senorsucks2suck's Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (Xbox One) review

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No SoCal Commentary in So So Game.

The barometer for gauging when you got old is fairly blurry. Maybe it’s when you get a remake of a game that you were a teen when it originally came out. For me, it’s when your body no longer heals. I remember breaking bones and to this day I have to actively remember which bones they were. I healed perfectly and seamlessly. I lost no functionality. Getting old is when that ceases to happen.

I beat Tony Hawk 1 + 2. No, I didn't beat all the goals. I unlocked all the levels that I cared about and got gold on all the competitions. Getting old means i really don’t have the infinite amount of time needed to unlock everything. I didn’t even unlock my skater’s video because the amount of effort required was intimidating. They don’t even let you replay the game with all the goals reset. I’ll never beat the game with all of the characters over the next couple of months as i can demonstrably prove to my doctor that i don’t have Alzheimer's because watch me session all the goals in under 2 minutes because of this I’ll pass. Because of that this game fails.

It’s hard to write a review for a game fairly when it originally release ushered me out of childish games like Crash Bandicoot and most things Nintendo. Tony Hawk nullified my interest in platformers. Tony Hawk was the ultimate platformer with it’s gap list that with all my free-time of youth i could aspire to tackle each one. Of course without much of an internet back then I was stymied by vague gap descriptions, no Youtube to lean on, and indoors being the realm for rainy days. I wonder if there’s an all gap youtube video. I got music that I listened to then and I still listen to now. Unfortunately, my tastes have soured to the songs I even liked back in the day. I literally took all of the songs off the playlist except for JunkBunny|Sedona. $39.99 later if i got a new song and potentially a band I love then it’s money well spent.

What’s here is fine. Some of the key components of the Tony Hawk franchise is the quick restart and feeling of always being on edge, about to lose a trick. I’m not sure what I want from a remake. Just spitballing but maybe something to do with the combo system to keep a song playing. SSX was after Tony Hawk and what they did with that was magical. Then SSX Tricky came out and though I did get tired of the songs it was pretty nice to get the full song as a reward for a quality performance.

The online aspect is pretty neat. The mixed playlist of gametypes was pretty cool for the first few days after launch. At this point if i can’t play graffiti exclusively then I'm not playing. In other news, I'm not playing online regardless.

Remakes are hard. The original 2 games were absolutely 10/10 for me at the time. A remake with not much more than prettier graphics and a blu-ray disc full of videos that I'll never see, because I refuse to commit to the number of hours required to unlock them is going to get docked in score for that. Skateboarding back then was about the era of the skateshop, not yet done in by the internet. It was becoming, but not quite just yet, Jackass. Maybe in 2020 I expect a hubworld or something like what is in Dragonball Xenoverse 2 overworld. There’s a lot that could have been done. Skate or Die was probably a formative game for every single one of the developers of THPS. Show some respect. Quality games yet low effort remasters like Super Mario 3D All-Stars are disrespectful. Having such an opinion might make me old.

Sure, my review 10 minutes after launch would have been more glowing. The reality is I wouldn’t buy my favorite movie without a commentary track. Bioshock Remastered has a commentary track and I'm beginning to demand no less from my remakes. Give me backwards compatibility and a pdf scan of an old Gamepro magazine, instead. I expect a remastered game to transport the developers to the modern era without all limits and constraints effectively turned off. If you look at end credits for some of these games the developers were having a blast, really touching stuff. There is something after the credits here but you can see where the company's values now lie in everything that proceeds it.

6.5/10. The price is right but casino glitz and glitter distracts from the stains on the carpet and you'll walk out of there with less than you came in with, but you had fun?

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