The games starts with a girl falling off a cliff and while she’s falling says something along the lines of “If I blow him a kiss will he get it all the way up there... no I guess not” ...what? No seriously what the hell are you on about. I’ve played plenty of J RPG’s before so I know they can be a little cheesy at times but this is just silly. The game then flashes back to this girl at about the age of 5 where her mum tells her all about life, death and flowers. Oh god I remember when my parents gave me the same talk, it was awkward. Turns on this girl named Polka has magic powers and in this world if you have magic it means you have a fatal illness and you’re going to die soon, bummer.   Now we switch characters to Allegretto and Beat. Two orphans living in the city sewers of Ritardando. I’m going to skip ahead a little bit or we will be here all day. So from there Polka happens to run into Frédéric Chopin the famous Polish composer... as you do. Polka goes on about how she sells floral powder in Ritardando and no one will buy it because it’s so expensive. So she decides to go to speak with the king person about lowering the taxes on floral powder and Frédéric Chopin tags along because.... why not? Allegretto and Beat don’t like the fact they have to steal bread because it’s too expensive and they also decide to go to speak with the king person about lowering the taxes on bread. Frédéric and Polka meet up with Allegretto and Beat along the way and there all like “You going to see the king person? Me too! You’re also trying to lowers taxes? Get out of town! Well let’s go together.” So now they’re all going to lower taxes as one big party.

At this point I’m about 4 hours in and that’s the problem. I’m 4 hours into this game and my main objective is to speak to king dude to lower taxes.   At 4 hours in I need something more to keep me interested. The reason why I don’t think I can stand any more Eternal Sonata is because the characters just don’t seem to have a big enough problem for me to care. Sure they’re not in great situations but in a video game I need more than “We need to lowers taxes on stuff!” Remember final fantasy 10? Tidus is just sitting there minding his own business playing some blitz ball and BAM! Sin comes storming in tearing shit up, kills people all the while heavy metal music is playing in the background... Sold! Ah well I want to like Eternal Sonata but to me the people of Ritardando don’t have it that bad.