My open letter to George Lucas

If George wants to have his way with the Special Edition, at least he shouldn't do it stupidly. I hate him, I hate his face.

F*** George Lucas. I am 30 and grew up watching Star Wars. A real fan of the idea of the force, before it became Aerian-esque, and Nazi-like. Lucas can shove every one of those microscopic midichlorians up his weiner hole, until he pisses lightning.

May the force be with you.

This letter sucks, this thread sucks.

i think you should put more thought into the letter.

I concur with the above posts.

Funny how 2 movies came out before you were born. BTW they always had a Nazi theme. Take it from someone who was around in 77 when Star Wars was released. I detect much fear and anger in you.

George Lucas. Why did you make Anakin Skywalker and Jar Jar Binks so annoying? Is it possible for you to kill them off in the Special Edition? OR at least make Anakin Skywalker less annoying? No? Well...I'll just buy the Special Edition anyway. Yeah, see how that feels!

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Too long.

"Dear George

You should've died in 1989. Everything you've ever done since then has been a blight on existence.

Sincerely yours, a hater"

I never saw that flick Fanboys about those super Star Wars geeks that broke into SKywalker Ranch to see Phantom Menace early so their cancer ridden buddy could see it before he died.

I haven't heard that it doesn't end with them sneaking into George's bedroom while he's sleeping and stabbing/smothering him to death afterwards. What a waste.

I love George, he single handedly created a subculture of nerds and then proceeded to troll the fuck out of them. And laughing all the way to the bank.

I told George Lucas, or Luke as we call him here down on the ranch, and he said to shove it up your ass. And that hes going to "milk Star Wars(r) ( he told me to make sure to put the registerd symbol there ) so hard its going to be walking funny in the morning". Also he said that "watching all those fans camping out to watch my crappy film was the most entertaining thing in his life". also he said "jarjar is going to fuck your wife".

your 30... really?

It's a freaking movie trilogy. Go get upset over something that should/does actually affect your everyday life.

You know, I came here thinking I'd find a serious, well thought-out letter to that Lucas about how he's mishandling the Star Wars brand.. but instead I find this.

If you are going to bother sending me hate mail then at least put some effort into it and not come across as some disgruntled knob. Love, George.

Ok, as a parent who recently watched all six movies (in chronological order) with his son...the stories kinda suck. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Star Wars as a kid, had tons of Star Wars toys, watched the movies, books, etc.

But too much in the story doesn't make any sense. Some simple examples:

A New Hope: If you're trying to hide someone on a remote desert planet..perhaps consider changing their name. Also..our modern police would have found Solo and Co. in a few minutes..the stormtroopers can't without a machine? Surely there would be some sort of sniffing creature/robot they could use...

Empire Strikes Back: Seriously? WALKERS? Being that they already having various flying troop carriers...what exactly is the need for such an ungainly device? Here is a much simpler and more effective solution: Bombbard the planet until it resembles a sheet of radioactive glass. Sure that shield might protect against lasers..but what about physical projectiles? Radiation? Chemical or biological weapons? Or even better..you're the Empire..drop your walkers right on top of the base. Sure, you'll lose a couple, but so what...you've got more. There's always more clones in the vat.

Return of the Jedi: Boba Fett. The badest, scariest bounty hunter in all the galaxy..and a jetpack malfunction shoots him into a Sarlacc? Here's an idea: use the jetpack to get OUT of the Sarlacc. Along those lines..who cares if it takes a 1000 years to digest someone..they'll be dead much sooner than that. Also..seems like after the incident with the FIRST Death Star, they might have taken security just a bit more seriously the second time around. Blockade the moon, have a large garrison, burn down large swaths of the forest around the generator..build a wall maybe..force field..you know..protect it.

In general: If the force has to be balanced and the Jedi are in control, how is it balanced? Shouldn't there be some sort of join Jedi/Sith comittee to have balance? Wouldn't the tyranny of the Jedi be just as bad as the tyranny of the Sith? Would a Republic even work? Why are battle droids so stupid? Wouldn't someone just hunt down and exterminate all of the Sand People maybe even Jabba? If Yoda could see the fucking future, WHY DIDN'T HE GO KILL PALPATINE EARLIER? Even better...why go alone? Why didn't Mace Windu and the others take the mega-grand wizard of the force, Yoda, with them? How come nobody bitch slapped Luke until he stopped whining so much? Why didn't Jabba just confiscate Solo's ship? What is the actual need for a Death Star? Wouldn't nuclear weapons in large quantities be sufficient to destroy a planet? The list goes on and on...I had a REALLY hard time enjoying the movies this time around.

I love George, he single handedly created a subculture of nerds and then proceeded to troll the fuck out of them. And laughing all the way to the bank.

Dear, George Lucas

Gerard Butler should be recast as C-3PO, you mother fucker

I don't believe that he'll take your letter seriously.

I think he would see pissing lightning as a bonus, so now he can electrocute you as he slaps you in the face with his dong and his wads of money.

@TeflonBilly said:

Too long.

"Dear George

You should've died in 1989. Everything you've ever done since then has been a blight on existence.

Sincerely yours, a hater"

This just strengthens my belief

I was going to post a parody video of George Lucas lashing out at his fans, but apparently it's been removed from Youtube by his lawyers.

So instead... hmm. nope, guess I got nothing.

@Marcsman said:

Funny how 2 movies came out before you were born. BTW they always had a Nazi theme. Take it from someone who was around in 77 when Star Wars was released. I detect much fear and anger in you.

Much fear and anger in you I detect.

To the Dark Side you will go.

@the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG: I'm sorry...really I am. I'm sad about it too...yet another piece of my childhood gone.

@lazyturtle: You are a bad person. :(

@Still_I_Cry: Yes and no. I didn't reveal ANY of this to my son..so he LOVES him some Star Wars. I figure that cancels out crushing some teen/adults love of the movies.

*George Lucas reads the post*

Muhahahhahaha!

Fanboys.

*Wipes tears from laughing too much with $100 bills*

Maybe in 30 years they'll photoshop Hayden Christensen out of the movies. Then people born in like 1997 can cry about it.

fuck you george. you killed Porkins, my favorite character.

There just movies.

Words of wisdom; never watch Crystal Skull. ; P

Pretty sad to get so hung up on Star Wars.

My open letter to the OP,
 
Stop being a manbaby.
 
Yours truly, a sensible denizen of the internet.

The only real problem I have with Lucas is that he wanted to have so much control over the prequels. He wrote and directed each of them himself, and it proved how much of a collaborative effort the original trilogy was, except for A New Hope. Those movies didn't have to suck. They weren't destined to fail; it was a cold, calculative effort by Lucas to single-handedly ruin each of the prequels. An outside director and more than one writer working on those movies could have done wonders, or at least prevented the catastrophe that happened.

@thevigilanteoflove said:

The only real problem I have with Lucas is that he wanted to have so much control over the prequels. He wrote and directed each of them himself, and it proved how much of a collaborative effort the original trilogy was, except for A New Hope. Those movies didn't have to suck. They weren't destined to fail; it was a cold, calculative effort by Lucas to single-handedly ruin each of the prequels. An outside director and more than one writer working on those movies could have done wonders, or at least prevented the catastrophe that happened.

I wouldn't give him the credit of intentionally wanting to ruin the prequel films, it just happened because of the circumstances. I subscribe to the theory that the fine folks at Red Letter Media propose, which is that he was surrounded by obliging yes-men during the production of those films, and nobody would ever question him on anything, no matter how stupid it was.

These are the best breakdowns of the prequel trilogy (I am certain they have been linked many times before here across Whiskey Media's forums, but whatever). They require some investment as they're fairly long, but they contain a great deal of interesting criticism, particularly about behind-the-scenes stuff.

@lazyturtle said:

Ok, as a parent who recently watched all six movies (in chronological order) with his son...the stories kinda suck. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Star Wars as a kid, had tons of Star Wars toys, watched the movies, books, etc.

But too much in the story doesn't make any sense. Some simple examples:

A New Hope: If you're trying to hide someone on a remote desert planet..perhaps consider changing their name. Also..our modern police would have found Solo and Co. in a few minutes..the stormtroopers can't without a machine? Surely there would be some sort of sniffing creature/robot they could use...

Empire Strikes Back: Seriously? WALKERS? Being that they already having various flying troop carriers...what exactly is the need for such an ungainly device? Here is a much simpler and more effective solution: Bombbard the planet until it resembles a sheet of radioactive glass. Sure that shield might protect against lasers..but what about physical projectiles? Radiation? Chemical or biological weapons? Or even better..you're the Empire..drop your walkers right on top of the base. Sure, you'll lose a couple, but so what...you've got more. There's always more clones in the vat.

Return of the Jedi: Boba Fett. The badest, scariest bounty hunter in all the galaxy..and a jetpack malfunction shoots him into a Sarlacc? Here's an idea: use the jetpack to get OUT of the Sarlacc. Along those lines..who cares if it takes a 1000 years to digest someone..they'll be dead much sooner than that. Also..seems like after the incident with the FIRST Death Star, they might have taken security just a bit more seriously the second time around. Blockade the moon, have a large garrison, burn down large swaths of the forest around the generator..build a wall maybe..force field..you know..protect it.

In general: If the force has to be balanced and the Jedi are in control, how is it balanced? Shouldn't there be some sort of join Jedi/Sith comittee to have balance? Wouldn't the tyranny of the Jedi be just as bad as the tyranny of the Sith? Would a Republic even work? Why are battle droids so stupid? Wouldn't someone just hunt down and exterminate all of the Sand People maybe even Jabba? If Yoda could see the fucking future, WHY DIDN'T HE GO KILL PALPATINE EARLIER? Even better...why go alone? Why didn't Mace Windu and the others take the mega-grand wizard of the force, Yoda, with them? How come nobody bitch slapped Luke until he stopped whining so much? Why didn't Jabba just confiscate Solo's ship? What is the actual need for a Death Star? Wouldn't nuclear weapons in large quantities be sufficient to destroy a planet? The list goes on and on...I had a REALLY hard time enjoying the movies this time around.

You did NOT just advocate the killing of Sand People! Shame on you you racist monster!

George Lucas has always loved to troll - so much so that he created a whole trilogy of films that captivated a generation, just to troll the living f**k out of the millions of dedicated fans who made Star Wars their religion in childhood. Myself, included. I can't say I enjoyed being trolled so hard, but I applaud the grandiose level on which it was done.

Get over it.

@lazyturtle said:

Ok, as a parent who recently watched all six movies (in chronological order) with his son...the stories kinda suck. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Star Wars as a kid, had tons of Star Wars toys, watched the movies, books, etc.

But too much in the story doesn't make any sense. Some simple examples:

A New Hope: If you're trying to hide someone on a remote desert planet..perhaps consider changing their name. Also..our modern police would have found Solo and Co. in a few minutes..the stormtroopers can't without a machine? Surely there would be some sort of sniffing creature/robot they could use...

Empire Strikes Back: Seriously? WALKERS? Being that they already having various flying troop carriers...what exactly is the need for such an ungainly device? Here is a much simpler and more effective solution: Bombbard the planet until it resembles a sheet of radioactive glass. Sure that shield might protect against lasers..but what about physical projectiles? Radiation? Chemical or biological weapons? Or even better..you're the Empire..drop your walkers right on top of the base. Sure, you'll lose a couple, but so what...you've got more. There's always more clones in the vat.

Return of the Jedi: Boba Fett. The badest, scariest bounty hunter in all the galaxy..and a jetpack malfunction shoots him into a Sarlacc? Here's an idea: use the jetpack to get OUT of the Sarlacc. Along those lines..who cares if it takes a 1000 years to digest someone..they'll be dead much sooner than that. Also..seems like after the incident with the FIRST Death Star, they might have taken security just a bit more seriously the second time around. Blockade the moon, have a large garrison, burn down large swaths of the forest around the generator..build a wall maybe..force field..you know..protect it.

In general: If the force has to be balanced and the Jedi are in control, how is it balanced? Shouldn't there be some sort of join Jedi/Sith comittee to have balance? Wouldn't the tyranny of the Jedi be just as bad as the tyranny of the Sith? Would a Republic even work? Why are battle droids so stupid? Wouldn't someone just hunt down and exterminate all of the Sand People maybe even Jabba? If Yoda could see the fucking future, WHY DIDN'T HE GO KILL PALPATINE EARLIER? Even better...why go alone? Why didn't Mace Windu and the others take the mega-grand wizard of the force, Yoda, with them? How come nobody bitch slapped Luke until he stopped whining so much? Why didn't Jabba just confiscate Solo's ship? What is the actual need for a Death Star? Wouldn't nuclear weapons in large quantities be sufficient to destroy a planet? The list goes on and on...I had a REALLY hard time enjoying the movies this time around.

I love star wars so much that I have in universe reasons for almost all of those points, but I don't really want to bore anyone with them. Suffice to say that writers, who were allowed the opportunity to play in the universe went out of their way to plug up a lot of plot holes that the original movies didn't address.

While Lucas might seem to be actively trying to ruin everything he touches now, he's just unfortunately not that great of a director or writer. It has always been the set backs and the entire crew's ingenuity to get around them that made the original trilogy what they are. Lucas didn't have any set backs, and he didn't try to find any way around obstacles when he ran into them, instead he threw ILM at the problem and said, just make it all happen in the computer. No one needs to have practical effects or actors, or hell even costumes anymore. He talks about that rather proudly when I think it's a real shameful thing, he always boasts how they never actually made a physical clone trooper costume for the prequel trilogy that every single one was digital. While it was certainly possible to make the movie that way, it certainly took away the charm that the stormtroopers had in the original trilogy.

@Rawrnosaurous said:

I agree with Lazyturtle. The movies were good when I saw them when I was young but when I go back to watch them now there are terrible. Like all the points turtle listed and then some, like how stormtroopers were blind retards. I just don't see what's great about them when I see them when I'm older.

@Powderwombat:

Next time I see George I'll give him your letter. He'll be thrilled.

@TeflonBilly: During the last scene the rest of them goes to see Star Wars in the cinema, and just before it begins one of them says "Wait. What if it sucks?"

@BlinkyTM: They're lazy, take up all the best water holes, they come fer our women folk...Perhaps Jabba could round them up and send them to reservations out in the Great Dune Sea....:)

To be fair, I read a few Star Wars short stories, one of which was about the Sand People..made them much more interesting. The one about Boba Fett escaping from the Sarlacc was good too.

@lazyturtle said:

@BlinkyTM: They're lazy, take up all the best water holes, they come fer our women folk...Perhaps Jabba could round them up and send them to reservations out in the Great Dune Sea....:)

To be fair, I read a few Star Wars short stories, one of which was about the Sand People..made them much more interesting. The one about Boba Fett escaping from the Sarlacc was good too.

Yeah, I read the Boba Fett story and read some comic books and junk on the Sand People. Save the Sand People!