Help. (a slightly darker twist on a girl-help topic)

I've recently stumbled upon something that under normal circumstances would draw my entire relationship (serious relationship; I live with the girl) under question.  However, the way in which I stumbled upon it was not exactly ethical. 
 
What would you do?  Would you still bring up what you found or would you try to work around it?  Would you ignore it altogether? 
 
Here's more context: 
I was hanging out with her for several months before we started dating.  She always made it clear she didn't want a relationship, but I insisted.  Despite not officially being a couple she still managed to break my heart a couple times.  One time she took it too far by blowing off plans that we had and driving out of town to hang out with another guy - one of the guys who she had previously broken my heart with.  I decided enough was enough and started looking elsewhere for a relationship.  Oddly, as soon as I started hanging out with another girl her attitude changed.  She was depressed that she had been treating me the way she had for so long, she said that her eyes had been opened and that she was afraid she already ruined her chances with me.  Eventually the pressure to be with the girl I had been chasing for several months was too much and I told her that I would start a relationship with her if she promised that all the other bullshit would stop.  She did.  We have been 'together' roughly a year and she moved in a couple months ago.  We're currently looking for our own apartment. 
 
Last night I had trouble sleeping.  Something was bothering me about the way she left things with that guy.  She never fully explained to me what had happened.  I decided to do some snooping this morning and here is what I found: 
 
A very short series of mostly boring Facebook messages between the two.  Mostly boring.  This message bothered me to a degree I cannot explain, and the worst part of it was that it was only from April. 
 

So I don't know if/when you'll see this. (And come to think of it, maybe it's a good idea if you don't see it.) 
 
I know we don't really talk anymore, and I understand if it's "awkward" to talk to me now or if you just don't really want to anymore. Really, I do. 
 
But, confession: I miss you a lot and think about you more than I probably "should" and lots of little things remind me of you--orange Starbursts, disposable digital cameras, Cracker Barrel, wind turbines, yarn, scrapbooking stores, ice cream from Dairy Queen, Pillsbury cookie dough, anything relating to The Hunger Games series, menus, tiny balls of paper (ewww)... 
 
Now that I've sufficiently made an ass of myself, I'll stop talking. I hope you're doing well.

murder her

How old is this message?

Wind turbines and yarn? I don't even.

confront. Don't get emotional or angry, just be polite and brief. Admit your fear, apologize for the violation of trust if you feel it necessary. If you can't trust someone it's a big deal and should be taken seriously, especially if you hope for a future with this person.

The girl you decided to align yourself is fucking dangerous for your health. She sounds like a bitch.

I would recommend doing something before you get injured emotionally

You are creepy as fuck that you snooped around on her facebook.  If I were her I'd ditch you just for that

Fake your own death! chicks dig that

Fake your own death. 
 
 
But on the serious side, kill her. 
 
EDIT: @buft beat me by a hair. 
 
And if you want my honest opinion, break up. She sounds like a slut, and I'm sure she'd want to break up if she knew what you did.

murder her

@Pinworm45 said:

murder her

I lol'd.  On topic: As long as she didn't have an equally sappy response to the message, you do nothing. You shouldn't have been snooping in the first place. Yeah, that dude's out of line, but you haven't made it sound like your girlfriend is doing anything to upset you. The dude is just a douche.

No offense but you sound like the girl in this relationship.  Reading her Facebook messages and finding a dude had sent a message to her?  It's not like he was thanking her for last night...
 
Man up, buy her flowers, treat her to a few nice things, she'll not know you've seen the message, she'll think you're doing it on the spur of the moment.  She'll love you a lot more for that than a guy saying yarn reminds him of her.

Sounds like you've established a precedent with this girl that won't go away unless you do something about it. You're someone to be manipulated; used as a back-up plan when things don't work out for her. I only know what you've written here so I can't claim to be correct about this. I've known my share of women and their pets though, and I don't think this girl is going to make you happy in the long run. Just my two cents

Fuuuuuuck. Are those messages from the other guy or did she write those? Were they a mix of the two?

I've been through something like this and it didn't end well at all. I would say this definitely needs to be addressed between the two of you, but the thing is that I don't know what she's like. It depends on if these messages displayed for all to see or if you accessed her account? She could use that invasion of privacy as leverage against you if she feels like you caught her red-handed doing something unethical and disrespectful to you... Like what my ex did 10 years ago.

That's quite a toxic relationship you have. She doesn't seem all that interested in commitment, driving you to be insecure to the point of spying.

Leave her and find another girl. Or confront her and deal with this.

Sounds like you've established a precedent with this girl that won't go away unless you do something about it. You're someone to be manipulated; used as a back-up plan when things don't work out for her. I only know what you've written here so I can't claim to be correct about this. I've known my share of women and their pets though, and I don't think this girl is going to make you happy in the long run. Just my two cents

Touch her shoulder.

@Getz said:

Sounds like you've established a precedent with this girl that won't go away unless you do something about it. You're someone to be manipulated; used as a back-up plan when things don't work out for her. I only know what you've written here so I can't claim to be correct about this. I've known my share of women and their pets though, and I don't think this girl is going to make you happy in the long run. Just my two cents

Believe me, I've asked myself if this was true.  You might be on to something.  The fucked up thing is that while being with her I've potentially ruined my chances at even a friendship with the girl who might treat me better.

@HatKing said:

@Bumpton said:

@Pinworm45 said:

murder her

I lol'd. On topic: As long as she didn't have an equally sappy response to the message, you do nothing. You shouldn't have been snooping in the first place. Yeah, that dude's out of line, but you haven't made it sound like your girlfriend is doing anything to upset you. The dude is just a douche.

It was her that sent the message.

She sent that message? Then just replace everything I wrote after "I've been through this and it didn't end well" with "Get the fuck out and end it." How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

@HatKing: Oh that changes it slightly then,  My point still stands.  Treat her to what she thinks is random acts of kindness and she'll appreciate you a lot more.

@HatKing said:

@Bumpton said:

@Pinworm45 said:

murder her

I lol'd. On topic: As long as she didn't have an equally sappy response to the message, you do nothing. You shouldn't have been snooping in the first place. Yeah, that dude's out of line, but you haven't made it sound like your girlfriend is doing anything to upset you. The dude is just a douche.

It was her that sent the message.

She sent that message? Then just replace everything I wrote after "I've been through this and it didn't end well" with "Get the fuck out and end it." How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

It's kind of fucked up that you read that, I must say. Have you ever considered it was just a one-off drunken message? People sometimes send the stupidest shit for no reason when they're drunk. 
 
Anyway, your relationship is downright toxic. She's clearly not that committed and you're spying on her. Time to break it off.

Now that I know that she sent the message... well, my advice is the same. Get out.  
 
 
I don't even know what the issue here is. How is this a question? What part of you thinks it's a good idea to stay with her? She's a flirt, and you want a stable relationship... why are you even with her? 
 
Do yourself a favour and download every episode of My Brother, My Brother, and Me, a podcast that deals with similar subjects quite often. They'll tell you the same thing, this is a dark, dark path.  
 
I'm honestly baffled you even have to take this issue to the internet. READ THAT MESSAGE SHE WROTE TO ANOTHER DUDE.

@HatKing said:

@bonorbitz said:

@HatKing said:

@Bumpton said:

@Pinworm45 said:

murder her

I lol'd. On topic: As long as she didn't have an equally sappy response to the message, you do nothing. You shouldn't have been snooping in the first place. Yeah, that dude's out of line, but you haven't made it sound like your girlfriend is doing anything to upset you. The dude is just a douche.

It was her that sent the message.

She sent that message? Then just replace everything I wrote after "I've been through this and it didn't end well" with "Get the fuck out and end it." How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

24. It's pathetic, I know.

Nope, not pathetic, dude. You have a loooong time ahead of you to move on, heal up, and find someone else if you feel that's the appropriate direction to take. Coincidentally, I was 24 when I went through the same thing, basically. I left her and now, 10 years later, I'm with the girl I'm going to marry and I can't believe I found someone like her. I never thought I'd find someone so compatible...

Get the fuck out.

I spent 4 years (FOUR GODDAMN YEARS) with a woman like that. Cheated on me the entire time with many different guys, and I always caught her by snooping like this. I lived with her for 2 years and paid for her college and gave her everything she had asked for. Anyways the last time I found her texting one of her friends about a guy she fucked a few nights before who was the same guy as the first time I caught her telling her how much he "improved" since last time. I kicked her ass out and moved as far away as I could. She still stalks me today so much as she's even a user on here, and will not stop replying to everything I say on twitter, both of which she had no desire to be on before I left. If she wasn't still getting some of my mail, I'd block her.

Just confront her head on, to see if she'll admit it. Either way, just leave before you get yourself in as deep as I was. It won't end well if you stay.

Fake her death...

As a married dude who's had his share of relationships in the past with a pretty good variety of types of girls (including a previous marriage, way too young), I can definitely give you this advice: while it's not especially cool to go reading her Facebook messages (unless they were public and I missed that somehow), get the fuck out of that relationship immediately.

Take your time and find someone you love and trust and who loves you back. It might take you a while, be patient. Nice guys might finish last, but they finish best.

The pair of you sound like 12 year olds. I'd say you're perfect for each other, but you both sound pathetic

Fuck the misogyny here is ripe.  It was before she moved in with you.  It may have absolutely no meaning.  Here's an idea, have a conversation about the relationship.  You know, treat her as a person and talk about the future.

If you feel the need to snoop just end it now, don't waste your fucking time.

Fuck the misogyny here is ripe.  It was before she moved in with you.  It may have absolutely no meaning.  Here's an idea, have a conversation about the relationship.  You know, treat her as a person and talk about the future.

@Evilsbane said:

If you feel the need to snoop just end it now, don't waste your fucking time.

Exactly what I was thinking. Why the fuck did you move in with this girl if you distrust her to the point where you'll snoop on her Facebook? It's time to move on.

You should read or read about Esther Vilar's "The Manipulated Man" whenever you get the chance.

Bury your suspicions and feelings for a while. Leave it as an underlying issue that slowly eats away at you and in a couple of years when you can not take it any more explode in a fit of rage and burn your house down.

@Evilsbane said:

If you feel the need to snoop just end it now, don't waste your fucking time.

Exactly what I was thinking. Why the fuck did you move in with this girl if you distrust her to the point where you'll snoop on her Facebook? It's time to move on.

Bury your suspicions and feelings for a while. Leave it as an underlying issue that slowly eats away at you and in a couple of years when you can not take it any more explode in a fit of rage and burn your house down.

@HatKing said:

@sgjackson said:

@Evilsbane said:

If you feel the need to snoop just end it now, don't waste your fucking time.

Exactly what I was thinking. Why the fuck did you move in with this girl if you distrust her to the point where you'll snoop on her Facebook? It's time to move on.

Because I legitimately believed her when she told me she had changed. It was only last night that I randomly felt off about something. I can't say what drove me to snoop as I'm not even sure myself. But you may be on to something.

You know why you had that little weird feeling? Because you didn't believe her from day fucking one about the other guy, but you wanted to get with her enough that you put that feeling aside, well you can only lie to yourself for so long we've all been there in one way or the other duder.

And once again, the book tells more about the author than the subject.