2020 felt like it was never going to end. On top of the pandemic, I also had my first child.

I was prepared for the journey but it was so much tougher than I thought. My day-to-day life dramatically changed. I used to play multiplayer games with a big group of friends for hours upon hours on a nightly basis. As soon as I had to rush to the hospital for the baby, it seemed like my gaming came to a complete stop. My son was now my priority. Due to the pandemic, I was not allowed to leave the hospital until my wife was discharged several days later. I had my Switch with me but I had no desire to play since all I wanted to do was be with my newborn son.

Once we got back home, I would spend all day helping out with him and I would be way too tired to game at night. It kind of stayed that way for a few months and I played GTA5 with some of my friends once in a while, on and off. Now at 8 months, I still dedicate most of my day to working remotely and spending time with my son but now he is going to sleep earlier and I thought that I could get back into gaming. The problem was that I sort of didn't know where to begin and all my friends were gone.

My friends had moved away, gotten new jobs working different shifts, some moved on to other games or other consoles, or they just stopped playing altogether. Those that still played lived in different time zones or our schedules just never lined up. I had spent so much time playing multiplayer games that it was super weird to me to suddenly not have that. I have no problem playing single player games but I was so used to dedicating a large chunk to just playing with friends.

What ended up happening was that I kept trying to play the single player games I had and I would lose interest within 20 minutes or so. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on new games thinking that I just needed something brand new and nothing was working. Every night was the same. I would scroll through my library 2-3 times before just turning everything off, sitting in a dark for a bit and then just going to bed. I tried doing other things like reading books or doing something crafty like building a lego set but nothing was clicking.

To be clear, me starting to feel depression coming along wasn't because of my newborn. I was more than happy to spend the whole day with him. It's when I finally got time to myself that it became a problem. I just didn't know what to do with my time. My wife was also going to bed early and I couldn't just spend time with her.

After a couple of weeks of trying to play something and failing, I randomly started playing Monster Hunter World. I picked up where I left off a few years ago and I was immediately hooked. However, what hooked me was that the community seemed somewhat small at this point. I would post a quest, other people would join and we would do quests over and over again for several hours. The same people would help me with all my quests and I would help them with all of theirs. Sometimes I would see the same people several nights, but if not, it felt like I was making new friends and playing for several hours with them, without even saying a word to each other. We would just communicate with the pre-written messages or stickers.

Monster Hunter Rise came out on the switch and I was so eager to jump right in, and I did. The same pattern continued. I would hop into a lobby with 3 other people and we just keep playing together for a couple of hours. The fact that I was not able to see or communicate with a lot of my friends for extended period of time during the last year really took its toll. Playing long periods of time with total strangers and sort of forming a small bond with them was such a breath of fresh air.

That being said, I still very much enjoy playing Monster Hunter by myself. If I want to take a break from playing with people because I'm hunting something specific, I have no issue playing alone. It really changed everything for me and I felt less alone.

At the end of the day, I know that everyone goes through different things in life. People are sad or depressed for different reasons. I was able to pick myself back up because of Monster Hunter. If you're a gamer, you're feeling low and experiencing something similar where nothing is catching your attention, keep trying. Maybe go back and try to re-play your favorite game(s) of all time. Games you know like the back of your hand. I know that although I was used to playing with friends and missed them, I wasn't really in the market for new friends, and the fact that I could "make friends" but not have to talk to anyone helped me out a bit. You'll find something that will remind you how great your hobby is. And if you don't, I've also been told that it's good to step away for a while and not force yourself to do something you're currently not interested in.

If anyone out there is feeling depressed or feel like they're headed in that direction: I hope you find the thing(s) that will make you find your happiness again. We'll make it through. :)