Do you have body shame issues?

Firstly, talk to someone. I know this might be part of that process but for real duder, the best thing for me has been to talk about this with my girlfriend. I'd be in a much worse start of mind if not for saying everything out loud.

Secondly, I'm a duder and 21. I've had serious body image issues since I was 14. I have never really been overweight. I'm not sure what your situation is but for me, my body image issues have always stemmed from an feeling of inadequacy in comparison to other guys.

Without relaying my life story to you, I'll say that the one thing that has ALWAYS helped has been doing something about it. I exercise. I go on runs and it stops the constant sensation of being disgusted with myself from overwhelming me. I need something I can tell myself in my bad moments that is concrete proof that I'm not as bad as my weird brain thinks I am.

Of course, my particular brand of body dysmorphia doesn't always respond to a rationalisation such as that, but it really helps.

Yes, though a number of serious health issues caused it to matter considerably less to me over time. It's easier to change the things that matter to you when things like that happen.

Another example would be a male friend of mine who placed a lot of his self worth in to the fact that he was overweight and a virgin through his teenage years and in to his twenties. I tried to console him for many years, but the only thing that seemed to actually work was life experience. He met someone and they were together for a long time, then another, worked on the weight issues that had been bothering him by going to the gym and sticking with it. I think experiencing love from other people, and understanding change better he was able to reassess the things that mattered to him and changed how he thought of himself in an important way. He used to think his body was the thing holding him back from love and the world, but it wasn't.

So I don't really have a solution but life experience can shift your perspective. Doing something about your body might be a short term solution, and maybe something worth trying, but a shift in perspective seems to be what really matters. Feeling good about your body might make you feel good, but still make so much of your self worth dependant on the same thing. It's hard to know much without knowing you and there are probably many ways to improve your situation. Work at it, have a plan. Don't stagnate.

Edit: Oh yeah, as other have pointed out, professional help. The stigma is bullshit. Therapy could really help.

We developed the schools of psychology and psychiatry for a reason. Use them.

As long as I know that I work out and try my best to maintain a good diet, I'm not overly fussed with how I look like.

I do have these massive horizontal stretch marks across my back though, that makes it look like I got scratched by a massive tiger or something. Gets a few looks when I go for my swims.

Now, about how I am a complete bore irl and that probably being why I've never had a girlfriend, that's a whole other story.

I do from time to time. However, I'm of the opinion you shouldn't shame yourself for something you deeply want to change about yourself. It's impossible to focus your efforts to change if you're ridden with guilt about your current state, and I think that applies to any form of self-improvement. I'm not saying you should carry on like you don't have a problem, but recognizing your situation is not an uncommon one and that it's a perfectly OK thing to have this problem is the right first step. I don't know what in particular you're struggling with but my issue is weight, and hopefully I can say a few things on that that are still relevant to other body image concerns.

I've struggled with weight all my life. The most I ever lost was due to a serious confidence boost by getting a girlfriend in highschool. When we were first dating, nothing really changed in my life. She didn't question what I ate and she never commented about my weight in a negative way (I'm a tall dude so I managed to hide 200+ lbs well in highschool, not so much now) but I nevertheless felt more driven to work out and change my eating habits because I suddenly felt like someone who was "worthy" in this world, someone who could make hard changes. I'm saying all this because it's extremely hard to work up the determination to lose a significant amount of weight or to finally seriously invest some time into your image. It's very hard to go from "I look like shit" to "I'm going to work on myself" because by then you're already so convinced of the negative image that you believe there is no point. What I realized from my weight loss experience was that success really depends on positive reinforcement, because the second you waiver and say "this is stupid, nothing is changing" is the second you give up without consciously thinking about it. The important thing is to be reasonable and take pride in the effort above all else. If you're working on it, then you really can't feel bad about it.

Best of luck. I'd like to echo what others have said and say I recommend talking about this with more people in your life. It's times like this I wonder where Danswers went, because their advice on this subject was always pretty good.

Nah, I have learned to accept who I am and that I cannot do anything about it.

I don't have body shame issues now, but I did for a bit back in junior high. I had acne and felt super self-conscious about it. I was lucky enough that kids in my school didn't care or make fun of me so I stopped caring and acted with confidence.

Personally, it makes no difference what other people think of me, as long as I'm happy with myself that all that matters. If there's something you don't like about yourself then change it (if it's within your power). I will always think my nose is too big, but I'm not about to get plastic surgery. It's not something that will change, so who cares?

Surround yourself with positive people that will encourage and help you. I have met various people throughout my life that compliment me on things that I myself may have considered unattractive/awkward.

No, my Dad does, or has recently. I was considered unattractive until like 8th grade or something and then after that everyone found me quite attractive randomly, but my brain never actually cared much so it's just this completely immaterial thing to me, especially considering I never had to put any effort forth to get attention.

Nah, not really. Felt I was overly skinny for a while so I restarted working out a few years ago. That solved it. I could use better teeth and a better nose, but you just gotta work with what you got.

I absolutely do. I've been obese for most of my childhood and got tortured by classmates for it. In secondary school, I've started to take better car of myself and am now slightly overweight. I still hate myself and I want to kill myself whenever I look at myself in the mirror if I'm wearing unfaltering clothes. Even thought friends and ex-girlfriends told me I'm quite a handsome guy it's just not getting in my brain. I've been on therapy for these kinds of things in the past and I'm doing better now but I still hate my body. I'm always improving on that end and becoming healthier and healthier but I always feel like it's not enough.

It was more of a concern when I was younger, but as I've gotten older I've become comfortable with not looking awesome. I'm fine being me. I keep my weight under control and I stay clean, I don't need to jump through any other hoops to satisfy my self-image.

Yes, but it's something I've gotten better with over time. Having some accepting and supportive friends helps a bunch.

I used to be really insecure about my height (5ft) for the longest time due to name calling and such. Though once I got older it hasn't really factored all that much, even if I'm not exactly happy with my height and lack thereof.

The one thing that bothers me about my body is my hair. I've had fairly bad dandruff for over a decade, and my hair has been gradually thinning, despite me being only 26 years old and living in a family with no history of hair loss. Even so, it's not so much that I'm self-conscious about it but more that I like having hair and am annoyed that it's going away already.

Same here. Except my metabolism means I can only really get better definition from working out. Also, it doesn't last so I only really start doing it when I feel like it.

I used to. I was always (and still am to an extent) very skinny, which resulted in me feeling unattractive (I also lacked confidence and I considered these two traits to be vital when approaching girls).

So I started working out. At first it was basically to 'get buff', but after a while I was starting to simply enjoy training as an activity. Being able to fulfill small goals and incrementally getting better was a huge confidence boost. I didn't even grow that much because my metabolism means I can't put on weight for shit, but I realized I stopped caring whether others found me attractive because I train and continued working out because I enjoyed it. That different mindset made me feel much more comfortable with my body.

Sadly, I pretty much halted my training altogether because I hit a plateau on both gains and strength, despite me putting massive effort into overcoming it. However, I still basically retain my more healthy approach of not caring about people who care about how I look. Being in a relationship has also been great for my confidence since my girlfriend makes me feel needed and, heck, even sexy.

So my advice would be to start working out with the mindset that it's an activity that's meant to be about reaching goals rather than looks.

Do you mean "am I fat and ugly?"

Yep.

Do I care?

Nope.

I learned a long time ago that I'm happy as long as I'm happy. I take far more solace in knowing that I'm not a murderer, a thief, a liar, and a scoundrel than whether I weigh a certain amount or look a certain way. The universe doesn't give a shit what I look like, as I'm just an insignificant speck of dust to it. The people around me that wish to accept me for who I am are the people I care about.

Now sure, I have my moments where I sit back and think "man, I should stop eating this" or "I should stop doing this" or "I should go work out again." At the end of the day, I weigh that versus "does doing any of that stuff make me personally happy?" If the answer is yes, then I'll do it. If the answer is no, then I won't.

So there's that. I have confidence, and I love myself. Those are the two things that will shine through more than anything to people that actually matter. The rest of them? Fuck 'em and feed 'em fish guts.

Well it kind of varies for me. I've been overweight for about ten years, but not fat. Like, I have a gut and thick thighs, but I'm not bulging out of my clothes or anything. I used to have a big problem with my height (I'm only around 5'5") but I grew out of that in my late teens.

I don't think I have a problem with my image at the moment, though I would like to get back to a healthy weight for my size. I get some weird looks from some people a few years younger than me (I'm 22) because I have a goatee and 'tashe, and most young men these days seem to have either a neckbeard or nothing at all, but I don't really care about that.

As a teenager I would get myself awful upset about my weight. Eventually started getting notes from my Mam to get me out of swimming class and gym in school. I also avoided trips to the beach if friends were going. I've slimmed down considerably in the last few years but have stretch marks now which is a bummer. Sometimes I catch my reflection in a shop window or something and I say "fuck what a weird looking bastard I am" and from time to time I see myself and say "damn I look good today". I just try to keep the more positive mindset and get on with it.

So, I am 22, am on my schools swim team, can run at 11 miles an hour on the treadmill for over half an hour...... and got diagnosed as body dysmorphic three weeks ago.

It's been weird to say the absolute least, but I also feel semi ok knowing now that I am diagnosed it can/will be treated, plus being able to actually vocalize what the hell goes on in my head when I look in the mirror is nice.

I'm pretty short for my age, about 5'7.

I do. I used to be fairly overweight a few years ago. Now I'm a distance runner and I do weights a couple days a week but in my mind I still think of myself as being fat even though by most measures I am not anymore. I still get shocked at how skinny I have become when I see myself in a mirror or a window reflection because it doesn't match what my brain thinks.

I have been improving. I've always had confidence issues as well, but the last little bit I've been feeling a lot less shy and have been able to be a lot more comfortable talking to people, especially girls. I've been actually getting attention from girls too, which is another huge adjustment for me (either in the form of them straight up talking to me and sometimes being kinda flirty, which is something I'm not good at handling, or from "looks". One day a pretty blonde girl gave me a look and a big smile and I remember almost audibly saying "whoa" out loud to my coworker I was walking with).

Yeah. It's tough not to because society bombards us with images of what "attractive people" should look like. They're inescapable. And then people who resort to plastic surgery or whatever are seen as shallow...like, no kidding, right? Implicitly saying "You have to be conventionally attractive to be loved and accepted (especially if you're a woman!)" while simultaneously saying "You're shallow if you go to great lengths to fix what society deems unattractive!" seems pretty disingenuous. I'm on the small side, but I will probably NEVER have the kind of flat belly that actresses have. I'll probably never be perfectly happy with how my nose sits on my face. But I feel like if I magically got those things fixed, I'd find replace them with some other flaw to obsess about. I hope we can all learn to be happy with who we are.

Duder, 24, yes. I'm pretty weird in that I have an oscillating pattern of seeing my own mind's eye of my facial expressions in conversation as absolutely hideous or fine and either enjoying or feeling repulsed by my face at rest. (I'm one of those folks who suspects and visualizes his facial performance and facial aesthetics from the second person most times he talks). A love-hate relationship with my hair, which usually is as wiry as piano wire and tends to get curlier the longer it grows out like a brunette Carrot Top, so I've gone back and forth multiple times on what length and style I should prefer. I usually go something like Brad's route and do a blastback, since hair parting works with some people's facial structure and not with others. I've accepted my overall lankiness (6'2", 170lbs) over the years, but have always had an awkwardness, silence and irrational nervousness around strangers of the opposite sex that's got to be fairly obvious to read. I'm a lot less shy than I was as a kid and can communicate easily but it largely depends on some sort of subject being offered, otherwise there's not much to work with and I feel I have to do some conversational fencing tactics.

Of course, I'm more satisfied and self-confident than I was in high school thanks largely to relatively recent firsts in my personal and professional lives and as someone who's been diagnosed with and subsequently "outgrown?" ADHD I've become much calmer and somewhat less behaviorally manic than I once was -- or at least outwardly -- which is tremendously relieving. I've not been terribly successful in relationships, however, and often wonder what the root cause was, from emotional immaturity to supercriticality to fear of rejection to commitment issues to physical or emotional attraction (or lack thereof). This sometimes manifests in and contributes to, I imagine, body image issues.

Haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, though I haven't really gone in for psychiatric diagnosis since I was in elementary school, so... who knows. I just put up with it.

Constantly. It's a struggle for me. I work out and my weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. Been as high as 290 as low as 150. Working out has something I've made a part of my life since 2012 when I started going to my college gym. One thing I've learned is that accepting your self doesn't come from a number on the scale or how you look in photos. At some point you have to embrace who you are and accept your imperfections and try to find people who appreciate you for who you really are. Sounds cliche and straightforward but it isn't complicated.

Quoted for truth, that. Not to be cloying, but... In an existence where one is only able to natively observe their own lives (and only then how that life can interact with others') it can be a lonely place sometimes. This website's pretty good sometimes in being a place of meaningful discussion of the human condition.

Not really. I'm pretty overweight (have been most of my life up to this point) and not happy about it because I know it's extremely unhealthy, but at the same time I totally realize that it was my fault for not eating right and exercising like I should. I could get sad and down on myself for being a fat-ass, or I can accept it and do what I can to better myself, little by little. Something that made me realize this was something that I heard one of my idols saying in a video "If you made a clone of yourself today, could you kick your own ass tomorrow?" Meaning, what are you doing to improve yourself every day? Are you smarter? Stronger? Healthier? I think that is a really good mindset to have, so I'm making an effort to improve myself every day rather than dragging myself down. If I can't have self-confidence and believe in myself, how on earth could I expect someone else to have confidence and belief in me?

Of course. I think everyone is critical of their physical appearence in one way or another. I have an amazing physique and I still look at myself with dissatisfaction every now and then. I have this notion that my physique is core to who I am as a person and if I notice any negative changes I become super depressed and easily agitated. I say this to show that even people on the fit end of the spectrum have the same exact body shaming issues as those on the overweight side. We need to learn to dissociate our feelings towards our body image with our self-worth. Unfortunately, that's a whole lot easier said than done.

Next time you feel uncomfortable about your body, just remember that almost everyone around you has something they don't like about themselves and that you're not broken for it. Just use it as motivation to make the changes in yourself that you'd like to see.

If it's a matter of something you can't change, try and own it and remember that you're always going to be more critical of your features than other people really are. Next time you see someone with a weird feature about them, think to yourself how much thought and criticism you really put into that person's feature and how that effects your thoughts of them. That's exactly how much they care that you have a weird feature about yourself. I'm self conscious about my hairline but I doubt other people even notice. And the reason I know this is because I see plenty of orher men with the same exact hairline as myself and not once have I ever thought their hairline affected their attractiveness. I hated the gap in my teeth but realized that I've hardly noticed the gaps in other peoples teeth. I used to be self conscious about it every time I smiled but then realized when I see ofher people with gaps smile I didn't even notice their gap, just that they're smiling. But yeah, I've found that exercise helpful in realizing that people just don't care about what your wierd features as much as you do.

I hope this post made sense.

I think a lot of people are going to have some body issues to a certain extent; after all, we all are our own biggest critics.

On a personal level, yeah, I do. Duder, will be turning 32 this year. I've always been fairly slim when viewed by others, but some considered me too small as I wasn't stocky like the boys/men from their hometown. Eventually I started gaining weight and getting fatter (I always had a bit of a gut post-high school) about a year or two ago, to the point where it got a bit out of control even for me.

I'm Asian and am only really average height at 5'9", but at a certain point I was probably over 176 lbs which put me into the overweight category. I started working out around June of last year, trying to maintain a "schedule" of going to the gym at least twice a week, and it has done wonders. I still have some belly fat to get rid of but overall I've toned up and gotten some definition on my arms. In terms of weight, I only dropped around 10 lbs (I'm usually hovering around 165 lbs these days) but I've replaced a lot of fat with muscle and that's the more important part. I've also dropped into the healthy weight range for my height, so I'm happy about that, but I'm going to keep working out.

Seeing the difference working out has done has definitely kept me motivated, but another part was just not being able to accept what was going on. I was 31 and getting so out of shape that I would be out of breath even walking to the mall across the street (about a 5-10 minute walk) or even walking up the small incline to get back to where I lived... at 31!! That wasn't acceptable to me and I wanted to be sure I was in good health so I would be around longer to take care of the family I hope to have one day, so that drove me more than anything to start getting in shape.

It can be difficult to accept you for you but take it slow, one step at a time, and work towards feeling comfortable with yourself. Don't try to compare yourself with others, especially celebrities, because a lot of times such things are extremely hard for the average person to attain. Of course Hugh Jackman is going to look amazing as Wolverine because he's going to have personal trainers and dieticians telling him what to do and what to eat, and he's going to be doing that everyday until he looks that good because it's his job. We don't have that luxury so we can only make do with what we got and to try and stop comparing ourselves against the so-called "ideal."

Totally. I've lost 120lbs. 40 more to go. This hasn't cured my body image issues but it's certainly helped. I have way more confidence than I did before.

Yes, I've had massive issues with my appearance for over a decade. Doesn't matter that I'm in a loving relationship with someone, I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin. A couple of years ago I lost quite a lot of weight (an spite fuelled and unhealthy combination of aggressive dieting and a lot of time in the gym) but that didn't help too much and I've pretty much put it all back on since. I work a very sedentary job with long hours and have never found exercise that enjoyable, but I really should start getting myself healthier now that I'm entering my late 20s.

Is body image only based on appearance? I've only been really uncomfortable when I started losing stamina and strength, not being able to do things you used to be able to do is a terrible feeling. I feel a need to be decently built so I can rely on myself to do mostly anything as the need arises. Feeling weak is not something I want to experience again if it's avoidable. For some reason my appearance has never really bothered me though, not sure why. I don't think I'm super attractive or anything, it just doesn't feel that important somehow. Seeing how primal the need to be attractive seems in many people I almost wonder if it's just genetics?

Congrats on the weight loss! That's like a whole person.

I mean I don't know that I would go so far as to call it body SHAME per se, but I definitely know I need to lose a bit of weight and work out a bit.

Duder, 38, yes.

To make a long story short, over the course of eight years my weight has gone from a normal 185 pounds, to an overweight 235, to a fit and healthy 200, to the heaviest I've ever been at 250. I've been told my 6'-0" frame carries the weight well, and maybe that's true, but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. Hell, I'm uncomfortable fully dressed! I'm pissed at myself because I made great progress and let it slip away. I went from liking what I saw in the mirror to fearing the warmer weather of spring and summer because I won't be able to hide my weight under jackets and sweatshirts anymore.

I still struggle with healthy eating and the motivation to exercise, and I probably always will. I'm currently winning that struggle against my own nature to eat junk and be lazy and I'm losing about two pounds a week. All I can do is keep trying!

Question: Anyone else check themselves out in the mirror and then promptly push their tummy fat rolls together to create a six-pack?

What a surprise, the majority of the GB fandom is fat :/

26 and female. I'm not overweight, but have put on the pounds after starting school and dealing with a very stressful and bad environment at my last job. Many acquaintances/friends/even my boyfriend have given me a pass on not working out or trying to get back to the size I feel comfortable at because I have such little free time. Finally, a few weeks ago, I hit the breaking point at being uncomfortable with my body, and completely revamped my eating habits and started working out.

I only drink on weekends. Every Sunday I prep my breakfasts and lunches for the week. I work out (cardio and strength training) at home Sunday through Thursday. It helps that those are the days my boyfriend works and that we work opposite shifts. Although he is more than supportive and more than okay with how I look, he understands my insecurities and the fact that I'd be uncomfortable with him watching me work out. Even though I have salads for lunch every workday, it helps that there's stuff I like in them, and I make sure to get dressings I enjoy, because hell, it's helping consume cups of lettuce and spinach everyday. I make it something I look forward to. When I work out at home, I put on Netflix to distract me from time or whatever. When I run, I throw a timer on the oven and I don't stop til it goes off. It's taking a while but I'm trying to make it a part of my daily routine that I enjoy.

You mentioned that females can go through a lot, and I mean of course it varies but it's kinda true. I have rosacea so I have non-acne red bumps on my face. I can't leave the house without makeup. It kinda makes me feel weak and sucks but I just suck it up and make sure I have the time to cover it up. Whether or not your issues are weight related, remember to find the time to appreciate yourself. Find something about yourself that you like - it can be as simple as hey, I have really nice hair. Or man, I look really good in this shirt/jeans/whatever. Find something to be confident about, because for me personally, having such low self esteem wrecked my eating habits and metabolism (skipping meals or whatever, a lot of times I'd only eat one large meal a day, which really slowed my system down). There are things we can always work on, but there are things we need to be proud of as well.

IMO, shame is the wrong emotion to feel for being fat.

I gained about 70 lbs due to stress eating over the last 4 years. I've been losing it, but I wasn't ashamed, just bummed. I joined the military after high-school, so working out was pretty much a 7 times a day thing for me. After getting out I... made some bad choices. After losing 20 lbs I can feel my energy levels coming back again once I got back into working out. It's a big deal since I have a two-year old to keep up with. Being able to play with him without getting out of breath is a nice.

I can't speak for all duders/duderettes, but IMO being physically active is good for your physical and mental health, so I recommend it. I also recommend nerdfitness.com. It was hard to get back into my own routine after being away from .mil influences (and a physical fitness requirement for my job), so it helped having some news goals to focus on. There's lots of different ways to be active, so find what works for you and eating better is like 90-80% of the effort.

Good luck, and don't feel bad, feel motivated! Hoo-rah!

It stems from your lifestyle and the confidence you have in yourself. A bit of exercise is always good, but as a single dad who is slowly getting body image issues because I don't really exercise as much, confidence comes into play. People get confidence in different ways and can come from different places. It can come from friends, co-workers, or even strangers. I'd say find something that makes you confident and focus on that. It will help everything fall into place.

I do and I don't.

I used to weigh around 420lbs, so I have some hangups about having lose skin and stuff, but I try to not let it bother me because there's not much to be done about it. I got really into weight lifting a couple of years ago which has helped, both in terms of filling some of that stuff out and making me feel more confident in general.

I also have a giant forehead which leads me to constantly freak out that I'm going bald, even though my hairline hasn't moved back at all.