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Bad Game Pitch #1: EA Spore-ts

Jeff Gerstmann has no business pitching games. He also has no business writing about himself in the third-person.

Two-Sport skeleton athlete, Bones Jackson.
Two-Sport skeleton athlete, Bones Jackson.
OK, this is something that's been milling around in my head for a few days (it even made it to the office to-do whiteboard alongside "more beers"), but a report from Kotaku's Brian Crecente on EA considering the future of Spore and the possibility of using it as a platform for other, different types of games cemented it in my head.

So, if I may make what may be the first of many Bad Game Pitches here, I present the following.

EA Spore-ts


OK, every month or two, someone jumps on a message board and types some form of this sentence: "Hey, remember Mutant League Football?" This is almost always met with "dude, they should make another one of those!"

The time is now.

Mutants are played out.

The platform is Spore.

At the beginning of the game you'd work with a basic, low number of DNA points and attempt to create a creature that might be able to play a low-rules game of football. When you first take this team onto the field, chances are it'll get crushed. But you'll learn how to work your basic creature and earn DNA points along the way.

Can this devil frog catch a pass, or what?
Can this devil frog catch a pass, or what?
DNA points, obviously, would be used to enhance and upgrade your different players. Naturally, you'd want your quarterback creature to eventually develop terrific vision and a cannon arm. Your wide receivers could eventually get sticky hands and extending arms that reach out and snag passes out of the sky with ease. Linemen would develop into bulkier, spiked creatures. Brain power and upgrades would be required to ensure that your players could remember routes and coverage assignments. And your own personal strengths as a player would end up determining what your optimum football team would excel in.

The creatures you create would, of course, be uploaded into the EA Spore-ts-o-pedia, which would be used to generate random teams on the fly for you to play against as you attempt to make all other football teams extinct.

I don't know about you, but I would spend all my DNA points to create a reasonable facsimile of Bones Jackson.
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+