moonlightmoth's Dynasty Warriors 9 (PlayStation 4) review

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Antiquated Ad(verse)ity

There once was a dev called Omega,

who worked for KT and not Sega.

They spent some time,

making DW9,

as if in response to some wager.

___

So DW9 was their game,

but the result is nothing but pain.

The gameplay is shite,

and the changes quite trite,

where my enjoyment has nothing to gain.

___

The combat is really quite easy,

and the DLC extra sleazy.

There’s a paid costume there,

and those who adhere,

would leave me quite pale and uneasy.

___

Nice outfits I do indeed like,

but this shit can get on a bike.

Unlock free in-game,

or face mortal shame

as your arse feels the end of my pike.

___

The graphics are poor and remiss,

the voice acting a barrel of piss.

There’s no motivation,

to create some relation

so the silence I really do miss.

___

The world is now open and wide,

and entertainment my mind really tried.

But it’s too barren to care

what lies under the air,

so the awfulness ends up deep-fried.

___

I swing around for an hour,

and enemies run, hide and cower.

Stats go up,

but my patience is stuck,

so I have more fun in the shower.

___

For sure there is no frustration,

but my motives they lack inclination.

You can fight for a while,

extend graves by a mile,

and witness the birth of a nation.

___

But the experience is not worth the hate,

even while I may get so irate.

There’s fun to be had,

but the game is quite sad,

as it didn’t have to have such a fate.

___

So try something else and relax,

and ignore these incompetent hacks.

it’s a criminal game,

its aspirations inane

and these are the terrible facts.

Other reviews for Dynasty Warriors 9 (PlayStation 4)

    DW9's attempt to reinvent and revive the series proves a homeopathic remedy 0

    Playing Dynasty Warriors 9, it's remarkable how little has changed in a title that purports to be the biggest shake-up in the franchise since they left the fighting genre. Worse than that, the switch to the open-world genre not only feels half-baked at best but brings some of the series' long standing issues into much clearer focus.Swapping the individual stages for one giant map of China, Dynasty Warriors gains scale but trades depth. Whilst there's decent variety in the main targets (Xuchang, ...

    2 out of 2 found this review helpful.

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