Who Cares About Rainbow Six: Patriots?

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Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

Here's what I wanna see...

No Caption Provided

Lavar, Xaos, Guillermo, Woody, and Yelena are Bravo Squad, the toughest sons-a-bitches this side of the schoolyard. When a terrorist threat hits home, Bravo Squad is called in to do what they do best: knife assholes in the face, shoot rockets up their ass, and bust a cap on some muthafuckers!

Features of the game include:

  • Play single player or five player co-op campaign (because four player is for pussies) that shows the crumbling of America's library system at the hands of a nefarious terrorist organization!
  • Each squad member has their own unique skill set, and advanced training and new moves can be learned by...you guessed it...reading a muthafucking book!
  • 256 player online play on huge ass maps with gigantic mech robots from the future, because why the fuck not, bitches?
  • Karaoke Mode lets you sing along with famous Reading Rainbow songs, like "Old School Reading Rainbow Theme Song" and "New Reading Rainbow Theme Song"
  • Survival Mode globe trots you across the country to different libraries and pits you against the evil forces of a completely different terrorist organization! Save national treasures including Los Angeles Public Library, The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, Boston Public Library, New York Public Library, and the big daddy of them all - The Library of Congress!
  • Separate pre-order bonuses at six different locations unlock additional multiplayer weapons, multiplayer skins, and more!
    THREE SKINS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANNOUNCED!!!
    GAMESTOP PRE-ORDER BONUS: Geordi La Forge skin (as seen on Star Trek: The Next Generation)
    BEST BUY PRE-ORDER BONUS: Kunta Kinte skin (as seen on Roots: The Gift)
    WAL-MART PRE-ORDER BONUS: Family Guy Lavar (as seen on Family Guy)
  • Limited "READ THIS!" Edition features a 1:1 scale bust of Lavar Burton's head!
  • Coming to Xbox 360, PS3, and PC 2012

***UPDATE***

All fully paid pre-orders for the game at any location will get you a free copy of the new downloadable update, Contraversial!!! Co-directed by George Lucas, Contraversial updates a classic like you've never seen it before...because you can barely see shit due to all the tasteful "updating". George Lucas made a comment on his involvement with the project:

As a long-time fan of Contra, I looked at the technology that we had available to us at Lucasfilm and ILM and said "if I can replace the guns in the hands of people in E.T., why don't I just replace the guns with black bars in Contra?" It was like a stroke of genius that only I can have. I think gamers will find this new and fascinating way a pure thrill to play through.

Also confirmed was a cameo from Giant Bomb editor Brad Shoemaker. He will play the head of a tree that photobombs some dirt.

Avatar image for jakob187
#1 Edited by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

Here's what I wanna see...

No Caption Provided

Lavar, Xaos, Guillermo, Woody, and Yelena are Bravo Squad, the toughest sons-a-bitches this side of the schoolyard. When a terrorist threat hits home, Bravo Squad is called in to do what they do best: knife assholes in the face, shoot rockets up their ass, and bust a cap on some muthafuckers!

Features of the game include:

  • Play single player or five player co-op campaign (because four player is for pussies) that shows the crumbling of America's library system at the hands of a nefarious terrorist organization!
  • Each squad member has their own unique skill set, and advanced training and new moves can be learned by...you guessed it...reading a muthafucking book!
  • 256 player online play on huge ass maps with gigantic mech robots from the future, because why the fuck not, bitches?
  • Karaoke Mode lets you sing along with famous Reading Rainbow songs, like "Old School Reading Rainbow Theme Song" and "New Reading Rainbow Theme Song"
  • Survival Mode globe trots you across the country to different libraries and pits you against the evil forces of a completely different terrorist organization! Save national treasures including Los Angeles Public Library, The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, Boston Public Library, New York Public Library, and the big daddy of them all - The Library of Congress!
  • Separate pre-order bonuses at six different locations unlock additional multiplayer weapons, multiplayer skins, and more!
    THREE SKINS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANNOUNCED!!!
    GAMESTOP PRE-ORDER BONUS: Geordi La Forge skin (as seen on Star Trek: The Next Generation)
    BEST BUY PRE-ORDER BONUS: Kunta Kinte skin (as seen on Roots: The Gift)
    WAL-MART PRE-ORDER BONUS: Family Guy Lavar (as seen on Family Guy)
  • Limited "READ THIS!" Edition features a 1:1 scale bust of Lavar Burton's head!
  • Coming to Xbox 360, PS3, and PC 2012

***UPDATE***

All fully paid pre-orders for the game at any location will get you a free copy of the new downloadable update, Contraversial!!! Co-directed by George Lucas, Contraversial updates a classic like you've never seen it before...because you can barely see shit due to all the tasteful "updating". George Lucas made a comment on his involvement with the project:

As a long-time fan of Contra, I looked at the technology that we had available to us at Lucasfilm and ILM and said "if I can replace the guns in the hands of people in E.T., why don't I just replace the guns with black bars in Contra?" It was like a stroke of genius that only I can have. I think gamers will find this new and fascinating way a pure thrill to play through.

Also confirmed was a cameo from Giant Bomb editor Brad Shoemaker. He will play the head of a tree that photobombs some dirt.

Avatar image for the_laughing_man
#2 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13807 posts) -

Hey looks its Geordi la forge

Avatar image for napalm
#3 Posted by Napalm (9230 posts) -

The "trailer" footage just looked like a series of context-sensitive button prompts. I mean...

...nevermind. QTEs. DONE WIT 'EM.

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#4 Posted by Agent47 (1931 posts) -

I can't believe you actually took the time to think that out and type it all...

Avatar image for thegreatguero
#5 Posted by TheGreatGuero (8881 posts) -

If that picture was legit, I would care!

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#6 Posted by DocHaus (2337 posts) -

I lol'd.

Avatar image for jakob187
#7 Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@TheGreatGuero said:

If that picture was legit, I would care!

*serious face* What's not legit about it?

(I haven't done anything with photo editing in a long time...)

Avatar image for thegreatguero
#8 Posted by TheGreatGuero (8881 posts) -

@jakob187: Oh. NOW PREORDERED! Thanks for the heads-up!

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#9 Posted by Ghostiet (5832 posts) -

Fucking pre-order bonuses, man. I just hope the books aren't included in those.

Avatar image for jakob187
#10 Edited by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@Ghostiet: I contacted Ubisoft. Rather than the usual "no comment" or "we're not speaking about that at this time", they had a pretty...interesting...response:

"FUCK YEAH WHAT THE SHIT WERE Y'ALL 'SPECTING, DAWG?!"

Those Frenchies have obviously been playing Modern Warfare 3.

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#11 Posted by i77ogical (48 posts) -

Announcing the game 14 months early ... I guess it's "epic" then, right.

Avatar image for jakob187
#12 Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@i77ogical said:

Announcing the game 14 months early ... I guess it's "epic" then, right.

Dood... You have to save the American library system from terrorists. Of COURSE it's epic! Ben-Hur will lick its nads, and The Iliad is just a dumb sounding word in comparison.

Avatar image for phrali
#13 Posted by phrali (677 posts) -

used to play rainbow six games.

then i got completely sick and tired or military shooters. and also completely lost faith in ubisoft's ability to do anything without fucking it up.

how much you wanna bet the endless machine gun audio glitch is STILL going to be in this game?

Avatar image for contro
#14 Posted by Contro (2346 posts) -

If it's in the same vein as early Tom Clancy games, me, but sadly it doesn't appear to be. Rainbow Six is all swish now.

Avatar image for jakob187
#15 Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@phrali: Tom Clancy's Reading Rainbow Six features cutting-edge graphics and gameplay that transcends the genre. You will be missing out. They just released the first screenshot. It's got some big spoilers in it as to someone who is helping Lavar and Bravo Squad in their fight against the terrorists, so if any of you don't want spoilers, make sure to not look at the picture below.

No Caption Provided

@Contro: Tom Clancy's Reading Rainbow Six is not like any FPS you've ever played before, and it's better than any of the previous Tom Clancy's games. Tom Clancy himself has written off on every piece of fiction and character, so you know that we're not just using a Tom Clancy's name on our title in order to sell you a Tom Clancy's game.

Avatar image for ghostiet
#16 Posted by Ghostiet (5832 posts) -
@jakob187 said:

@Ghostiet: I contacted Ubisoft. Rather than the usual "no comment" or "we're not speaking about that at this time", they had a pretty...interesting...response:

"FUCK YEAH WHAT THE SHIT WERE Y'ALL 'SPECTING, DAWG?!"

Those Frenchies have obviously been playing Modern Warfare 3.

Maybe Mr. Caffeine is a skin? GET HYPE
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#17 Posted by Jeffsekai (7159 posts) -

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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#18 Posted by Dalai (7868 posts) -

After reading this, I think it's a great time to reboot the text adventure genre.

Avatar image for ntm
#19 Posted by NTM (9790 posts) -

@The_Laughing_Man said:

Hey looks its Geordi la forge

Not to post this because I don't think already know. I'm sure your post was sarcasm, but here's an interesting video.

Loading Video...
Avatar image for jakob187
#20 Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@Dalai said:

After reading this, I think it's a great time to reboot the text adventure genre.

It's probably the worst time to do something like that. The news should be going out tomorrow that Tom Clancy's Reading Rainbow Six has also sold two million pre-orders in its first day of announcement.

Sorry, man. The family-friendly shooter market is where it's at! At this rate, we might actually see Looney Tunes: Acme Arsenal 2 finally happen!

Avatar image for the_laughing_man
#21 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13807 posts) -
@NTM said:

@The_Laughing_Man said:

Hey looks its Geordi la forge

Not to post this because I don't think already know. I'm sure your post was sarcasm, but here's an interesting video.

Loading Video...
Im more or less saying when I first watched reading rainbow I was ike" THATS GEORDI!" I was such a Star Trek kid. 
Avatar image for ntm
#22 Posted by NTM (9790 posts) -

@The_Laughing_Man said:

@NTM said:

@The_Laughing_Man said:

Hey looks its Geordi la forge

Not to post this because I don't think already know. I'm sure your post was sarcasm, but here's an interesting video.

Loading Video...
Im more or less saying when I first watched reading rainbow I was ike" THATS GEORDI!" I was such a Star Trek kid.

Well I was just posting the video with your comment since you did happen to mention it. My reply to you wasn't necessarily intended to be directed just to you. I didn't want to make it seem like I was the first to point out that it's the same person.

Avatar image for jakob187
#23 Edited by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

GAMESTOP PRE-ORDER BONUS: Geordi skin (as seen on Star Trek: The Next Generation)

BEST BUY PRE-ORDER BONUS: Kunta Kinte skin (as seen on Roots: The Gift)

WAL-MART PRE-ORDER BONUS: Family Guy Lavar (as seen on Family Guy)

More pre-order bonuses will be announced at a later time...

Avatar image for the_laughing_man
#24 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13807 posts) -
@jakob187 said:

GAMESTOP PRE-ORDER BONUS: Geordi skin (as seen on Star Trek: The Next Generation)

BEST BUY PRE-ORDER BONUS: Kunta Kinte skin (as seen on Roots: The Gift)

WAL-MART PRE-ORDER BONUS: Family Guy Lavar (as seen on Family Guy)

More pre-order bonuses will be announced at a later time...

Steam bonus. Naked Gabe newel skin? 
Avatar image for jakob187
#25 Edited by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@The_Laughing_Man: Why the hell would there be a Naked Gabe Newell skin? Gabe Newell has no involvement with the process of Tom Clancy's Reading Rainbox Six.

Oh, right. Steam. Yeah...no.

Also, there is rumor going around that we are considering a port to Mattel Aquarius. This is not confirmed, so please do not spread that rumor around.

Avatar image for randominternetuser
#26 Posted by RandomInternetUser (6805 posts) -

I'm excited, as long as there is terrorist hunt and the gameplay is fun, I'm in.

Avatar image for the_laughing_man
#27 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13807 posts) -
@jakob187 said:

@The_Laughing_Man: Why the hell would there be a Naked Gabe Newell skin? Gabe Newell has no involvement with the process of Tom Clancy's Reading Rainbox Six.

Cause he can buy his way in with TF2 hats. 
Avatar image for jakob187
#28 Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

@xobballox: Direct word from the developers: "NO COMMENT ON DAT ISH, MY DAMIE D!"

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#29 Posted by sickVisionz (1307 posts) -

All I know is that the trailer better have a helicopter being shot down during the, "butterfly in the skyyyy, I can fly twice as higghhhhhhh," part of the song or it will be worst game ever.

Avatar image for jakob187
#30 Posted by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

JUST ANNOUNCED! EXCLUSIVE PRE-ORDER BONUS ON ALL PLATFORMS!

If you pay for a full pre-order of Tom Clancy's Reading Rainbow Six, you will receive a copy of the free downloadable game Contraversial!!!

No Caption Provided
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#31 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8020 posts) -

You do.

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#32 Posted by kingzetta (4497 posts) -

vegas was fun

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