Do you Duders have any advice?

Overrated: Working out. Underrated: Eating healthy and walking everywhere you need to go.

Replace most fluids you drink with water. When you'd normally snack, drink water. Water is a natural appetite suppressant. When you do snack, eat nuts. When you feel like you're craving unhealthy foods, your body is likely craving calcium, potassium or various vitamins. Nuts are a great multi-tasker that take care of a lot of the body's needs and cravings. Also a good source of protein to lower your intake of meat.

I read that you're being left some land? Don't sell it! Land is so precious. Wish I had some. Going to buy me an acre someday, build a house and grow some food. Mice and Men style. Anyways.

Get yourself a part-time job within biking distance. Figure out what you want to do in life. Career path that needs a degree? Get gen eds out of the way at a community college and transfer to a university. Something else? Do that, then.

And if she isn't interested, then whatever. You'll be a much healthier you with a job, some land, and a life-plan. The women you want to be with will dig stability and a life-plan.

@Aronman789 said:

@McGhee: On the topic of being obsessed with a drink, how bad is coffee? Because I love that stuff.

Depends on what you add to it. If the additive is high in calories then it could be bad in terms of your weight. All coffee, regardless of what is added to it, can be bad for your teeth and, as you age (as I've found unfortunately), it can give you heart-burn.

Always dismember the body in more than 8 pieces. Multiple dumping spots is a plus. Make identification difficult by removing teeth, prints, hair, eyes, etc. If you like souvenirs, cut a square out the scalp you already removed when removing the hair, tan it and fashion it into a coaster. Happy hunting.

Driving is easy as fuck, if you can play video games you should be able to handle driving. No biggie. The other two come down to how you really want it. It's a lifestyle change, you are going to need to will yourself through the times, and there will be many, when you want to just say "fuck it, I'm going to eat shitty food and not do that stuff I should be doing." Getting a job sucks, and having a job sucks more. Working out is hard, especially if you have no experience with it. But you just have to fucking do it, because that's what you have to do if you want to change.

The answer isn't here on giantbomb, it's not anywhere on the internet. You just have to dive in and apply yourself. Getting started is the hardest part.

@Bwast said:

Always dismember the body in more than 8 pieces. Multiple dumping spots is a plus. Make identification difficult by removing teeth, prints, hair, eyes, etc. If you like souvenirs, cut a square out the scalp you already removed when removing the hair, tan it and fashion it into a coaster. Happy hunting.

This is horrible advice scalp could be identified and provides a viable source for DNA comparison. The best thing to do is eat a portion of their body, that way they'll be a part of you forever.

@Aronman789: Weight loss is an absolute must. Go an a diet that you will not cheat on and exercise. You should maybe buy a kettlebell, because those things are really useful, but before that start with push-ups and other "easier" work outs. Do lots of running. When you get to an acceptable weight, hang on to your diet and choose one day in the week to eat junk food. This system really helped me, as I've lost 10 kg (22 pounds) in two weeks with that. Even after you're "done" hang on to that kind of lifestyle.

@Godlyawesomeguy: The guy's trying to lose weight. Telling him to run and then eat all the ice cream and junkfood he can get his hands on is not helping anything. Working out and eating like shit won't work, and eating healthy and sitting on the internet all day won't work either.

If she is a gem, it shouldn't matter how many pounds you are overweight unless you yourself are unhappy. if you are happy the way you are then don't change yourself, otherwise I recommend dieting and exercise. I use to be overweight up until 8th grade when I finally decided to get my shit together. Crash diets buddy.. they tell you they don't work, but they do. Hardest thing I have ever done in my life tho, but I don't regret it.

My diet/routine.

1 huge meal at the end of the day. No snacks inbetween, no soda, no bread and nothing that you think would set your whole day back (cake, chocolate chip cookies etc.)

Drink a shitload of water throughout the day and try to run or do some cardio everyday as well. I ran for an hour everyday. At the end of every week I would give myself a treat for doing so well (soda, cake, cookie).

I recommend this diet only as a last resort of course. It will fuck your metabolism up! If you do this for a week and quit, your body will preserve everything you eat to the extreme making you more fat than before because it just came back from starvation mode. So if you do this, stick to it.

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Now the easy part once you're happy with your weight and you want to end this diet. You have to get your metabolism up without getting fat and the only way to do this is to eat vegetables and unsweetened fruit throughout the day along with really, really small meals. Think Paris Hilton small. After a couple of weeks of this, you could slowly eat more and more and eventually be able to eat whatever you want. I still work out everyday though, so yeah.. good luck.

@Video_Game_King said:

@Aronman789 said:

or how to land a job?

Goddamn it. I shit you not; I read this as "how to get a hand job". It's not an obvious joke; it's dyslexia. (Also, has @Wrighteous86 come in, yet?)

You rang?

I'm late to this thread, and it doesn't seem interesting enough to read all the comments, so I'll just respond to the OP.

Honestly, the way you describe yourself, it doesn't seem like you're worth her time... mainly because YOU don't think you're worth her time. With that attitude, you're just setting yourself up for failure. If you can't work on your confidence without making some changes, you better focus on making those changes before you approach any women. Your problems aren't deal-breakers unless you believe them to be.

The unfortunate part of this is that a lot of your "problems" require long-term changes before they're different. Honestly, in that time either your feelings will change for her, she'll find someone else, or you'll be friend-zoned; but at least you'll be in a better position for the NEXT girl that comes along.

For weight loss, it really just is about self-control. Whenever you get hungry or something, force yourself to scarf down or pig out on a salad or something. Tell yourself that you have to finish the salad before you think anymore about eating something unhealthy. By the time you're done, you'll be less hungry (or even full) and the prospect of munching on a Big Mac will be lessened and easier to deny. When you drink things, drink nothing but water, if at all possible. A lot of people don't realize how many calories they ingest from soda, juice, milk, alcoholic beverages, etc. To burn off the calories contained in a Coke, you'd have to run for 50 minutes. That's fucking crazy.

Driving... I refuse to believe you actually need advice on this. Your school should provide driving lessons, if not, there are private companies that will do so. Surely a family member will help you practice, too. How do you need "advice" on this?

Looking better will help you get a job. Ask your friends, family, and family friends if they know of any openings. Your odd's are like 70% higher of getting a job somewhere if you have a connection to someone at the company. I'm 26 and I've never gotten a job where I didn't know somebody at the company, or somebody with friends at the company; even if they didn't directly help me get the job.

Despite all that, like I said, your problems aren't problems unless you think they are. I was popular, in shape, and active in High School and only had a few girlfriends because I was still uncomfortable around girls. I got pretty chubby in college (about 60 pounds overweight) and I did much better for myself despite looking much worse. It's not about who you are. It's about who you think you are. I'm not saying be delusional, I STILL recognize that I've got to shed a few pounds here and there, but it's about realizing that you have a lot to offer in other ways. It's a ratio thing, if your looks aren't all that great, you have to work on raising your personality to counterbalance your faults. It's why hot people get to be pieces of shit and are still desired, or why some celebrities are married to "average" people who are just really loving and caring. It's all about finding a balance.

@Godlyawesomeguy: Did you miss the part where I told him to walk everywhere he goes and get a job within biking distance?

My point was that most people only focus on specifically "working out" when they want to lose weight when they SHOULD be more concerned about changing their lifestyle, and they'll have more success at losing weight when they eat healthy. When did I give him permission to eat a pint of ice cream whenever he wants? I told him to drink water instead of snacking.

Did you read my post past the first line?