List is subjective, blah blah blah, no one cares about the intro, let's just get to the list.

I've been making video countdowns every year since 2015 and editing them is always a blast. Here's the 2019 edition:

Now for the write up!

20. MIDSOMMAR

Ari Aster is quickly becoming one of the top horror directors today. How can such a bright movie be so creepy and dreadful? Also, I will now watch anything Florence Pugh is in.

2019 themes: bitches be crazy, cults, gaslighting, grief, toxic relationships

19. US

Although I prefer GET OUT for its simplicity and execution, Jordan Peele is going for some cool and interesting stuff here even if he doesn't quite stick the landing with all his ideas. This would actually make a killer double-feature with PARASITE.

2019 themes: class conflict, doppelgangers, family pride

18. PADDLETON

Netflix was too busy blowing the trumpets for Scorsese and Baumbach, their smaller movies like this got lost in the shuffle. Ray Romano is even better here than THE IRISHMAN!

2019 themes: dealing with death, feeling obsolete, grief, homoerotic undertones

17. LONG SHOT

This came and went pretty quickly in the theaters. Maybe it was too romcom-y for the guys and too Seth Rogan-y for the ladies? I'm in tune with both, so this was great for me.

2019 themes: girl pride, opposites attract

16. THE LIGHTHOUSE

aka BOOMER VS MILLENIAL

aka NOTHING GOOD CAN HAPPEN WHEN TWO MEN ARE TRAPPED IN A GIANT PHALLUS

This was a huge leap from THE WITCH (I refuse to spell it with two V's) in terms of film-making, acting, and entertainment. I hope Robert Eggers never makes a movie set in the present day.

2019 themes: gaslighting, generational conflict, homoerotic undertones

15. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM

This felt incomplete and almost pointless. John Wick ends up pretty much in the same place he starts the movie, but slightly worse? That said, the action scenes are still amazing, despite them ripping off THE VILLAINESS' motorcycle sword fight. And the world-building is still fantastic, on par with the other films in the franchise. Bring on CHAPTER 4 - MORIOR INVICTUS OR WHATEVER COOL SOUNDING LATIN PHRASE YOU CAN THINK OF.

2019 themes: feeling obsolete, self-preservation at all costs

14. THE PERFECTION

I loved this movie when I caught it at a film festival at Austin in 2018. Watching it with a festival crowd that had no idea what was in store is the ideal way to experience any movie, let alone a crazy and trashy thriller. I've cooled off a bit on it since then. Watching it on Netflix with my wife on a Saturday night wasn't quite the same, you know?

2019 themes: bitches be crazy, grief, homoerotic overtones

13. EXTREME JOB

Do me a favor and try to watch this before the American remake comes out starring Kevin Hart. I wish I was kidding. It's about a group of cops doing a stakeout from a fried chicken restaurant that starts getting unexpectedly popular because of their new recipe. Only Koreans can make this premise work. (China tried and failed. Look up LOBSTER COP.)

2019 themes: bad cops, root for the underdogs

12. ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD

I wish this was focused solely on DiCaprio's and Pitt's characters because the Sharon Tate stuff doesn't work for me, but mostly because those two just work so well together. And don't get me started on the Bruce Lee scene either. This is lesser Tarantino, but it's still better than most directors' finer work.

2019 themes: cults, feeling obsolete, film-making, homoerotic undertones, root for the underdogs

11. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE

Better movie about incels than JOKER.

2019 themes: root for the underdogs, toxic masculinity

10. DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE

You're either in with S. Craig Zahler, or you're not. I'm firmly in. As a director, he's 3 for 3. I could watch Vince Vaughn eat all day, just so I could hear Mel Gibson give him shit for it.

2019 themes: bad cops, feeling obsolete, self-preservation at all costs

9. THE IRISHMAN

Scorsese getting the (literally) old gang back together and putting down (presumably) his final say on mobster films, with unlimited funding by Netflix and complete creative control? How can this not be great? Okay, we're probably still 5 years away from the de-aging effects looking flawless, and -- I hate to say this -- but the movie is too long. I'm just saying there are a lot of scenes of De Niro driving.

2019 themes: dealing with death, feeling obsolete, passage of time, self-preservation at all costs

8. ONE CUT OF THE DEAD

I can't say why this movie is so good. Just watch it.

2019 themes: family pride, film-making

7. KNIVES OUT

More adventures with Benoit Blanc, please. With Marta as his Watson, pretty please. The fact that this movie did so well at the box office and with the critics is sweet vindication for Rian Johnson after all the shit he went through with THE LAST JEDI.

2019 themes: class conflict, family pride, self-preservation at all costs

6. AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Pretty much the perfect finale to a film franchise that one could ever ask for. JJ, please take notes. Also, I was never more hyped for anything else in 2019 than Cap wielding Mjolnir.

2019 themes: dealing with death, doppelgangers, grief, root for the underdogs

5. THE FAREWELL

Go hug your grandma if she's still around. Grandmas are great.

2019 themes: dealing with death, family pride

4. LITTLE WOMEN

I will now watch anything Greta Gerwig makes. *checks her IMDB page* Her next project is... BARBIE?! Goddammit!

2019 themes: family pride, girl pride, passage of time

3. BOOKSMART

This was the best comedy of the year for me. I loved SUPERBAD, but this is so much better.

2019 themes: girl pride, opposites attract

2. MARRIAGE STORY

The most unbelievable part about this movie is that anyone would fight for custody of that little shithead of a son. Everything else was top notch, especially the actors. That argument scene was just... too real, man.

2019 themes: family pride, feeling obsolete, passage of time

1. PARASITE

I've had foreign films in my #1 spot in previous years, but this is the first time not feeling like a hipster about it because this movie has been rolling on the hype train since Cannes, and that was in May! And now it's been nominated for 6 Oscars! Anyone who's into movies knows about this film, and that's amazing to me. Finally, South Korean movies are getting the recognition they deserve. "Respect!"

2019 themes: class conflict, family pride

Unoriginal opening sentence wherein I express the belief that 2018 was a pretty good year for cinema, but not as great as 2017. Standard-issue follow-up statement relaying how this overwhelming number of good films made it difficult to narrow down my favorite titles into a manageable list of 20. Vaguely patronizing mention of the self-imposed "rule" that was applied during the creation of said list ("Must be titles that had a theatrical or VOD release in the U.S. during 2018"). Paragraph closes with a bit of whinging about how I've not yet seen A STAR IS BORN, THE FAVOURITE, SHOPLIFTERS, or SUSPIRIA and am thus unable to factor them into the list below.

My list in video form:

20. YOU WERE NEVER REALLY HERE

what it's about: A traumatized veteran tracks down missing girls for a living. When a job spins out of control, his nightmares overtake him as a conspiracy is uncovered leading to what may be his death trip or his awakening.

what it's "really" about: Your trauma doesn't have to define you.

standout moment: Joe takes out guards through the brothel, seen through security footage, scored by Rosie & The Originals' "Angel Baby."

19. FIRST REFORMED

what it's about: A minister of a small congregation in upstate New York grapples with mounting despair brought on by tragedy, worldly concerns, and a tormented past.

what it's "really" about: Climate change is "complicated."

standout moment: Floating couple.

18. BURNING

what it's about: Jong-su bumps into a girl who used to live in the same neighborhood as him, who asks him to look after her cat while on a trip to Africa. When back, she introduces Ben, a mysterious guy she met there, whom confesses to Jong-su his secret hobby.

what it's "really" about: Class warfare.

standout moment: Haemi's dance during sunset.

17. A QUIET PLACE

what it's about: In a post-apocalyptic world, a family is forced to live in silence while hiding from monsters with ultra-sensitive hearing.

what it's "really" about: The horrors of parenthood.

standout moment: The mom tries to not make any noise while giving birth in a bathtub.

16. ANNA AND THE APOCALYPSE

what it's about: A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy town of Little Haven at Christmas, forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash, and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones.

what it's "really" about: Being a teenager is hard, even during the apocalypse.

standout moment: It's cheating to say all the musical numbers, so I'll go with the encounter with a zombie snowman.

15. THE WORLD IS YOURS

what it's about: A small-time dealer dreams of another life but can't afford it. To escape, he must accept one last job involving Spain, drugs, the Illuminati, and his overbearing mother.

what it's "really" about: It's never too late to stop being a mama's boy.

standout moment: Toto's "Africa" sung by a group of Scottish drunks.

14. BODIED

what it's about: A progressive graduate student finds success and sparks outrage when his interest in battle rap as a thesis subject becomes a competitive obsession.

what it's "really" about: No matter how noble your intentions are, don't be an asshole about it.

standout moment: "Haha, white people."

13. UPGRADE

what it's about: Set in the near-future, technology controls nearly all aspects of life. But when Grey, a self-identified technophobe, has his world turned upside down, his only hope for revenge is an experimental computer chip implant called Stem.

what it's "really" about: Hey Alexa, set a reminder to never trust computers.

standout moment: The first time Stem takes over and fights for Grey.

12. HEREDITARY

what it's about: After the family matriarch passes away, a grieving family is haunted by tragic and disturbing occurrences, and begins to unravel dark secrets.

what it's "really" about: Your family will be the death of you.

standout moment: Mom blows up at her son during family dinner.

11. LOWLIFE

what it's about: The sordid lives of an addict, an ex-con, and a luchador collide when an organ harvesting caper goes very, very wrong.

what it's "really" about: Don't judge a book by its cover, or a man by the swastika tattoo on his face. You don't know his struggle.

standout moment: The luchador leaves his legacy.

10. AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

what it's about: The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe.

what it's "really" about: Always aim for the head.

standout moment: The ending. Duh. Let's all bask in it before it gets undone in 2019.

9. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - FALLOUT

what it's about: Ethan Hunt and his IMF team, along with some familiar allies, race against time after a mission gone wrong.

what it's "really" about: One day, Tom Cruise will die filming one of these movies.

standout moment: Agent Walker reloads his arms.

8. FIRST MAN

what it's about: A look at the life of the astronaut, Neil Armstrong, and the legendary space mission that led him to become the first man to walk on the moon.

what it's "really" about: The moon is good place to have a cry.

standout moment: The crater.

7. MANDY

what it's about: The enchanted lives of a couple in a secluded forest are brutally shattered by a nightmarish hippie cult and their demon-biker henchmen, propelling a man into a spiraling, surreal rampage of vengeance.

what it's "really" about: Rage Cage is the best Cage.

standout moment: Chainsaw duel.

6. ANNIHILATION

what it's about: A biologist signs up for a dangerous, secret expedition into a mysterious zone where the laws of nature don't apply.

what it's "really" about: Death is the road to awe.

standout moment: The mutant bear.

5. REVENGE

what it's about: Never take your mistress on an annual guys' getaway, especially one devoted to hunting, a violent lesson for three wealthy married men.

what it's "really" about: Guys, don't take "bros before hoes" so seriously.

standout moment: The circular chase.

4. THOROUGHBREDS

what it's about: Two upper-class teenage girls in suburban Connecticut rekindle their unlikely friendship after years of growing apart. Together, they hatch a plan to solve both of their problems, no matter what the cost.

what it's "really" about: The Technique.

standout moment: "You have a creepy friend."

3. PADDINGTON 2

what it's about: Paddington, now happily settled with the Brown family and a popular member of the local community, picks up a series of odd jobs to buy the perfect present for his Aunt Lucy's 100th birthday, only for the gift to be stolen.

what it's "really" about: Prison reformation.

standout moment: Window cleaning.

2. EIGHTH GRADE

what it's about: An introverted teenage girl tries to survive the last week of her disastrous eighth grade year before leaving to start high school.

what it's "really" about: The horrors of being in middle school. The horrors of all your insecurities and anxieties being amplified by social media. The horrors of raising a teenage daughter.

standout moment: "Do I make you sad?"

1. SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

what it's about: Miles Morales becomes the Spider-Man of his reality and crosses paths with his counterparts from other dimensions to stop a threat to all reality.

what it's "really" about: Anyone can be Spider-Man.

standout moment: Miles dons his official Spider-Man costume for the first time and swings through New York.

Unoriginal opening sentence wherein I express the belief that 2017 was a fantastic year for cinema. Standard-issue follow-up statement relaying how this overwhelming number of great films made it difficult to narrow down my favorite titles into a manageable list of 20. Vaguely patronizing mention of the self-imposed "rule" that was applied during the creation of said list ("Must be titles that had a theatrical or VOD release in the U.S. during 2017"). Paragraph closes with a bit of whinging about how I've not yet seen PHANTOM THREAD, THE POST, or THE DISASTER ARTIST, and am thus unable to factor them into the list below*.

My list in video form:

20. LOGAN LUCKY

You tell me Soderbergh made another heist film, I go watch it. At this point I'm convinced he can make these in his sleep.

19. DUNKIRK

A Nolan film with minimal dialogue and exposition, and a ticking time-bomb of a soundtrack. Not my favorite of his, but it's quite good.

18. BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99

Holy shit, Vince Vaughn. I didn't know you had this in you. I mean season 2 of TRUE DETECTIVE showed a glimmer of his viciousness and cold brutality, but this is on another level. I didn't know until now how much I needed to see him going HAM on gangsters, prisoners, and prison guards. And Don Johnson as a sadistic prison warden? Fucking cherry on top.

17. THE MERCILESS

Crime drama from Korea? That's a no-brainer, just put me in the seats. Koreans have become the kings of this genre now that Hollywood has stopped making these. Sad for the fans, but at least you're getting them from somewhere. This is a way more entertaining version of DONNIE BRASCO. And the way the story is told through constant flashbacks and jumps through character perspectives keeps the audience on their toes. Each revelation and twist made sense and was consistent for all characters involved. Great acting, dialogue, and editing. Oh, and the slap-fights. Awesome slap-fights.

16. THE BIG SICK

Romcom done right. And having a Pakistani man play the lead? Huge plus. Granted, it's based on Kumail Nanjiani's life so he's playing himself, but you know what I mean.

15. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

There's some backlash on this movie regarding its characters and themes, but how can anyone dislike a movie where Frances McDormand cunt-punts a highschooler?

14. OKJA

Modern day MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO with Bong Joon-ho's offbeat sensibilities and tonal shifts.

13. TOMORROW I WILL DATE WITH YESTERDAY'S YOU

Remember the love story in BENJAMIN BUTTON? It's like that, but so much better.

12. THOR: RAGNAROK

Marvel films are pretty much comedies at this point, so Disney hiring Taika Waititi to direct this wasn't a complete shock. It's a genius move, because he's a comic genius. This is by far the best THOR film, which isn't high praise, but for the first time I'm excited to see where this character (and his friends) goes next.

11. STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

I'm admittedly not a big STAR WARS guy, but this movie made me feel... things. I can't remember the last time that happened with this franchise, so all credit goes to Rian Johnson for shaking things up. I know some fanboys are up in arms about some of the changes, but dudes, "let the past die."

10. I DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE

That title sums up 2017 perfectly, no?

9. your name.

Animated body-switch dramedy with gorgeous visuals and a well-done story. Even if you hate anime, this is worth watching.

8. GET OUT

I didn't give this a chance until I read all the glowing reviews and it blew up at the box office. It certainly lives up to the hype, and is a fantastic directorial debut for Jordan Peele. Best horror comedy of the year.

7. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2

Arguably better than the first JOHN WICK. The sequel massively expands on the assassin underworld that was hinted at previously, which allows the Baba Yaga to roam in a bigger playground with an assortment of new players in the mix, including Common, whom I hope to see again in the inevitable third chapter. Please let it be called JOHN WICK MUST DIE! (yes, with the exclamation point)

6. WIND RIVER

Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch spend some time together in Wyoming trying to solve a murder case. Non-hilarity ensues. You know what, I like Jeremy Renner. He's solid in all the stuff I've seen, and he gives one of his best performances here. And Taylor Sheridan is 3 for 3.

5. BABY DRIVER

The best car chase musical I've ever seen. It could only have come from Edgar Wright.

4. THE VILLAINESS

ATOMIC BLONDE: "I'm the female John Wick! My stairwell sequence is the best action scene of the year!"

THE VILLAINESS: "Hold my beer."

3. LADY BIRD

I've always been a sucker for coming-of-age stories, but not the ones about girls. This changed in 2016 with THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN, and now here's LADY BIRD swooping in on the #3 spot on my list. It's both funny and sad that I relate more to the parents of these stories now. I laughed, I cringed, and I not-quite-cried.

2. mother!

I've never had a panic attack, but I came close to it watching this film (okay not really, it's just hyperbole). As the physical manifestation of Mother Earth, Jennifer Lawrence endures a ton of physical, mental, and emotional stress for 2 hours. I like my allegories loud and obvious, so this was great for me. I still can't believe a major movie studio financed and released a film like this. Somebody at Paramount has brass balls.

1. BLADE RUNNER 2049

Another year, another Ryan Gosling film at #1. But seriously, the sequel that no one asked for and believed in blew me away with astounding visuals and cinematography (when the hell is Roger Deakins getting his Oscar?), fantastic characters, and serious directing chops by Denis Villeneuve. The best sequels are the ones that expand on the ideas of the original film, not just rehash them. THE LAST JEDI, JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2, and BLADE RUNNER 2049 all did that. This film is packed with so many themes and ideas that the least interesting thing about it is that it's a sequel. It easily surpasses the original for me.

* = Taken almost word-for-word from the opening paragraph of Scott Wampler's article on Birth. Movies. Death. It can't be topped, so why bother?

Look, we can all agree that 2016 can fuck off for a myriad of reasons, right?

• David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Anton Yelchin, Gene Wilder, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds -- all dead.
• Donald Trump -- still alive, and somehow elected President of the United States of America.
• Terrorist attacks galore.
• Cops still killing black dudes.
• Whitewashing is still alive and well.

But hey, we got some great movies this year. Here are my top 20 favorite films of 2016. And bring on 2017, which can't be any worse. OH GODDAMMIT.

If you don't like reading, here's a handy video. It took me way too long to make this so you better enjoy it.

20. THE INVITATION

Don't read anything about THE INVITATION. Don't watch the trailer. Don't read the reviews. Just watch it. Whether you like it or not, you probably won't forget this film and its final shot.

19. THE SHALLOWS

Just that picture alone makes me feel all kinds of NOPE. It's the best shark film since JAWS, which is faint praise because, really, what other shark film is good besides JAWS? DEEP BLUE SEA? Which was not exactly a work of art, and I say that as a fan of that movie's idiotic charm. THE SHALLOWS is a solid genre film with a good performance from Blake Lively, but she's unfortunately overstaged by her co-star, Steven Seagull. The race for the Best Supporting Actor Oscar is already over.

18. KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS

Stop-motion animation is a dying genre, but Laika Entertainment is fighting hard to prevent that from happening. Their latest film is set in ancient Japan, and features fantastic creatures, gorgeous animation and cinematography, and an original story that doesn't pander to just the young kids. So naturally no one went to see it. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

17. 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE

This spin-off came out of nowhere, and surprised a lot of people by being a crafty little thriller with great performances. The ending is "cute" and of course leaves room for more spin-offs/sequels/what-have-yous, but the first 2/3 of the movie is reaaaaaally good.

16. MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

It's a sad-white-people movie. Casey Affleck gives his career-best performance, and may win his first Oscar. It's not higher on my list because there's another sad-white-people movie that I prefer over this.

15. MOONLIGHT

Because of last year's #oscarsowhite campaign, this film may go on to win all the awards to make up for it. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, because this is a good movie, probably even a great one. But I think it's being overpraised just a little bit due to its subject matter -- a gay black man growing up in an environment with hyper-masculine expectations. This is #1 on a lot of critics' lists, and it will definitely show up in the Oscars. I just like 14 other films more.

14. OTHER PEOPLE

The other sad-white-people movie I previously mentioned, and fittingly titled. Jesse Plemons is a revelation here, and he is playing a character who is a polar opposite of Landry from FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. You know what makes a subject like cancer go down easier? Some laughter. Yes I'm all about cancer comedies. They're my jam. 50/50, OTHER PEOPLE... uh... is there more? I'm sure there's more. Anyway, if you want to laugh and cry for an hour and half, this should be your jam as well.

13. DON'T BREATHE

Imagine if Daredevil didn't fight crime, and instead was holed up in the bad side of Detroit, hiding some twisted secrets. Would you want to mess with him? Well these idiots did. They kinda deserve what's coming to them. Actually, who's the villain here?

12. THE WAILING

Mix THE EXORCIST with MEMORIES OF MURDER, and add the always-welcome presence of Hwang Jeong-min and you get this finely concocted stew. The film methodically explores the clash of different religions and the xenophobic attitudes prevalent in Korea, all while being a damn good horror flick.

11. THE NICE GUYS

It's a shame this was largely ignored by the movie-going public, because it probably means we will never get a sequel, or even a spin-off with the Holly March character. Who knew Ryan Gosling was such a skilled physical comedian? Forget dramas and romcoms, stick to these kinds of movies Ryan! It's your gift! And his chemistry with Russell Crowe is second only to the one he shares with... you know... that one girl... she shows up later on the list.

10. THE LOBSTER

What lengths would you go to be with someone? What if you weren't sure you loved that someone? Would you go to the same lengths just so that you wouldn't be single anymore? Would you change your mind if you were to be turned into a lobster upon staying single? Is this the weirdest romcom ever made? (no, it's not a romcom)

9. THE HANDMAIDEN

How is Park Chan-wook so good at this filmmaking thing? Has anyone compared him to Hitchcock yet? Because he's the Korean Hitchcock. Yeah, I'm sure that's an original thing to say.

8. ARRIVAL

ARRIVAL is so good that it made me appreciate Amy Adams. Seriously, she's great here. The movie actually did justice to the short-story by Ted Chiang, which could not have been easy. I can't believe I'm saying this, but now I can't wait to see BLADE RUNNER 2049, strictly based on director Denis Villeneuve's involvement.

7. TRAIN TO BUSAN

This is what Guillermo del Toro said about TRAIN TO BUSAN:

https://twitter.com/RealGDT/status/808780727953203200

Are you going to disagree with him?

6. TOO LATE

Shot on 35mm. Every scene is in one take. Shown out of order. This director is trying really hard to be Tarantino, but I can't hate on him because instead of just dreaming about copying Tarantino (like me), he actually went ahead and made a film (by copying Tarantino). And he actually shot it on film, and only showed in theaters still equipped with 35mm projectors. Ballsy.

5. SING STREET

Stop what you're doing and go watch SING STREET on Netflix right now. You won't regret it.

4. GREEN ROOM

How do you top BLUE RUIN? I guess if you have the filmmaking chops of Jeremy Saulnier, it comes easy. If he can make these movies every couple of years for the rest of my life, I would die happy. But I bet the big studios will come calling real soon, if they haven't already. He's just too talented to go unnoticed. And RIP Anton, you've left too soon.

3. HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE

I'm a sucker for coming-of-age stories about troubled boys, and this is one of the best. It's funny, heartwarming, and has an awesome soundtrack. (It has the best birthday song ever!)

2. SWISS ARMY MAN

Everyone describes this as "the farting corpse movie" but it's so much more than that. It's a farting corpse movie with heart, dammit! It's clever, profound, creative, hilarious, and surprisingly sweet. Have an open mind and look past the farting corpse. HIS BONER IS A COMPASS YOU GUYS.

1. LA LA LAND

I knew from the first scene on the L.A. freeway that I would love this film. And is there a better on-screen couple right now than Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone? Their singing and dancing aren't as great as Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds (RIP), but they're good enough and their chemistry once again is off-the-charts. And the whole soundtrack is amazing. If not for MOONLIGHT, this will sweep the Oscars.