by mento
Fashionably late, here's part two of this year's "Trailer Blazer: E3 2018" list, which objectively reviews (in the sense that I'm infallible) all of the upcoming games shown off at this year's Electronic Entertainment Expo. Part One can be found over here.
For as much time and effort as all these cogent reviews take to form, the guy who actually uploads the trailers to Giant Bomb - League of Heels Fansite Webmaster and EverQuest fanatic @marino - works especially hard each June to do so. I'm really just here to denigrate* his efforts by making fun of them all.
*I probably meant to write "honor" here. I'll fix it in the editing phase.
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Trailer Trashing: Unlike the Vita, Sony has no plans to throw PlayStation VR into a closet and forget about it just yet, with this impressive montage of VR-focused games that includes games already elsewhere on this trailer list - Tetris Effect, Giant Ghost, and Beat Saber - and games I'm fairly sure are already out - Moss, Doom VFR, and Star Trek Bridge Crew. Maybe it's less "here's what's coming up" and more "hey, just to remind you what you can see on PSVR, please buy a headset we've sunk so much capital into this project already please please please". How Thinkfluenced Am I?: Not at all. If I had the cash to spare for VR gear it'd go towards a better PC instead. Far more options. The Royale Treatment: It's only a matter of time until we get VR Battle Royale. They just need to figure out how to have 100 people running around a server while maintaining the enormous framerate VR requires.
Trailer Trashing: Divinity Original Sin II is following the footsteps of its predecessor in waiting a real long time before its console debut. CRPG fans can now commit sacrilege by playing the award-winning strategic turn-based RPG on their console of choice (well, besides Switch). This trailer's basically here to tell you that, as well as remind you of all the sassy skeletons. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: Look, this is one of the most pressing games on my wishlist and has been since last September. I don't need more reminders to go out and buy it, all right? Just put it on sale once already. "10% off" doesn't count. The Royale Treatment: The game does have co-op, but I think it's just two people right now. However, the central conceit is that only one character can ascend to godhood - I think if you had 100 adventurers making their way through this land, with only one eventual winner, that could work. Godhood sounds like a better reward than chicken, anyway.
Trailer Trashing: Atlus's "Erotic Pushmo" Catherine's adding a brand new Catherine to its upcoming remaster, making Vincent's life even more complicated. They've been cagey on details about the new woman in Vincent's life, who the game actually calls Rin rather than "Qatherine", but she's possibly either underaged or a transgender woman, either of which could lead to some regrettable cutscenes if the game's not tactful enough. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: I keep meaning to play Catherine but I never got around to it. Suffice it to say, if I do play it, it'll be the standard "two girls" version I own already. The Royale Treatment: Dang, what if 100 Catherines though? You wouldn't even have enough letters for all their initials. You'd have to resort to "4atherine" and "?atherine".
Trailer Trashing: More Bethesda games are getting their VR spin-offs on, and Wolfenstein's going full cyberpunk for their VR hacking game, letting the player control those giant mechanical hounds or the wanzers ("walking panzers", something Wolfenstein could easily steal from Front Mission if they wanted). Cyber-WW2, damn. That's an aesthetic. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: It's VR, so... not much. The Royale Treatment: Man, you can imagine sprinting across Erangel as one of those Panzerhunds? That'd frighten the life out of some poor schmuck with a frying pan.
Trailer Trashing: The opportunity to watch Kazuma Kiryu punch tigers in full HD has finally arrived, with this revamp of the Yakuza game that brought us the first visit to Osaka and a love interest for Kiryu who never shows up again. I wish they put Ryuda Goda in more games - you don't see nearly enough of him in the original Yakuza 2. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: Well, I was curious about more Majima content, but I can't say I'm too on board for Yakuza Tower Defense even with Chono's involvement. Since I've played this one already (albeit the PS2 original) it's much lower priority than 0 and 6. The Royale Treatment: 100 Yakuza on screen at once isn't that ridiculous. I just had a fight like that playing Yakuza 5. Make Kamurocho the map, fill it with random items and weapons to find, and drop 100 player-controlled Kiryus and Majimas in there and I think you have a goddamn video game.
Trailer Trashing: The dopey if earnest My Hero Academia's getting its first video game localization with this one-on-one fighting game, featuring a number of heroes and villains from the manga/anime. Where the hell's Gang Orca? Don't hold out on me, game. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: I'll admit to becoming a big MHA mark in recent months, but I'm not really into these DBZ fighters. I mean, the older kind where people are flying around everywhere. The Royale Treatment: I can only imagine the hell involved trying to balance a superhero Battle Royale game, but that would be some marvellous chaos if pulled off.
Trailer Trashing: Fallout Shelter for consoles saw one of those simultaneous E3 announcement/releases, letting PS4, Xbox One and Switch owners in on the free-to-play "fun". Build new rooms, fill them with survivors, and watch out for those renegade theme park robots! (I got the correct game, right?) How Thinkfluenced Am I?: Eh, it's free. No reason not to try it out someday. Apparently, it's been slowly getting better since its debut for phones/tablets. The Royale Treatment: 100 Vault-Tec execs build their vaults, first one to kill all their occupants via some sociopathic lab experiment wins.
Trailer Trashing: Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna ~ The Golden Country looks to be similar to the core game, but with a (mostly) new cast and story to follow that have some connection to the events of the original. The trailer introduces us to them and what looks like the normal XC2 combat, so I guess we'll have to wait until September to find out more. I heard "standalone" and "prequel" in there somewhere. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: I'd have to play Xenoblade Chronicles 2 first. I don't generally truck with DLC much, but this seems more substantial than a few bonus costumes or a tacked on bonus quest chain. Probably priced substantially to match though, which is often the case for worthwhile DLC and especially anything released on the Switch. The Royale Treatment: A titan would make a pretty good Battle Royale map. I could never figure out how the geography works for the Bionis to know where to go if I were parachuting onto it, though.
Trailer Trashing: Smash is back, and its bringing the whole cast with it, including a certain purple space pteradon. This trailer is all Ridley, showing him straight up murdering Megs and Mario and presumably eating them or laying eggs in their stomach, and then a breezy little montage where he hangs out with Kirby and goofs around. That scamp. How Thinkfluenced Am I?: I'm undecided. Maybe if they'd shown off more of the game during the E3 Nintendo Direct I'd have a better idea. The Royale Treatment: They managed eight simultaneous players in Smash for Wii U, so they're working their way up to 100.
Trailer Trashing: Every time I see this trailer, I hear a "What's good, Nintendo?" in Austin's voice echoing in my head. The trailer lays on the heavy metal aesthetic thick with one of those liquid metal pouring things that blacksmiths use, and then abruptly cuts off the music and footage for all the developer info, which I thought was amusing. "Nope, that's all you get. Enjoy our mech game coming whenever." How Thinkfluenced Am I?: Mechas aren't really my thing, but respect to Nintendo for signing off on a "serious" mecha game this soon after Labo's silly walking cardboard robot backpack. Unless... this game can only be controlled via Nintendo Labo? The Royale Treatment: If you wanted to see a hundred mechs duke it out, I'm sure Super Robot Wars or Battletech has you covered.
