I'm not a writer. This hasn't been reviewed or edited. My thoughts are incomplete. I probably haven't actually argued my point. You've been warned.

Subtitled: What the fuck is wrong with me?

I can't stand open world games. Games with endless hours of work put into them. Games that have breathtaking visuals. Games that are well crafted art pieces.

Bullshit.

What new games have I enjoyed recently? Games that left me saying "WOW!"

• Abzu
• Firewatch
• Titanfall 2
• DOOM
• Hitman
• INSIDE

Not-recent games that I love:

• Bioshock Infinite
• Bioshock
• Rocket League
• The Walking Dead (Telltale)
• Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag
• Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons
• Gone Home
• Wolfenstein: The New Order
• Hotline Miami
• Team Fortress 2
• Left 2 Dead
• Half Life 2
• Portal

There are other games that I've enjoyed, but none stick out as much as the one's I listed (plus the others I've forgotten). I've also got some open-world favourites and you'll see those below (see: Am I a Hypocrite?).

I don't play a lot of games these days, so I value the time I put into a game. I'm investing my time into an experience and I expect that investment to pay off in the end. I want to feel like I've spent my time and money well at some point in the middle, too. I've come to expect pleasure and joy from playing video games. When I don't want to go back to a game because I have no idea how long it's going to take me to get to the end, there's a problem.

Am I a Hypocrite?

Open world games that I've loved:

• Fallout 4
• Mass Effect
• Metal Gear Solid V
• Grand Theft Auto V

Get it right, and a well placed visual makes me pause. Give the game enough resources and a mean draw distance and you've got the potential to win my heart in one vista. I'm a sucker for visuals, the fine details in a huge world, the breathtaking sunsets, those mean thunderstorms.

I just finished my 3rd play through of Mass Effect (1st time on PC). God I love that game. Before replaying the series I always said the first Mass Effect is the best. I'm probably 1/3 of the way through ME2 and I stand by it. Like the first Bioshock, the whole experience was so new and eye-opening that I couldn't help but fall in love. The sense of wonder I have from that game, seeing the aliens and their worlds is one of my favourite experiences. Making choices as a leader affecting the galaxy, holy fuck did I feel influential. Did I spend 31 hours on that play through? Fuck yeah I did. Did I have the option to go to any planet in any system at almost any point in the game? Yeah. For the most part though, I stuck to the missions. Yeah, the side missions too. I knew where I had to go, I went there, and I left. Did I aimlessly explore? No. But by doing these side mission did I get to see brand new worlds worlds with at least a few unique environments? Fuck yes.

If I put 12 hours into DOOM, I know when I'm 6 hours in that I'm building towards a big finish. I've fucked up some dudes and I'll get way fucking more of them soon. I know what I'm in for and I'm fucking in it 'till the end.

If I put 55 hours into Fallout 4, I know when I'm six hours in that I have to save my son because that's all Jim Steel cares about. I have no clue what I need to do to get him back though. Don't get me wrong, I've got the quest and I've got some clues, but this is gonna take ages. When do I get my payoff? When can I say that this was time and money well spent? How do I know that I'm making a good investment when there's been very little payoff after playing for 20 hours?

I guess I'm human. I hate uncertainty.

Put me in front of an open world and I don't know what to do. I'm crippled by choice. I'm extremely indecisive. I dread this feeling, I don't even like thinking about it. Why do I want to return to a game that I've played for 10 hours if I don't know how long I'm going to be playing for, or even if I'll actually get any satisfaction from it? "Explore!" some say, "kill some dudes or shoot some guns!". Yes, those are things I can do. But why? What's my motivation? Why do all of this? What do I get in return?

Who or what am I against? If I think I'm going to be putting 30 to 50 hours into a game to kill some asshole I don't give a shit about, then why put in the time? Maybe there's no big baddie, but I've got to make decisions on who lives or dies. Well, what has that person done to deserve my favour? To deserve my attention? I've known a character for a few minutes or hours, I need it to feel like I've known them for a lot longer than that if I'm expected to make important decisions for them over the next 5 hours of my time. Make me feel something for this person, goddammit!

"Time is running out!" your companions say. Okay fine, but let me jerk off in the northwest corner of the map first for 10 hours, or a week of in game time, before I actually come back and do something you care about. Want me to save you? Sure, let me not really work towards that in a very round about way until I happen upon the place I needed to be 5 hours ago. Why the fuck am I doing this? Do you want me to believe that someone is worth saving? Yes? Then get me to fucking do it!

Why Am I Mad?

I'm typing this at 1AM and I played Zelda for a couple hours today. I've done one "temple" so far and my total play time is "20 hours or more". How much longer is this going to take? Is this going to be 60 hours? How many real life weeks will this take me? What games am I going to miss in the mean time? When does it pay off?

Why Am I So Wrong? (Hypocrite x2)

MGSV - Fucking 64 hours. I watched through Metal Gear Scanlon up to and including the MGS4 play through. I wanted the story of Metal Gear Solid without having to play the games and be lost on my own. "I'll finish off the series myself", I said. Boy did I. Was it worth it in the end? Yes, but after having ~30 hours put in and 2-4 months since the last time I played the game, do I know about the payoff? Do I know what kind of a roller coaster I'm in for? No. "I'll mainline the story", I say. I tried that and it still took me another 30 hours. Holy fuck. What did I miss in the mean time? Hitman in it's episodic release, which I believe would have given me more time and enjoyment out of that game versus buying it at the end of the year having access to everything all at once.

Fuck. I forgot Overwatch and Forza Horizon 3 on recent games I love.

I was pissed I was going to miss ME Andromeda because of Zelda, but that feeling is subsiding after seeing the reception of ME. Also - another open world game, amirite?

Edit: SSX Tricky, Star Wars Battlefront, Super Smash Bros., Forza 2. How could I forget?

Basically, crack.