I need feedback on a comedy short I helped film.

@JOSHardson said:

Edit: I added this video to the first post. Should've done that in the first place I guess.

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Alright, we've finished our second short. This one was much more ambitious. We shot everything underexposed so I already know it looks a little crappier than the last. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks in advance for any critiquing.

Better but the phone call dragged on way too long.

@theANCIENTgray: Yeah, I can definitely see that. It's tough to cut. We actually cut more that two minutes of usable dialogue out already. Thanks for the feedback.

Needs more J.S. Bach. But the filming was good, and it's comfortable to look at. You guys have potential, so keep it up;) I guess the only thing for my part was the jokes, but this comes from a guy who doesn't like Little Britain. Using fading lights between axial cuts was creative.
 
In the Joey one you break to 30 rule (edit: "jump cut" is the words I was looking for) to give the impression of jumping forward in time, which is a good technique, but it seems like they would be the kind of gang that would try to interrupt him by asking what he's doing, Joey we're trying to plan our heist here, etc. It seems like he's standing there for like 10 minutes just practising without them interfering. It's a good joke though. 
 
Do you have an education in filming? Or did you learn this by yourself?

@foggel said:

Do you have an education in filming? Or did you learn this by yourself?

I am just a hobbyist, but one in our crew has a film degree and another is working on his. The writer is also working on his creative writing degree. I was the principle camera operator on both shorts, and it's something I really enjoy doing. I could have used a little schooling, but I have found I learn a lot better by self teaching from the wealth of available info that is out there.

Here's our newest short

That finger guns video was fucking awesome.

I subscribed ;D

@Djnuttty: Thank you. Glad you like it.

I really liked the first segment. I literally laughed out loud. And where are you from? I can't place the big guy's accent

@wmaustin55: You can't place it because we are from Memphis, TN and it was a faked accent. We got a laugh at how much it shifted between scenes. Thanks for watching and commenting.

I really liked the way that started, but then it kind of went to an unbelievable place and a lot of stuff happened so fast that it was kind of hard to tell what was going on.

One problem was it felt like you were going after two different jokes here, with two different types of humor. One was pretty funny, the exorcising fat guy, at least to me, and one wasn’t that funny, the finger guns, but that might have been because you didn’t develop it in the video.

One of the other problems with the finger guns joke is that you have the protagonist confused, which makes the watcher, me, confused, whom makes me think about things that are not what is happening on screen at the time.

Having said all that, it was significantly better than your first video, and better than your second video, even though that one wasn’t that bad. I think you could have cut the video off after the jogger did finger guns to the protagonist.

With the mafia one I think someone else should have started to like the new guy or maybe all of them. Like just have someone raise their hand when he asks if anyone wants gum and when he asks about the weather have a couple of them talk back and forth about the weather. Guy 1: "I heard it's supposed to rain" Guy 2: "Ah really? My petunias will get drowned out!" Guy 1: "You finally went through with your spice garden! How's it goi.." Boss: "SHUT UP!" It's pretty stereotypical but hey it works.

For the first one I agree that you could probably cut it after the guy shoots for the first time. But if you want the rest I would suggest cutting the reaction of shooting the dude down a bit. "Oh god what have I done" straight into "You shot that guy!". When he gets caught by the police I'd either go for a twist ending or have the guy have a taste for blood and want to kill the police. Maybe have a hostage. I'd cut out the news report. Instead have a twist or maybe have a shot of him dead then a joke. Like a scene at the morgue and have his gf say something or have two cops talk over him at the crime scene. Or cut to two of his friends talking about him Friend 1: "Did you hear? Cool guy got shot!" Friend 2: "Why the fuck do you keep calling him cool guy?"

@Dagbiker: All valid points. Thank you. I'll discuss it with our writer.

@IzzyGraze: You've got some good ideas!.Thanks for taking the time to share them. I'll take them back to the drawing board.

Also, we're about to do our first holiday themed sketch for Halloween. Subscribe or like our facebook page if you want to see more from us. We think we are fun to talk to.

Hi guys and gals. My film crew and I have created another short for you enjoyment(?). Let me know what you think and feel free to rip it apart. I personally think it's the best thing we've made so far. Enjoy!

Well, it's been a productive year. Tell us how you feel about all our videos so far as we finish up our Christmas Spectacular!!!

The Documentary one was pretty funny. Definitely liked the acting (you guys do a great job), and overall I thought it was pretty funny.

I also watched the Cool Guy. That one I thought was funnier. It wasn't too long, and the premise itself elicited a chuckle from me, it's something I never would have thought of. The ending was a lil flat (the newscast brought it down IMO), but overall solid. Keep up the good work :)

@Angre_Leperkan439: Thank you. We will definitely keep it up . New short should be up by the end of the year. Keep in touch with us here. We're always up for talking.

Just watched the newest one and it was meh honestly. To start positive your production values seem quite good. The camera work and quality are great so keep it up. On the other hand I just didn't find the writing to be that funny. It just fell flat for me. It was definitely not the worst thing I've seen but there is quite a bit of room for improvement.

@Sackmanjones: Thank you sir. The latest does air on the dry side of humor. It's not for everybody. Thanks for giving it a shot though!

Here's an extended cut of the Mike Mitchell magic video in our last short. It was a fun little thing that was put together for our facebook fan page. Speaking of facebook. You can talk to and like us here.

@JOSHardson: I think you guys are hilarious. There are some moments that seem to slightly take away from the funny scene. The news report at the end of the finger guns kind of ruined it for me, but I really enjoyed the documentary one. Dry humour is the best. I burst out laughing when @calebholland: said MAGIC on the toilet.

Here is our long awaited (by us at least) Christmas spectacular. We put a ton of work into this one, and I feel it shows. I would like to hear tales of how it uplifted your soul and filled you with the Christmas spirit. Enjoy.

Well, I liked it. Especially, the writing.

@Baillie: Thanks for the critique. We're refining with every short we make. So far, I feel we've seen improvement.

Here's our newest. People seem to dig it. If you don't, please tell me why. Thanks, duders.