Bloody Wolf
( I believe I went through a billion games before I reached these two.) Oh, and Firefox isn't making this any easier. I started with Elemental Gearbolt, but after realizing how impossible it is to beat the game (hard final boss, lack of checkpoints, low health, it's crap), I moved onto another game: Quake 64. That didn't work, either. JJ and Jeff looked good, until I realized that there were some literally impossible jumps littering the landscape of later lebledufvelbels. Then Ridge Racer 64, which I gave up on due to laziness and a touch of frustration. Finally, I arrived at Bloody Wolf, an old TurboGrafx-16 game that I've heard is really good. However, unlike every other case of this happening, Bloody Wolf turned out to be a surprisingly good game.
Knowing that he's so badass, twist 2 comes into play when you rescue the president: realizing his massive balls will weigh the rescue copter down, Thor the Asskicker decides to stay behind, meaning the second half of the game consists of you finding and rescuing Thor. If it seems like I'm being insistent with the story, keep in mind that I'm only doing this because the game was so insistent with its story. For a shooter, there's a lot of plot development and characterization, something I found incredibly weird. Then again, I probably shouldn't have found it to be too out of place, given that the game is (slightly) creative for its genre. For example, rather than picking either overhead or shooting, Bloody Wolf opts for both, combining them into an odd but tasty treat. Garnishing this blood-drenched Milky Way are streams of hostage-rescue peanut butter, little weapon nuts, vehicular nou...I'm gonna stop this candy analogy, it's making me hungry.
Besides, I think you get the point: there's a lot to be found in this game. The weapons include bazookas, flamethrowers, flash grenades, shotguns apparently stolen from the Contra universe, your own damn fists, your massive balls, and several others. They're all easy to use without any major quirks, but the only problem I have (and it's pretty petty) is the flamethrower, for some incredibly weird reason, is classified as a grenade weapon. I guess that's because it fires a continuous stream of fire at your opponents, but with turbo (which, need I remind you, is not only in the name of the damn console, but is also included on all controllers), all the not-shotguns are essentially flamethrowers with very tiny spaces. Oh, and for all shotguns, they're flamethrowers that spam half the screen with bullets.
Review Synopsis
- Apparently, the protagonist of Bloody Wolf is a bad enough dude to rescue the president.
- Unique gameplay elements with (mostly) great execution.
- Seriously, this Thor the Asskicker is f'ing badass. Do no mess with him.
I really hope this turns into a mini-series unto itself. "Watch as people from Boston fail to pronounce the word 'Germany'!", or, "Can people from China correctly say 'Winnipeg'?"
Demon Sword
( Well, it seems I've finally bought a PS3.) Not only that, but my first game for it was Demon's Soul, an Atlus game where you-what's that? I never bought a PS3? Then what the hell was I playing? Demon Sword? That piece of crap? Get out of here, imaginary person I am addressing for very weak reasons! *he leaves, I think* That's better. Anyway, I guess I played Demon Sword, an NES game starring a ninja where you slice things a lot. If that makes you think this is a good game people forgot over time, you're wrong; coincidentally, if your username happens to be "SJSchmidt93", congrats, for you're in the lead. What makes me not like this game so much? Well, as always, it starts with the story. Or it would if the game had a story, but alas, there doesn't seem to be any. You run through stages, waving your sword around like your enemies are robotic pinatas, on a quest to retrieve your mystical baseball (it flew into Old Man Ferguson's Spire of Malice, in case you're wondering). However, every time you come close to it, a random seagull steals it from you, prompting another round of the exact same crap. But even for a game with no story, it somehow manages to fail at its story for one reason: the final boss isn't the seagull. Really....Taito? Really? I can sort of understand the lack of story, sort of, but the lack of closure? REALLY!?
The bosses require a bit more than holding down right and the sword button; instead, you must use a cunning combination of remaining stationary and spamming shurikens until they're a tasty corpse sandwich, and damn it, I'm hungry again. Why am I always hungry? Hmmm.......Moving on, there is one complaint I really can't levy against the game, and it has nothing to do with the graphics or music or anything like that: I can't call the game unfinished. I know that sounds kinda weird, but it doesn't give off the type of rushed vibe that games like Brain Lord and Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly. Instead, Demon Sword seems to learn a bit as you progress through the stages, each one becoming a bit harder and every boss becoming a bit more creative. However, this alone doesn't work for two reasons: it never reaches what it should be aiming for, and (probably as a result of this) there are only four stages with two levels each. Let me put that in perspective: Super Mario Bros has 8 stages, each with 4 levels. That means Super Mario Bros is four times the game Demon Sword is. Pathetic. I'd give this game the Most Random Story Award, but it isn't finished yet. Besides, Phantom Brave is set to earn that reward, given the random crap I've been doing in that game.
Review Synopsis
- Given that birds are constantly stealing his crap, the protagonist of Demon Sword is no Thor the Asskicker.
- Though oddly enough, he comes close, but only because the entire game is so damn easy.
- And short. Really, really short.
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