Help! Stuck in a kareoke dive bar!

With my girlfriend and her mum! WHATDOIDO?!

Start singing.

Yell "THIS IS A STICKUP!" and jump on a table.

Poop.

Have sex with the mom.

Leave.

I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON, I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON

touch her shoulder.

I cant post pics from mobile can I?

Obviously you need to get up there and start singing Hallelujah to your girlfriend to forever cement your love with her.

Enjoy it

Have sex with the mom.

@Animasta said:

touch her shoulder.

Never not good advice.

Drink. A lot.

What's a karaoke dive bar? I understand the karaoke and bar part, but where does "dive" come in?

What's a karaoke dive bar? I understand the karaoke and bar part, but where does "dive" come in?

@MiniPato said:

What's a karaoke dive bar? I understand the karaoke and bar part, but where does "dive" come in?

not sure what the etymology of "dive" is, but a dive bar is a really shitty bar of ill repute

Build a house, now you live there.

Start singing some Tom Waits.

Start singing some Nick Cave, or that Q Lazarus song from Silence of the Lambs.

@Jay_Ray said:

I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON, I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON

GIRLS THEY WANNA HAVE FUUHUN

@Breadfan said:

Start singing some Tom Waits.

Especially if you're in a dive bar.

I'm pretty sure this is the part where you get on stage and rap "the real slim shady." Take it back.

Mobilize the Giant Bomb commandos! There's a duder in need!

Are you still stuck there?

Get as drunk as possible until the evening turns into a blank. The night was successful if you wake up next to your girlfriend, incredibly successful if you wake up next to the mom.

Seriously though kids: don't drink and dive.

Are you still stuck there?

Mobilize the Giant Bomb commandos! There's a duder in need!

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Scott Weiland is there?

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Okay, do you have a ride home? If so, get as drunk as you can. If money is tight, just do shots of tequila until you can't feel your face anymore. I recommend you remain sitting while you do this as you will probably fall over if upright.

@Gladiator_Games: Troll the shit out of everyone by singing "I Want a New Drug" lyrics over the Ghostbusters music.

Demand that the bar put on X GON GIVE IT TO YA

Alternatively pick Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and sing it like DMX

@PenguinDoctor said:

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Scott Weiland is there?

if someone sounds like they're strangling a cat while singing at a dive bar, then you can bet your ass Scott Weiland's there.

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Okay, do you have a ride home? If so, get as drunk as you can. If money is tight, just do shots of tequila until you can't feel your face anymore. I recommend you remain sitting while you do this as you will probably fall over if upright.

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Okay, do you have a ride home? If so, get as drunk as you can. If money is tight, just do shots of tequila until you can't feel your face anymore. I recommend you remain sitting while you do this as you will probably fall over if upright.

Feels like a rubber richard nixon mask, as recommended!

Okay, you're most of the way there. Keep drinking until it feels like a Gary Busey mask. Then drink some more until you feel like you are Gary Busey. At that point, you won't care where you are.

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Okay, do you have a ride home? If so, get as drunk as you can. If money is tight, just do shots of tequila until you can't feel your face anymore. I recommend you remain sitting while you do this as you will probably fall over if upright.

Feels like a rubber richard nixon mask, as recommended!

Okay, you're most of the way there. Keep drinking until it feels like a Gary Busey mask. Then drink some more until you feel like you are Gary Busey. At that point, you won't care where you are.

Two options.

1. Move away from the karaoke and to the bar. Drink as much as possible, and the night will be a blur. You'll be fine after that.
2. Get up to the karaoke, start a competition if there isn't one already, and proceed to belt your heart out to Bon Jovi's 'Shot Through the Heart' or similar and win said competition. You then drop the mic, leap off-stage, sweep that lady off her feet, and apologise to the daughter/mother, whichever catches your eye first.

I don't see how you could possibly end up in a bad position either way. Good luck, sir!

@PeasantAbuse said:

Have sex with the mom.

Drink you fool!

Sounds like a good excuse for a threesome.

Don't stop singing!

Rum + coke + I believe in a thing called love by the Darkness. You got this, duder.

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

@Gladiator_Games said:

@Ravenlight

Are you still stuck there?

Yessir. Someone is strangling a cat into the mic to the tune of "plush"

Okay, do you have a ride home? If so, get as drunk as you can. If money is tight, just do shots of tequila until you can't feel your face anymore. I recommend you remain sitting while you do this as you will probably fall over if upright.

Feels like a rubber richard nixon mask, as recommended!

Okay, you're most of the way there. Keep drinking until it feels like a Gary Busey mask. Then drink some more until you feel like you are Gary Busey. At that point, you won't care where you are.

Where does Michael Richards fall on that scale?

About a 4/10

I agree with @Toxin066 Unless you're already a monstrously good singer, your best bet is to get wasted. I'd go with Under Pressure by Queen.

FREEDOM MY FRIENDS! I HAVE SURVIVED! And even managed to take the right woman home!