"To the Management of Lincoln Square Cinemas"

 After spending a week to take part with family in out of state vacation, followed immediately with six days of straight work, followed by partaking in a goods friends wedding celebration, followed by immediately more work: I look forward to the two days of rest that I get to achieve.  
...yay....
 
I'm so happy that a competent movie was released in the time frame of my rest. If not, simply one of the best films I have seen in years. District 9 is absolutely astounding. It reminded me why I go an see the movies. Why we should support the film industry when it does something right.
 
Now, the theater on the other hand, can pretty much go screw itself.
 
Perhaps the following story will not faze you the slightest. Perhaps you, have a better one to share? (If you do, please share it.) But this was perhaps one of the worst experiences I've had at a theater. Perhaps me and my friends were incredibly fortunate that only this happened.
 
To be fair, I didn't get the brunt of it. The people directly affected were the two individuals I arrived at the theater with. For me at first it was simply a small annoyance. The only thing I get to complain about is the fact I spent $11 on a popcorn and a soda, and latter spent $7 on a full meal at Wendy's, which was my bad because stupid inflated food prices have been a commodity at theaters for years. 
 
No, perhaps my friend can be better at explaining his frustrations that I am. Regardless of the situation and outcome of whatever arises from what happened. (We are realistic, nothing probably will.) I present to you his letter, that goes so far to include greek mythology to express his frustration.
Please, enjoy.
 
 

To the Management of Lincoln Square Cinemas,

On the evening of August 17, 2009, around 8:00 PM, I arrived at your theater to see the 8:15 showing of District 9. One of my companions was without state identification, and therefore was not sold a ticket. He was able to produce a University of Washington Student identification which identified him as a sophomore, but that was not sufficient according to the senior employee at the box office. I then spoke to the manager on his behalf, who backed up the box office employee, reiterating that he needed “state issued” identification that had a verifiable date printed somewhere on the card.

I can understand the dilemma; while the ratings system carries no legal authority and is purely voluntary at the discretion of the theater, rules are rules and we clearly did not meet their requirements. We quickly left the mall, drove to his house, got a passport, and raced back just in time to see the end of the previews. No harm no foul, right? Yes, it was extremely annoying, irritating, maddening, and irksome to fulfill your manager’s request, but he was just doing his job. Up until this point, I had no legitimate reason to take issue with your theater.

As my friend and I entered theater sixteen, I had the good fortune to witness something so nauseating that I wanted to grab a makeshift soapbox and vehemently condemn your poorly run enterprise from its very lobby. The disheveled, shabbily dressed ticket taker working theater sixteen encountered the same problem your box office employee did with me and my friend; two customers were without identification. He handled the situation a little differently. Hungrily noticing that these two individuals were pretty ladies – damsels in distress for our slovenly subject – he encouraged them to enter and enjoy the movie, saying that it was “no big deal.” I called him out on his decision, and he rebuffed me, claiming that he and the box office employee made the right decision, as they both could “get in trouble.” For one who smelt of cheap cologne and malt liquor, the man’s wisdom was sagely. He has obviously reached enlightenment, and does not need to ponder the merits of carding one set of people and not another.
My issue here is two-fold. Firstly, the level of hypocrisy that saturates our little scenario is both ghastly and stomach-churning. Mr. Ticket Taker cares enough about his job to refuse the average movie-goer without identification, as well he should. But if a pair of buxom, giggling young ladies confronts him, he is powerless and lets his dick think for him. This is not exactly fair or ethical, as I am sure you recognize.

Secondly, the fact that these two girls were confronted for their lack of I.D. at the door to the movie shows that someone in the box office obviously made the same well-informed decision as the delightful and whimsical vagabond you guys pay to tear tickets. To buy tickets for an R rated film is to also be carded. This step clearly did not happen.

Surely you have figured out by now that I am pissed. Not cantankerous-old-man-pissed, or Keanu-Reeves-trying-to-act-pissed pissed, but a genuine and baleful degree of pissed worthy of only Atreus and Thyestes (you might need to google that one). Your theater has one week to contact me, and when they do we will discuss options your staff can take to avoid these problems in the future. Think of it as a free “You’ll thank me later” training exercise. Otherwise, I can promise that I will contact the appropriate authorities and notify them that you don’t particularly follow their cutesy little ratings system. Instead you’re a theater that grabs life by the balls, tells the establishment to go screw itself, and boldly charters a territory free of ratings, all for the glory of maybe, on a 99.9% chance, getting some tail.

These little events must happen all the time, and I can promise that next time they will be well-documented and shown to your landlords.

Cheers,
Peter

Your friend is awesome merely for citing Greek mythology when taking issue with a theatre's procedural workings.

I'm not sure about your friends argument, they were ladies after all. Tell your friend, "hey man, what about the ladies?"
 
99.9% is a pretty high percentage on tail, just thought I'd let you know. I'd probably kill my grandmother for 99.9%.

That's quite the well-written complaint letter, sir, but I doubt any adults working at a movie theater will understand some of the words included in it.  
 
I have a story.... 
 
The night Funny People opened up my friends and I wanted to check out a newly opened theater to see it. The place was nice, but I had no ID. My first friend in line got carded, and I lacked proper identification (I am 17....I now have a learner's permit to show my age) so I instinctively did what I always did; bought a ticket to see a PG-13 movie (in this case it was Harry Potter) and sneak into Funny People. The manager was watching the row of cinemas like a hawk, making sure nobody pulls a fast one on him. I had to wait a few extra minutes so that the fucktards that were charged with cleaning the place (the theaters were tiny and yet they were still slow as hell) to finish up. While I waited a crowd slowly formed, and I lodged myself into the middle of it. When they finally started letting people in, I made a slight turn right and into Funny People and heard a "STOP! GET BACK HERE!" 
 
Before I knew it I was being dragged out of the theater by my collar, laughed at by a trio of green freaks there to support their local indie films. I watched Harry Twatter until my friends got out of Funny People and then proceeded to piss all over the cinema's bathroom floor like a complete ass. It sounded like a good idea at the time, and I did sneak in a liter of water.

Yeah but, they had nice boobs so his reasoning is completely understandable.

It's Bellevue, I expect this sort of behavior.

"@Everyones_A_Critic: See, that is understandable, you are underage. We are all well into our20's. But that was a pretty creative scenario you tried to pull, hats off.


"

"@Everyones_A_Critic:  Now you are a special kind of asshole. You weren't actually wronged and yet you chose to act like a child and ruin things for everyone at the theatre. I'm sure the guy that cleaned that up was responsible for no offense to you but you had make his night shit anyways didn't you. You deserve nothing, except maybe a face plant in your puddle. "

I got that greek mythology reference. With that being said, I am sorry that had to happen. I think it was a break down at every conceivable level. Oh, and about that letter, it was hilarious, but will get you nowhere. The letter sounds so sarcastic and makes the writer look like an asshole. Stuff like that happens, you let it go and never go back.

" It's Bellevue, I expect this sort of behavior. "

" @vidiot  
  
Yes, but Lincoln Square does have nice seats. On a serious note if you post the theater's response this thread will be complete.  "

 I deal with douchebag customers daily at work. "

" @Everyones_A_Critic said:

 I deal with douchebag customers daily at work. "

And how often do you clean up their piss? You profoundly disrespected another human being that did nothing to you simply because you didn't get to see a movie. Not to mention the other movie goers that had to wade through your ego just to take a piss of their own. And you have the nerve to compare that to shitty customer service work. 
 
You don't understand the meaning of the term Douch bag, which is ironic considering how well it fits you. 
 
@vidiot: Actually that's why english majors aren't captains of industry. Fuck english majors, don't piss off your waiter unless you like spit in your food. My point is you could have actually stopped that practice from continuing, you had a right to be pissed but your buddy pissed it away by being a smart ass. I can tell you from professional experience that any theatre would have addressed your concerns and given you and your freind free passes if he had only written a well crafted letter of complaint. Can english majors do that or are they only capable of high brow insults? "

They didn't have to wade through it, you act like I made a river. It was some seat splatter and a puddle. "

 I watched Harry Twatter until my friends got out of Funny People and then proceeded to piss all over the cinema's bathroom floor like a complete ass. It sounded like a good idea at the time

@Babble said:

" @vidiot  
  
Yes, but Lincoln Square does have nice seats. On a serious note if you post the theater's response this thread will be complete.  "

Wow, I didn't realize how many people live in that area on this website.  I haven't had any problems at Southcenter. Maybe you should go there instead? Or you could take the Light Rail up to the theatre by the convention center (you know, where pax is held?) "

@vidiot: Actually that's why english majors aren't captains of industry. Fuck english majors, don't piss off your waiter unless you like spit in your food. My point is you could have actually stopped that practice from continuing, you had a right to be pissed but your buddy pissed it away by being a smart ass. I can tell you from professional experience that any theatre would have addressed your concerns and given you and your freind free passes if he had only written a well crafted letter of complaint. Can english majors do that or are they only capable of high brow insults? "

" @AgentJ said:

@Babble said:

" @vidiot  
  
Yes, but Lincoln Square does have nice seats. On a serious note if you post the theater's response this thread will be complete.  "

Wow, I didn't realize how many people live in that area on this website.  I haven't had any problems at Southcenter. Maybe you should go there instead? Or you could take the Light Rail up to the theatre by the convention center (you know, where pax is held?) "

Yeah, I'm surprised that there was an actual amount of people who actually know what theater I'm talking about. I'm probably going to stick with Redmond for the time being. You know, I haven't used the light rail yet.
   

The weird thing about being 24 is that I don't get asked for my Drivers License anymore. But thats only because I am a regular customer to the places I go to every day. I only got to the movies once every 2 months, and its weird not being carded anymore, let alone being asked if I have a student ID. I see where you are coming from though, and that is annoying, hell if he was an honest manager he would have done the same thing to them. Maybe you should get a job at the theater and start infiltrating there ranks and kick him out of his postion from underneath his feet.

" @vidiot said:

" @AgentJ said:

@Babble said:

" @vidiot  
  
Yes, but Lincoln Square does have nice seats. On a serious note if you post the theater's response this thread will be complete.  "

Wow, I didn't realize how many people live in that area on this website.  I haven't had any problems at Southcenter. Maybe you should go there instead? Or you could take the Light Rail up to the theatre by the convention center (you know, where pax is held?) "

Yeah, I'm surprised that there was an actual amount of people who actually know what theater I'm talking about. I'm probably going to stick with Redmond for the time being. You know, I haven't used the light rail yet.
   

It's really pretty cool. You should go ride it this weekend. Convenient, smooth, and has great views. I'll probably take it to the Sounders game on thursday.  "

I generally go to the theater closest to me so I either go to Factoria or Issaquah.

There's a huge difference between my comments and your friends letter.  You posted it soliciting comments, and I've provided. When your buddy sent his letter he was initiating contact not replying.

You call it an exercise. In what I ask? All I can make of it is a threatening rant. You say there was no one in the theatre that would have heard your complaint, I agree and that's precisely why you write a letter to someone that will deal with it  and you copy their boss to ensure they take it seriously. Movie theatres are shitting themselves right now, bit torrent and home theatres are reducing their already crappy stake in the movie market. They need asses in seats and will work to deal with shitty staff that get in their way. My point is you had an opportunity to make it better but you dropped the ball.

I get that this theatre sucks but it will continue to as long as head office sees money coming in and hears no complaints. When your letter equates to standing outside and yelling 'fuck you' it doesn't matter how literate you are, you're still just yelling 'fuck you'. Management knows that a certain percentage of people will complain (or piss on the floor) regardless of any actual issue. If you don't differntiate yourselves from those people and show them you are reasonable you get lumped in with them.

I've gotten so much from customer service reps with one little phrase " I'm sorry if I sound angry, I know it's not your fault and I don't mean to take it out on you personally. But you understand why I'm so frustrated don't you?" They always understand and they always appreciate that they got a reasonable person for once and they always help.

So drop the highbrow English major crap and politely say things need to fucking change. And if you don't want comments on it don't post it on the internet.  

" @Everyones_A_Critic: So in order to get back at the ticket vendor/management for not letting you buy a ticket to a movie without ID and then stopping you from trying to sneak into a different movie, you peed all over the bathroom floor—a mess that neither the ticket vendor(s) nor anyone in management would have to clean up.  BOY YOU SURE SHOWED THEM "

" @vidiot: 

There's a huge difference between my comments and your friends letter.  You posted it soliciting comments, and I've provided. When your buddy sent his letter he was initiating contact not replying.

You call it an exercise. In what I ask? All I can make of it is a threatening rant. You say there was no one in the theatre that would have heard your complaint, I agree and that's precisely why you write a letter to someone that will deal with it  and you copy their boss to ensure they take it seriously. Movie theatres are shitting themselves right now, bit torrent and home theatres are reducing their already crappy stake in the movie market. They need asses in seats and will work to deal with shitty staff that get in their way. My point is you had an opportunity to make it better but you dropped the ball.

I get that this theatre sucks but it will continue to as long as head office sees money coming in and hears no complaints. When your letter equates to standing outside and yelling 'fuck you' it doesn't matter how literate you are, you're still just yelling 'fuck you'. Management knows that a certain percentage of people will complain (or piss on the floor) regardless of any actual issue. If you don't differntiate yourselves from those people and show them you are reasonable you get lumped in with them.

I've gotten so much from customer service reps with one little phrase " I'm sorry if I sound angry, I know it's not your fault and I don't mean to take it out on you personally. But you understand why I'm so frustrated don't you?" They always understand and they always appreciate that they got a reasonable person for once and they always help.

So drop the highbrow English major crap and politely say things need to fucking change. And if you don't want comments on it don't post it on the internet.  

"

" @vidiot:  Boy, you sure like to use italics a lot, don't you? "

Big fucking deal someone dickhead carded you. Go see the movie somewhere else.

I really don't see what's worth getting all worked up about. Next time just bring the right I.D.  I mean, good looking people get special treatment all the time. Does your friend shit his pants anytime a sweaty chubster holds a door for a pretty girl? Hope he learns how to laugh things off before he has an effing stroke.

As for your logic regarding that your tone is exempt from equal criticism, because your replying and not initiating contact, we are not going to see eye to eye on thatat all.
Calm down a bit. A good majority of what you have said, and still say, I personally will most certainly agree with where your coming from. 

That was a well written letter. Good on you and your friend. Sexy girls get passes at things though. This has been common knowledge for quite a while.

while I understand your frustration, its not unwise to carry some form of official ID with you at all times. What happens if you get in a bad wreck and the coroner has to ID your corps? Really.

" while I understand your frustration, its not unwise to carry some form of official ID with you at all times. What happens if you get in a bad wreck and the coroner has to ID your corps? Really. "

Hi all, my name is Peter and I wrote the letter.  Vidiot (this is the internet, I guess I have to call him by his stupid screen name) posted the letter without telling me.  I was actually searching on the internet and stumbled across it.  Somehow, through the magic of Google, this little thread pops up when a user searches for "Lincoln Square Cinemas," which makes me happy.  My experience seems to be anything but an isolated incident - other moviegoers have experienced similar if not identical scenarios - and now that people can easily find my own comments and understand that the theater is well aware of the problem, heads are rolling.  To be specific, I mean whoever was charged with protecting the sacred gates of theater 16 from those darned teenagers is gone.  Vidiot's prediction was correct; the theaters response was very typical and manufactured.  I'll post the text below. 

 Dear Mr. Williams,

I have reviewed your letter and received some feedback from management and staff related to your experience at the theatre. While you were understanding of the need for ratings enforcement the problem might have been better resolved right at the box office. As a sophmore at the University of Washington, it is unlikely (though possible) that your companion would be under 17 years of age. As you and the others in your party had sufficient identifiable ID's with your ages, common sense would have had management decide that the standard University picture ID was sufficient in this instance.

As you note, ratings compliance is a voluntary action taken on by the film and exhibition industry. While it can be annoying, the effect of not having the ratings system in force would probably be worse. At that point the government would step in and set the rules. In that case a common sense approach would likely not apply.

With regard to what transpired at the auditorium entrance, I would ask that you not come to a conclusion about the whole of operations at Lincoln Square based on that one instance. Just prior to your entering the auditorium a group of young men who were not old enough tried to enter the movie. The person who was handling the door notified the manager and these two then went to find the four young men. The task at the door was, unfortunately, assigned quickly to a person who was not prepared for the task. Without further facts regarding the situation, the women should have been carded and not allowed into the auditorium. Had there been some exception, it should have been worked out by management. That is in essence why there was someone at the door. The person who manned the door will be spoken to regarding the need for an even-handed and encompassing approach to checking for ID's as warranted.

I am not so clear as to your reference to Atreus and Thyestes. Jealousy ruled their brotherly relationship and lead them down a road where no one came out the winner. Atreus actions are in line with those of Dr. Hannibal Lecter whose last line in "The Silence of the Lambs" was something to the effect of "I am having an old friend for dinner." We would prefer to learn from our mistakes and move forward.

If there is anything further I can do for you, please respond to this email or contact me at my office.

Sincerely,

George Mann  

 I was never critical of the ratings system.  I actually threatened to let those in control of it know about what happened.  That kind of suggests I support it.  Goodbye paragraph two. 
  
In the third glorious paragraph, Mr. Mann states that  

Just prior to your entering the auditorium a group of young men who were not old enough tried to enter the movie. The person who was handling the door notified the manager and these two then went to find the four young men.

   What?  Now I'm really confused.  So, if I'm reading this correctly, four kids were carded and got in anyways.  And their level of disruption required two employees to shut 'em down.  How is, "your complaint is invalid because we already fucked up" an acceptable response?  The rest of the words are senseless babble; you don't need to explain the purpose of a doorman to me because I obviously understand his role better than you do.  Paragraph three is gone. 
 
This leaves paragraph four - a semi-flaccid retort to my allusion to Atreus and Thyestes.  For whatever reason, George tried to read into the whole cannibalism thing, and he failed.  Why is he quoting Hannibal?  And I guess the last sentence is a smug, "I know how to Greek Mythology better than you do" type comment.  The effect I wanted to convey to the Lincoln Square management was my level of anger.   It takes a lot of hatred to feed your twin brother his children and then banish him from his own kingdom.  It summons even more rage to experience it.  I was exaggerating my anger; George's kids are safe.  But I wanted to get the point across; I wasn't happy.  Fuck you, paragraph 4. 
 
Oops, the whole letter is gone.  But I'm happy.   This reaction is what I wanted.  I didn't want free movie passes, if I did I would have written a different kind of letter.  One does not reap benefits or rewards from anger fueled revenge.  I wanted change.  I chose to make the language inflammatory and sardonic because it would not sit well with whomever read it.  Sure they'd think I was an asshole, but this letter was not something easily ignored.  Management probably gets a couple letters a month, but I'm sure one like this is a bit more rare.  I expected to be written off, but I got what I wanted. 
 
@PrimevilKneivel 
 Your comments are, to a degree, well founded.  You're right that this was not an effective letter of complaint in that I will never see beneficiary restitution for my experience.  I'll shove those words aside; you and I do not and probably never will agree whether or not I did the right thing. 
 
What concerns me, is your treatment of "English Major."  You seem to be operating under the assumption that we are not "captains of industry," and if by that you mean that we don't control the world, then fine.  Your accidental reference to Fight Club     is rather ironic, the bit on angry waiters soiling a customer's food.  I could get into Tyler's whole monologue, but I won't because I'm above using pointed cultural context as a rebuttal. 
 
To assume that becoming an English Major is akin to giving up and dying in a sewer isn't fair at all.  Forbes magazine typically rates English among the top 10 wage earners for graduates, and when coupled with another degree it can be lethal.  Still, that whole "captains of industry" comment assumes that I made my decision because I love money, and that's quite the logical fallacy.  Maybe I enjoy it. 
 
But this flame war is a waste of my time; neither of us is going to change their opinion.  And why should you?  You're content with life, lambasting anonymous persons on the internet.  I on the other hand, am going to continue wallowing in my own self-pity as I go to college, learn a thing or two other than English (Law, my main focus, seems to be a captain of industry), and observe a world beyond the internet.

" @PrimevilKneivel: You my friend, are an asshole.

First let us get his whole “English Major” issue out of the way. I did categorize English majors as not being captains of industry, that is true. And while I'm certain there are a more than reasonable number of English majors that have gone on to successful productive lives that have bettered society, I'm also certain they'd identify themselves by some other descriptor. But that is besides the issue. My point was not to spread hatred of the literate, some of my best friends are literate, I was simply trying to point out the stupidity of the phrase “this is why you don't upset an English major ” being used as if it were equal to cop, UFC fighter, or crocodile.

It reeks of pathos like a Trekkie defending his home with a toy phaser.

If an apology is what you want then that is what you will not receive. What I wrote are simply words and an English major should be impervious to them.

Now on to the issue of the theatre. You were an arrogant jerk with that stupid letter you wrote. As I pointed out in my original post (politely I might add), neither you nor your friend were wronged. You were treated according to the rules but you were insulted because others were treated better than you. As you tell it you were right to be insulted, not insulting. But you were, not to the people that angered you (though maybe, I don't know) but rather to some third party that simply did not deserve to be spoken down to as if they weren't smart enough to Google a reference you assumed they wouldn't get.

I'm sorry, why is that acceptable? Because it made you feel better?

People bitch night and day about the way kids behave on xbox live but you get a free pass for being a dick to some office manager? And then your buddy brags about it? Sorry, I call bullshit on that. Some people expressed their opinions of praise I expressed mine of dissent, and while neither you nor vidiot argue any of my points (quite the opposite) you complain about my tone.

Ironic isn't it.

Just for the record here's my full comment about English majors.

Actually that's why english majors aren't captains of industry. Fuck english majors, don't piss off your waiter unless you like spit in your food.

And your retort

What concerns me, is your treatment of "English Major."  You seem to be operating under the assumption that we are not "captains of industry," and if by that you mean that we don't control the world, then fine.  Your accidental reference to Fight Club     is rather ironic, the bit on angry waiters soiling a customer's food.  I could get into Tyler's whole monologue, but I won't because I'm above using pointed cultural context as a rebuttal. 
 
To assume that becoming an English Major is akin to giving up and dying in a sewer isn't fair at all.  Forbes magazine typically rates English among the top 10 wage earners for graduates, and when coupled with another degree it can be lethal.  Still, that whole "captains of industry" comment assumes that I made my decision because I love money, and that's quite the logical fallacy.  Maybe I enjoy it. 
 
But this flame war is a waste of my time; neither of us is going to change their opinion.  And why should you?  You're content with life, lambasting anonymous persons on the internet.  I on the other hand, am going to continue wallowing in my own self-pity as I go to college, learn a thing or two other than English (Law, my main focus, seems to be a captain of industry), and observe a world beyond the internet.

Kind of long winded don't you think? Maybe you should work on brevity, it'll help you avoid extended hyperbole, and offensive assumptions right after falsely accusing me of the same. Really your piece is a very poor argument which you might want to work on before law school.

Or maybe you could ignore my two lines about English majors and explain why it's acceptable for you act like a rude asshole.

Shit just got REAL

" Shit just got REAL "

So let me get this straight. You got carded as you should be then got a little jealous and over reacted when some one else didn't. Don't get me wrong it sucks but toughen up. Also the ultimatum and threat attached are all kinds of bullshit. Even if you did go to the ridculously extreme length over a seemingly minor issue what proof would you offer?

That was the most awesome and well written argrument ever, I hope your friend becomes president of the world, fuck that ticket guy.

" @Woodtsunami said:

" @PrimevilKneivel: You my friend, are an asshole.

 I disagree, I'm not your friend. "