1. Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
When this originally came out I was pretty excited about playing it. I already knew that it was kinda bad, but in a 'hey this isn't the best, but its okay' sort of way. As is my policy on games like this, I decided to rent it to play through once rather than buy it new for $60. Problem was, Blockbuster didn't have it for rent, so I never played it. Since I knew the game wasn't all that great, I just accepted it, and would glance to see if it had gone down in price when ever I was buying other games. Well, I finally got it for $15 at HMV on Boxing Day 2009, and was eager to play it. Oh boy, what a bad road this lead me down. By about 10 minutes into the first mission, I realized how crappy this game was for myself. Its one thing to have a reviewer say that the shooting is bad, or the jokes are unfunny, but once you experience these deficiencies for yourself, it really becomes something else. As a concept, the idea of a self aware bad game parody looks good, but when the actual game itself is bad on a purely mechanical level, the joke falls through.
2. The Orange Box
Alright, this one needs some explaining. First of all before you all want to murder me, let me tell you that I played The Orange Box on the PS3. As I'm sure you are all aware, the PS3 version was a pretty bad port. To be honest, I just wanted to play Portal, and was content to never touch Half Life 2, or Team Fortress 2. However for whatever reason I decided one day after hearing my PC friend talk about how awesome TF2 was, I decided to give it a go. I won't subject you to the horrid descriptions of how bad playing TF2 on the PS3 was, but for whatever reason that was the only multiplayer game I played on my PS3 for a good few weeks.
3. Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie
To be fair, King Kong isn't a utterly horrendous game, it's just one that I felt was kinda meh. It was probably more my fault that than the game's, as I played it on the PS2. Despite the large scope of the game, I just found it all rather lifeless and middling. Another thing that retroactively makes me like it even less is that now I am an trophy hunter, I it really burns me that by beating that game I should have another platinum trophy to add to my list.
As I previously stated, I am a trophy hunter, and I originally played G-Force over the summer of 2009 for some fairly easy trophies. What greeted me instead was a surprisingly competent kid's 3rd person shooter. I made the comparison, to which everyone laughed at me for, that G-Force was kinda like a kiddy version of Dead Space. Each of the enemies (evil robotic appliances) had weak points, were more susceptible to certain weapons, and could in a way be dismembered, although in a very E rated way. However despite being better than the average fodder pumped out for kids, going through that bloody game three times in order to get the platinum really pissed me off, and made me hate a lot more than a single play through would have.
Oh, and I also made my own 3D glasses to try and play the game http://twitpic.com/byo91
5. Mercenaries 2: World in Flames
Oh, Mercs 2, what I janky but lovable mess you are. I was supper excited for this game, mainly because the first game was so good, and because the game looks really good in previews when all the glitchy, boring, and repetitive bits were edited out. Despite its faults I still sorta liked the game, and played through it twice. What really sucked though was I could never get the co-op to work. Every time I tried to connect, it would error out and bounce me back to the main menu. The last time I tried to play it was co-op, with Pandemic's Community Manager no less, however even then it never worked.
6. Naval Ops: Commander
Naval Ops: Commander was one of those games that I rented a dozen times as a kid, and loved it for the weekend length of time that I had it. At the time I was really into it, but looking back I can see how now I would think that it wasn't all that. However maybe its better that I don't try and think about it too much, and rather remember it with fond thoughts. After all, there is something cool about a nuclear powered battleship teeming with huge cannons, outfitted with a giant rail gun, torpedoes, anti-air batteries, and the ability to launch planes.
7. The Simpsons: Hit & Run
As a Simpsons game that wasn't terrible, I was immediately into The Simpsons: Hit and Run. I remember endlessly driving around Springfield and laughing at all the references from the show (remember, this was back before the Simpsons started to suck). I think that I must have done jumps off of the Escalator to Nowhere for hours on end. However the game was not without its faults, and the squirrely handling, frustrating (yet hilarious) missions, and hoe-hum graphics dragged the experience down, though not to the point where I ever wanted to stop playing it.
8. WWF War Zone
Okay first off let me say that Warzone was not a bad game, only that I my experiences with it kinda sucked. You see Blockbuster was giving the game away with every 5 game rentals for a little while back in 2002. To this day I think I have a half dozen sealed copies of this game for PSOne in my basement. Being the first 3D WWF game, it did not age horribly well, especially when I was begrudgingly playing it 4 years after the fact. Perhaps if I had payed it back when it was new I would like have liked my time with it better, but as it stands that game just bummed me out.
9. Family Guy Video Game!
Where the start? The horrible beat-em-up stages as Peter, the middling platforming and shooting segments as Stewie, or the cheap and boring stealth segments as Brain? Take your pick, they were all equally horrendous to me. I only played this because I like the show, and some of the reoccurring jokes from the show as mini-games were kinda fun. That is until I was pausing the game, and writing down the sequence of buttons I needed to press so that Peter could beat Michael Moore in a farting competition.
10. Tony Hawk's Underground 2