The Day of a Ten Game Run: Featuring Shmups and Cloth! Part I

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JackiJinx

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Edited By JackiJinx

Alright, folks, here's what went down. I've been meaning to get to a few dozen indie titles I've downloaded, but have been so wrapped in my Japanese studies that I have not gotten to them. Today, I blocked out some time and went through ten of them. What you are about to witness is my experience with the first four titles. Names have been changed to protect identities, except my own. That one stuck, unfortunatley.

Cloth Demo

"The most thrilling ride of the summer!" -JINX! Powered Issue #69
This little ditty is what my session started with, and I was very curious as to what the title meant. Well, take a look at that screen to the left, there. That's what it meant. It's a physics demo of a piece of cloth. Oh, my heart could hardly contain the excitement I garnered from it.
For what it's worth, it's a decent piece of cloth. It flows rather nicely in the fake wind. And it's grabbable! And swingable! And I swung that thing soooo hard that it...it flew off the screen. And that's was that.
Now I have to squeeze entertainment from a wall. Thanks, Cloth Demo!
Now I have to squeeze entertainment from a wall. Thanks, Cloth Demo!
It was a five star experience. What made it even more of a five star experience? Not knowing where the hell I got it, especially since I had to have gotten this within the last few days. Biz. Czar.

Veck

It's like a party for my gun!
It's like a party for my gun!
Surprise! This is an actual GAME! Quite an improvement from Cloth Demo, to say the least. I nearly wet myself.
Veck is a top-down directional shooter, with the directional bit being optional. Never actually having played a directional shooter, I slapped that flavor on and made haste with the shooting. Before I get into that though, I just need to share the first line of what the readme file described the game as, "You're in space. Get use to it. You'll be here for awhile."
I love it when games don't spout out bullcrap that really has nothing to do with what the game does. There's no elaborate space war going on between the struggling, righteous mankind and the hateful alien world. This is a shooter. It's in space. Get wasted. Fin.
I wish more games started out like this.
I wish more games started out like this.
As far as I'm aware, Veck doesn't stray far from the directional shooter formula. Enemies coming from all directions, flashy colors, and weapon upgrades. For ever minute that goes by, the gun get extra firepower and the enemy swarms get tougher. Nothing stands out besides the words and pretty colors. If Veck had a disco ball shooting the designer's witty words out instead of the regular old ship shooting bullets, then I'd be sold in an instant.
I barely got past the second level, but that probably has to do with my lack of experience in this genre. Still, I'd gladly get myself blown to rainbow bits again. Good experience.

Striptease

And for my next trick, I shall make a doctorate appear out of thin air.
And for my next trick, I shall make a doctorate appear out of thin air.
I don't think I need to say what Striptease revolves around, or rather, I do. This, this beauty, is a very simple tile slider puzzle where you slide the pieces of a young stripper's body around to get her to strip bits of clothing. What makes it better is the fact that you don't choose which bits come off first. Instead, the clothed picture next to the mangled woman flashes boxes around the part that needs to be removed next, so if you put her foot back together, her shoe comes off.  The ultimate prize? Pixelated titties.
You and me both, chicka.
You and me both, chicka.
Oddly enough, this game isn't all about showing off the goods for the guys in the audience at the expense of a player's pride. Oh no, there's a story behind this treasure. What sort of story? Girl goes to strip club, girl works at strip club, girl continues to work at strip club, girl goes for cigarette break, and shit goes down. If I said any more, I'd have told the entire story, and what fun would that be? None, that's what. Now, deal with that tease, or go read the summary at Play This Thing!
If fifteen minutes or less is all you need for a nudie game, then check it out. If not, put your pants back on and move on with your life.

Ore No Ryomi 2: The Restaurant

There's a lot of this...
There's a lot of this...
The last game I'll cover today is Ore No Ryomi 2: The Restaurant, a restaurant simulator where you pick your own menu, make your own order, clean your own dishes, put out your own fires (DDR style), catch your own robbers, and appease health inspectors all at the same time. No kidding. Often, when I actually got customers, it was always at the same time I needed to do dishes or catch a robber, and no one, and I mean no one, was understanding. They'd get impatient and leave, being all, "Well geez, I didn't get my beer immediately. What's wrong with this owner, anyhow? Running after masked men like that. Is he that dude from Heroes with the ability to heal instantaneously?
"...Where's my beer?"
That's about the time when cusomers leave, and I blame it entirely on not being able to hire any extra help. It's frustrating since every person that comes in brings in maybe five or ten bucks revenue alone, and upgrade costs are in the thousands. Customers are few and far between, leaving large gaps of time to do nothing, and then BAM! Rush hour. My experience became tedious, fast.
...and a lot of this.
...and a lot of this.
With all the effort I had to put into making money to hardly get any in return, and getting jipped by ungreatful customers for slightly charring their chicken or getting their beer desire off by just a smidge, it became long days of making only a few hundred a day. I couldn't have fun with it. Reminded me much too much of my last job. And hell, where do customers get the right to not pay full price on food anyhow? And what about employee respect? Since when did it become alright to snap your fingers at your server and expect demands at the drop of my pride? Am I not human? If I am cut, do I not bleed? If I do not get my raise, do I not bicker?
I deserve better than this, man.
I quit. I QUIT!

Stay tuned for the remainder aka better part of my trials tomorrow. If anyone has any indie suggestions, throw them my way. And please, no more cloth demos or restaurant simulators. Thank you.
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JackiJinx

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#1  Edited By JackiJinx

Alright, folks, here's what went down. I've been meaning to get to a few dozen indie titles I've downloaded, but have been so wrapped in my Japanese studies that I have not gotten to them. Today, I blocked out some time and went through ten of them. What you are about to witness is my experience with the first four titles. Names have been changed to protect identities, except my own. That one stuck, unfortunatley.

Cloth Demo

"The most thrilling ride of the summer!" -JINX! Powered Issue #69
This little ditty is what my session started with, and I was very curious as to what the title meant. Well, take a look at that screen to the left, there. That's what it meant. It's a physics demo of a piece of cloth. Oh, my heart could hardly contain the excitement I garnered from it.
For what it's worth, it's a decent piece of cloth. It flows rather nicely in the fake wind. And it's grabbable! And swingable! And I swung that thing soooo hard that it...it flew off the screen. And that's was that.
Now I have to squeeze entertainment from a wall. Thanks, Cloth Demo!
Now I have to squeeze entertainment from a wall. Thanks, Cloth Demo!
It was a five star experience. What made it even more of a five star experience? Not knowing where the hell I got it, especially since I had to have gotten this within the last few days. Biz. Czar.

Veck

It's like a party for my gun!
It's like a party for my gun!
Surprise! This is an actual GAME! Quite an improvement from Cloth Demo, to say the least. I nearly wet myself.
Veck is a top-down directional shooter, with the directional bit being optional. Never actually having played a directional shooter, I slapped that flavor on and made haste with the shooting. Before I get into that though, I just need to share the first line of what the readme file described the game as, "You're in space. Get use to it. You'll be here for awhile."
I love it when games don't spout out bullcrap that really has nothing to do with what the game does. There's no elaborate space war going on between the struggling, righteous mankind and the hateful alien world. This is a shooter. It's in space. Get wasted. Fin.
I wish more games started out like this.
I wish more games started out like this.
As far as I'm aware, Veck doesn't stray far from the directional shooter formula. Enemies coming from all directions, flashy colors, and weapon upgrades. For ever minute that goes by, the gun get extra firepower and the enemy swarms get tougher. Nothing stands out besides the words and pretty colors. If Veck had a disco ball shooting the designer's witty words out instead of the regular old ship shooting bullets, then I'd be sold in an instant.
I barely got past the second level, but that probably has to do with my lack of experience in this genre. Still, I'd gladly get myself blown to rainbow bits again. Good experience.

Striptease

And for my next trick, I shall make a doctorate appear out of thin air.
And for my next trick, I shall make a doctorate appear out of thin air.
I don't think I need to say what Striptease revolves around, or rather, I do. This, this beauty, is a very simple tile slider puzzle where you slide the pieces of a young stripper's body around to get her to strip bits of clothing. What makes it better is the fact that you don't choose which bits come off first. Instead, the clothed picture next to the mangled woman flashes boxes around the part that needs to be removed next, so if you put her foot back together, her shoe comes off.  The ultimate prize? Pixelated titties.
You and me both, chicka.
You and me both, chicka.
Oddly enough, this game isn't all about showing off the goods for the guys in the audience at the expense of a player's pride. Oh no, there's a story behind this treasure. What sort of story? Girl goes to strip club, girl works at strip club, girl continues to work at strip club, girl goes for cigarette break, and shit goes down. If I said any more, I'd have told the entire story, and what fun would that be? None, that's what. Now, deal with that tease, or go read the summary at Play This Thing!
If fifteen minutes or less is all you need for a nudie game, then check it out. If not, put your pants back on and move on with your life.

Ore No Ryomi 2: The Restaurant

There's a lot of this...
There's a lot of this...
The last game I'll cover today is Ore No Ryomi 2: The Restaurant, a restaurant simulator where you pick your own menu, make your own order, clean your own dishes, put out your own fires (DDR style), catch your own robbers, and appease health inspectors all at the same time. No kidding. Often, when I actually got customers, it was always at the same time I needed to do dishes or catch a robber, and no one, and I mean no one, was understanding. They'd get impatient and leave, being all, "Well geez, I didn't get my beer immediately. What's wrong with this owner, anyhow? Running after masked men like that. Is he that dude from Heroes with the ability to heal instantaneously?
"...Where's my beer?"
That's about the time when cusomers leave, and I blame it entirely on not being able to hire any extra help. It's frustrating since every person that comes in brings in maybe five or ten bucks revenue alone, and upgrade costs are in the thousands. Customers are few and far between, leaving large gaps of time to do nothing, and then BAM! Rush hour. My experience became tedious, fast.
...and a lot of this.
...and a lot of this.
With all the effort I had to put into making money to hardly get any in return, and getting jipped by ungreatful customers for slightly charring their chicken or getting their beer desire off by just a smidge, it became long days of making only a few hundred a day. I couldn't have fun with it. Reminded me much too much of my last job. And hell, where do customers get the right to not pay full price on food anyhow? And what about employee respect? Since when did it become alright to snap your fingers at your server and expect demands at the drop of my pride? Am I not human? If I am cut, do I not bleed? If I do not get my raise, do I not bicker?
I deserve better than this, man.
I quit. I QUIT!

Stay tuned for the remainder aka better part of my trials tomorrow. If anyone has any indie suggestions, throw them my way. And please, no more cloth demos or restaurant simulators. Thank you.
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Claude

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#2  Edited By Claude

Classic... I quit. Now where's my beer?

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LAMP

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#3  Edited By LAMP

GAME SUGGESTIONS ARE HERE


Virtual Silence
Yahtzee's adventure games (on fullyramblomatic.com (will take longer but you should do it anyways))
Noitu Love 2
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sparky_buzzsaw

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#4  Edited By sparky_buzzsaw

That's some of the funniest reviews I've read in a long while.   Good stuff.

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JackiJinx

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#5  Edited By JackiJinx
@Claude: Your beer is sitting silently in the cabinet where I keep the rat poison. It's in the purple bottle with the skull on it. The beer's a Captain Morgan knock-off.

@MaSuTa: Virtual Silence I haven't heard of, Yatzhee's games I played through before I even heard of his reviews, and it's very funny that you mention Noitu Love 2. Played the demo yesterday and will be writing about it today at one point.

@Sparky_Buzzsaw: Thank you very much, good sir!
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