Had the CRAZIEST dream that contained so many random video game references just now. Minor spoilers if you haven't played Portal 2 past the beginning.

So my dream started with me taking over my girlfriend Lindsey's Tuesday and Thursday shifts at Maido stationary, a Japanese stationary store in Japantown, apparently they really needed employees? Anyway, it turns out that Maido is a front for a covert resistance organization in a world where dance is prohibited. I get on a high tech train that has to pass through enemy territory with crazy bio scanner technology that can tell if you've danced recently by scanning your muscle composition. Fortunately, I had a helpful robot, GLadOS, that was able to mask my body composition kind of like a speed trap scrambler that sent signals back saying I was fat. I went deep into enemy territory, and passed through the bioscanner while holding my breath. I didn't really know what to expect...but I trusted GladOS. She held up her end of the bargain, and the bioscanner (which looked like a grill of lasers that could slice your body apart) was successfully fooled into thinking I was fat, and we sped past a white train station that looked like it came out of Portal.

After we passed the station with the security checkpoint, we completed our mission, which was to retrieve footage of an internet game show where Gordon Ramsay yells at internet trolls for playing poorly in Skyrim. Apparently, in this version of Skyrim there's an item in your inventory called the Elder Scroll and if you even look at it it crumbles into dust, and your game is over. The scroll had a blue preserved butterfly with a note on it that said not to interact with the scroll in your inventory AT ALL, unless it was to put it into a scroll pouch for safe keeping. The internet troll in this particular episode, who happened to be Giant Bomb intern Ben Pack, had destroyed the scroll by trying to examine it, but had also stored some extremely important information for the resistance by modifying the save contents of a Donkey Kong Country cartridge. Gordon Ramsay flipped the fuck out because he thought that not only was Ben a fucking idiot who couldn't tell that a blue preserved butterfly meant you shouldn't look at something, but that they had just destroyed a 102% completion save of Donkey Kong Country (which really is one of the most horrible things you can do). I found out the location of the cartridge but had to put the game into the console and find several bonus rooms where I had to collect stars and/or bananas in order to unlock the secrets hidden within.

After unlocking the secrets, I got back on our secret train compartment and prepared to head back to Maido with a job well done. However, GladOS suddenly told me that they had modified the blue laser scanners so that her hack wouldn't work anymore. She told me this as the lasers were in my train compartment and seconds away from scanning me. (The lasers were going pretty slowly) As I closed my eyes and braced for the end, I heard a familiar British accented voice that I recognized as Wheatley saying, "Don't worry, I've got you covered. I'm defecting from Unity and I'm going to help you get through the scanners. I know what they've changed since the last time you've been through and I know how to override it. I'm going to come on board now, PROMISE not to kill me the moment you see me. I'm coming on in 3...2...1...now!" I was actually prepared to smash him to pieces because I hadn't forgiven him for how stupid he was in Portal 2, but like the idiot coward he is, he didn't actually show up. He said, "Well I'm glad I didn't come out right then! Alright, I'm going to come on board, for real this time, and I'm going to save your life so DON'T KILL ME."

After Wheatley was onboard, I was still holding my breath as the lasers were just about to pass over me and I was scared for my fucking life. Fortunately, we managed to pass through without setting off any alarms. However, just as we were about to pass through the final tunnel exiting the station to freedom, a guard saw me lying down in the train car through a window and recognized my Maido apron and I barely heard him yell "HEY!" as the train sped down the tunnel. Well, fuck, I thought.

As we sped over the mountains heading back to the stationery store, I saw an evil looking white train approaching from behind. Wheatley handed me a rifle with a grenade launcher attachment and I began firing at it from the roof of the train car, but it wasn't enough to stop it. Fortunately, GladOS and Wheatley were able to work together to fashion a missile turret and fired a rocket at the train just as it was rounding a hairpin turn on top of a mountain (seemed like a poor engineering choice there). The train derailed and flew off the mountain, smashing straight into a Simpsons arcade cabinet that happened to be on the city streets below the mountain.

That's when I awoke, drenched in sweat and veins still coursing with adrenaline, with the song 0/1 Angel from Pop'n Music playing in my mind. I looked at the clock: 4:45AM. At that moment, I knew what I had to do: get on the computer and write it all down before it faded from my memory.