounding (Jo-Beth Casey looks for another way around), Cortez proceeds through a catacombs, fighting enemies similar to those found topside. A notable addition to the enemy list is the mimic, a Jo-Beth lookalike that rushes you in melee combat. Cortez finds the actual Jo-Beth suspended from the ceiling by her leg being batted by zombies. She gets down and they proceed together into a secret underground laboratory where scientists have been busy attempting to unlock immortality and instead have been making horribly deformed creatures. The two actually run into Crow, but Cortez falls down a trap door into a mine cart. After a short rail shooter sequence, Cortez meets his future self again, this time tasked with traversing a cavern with his former self shooting zombies and his future self shooting ghosts with a newly (and rather inexplicably) allocated Ghost Gun. They exchange pleasantries, then go their different ways. Jo-Beth is found suspended upside down again, this time ready to be eaten by a giant skeletal dinosaur creature. Dispatched. Cortez and Jo-Beth race to Crow's office, but he's already left once again. Thankfully, his computer is loaded with information about his intentions. The temporary duo bust out of the mansion in time to watch an older version of Crow give his younger self a time device. The chase begins again.

Breaking and Entering, 2052

The first taste of an urban environment takes place on the rooftop of the U-Genix Corporation headquarters, a company found to be headed by a one Jacob Crow. While scoping out the roof, Cortez spots Amy Chen (Character), a current-time spy looking into Crow's affairs as well. Cortez follows her in. The first half of the level is predominantly oriented around sneaking past guards and subverting security systems, mostly through the use of the Mag Charger--a sniper rifle that both allows the player to see electrical circuits and shut them down in a single shot. The stealthier component of the mission ends when Cortez meets up with Chen. They battle together to Crow's main office, where Chen downloads a huge number of records from the U-Genix database, including information about yet another secret underground base. The two fight their way to the elevator, and the first of the two U-Genix missions ends.

You Genius, U-Genix, 2052

Once both Cortez and Chen make it to the basement (they take separate trips), they begin to make their way through the security overladen underground complex. This sequence has an odd flavor because it encourages stealthy maneuvers but the game doesn't really punish the player for just shooting everybody either; to each his own. Instead of breeding zombies like the Brotherhood of Ultra-Science did in Mansion of Madness, U-Genix creates extremely hostile mutants that are resilient to bullet fire but will explode if hit with a medicine-filled dart. Yet another wormhole opens up to let Cortez through an otherwise uncrackable security system. This time, four Cortezes team up to battle robots and solve puzzles in tandem. Once this mayhem ends, Cortez catches up with Crow yet again but this Crow doesn't actually know who Cortez is. Unfortunately, Cortez blows it by explaining Crow's own time scheme to him. Suddenly, the younger Crow from Mansion of Madness shows up and gives the older Crow the time device. He promptly makes his escape.

Machine Wars, 2243

Zooming forward to the Robot Wars, Cortez's expedition leads him to another of Crow's installations, this time the one responsible for cranking out the robust R-100 robot series. After forcibly befriending one such robot by "haywiring" it, Cortez begins pushing back the other robots with a couple of human resistance fighters. They command a tank, get ID implants to circumvent security checkpoints and proceed to siege the front gates of Crow's complex. Cortez teams up with himself to commandeer both the main gun and antiaircraft cannon of a tank during the mission and also pilots a giant destroyer mech.

Something to Crow About, 2243

Cortez and R-110 (his robot friend) take an elevator down to the ground floor of the manufacturing complex. Very soon after, Cortez uploads some schematics for the complex from a computer and Anya realizes that Crow is responsible for the creation of the TimeSplitters. If this facility were destroyed, the TimeSplitter army should never come into existence. Subsequently, the shutdown of the TimeSplitter breeding chamber becomes the top priority of the mission. Much robot combat ensues. After taking down the power grid, Cortez then hunts down Crow in his private quarters, only to find that he has been horribly mutated and grafted to a complex mobile apparatus. Cortez fights Crow seemingly to the death, but Crow teleports back to the island fortress from the first mission. Chase is given with the hope of ending this roundabout once and for all.

You Take The High Road, 1924

Cortez takes a trip back to 1924, but this time he realizes why he didn't find the crystals. Crow was mining the crystals well underneath the island, using a large submarine to reach the mine. For what is the last time, I swear, Cortez makes his way underground in search of this mine. He finds much more than he bargained for, discovering a subterranean city brimming with the workers conscripted from Khallos's army. He makes his way through this very vertically integrated society until he stumbles upon a meeting of Time Assassins being briefed for a mission against Cortez himself. Cortez realizes that the enemies who attacked him when he first crashed near the base were these assassins. He disguises himself as one of them and follows them through a wormhole to 2401, hoping to foil their plot.

The Hooded Man, 2401

To avoid a time paradox, Cortez fends off the Time Assassins attacking his former self in the canyon pass of the very first level. In the process, he destroys an attacking mothership and initiates several events that the game made you believe you were responsible for in the first level. After he finishes his task, he travels back to the mine in 1924.

Future Perfect, 1924

The final mission has two components and is quite short; Cortez puts a raw hunk of crystal into Crow's time machine to destroy it, and Cortez finally kills Crow. Cortez initially finds Crow to be too difficult an adversary to fight alone so he enlists the help of none other than himself. With the combined firepower of two Cortez's, Crow is defeated and his paradoxical reign of tyranny ends. The collapse of the time machine complete obliterates the island where the time crystals lay, burying it forever. When Cortez makes it back to his present day. The world immediately changes from a barren wasteland torn by conflict into a beautiful haven at last. The Time Wars are over. It would be pretty hard for them to do a sequel.

Characters

TimeSplitters: Future Perfect sets a new bar for the amount of characters included in the series, with 150 total playable characters to choose from in standard Arena mode (67 of which are unlocked from the start).

Each character now has four different attributes: Speed, Stamina, Shock Proof, and Fire Proof. Most playable characters have a stat-line of 5/8 across-the-board, with some having different movement speed, health, and resistance to certain types of weaponry.

Cortez - Space Marine extraordinaire.
Henchman Cortez - The man himself, looking sharp in his banana boots.
Dr. Cortez - There's a joke somewhere here about bald men in roll-neck sweaters...I can't....quite...remember it...
Time Assassin Cortez - Black with buckles, leather straps and a hood! How cool is that? Bound to impress the chicks unless, of course, you get the eye hole misaligned and trip over a coffee table.
Captain Ash (Character) - On returning from his Amazonian adventures, the esteemed Captain Ash has been enjoying traditional hospitality in bonny Scotland. Although with the company of the Jungle Queen during those dark Celadonian nights it's been less of the Robbie Burns and more of the carpet variety...
Harry Tipper (Character) - Very special agent Tipper. Licensed to chill and the grooviest cat in town.
Swinging Tipper - Harry, or should that be Harriet? I think your mustache is showing - perhaps it needs a trim...
Jo-Beth Casey - F'Sure.
Amy Chen (Character) - Amy is actually really sweet...It's just that everyone seems to get on her bad side...
Dr. Amy - The only way you'll ever get Amy out of her regulation leggings is to wave a designer outfit in front of her.
R-110 - This seasons model from the popular R-100 series of war robots.
Victorian Crow - Crow in all his steam-powered Victorian anachronistic splendour. Oh yes, those were the days! The British empire, unparalleled industrial might small boys climbing up chimneys and tins of condensed milk.
Karma Crow - Everyone assumed it was a wig, but actually that long flowing hair is all his.
Jacob Crow (Character) - Jacob Crow, at the outset of his twisted career. Happy carefree days when his idea of fun was playing with cadavers and injecting green phosphorescent fluids into cats' eyeballs.
Mad Old Crow - What can you say? He's crazy as a coot and daft as a brush.
Anya - So you think physics is boring? You've never been to one of Anya's night classes.
Captain Fitzgerald - Fitzgerald's always first writing poetry in any kind of trench warfare situation.
Nobby Peters - Nobby's always first getting a brew on in any kind of trench warfare situation.
Sapper Johnson - Johnson's always first getting dug-in in any kind of trench warfare situation.
Tommy Jenkins - Tommy's always first over the top in any kind of trench warfare situation.
Ivor Baddic - It's not easy keeping discipline on a small island.
Pulov Yuran - It's not easy keeping discipline on a small island.
Comrade Papadov - It's not easy keeping discipline on a small island.
Warrant Officer Cain - Warrant Officer Cain is in charge of the keys to the castle cellars - he's a very popular man.
Warrant Officer Keely - Warrant Officer Keely is in charge of the safe where the keys to the castle cellars are kept - she's a very popular lady.
Deep Diver - When they're not busy polishing their helmets, the Deep Divers like to go all the way down.
Jungle Queen - The Jungle Queen has taken to her new life in the Scottish Highlands like a true native. She has been amazing Captain Ash with her amazing talents for fly fishing and tossing the caber and he's never had his bagpipes played quite like that before. Och-aye the noo!
Robot Louis Stevenson - Away from the pressures of his day job, this multitalented mechanical marvel of the modern age likes to let off steam writing romantic potboilers. Unfortunately, like many Victorian authors, he is afflicted by a compulsive vice, in his case an unshakable coke habit...
John Smith - Working in Crow's mines can be very hazardous to your health - John needs a special mask just to protect his mustache.
Jim Smith - John and Jim can often be found working together in the submarine docks - they're dual welders.
Fergal Stack - Fergal is oft to be found in the warehouse quietly amusing himself by stacking boxes whilst wearing a silly hat.
Khallos - Or Archibald Granville Khallos as he'd rather you didn't know. Still, it looks like his plans for taking over the world are still swinging along.
Booty Guard - That wry old devil Khallos has an elite corps of extremely personal bodyguards who attend to his special needs and maniacal whims. Only women can apply - how's that for positive discrimination and enlightened recruitment policies?
Kitten Celeste (Character) - Sometimes things get a little too hot under the collar for Harry and he needs some manual assistance from his slinky sidekick, Miss Celeste. Go get 'em tiger! Grrrrrrr!
Henchwoman - The henchwomen asked Khallos for some concessions to Woman's Lib in the workplace like maybe a Sisterhood of Ultra Science. So he burnt their brassieres and got them some mini-dresses - he's very progressive.
Elite Henchwoman - Black rubber mini-dresses - Khallos is a genius.
Henchman - Things are definitely looking up for the henchmen since the Brotherhood of Ultra Science kicked off. The introduction of a regular Khallosthenics (TM) exercise program has upped fitness levels considerable. Now, with the additional female recruits and communal changing areas, they've never had it so good!
Elite Henchman - The black costumes are back and guess what? Yep, everyone wants one because they're much hipper than powder blue. Well, everyone that is, apart from the guys who would rather be wearing the mini-dresses...
Vlad the Installer - Vlad is responsible for all the technical systems around Khallos's base. More correctly, Vlad gets a slap when anything breaks down.
Leonid - You'd be surprised how many workmen it takes to run a secret base.
Oleg - Oleg only joined Khallos's organisation because of the excellent safety record. Now he wishes he'd stayed at the steel-mill across the road.
Dr. Peabody - Dr. Peabody has never quite been the same since he signed up for one of Nurse Gulag's intensive electrotherapy spa treatments.
Nurse Gulag - Always a popular choice for flu jabs and yearly medicals amongst the Brotherhood of Ultra Science. Nurse Gulag is well respected for her strict, if somewhat unconventional, examination techniques.
The Deerhaunter - Go on, just try tying this guy to the roof rack of your sports utility vehicle.
Carrion Carcass - He may not be much to look at, but Carrion is a big hit with the ladies on account of him being so well hung.
Headsprouter - My, Mr. Headsprouter, what big teeth you have?
Mr. Fleshcage - Now that's got to sting a little. It's just not big or clever to have your flayed skin strectched taut on a wicker frame.
Clip Clamp - Autopsy, schmaw-topsy.
Crispin - Crispin's had one too many brushes with the flamethrower - even he can't remember what he used to look like...
Gideon Gout - He's dead and he doesn't even know it.
Daisy Dismay - Daisy, Daisy, I'm half crazy - just from one look at you.
Jed - Jed's dead baby.
Arthur Aching - Arthur's not really dead, he just thought it would be funny to pretend.
Gilbert Gastric - Eat brains...Eat brains...Eat brains...
Jo-Barf Creepy - Gag me with a spoon.
Gladstone - You culled m'lord - Unflappable, unswerving, and thouroughly undead, Gladstone is the ideal manservant for the discerning gentleman.
Blanche Deadwood - Proof that French polishing can give you a nasty splinter if you rub too vigorously.
Gaston Boucher - His boundin blanc are to die for and his petit fours are murderously divine. Gaston considers himself a true master of the art of French killing.
Dr, Lancet - You'ld be nervous too if you worked in the mansion.
Dr. Pustule - Physician, heal thyself! - Hmm, not much chance of that then.
Nurse Tourniquet - An excellent first aider her bandages are always tight and restrictive.
Nurse Sputum - That uniform is going to need a low temperature biological wash - even then I'm sure some of those stains still won't shift.
Leeny Oldburn - Proof, as if it were needed, that years of sticking you head inside the bass bins at heavy metal concerts will eventually take their toll.
Edwina - She's more dangerous than she looks.
Deadwina - Go on, pick her - she needs the exorcise.
Brother Bartholomew - The U-Genix research scientists try to sanitize the horrors of their twisted research by wearing designer smocks around the lab.
Sister Faith - It took six before Sister Faith could convince the other U-Genix scientists that girls like pulling the legs of spiders too. Six months, and a whole lot of spiders.
Envirosuit - He's already sweated off 5 lbs running around in that suit this afternoon. The liquid has collected in his boots and his chiropodist is going to have to deal with some nasty chaffing.
Neophyte Lucian - U-Genix office workers follow Crow's insane ravings with an almost fanatical fervour.
Neophyte Constance - Constance spends most of her expense budget on hairspray.
Security - Petty theft of pens or staplers from the U-Genix offices has been much reduced since Crow got these new securtiy guys in.
Jack Sprocket - From the humble RS232 interface lead to the latest X77 Nanotech multiplexer, Jack has all the answers. Although even he can never manage to buy the correct type of writeable DVD media.
Inceptor - Cloned from genetic samples taken from catwalk models, the Inceptors are trained to kill and look damn good while they're about it. They are naturally bald and Crow likes nothing better than to caress their smooth domes.
Inceptress - Cloned from genetic samples taken from catwalk models, the Inceptors are trained to kill and look damn good while they're about it. They are naturally bald and Crow likes nothing better than to caress their smooth domes.
The Freak - An everyday story of genetic manipulation gone wrong - at least on the bright side he's resistant to most common crop diseases.
Tin-Legs Tommy - The U-Genix sponsored soup kitchen specializes in drugged minestrone and illicit amputations.
Securidroid XP - Don't make him angry, it makes his face go all red.
The General - All The General ever really wanted was his own special robot to keep him company in those long, lonely nights...
Private Hicks - A footsoldier in the battle against the TimeSplitters.
Private Jones - A footsoldier in the battle against the TimeSplitters.
Lazarus Mumble - Lazarus excels at undercover operations. His cranial cap is resistant to Machine electro-interrogation techniques and his surgical lip-zip job almost eliminates the risk of inadvertent blabbing.
Mordecai Jones - The brave leader of the rebel forces in their battle against the machines. Mordecai can proudly trace his ancestry of fighting injustice all the way back to the Wild West.
Ghengis Kant - A complicated young chap whose interests include transcendental analysis and driving his enemies before him. He has never lost a coffee house debate on account of his fondness for placing his opponents head on spikes.
Angel Forge - You can ask her all you want - but, despite appearances, she's not actually a reall welder...
Prison Officer - Fanatical Ultra Net secruity officers can get fast-track promotions if they have cybernetic implants - Jonas has been tipped for the top.
Lt. Black - At the interview Miss Black said she's happily give her right arm to work for Ultra Net - Crow took her up on the offer and then went on better.
INSETICK SD/12 - The Machine Wars saw many fascinating technological developments. The INSETICK series of combat droids featured an innovative attachment for extracting stones from horses hooves.
INSETICK SD/10 - Identical to the INSETICK SD/12 model in all respects save the custom black paint job. Cheekily this was classed as an option in the catalogue and the manufacturers charged a hefty premium.
PROMETHEUS SD/7 - Heavy duty battledroids. Models produced after 2243 come with an electromagnetic shield installed as standard and a 12 months interest free credit package.
PROMETHEUS SK/8 - The ever popular SK limited edition of the PROMETHEUS droid. Improved traction control means less embarrasing falling over in laser firefights and the sports body kit with descrete "Turbo Big Boy" badging is guaranteed to turn heads on any post apocalyptic urban battlefield.
GOLIATH SD/9 - Need to get killed? Call 0-800-GOLIATH - All killing, all the time.
Med-Unit 6 - The Ultra Net robots thought life at the base was becomming too serious, so med-units were introduced to give the place a more jolly atmosphere.
Time Assassin - Highly trained ruthless killers with a reckless disregard for the consequences of their temporal shenanigans. These guys would quite literally kill their own father, grandfather...or any other ancestor really, they're not too fussy.
Berserker Splitter - He'll eat you before you even know he's there. That's how hard he is.
Monkey - Yep, it's still a monkey.
Cyborg Chimp - Inevitable really.
Brains - Aw bless, it's a little undead furry freak.
Ninja Monkey - Trained in the deadly art of kick-ass.
Renzo - Someone's got to go up front...may as well be the crazy one...
Goddard - Goddard always feels slightly put out that bot Renzo and Schmidt have a bit more character than him.
Schmidt - He's big, he's bad, he is your dad.
Jacque de la Morte - Spring-heeled Jacque is back and he's mad as a hatter.
Viola - CENSORED
Mr. Underwood - Mr. Underwood reckons the undead are a load of poppysticks and cockyfiddle, or is that poppycock and fiddlesticks? Anyway, if they do exist they had better watch out for the business end of his shotgun.
Sewer Zombie - When he's not bobbing in the Parisian sewers he's equally at home floating down a Venetian canal.
Undead Priest - Undead priests - an ecumenical conundrum.
Crypt Zombie - Corpses has rested for centuries in the crypts of the great Venetian churches, until the evil magic of Jacque de la Morte raised them as flesh-eating zombies, ready to carry out his every demand. You can't fault him for sticking with a winning plan...
Maiden - Two years have gone by and she's still innocent and pure - I've no idea how she manages it.
Changeling - Looks like the maiden forgot to put on her makeup this morning...
The Cropolite - A demon from another cimension, the Cropolite has been drawn to our world by the spacetime rift opened by the TimeSplitters.
Jared Slim - Jareds recently packed in the callous murdering. Nowadays he just stays home and plays Texas Holdem on-line against bored housewives. He usually loses.
Venus - Venus always keeps her shooters loaded and ready for action.
Chastity - The chic cyberpunk crime buster returns.
Ghost - Still a cyberjock, still hacking the matrix, still unsure exactly of what that means.
The Master - Nobody has managed to work out how he reconciles a philosophy of non-violence with carrying large automatic weapons but they're sure that he has a clever and well considered explanation.
Riot Officer - The NeoTokyo Riot Squad are rigorously trained, acting in all situations to control disturbances with an iron fist.
Mischief - If she asks you round to the back of the coconut shy to pull some salt water taffy - just say no.
Mr. Giggles - Mister Giggles stumbled into a small English village when he was just a boy. Although he was adopted by a loving family, he was never truly happy until he ate them and joined the circus.
Leo Krupps - Leo was once the circus lion tamer. But over the years he adopted more and more of his lions' characteristics until on morning he was found alone in the lions' cage, roaring and dribbling. He has lived as a lion ever since.
Stumpy - When Stumpy grows up he wants to be taller.
Bear - Not like that, just like that - he ain't never gonna do it without the fez on.
Kypriss - The experts are still out on this one.
Stone Golem - The secret's out - he keeps his tiny stones in his little sack.
Aztec Warrior - Modelling the latest in heavy gold jewellery, nose piercing, pudding bowl haircut and high performance athletic support, this guy cuts a mean dash through any tropical rainforrest. He's not so keen on prickly thickets though!
High Priest - Yeah? Well this dude thinks you look pretty strange too!
Dinosaur - Go on, rip it up, you extinct shakey-saurus thing you!
Braces - Looks like Braces got the last laugh - I don't see Big Tony in this game.
Handyman - Give it up people! Let's welcome him back with a big hand? Oh, ok then, let's not.
Candi Skyler - She's still got a cute butt and she's just been promoted to fleet command. Surely there's no connection?
R-One-Oh-Seven - A few deranged zealots were drawn to the Machine Wars. Poor Robert One-Oh-Seven is under the delusion that he is a carefully constructed robot sent to save the world from evil.
Calamari - There's a difference of opinion here - the Chinese Chef favours a sweet and sour sauce whilst Gaston Boucher suggests pan frying with chorizo. Calamari says they'll have to prise the gun out of his cold dead tentacles.
Corporal Hart (Character) - Cortez's old sidekick. Who knows, if she hadn't caught one in the kisser back in TimeSplitters2 she might still be around. Oh, I see, you've completed the story game so the TimeSplitters never existed and she didn't die. Well, how come there's a selectable TimeSplitter character then?
Badass Cyborg - He's still the leanest, the meanest and the badass machine-est!
Snowman - Brought to life by a child's wish, the Flying Snowman traverses time in search of death or glory - and maybe some legs too.
Robofish (Character) - Goldfish boy rides again!
Chinese Chef - The undisputed master of dim sum and char sui returns!
Gingerbread Man - Run, run as fast as you can - shotgun in hand, it's the Gingerbread Man.
Duckman Drake (Character) - He's quack and he's back! Again!
Koozer Mox - After the Meezor Mox and Ozor Mox battled each other to extinction, the Koozer Mox (who were, to be fair, playing a waiting game) took over.
Teeth Mummy - Well at least they'll be able to identify him from dentail records.
Captain Ed Shivers - It's a hrd life being a pirate, Ed is always having to beat off other seamen who are trying to get hold of his jewels and pieces of eight.
Gretel - 3rd generation incarnation of the original metal femme fatale.
Arial DaVinci - Balsa wood, PVA adhesive, twine and too much spare time.
Dozer - What is it? Don't ask me...
Sheriff Skullface - Upholding the law isn't easy when you're dead. No one takes you seriously.
The Shoal - Eat krill...eat krill...eat krill...
Hans - Everyone's favourite headshot.
Mr. Socky - Normally just an ordinary sock, when things get rough he turns into... Mr. Socky, the Psychotic Sock-Monster!
Lt. Christine Malone - Lt. Malone's impeccable arrest record is enough to make her chest swell with pride.
Eli Scrubs - Bipedal tractors are the latest must-have accessory for the cactusman-about-town.

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