You guys probably don't know me. Never been popular, and probably never been liked by many. I was only followed by 10 people. My persona on Giantbomb is pretty much a mess. Feel free to call me an attention whore. 
As a matter of fact, I don't even know why I'm saying this. It's  totally unrelated to whatever I'm about to say. Come to think about it, maybe it does!!! Instead of talking to a friend or something, I decided to post on Giantbomb and wish someone will reply. That clearly is a demonstration of pathetic I am. 
Sorry for being a little more sarcastic. I'm not usually that way. I'm just scared to death, and I just want to share with you guys, and hopefully get me through the tough times. 
  
I'm a 16 year old kid. Obviously overweight and never got laid. Not exceptionally popular, but still kind of likable. Always helpful and very hot headed in some way. Basically, I'm just an ordinary dude. Somewhat pathetic if you ask me, but that doesn't matter right now. 
 
In approximately 5 hours, I will receive my results of a series of public exams. And what makes this year's exams more memorable than previous ones is simply these are the last ones the exams authority (yea, we actually have an organization just for exams) held. We'll be having completely new systems for students who are 15 right now, and their syllabus is completely different from ours. So that means if we fuck up this exam we have, we can't just repeat and take the exam again. 
On an unrelated note, the reason why Asians are "better" in maths is because the questions we attempt are more difficult than others and eventually we just become good at that stuff. 
 
Anyways, I'm having trouble sleeping. I managed to sleep for an hour before waking up panting and sweating. It's actually 2:53 am right now. That's probably why I was kind of a dick earlier in my blog post. Throw in the adrenaline and a heart beat rate which is through the roof right now, and you see an disjointed post about my own fears. 
 
Whatever... 
 
I'm scared to death right now. My biggest fear isn't on whether if I'm gonna pass. I will pass. However, one of my worries is on whether if the school I studied in for 5 years will take me back so I can officially study in what Americans call the 12th grade, and then further my studies (Universities) in the US afterwards. You see, the school is definitely one of the most prestigious schools in my country and they have a high standards for students who studied in it. I kind of believe that I can achieve that standard, but man, I don't fucking know. It felt good after taking the exams, but it just seems like everyone felt that way. 
Actually, my biggest concern is on whether if my results reached my level of expectations. It's not my parents whom I worry about, but myself. I mean if I fuck up, I don't think I can look at myself in the mirror again. It's never the fear of facing our peers or elders after fucking up the test that makes us suicide, but more of the way we look at ourselves. 
You know you can keep your head held high even when you fuck up, as long as you feel this is the level you're gonna reach. 
I don't know if I can do that. 
 
And then my mom told me today that I have apply for a position in another school which is even on a higher level than the one I'm in right now in case the one I'm taking right now doesn't accept my application. I don't really worry about the interview process. It's just that I don't see the fucking point. I can't convince myself to do that. I know more options are always better but I've already set my mind to "if I fuck up I'll attend community colleges in LA and be a fucking parasite, jacking your seats in universities". I knew I'm not going to attend universities in my country. So why the fuck bother doing so? It's not like I can get a good recommendation letter. Plus, if  my school refuses to accept, this is not going to. I don't think I'm going to apply for this school. I just can't bring myself to do that. Just so you know, I'm very much a mommy's boy, listening and following whatever she says. But not this time.  
 
It's 3:24 am right now. 
 
Wish me luck. I don't know if I'm gonna jump off the tallest building in my fucking country or city, depends on what you consider Hong Kong is. If I did alright, I might post here later. I won't be sleeping now. I just won't be able to. 
 
Have a nice day, my fellow Giantbombers.