Do You Stay With Someone Who Cheated?

They'll never see me again.

You talk.

And then decide for yourself depending on the situation: the actions, thoughts, reasons and feelings of the people involved.

Drop the mic and get out.

No.

I have some respect for myself. So I would leave.

well, if she breached the contract then...well...

Wait, relationships are games? How's jumping over the flagpole factor into this?

Did they cheat on you or did they cheat on someone previously?

is the person they're cheating with really hot and amiable for a threesome?

I NEED MORE INFORMATION

They're like the testicular cancer I had, gone.
Cheaters are such human scum I would rather have the cancer back than ever see them again.

Trust is very important to relationships. If someone cheats, how the fuck can you ever trust them again?

I depends on the situation. I find that nothing is ever really black and white.

Are they sorry? Can you forgive them? Can you actually forgive them? What has change in the relationship to make sure it doesn't happen again? Who was the person? Why them? When? How often? Do you love them? How long have you been together? Is there a relationship worth saving?

Details. Work out the details. Some stay together and move on, some stay together and resent the cheater, some break up and regret it, some break up and feel better. There's no black and white... people cheat. What happens after is up to them... fuck random people's opinions.

It completely depends on many factors.

Everyone makes intentional mistakes and has moments of weakness. Some deserve second chances, some don't, and it takes a lot of wisdom to know where a specific person falls.

Nope. If it happened once, it will happen again. Don't be a doormat.

Agreed, random person.

How ironic on a few levels.

@pandabear: Well, that's what I'm asking. What is YOUR opinion on the matter; it's simply trying to get a conversation going.

I'll give mine then, cheating does involve a breach in trust and like Clonedzero trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, be it romantic or otherwise. Cheating to me says "I think I can get away with it and I don't respect you or your feelings," it's basically a giant fuck you. To put a wrinkle on the subject, what if we were on a "break," it depends what kind of break we were taking. What if there are kids involved? For me, as a guy without kids and in an ongoing relationship, I just see it as a matter of respect. I respect you and your feelings and I hope I get the same respect back. If you wanna bang another dude, go ahead, but let's end it so that I may not have a romantic relationship based on lies.

I emphasized the monogamous aspect of this question because obviously in more complex types of relationships, this becomes an even grayer area. Neither am I talking about fuck buddies.

This guy knows whats up.

I say leave them. Everyone can deal with certain things, personally, that's not something I could handle. If I'm in a relationship, I don't want them with other people sexually. Although I know a guy who's girlfriend cheated on him in high school and now they're married.

No. No no no no no.

What if we're talking about a biracial couple?

That's the one big thing I don't think I could ever forgive someone for, but as I have never been in a relationship I can't say how I would react. I would like to think I would be smart enough to tell her to get out and never come back, but I'm a pretty sad individual and would probably find some way to construed it as being my fault and forgive her.

But you're talking about hypothetical situations. You need to give specifics here. Not trying to sound antagonistic, and hey as a general rule it's a very bad sign and yes it should end a relationship. But there's not one perfect rule.

This obviously happened to you.... what are the details? (nothing sordid, just the facts)

I feel a companion poll spawning from the shiny part of my brain.

Wait...why is the poll only adding up to 96%?

Duder, it's over!

I wouldn't require that of a woman. If she asked me not to "cheat", I would comply, but I wouldn't ask the same of her. I don't feel I have the right to forbid her from seeking pleasure outside of the relationship or from finding someone better. I'm not that special. I would take solace in knowing that she still liked me enough to stay in the relationship and only ask her to be hygienic while she's with me.

Pull a 'OJ' and be done with it.

It's usually a good indicator that you're wasting your time. Find someone better.

hahaha, oh you

@pandabear: haha, did it sound like it happened to me? Nope, just thought I'd ask what people think on the subject including me too. Never really gave it much of a thought.

I think that is a complicated issue. First thing to look at would be have they done it before? If so then yeah, I'd say there is merit to just be done with it all right then and there. However, everyone is only human and we all make mistakes if they apologize and actually seem sincere about it a chance at redemption might not be a bad idea. I don't like the idea of dumping someone on the spot if they made an honest mistake.

Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't respect you.

@demoskinos: define "honest mistake" in terms of sexing some other person, or dating them

I'd set myself on fire and eat a sandwich just so her final memory of me would be like what the fuck.

I wouldn't, but I haven't been in a situation where I was cheated on, except for one time when I was a kid.

Fuck no.

I am not the one to answer that. I was with a girl for a year and half. We would meet up fool around then she would scamper off her to Boyfriend after. She cycled through 4 boyfriends in one year, one was even a friend of mines. While I stayed the constant and only getting hurt.

It ended with me saying "you know I love you and its all gotten too much for me" and her reply was "you love me?" I replied "yes....I have been saying it everyday for the last year and half to you...even every 20 minutes...which is probably way too much....it was kinda obvious." she shrugged and I called it off and said goodbye.

Also I was the one being cheated WITH....so I am the odd one.

This made me laugh way more than it should have.

Also, why hasn't anyone posted this yet?

It's the shittiest feeling in the world, and if you're cheated on you're going to feel absolutely FURIOUS. Stay away for a bit and get the anger out of your system and then think about it rationally afterwards. Like others have said there are a lot of factors that go into it, and it's hardly ever black and white.

I did once. I was young and desperate. I'm now older and self-centered.

Some call it emotionally closed. I call it fuck you judgey judgerson.

Drop 'em. If they don't have enough respect for you to be honest and not cheat, then you don't need them.

I think Jeff said it best:

I got cheated on by my second girlfriend and it sucked. It really took me a long time (over a year) to get over it because I really liked her.

I found out a little bit later that in the course of 6 months she went through 8 boyfriends and 3 girlfriends. She also get pregnant by a guy who ended up in jail. Her mom kicked her out of the house, she dropped out of highschool (she was 17 at the time, I think) and now she's living with a kid on social security because she can't get a job, and has no real education to speak of. It's a shame because she was a nice girl and she had the potential to do anything she wanted, but instead made some really shitty decisions. So I guess life is going great for her. Not to get on to the whole race/social thing, but she was a black girl who grew up in a bad part of town, and she eventually ended up in the same place her mother was she had her... And so the cycle goes on...

Well, every situation is different. But allow me to make a blanket statement!

If what happened was an impulsive or one-off thing that didn't require a massive web of lies to keep hidden from you, then that's not so bad, because it's a mistake more than it is a malicious act per se.

But if it was a "running around behind your back" type of situation, with willful deception and a system of lies to keep you from catching on, then your relationship is over, because this person made a level-headed decision based on intent, and being willing to make that decision reflects that they don't respect or trust you on some fundamental level.

And without respect and trust, your shit is fucked!

I would never be able to trust that person again.

It's all circumstantial really. I would try to work it out at the very least. Talk about it, depending on how serious the relationship is, maybe see a counselor. But like others have said, it's all about respect. You never stay with someone who doesn't respect or love you in kind. And even if you did stay with someone who cheated with you, it would be like building from the ground up again. Neither of you would have any respect for each other at that point. I think a relationship COULD recover from that with the right effort or under the right pretexts, but in general I guess the answer is no. Probably not.

However, someone also mentioned kids being involved, and quite honestly, if that was the circumstance I'd probably put up with it for their behalf. Growing up in a single parent household, I wouldn't want the same for my kids. Unless, like, it got to the point where all we did was argue, in which case yeah; the kids don't need that shit.

My thoughts:

Cheating involves sex/sexual acts (e.g. bj, fingering etc) and is unforgivable. If a girl cheats you dump her immediately.

Dating another guy, or pretend sex (i.e. webcam, sexting) is over the line but I wouldn't considering it cheating. In this case I'd giver her one more another chance and I'd expect her to not contact that person again.

Kissing is somewhere in between, I don't know what I'd do if I found out my girlfriend made out with another guy.

A single indiscretion might be worth talking it out, as it might be indicative of a problem in the relationship that needs to be worked out but no one had said anything.

Long term/multiple instance cheating? Fuck that, pack your shit and get out.

I have to stay with her. I got fired today, I need her to pay my rent and my car bill. Damn I love you girl, Everybody makes mistakes, I forgive you.

A one time fuck up where she comes clean and is genuinely regretful. We can talk and maybe work it out.

If I have to find out that it's an ongoing affair that she is hiding behind my back, I'm not dealing with that.

I'd leave them even if it would break me for a while. I don't know. I don't think I could even take a lapse in judgment. Don't even get with me if you think you might do it.