"Yeah, this looks like World of Warcraft and plays like every MMO since... well, World of Warcraft."

My download of EVE Online completed while I was watching the WildStar QuickLook, an interesting coincidence and counter-point to all the MMOs chasing the 600-lb gorilla. EVE Online generates stories of backstabbers & warmongers that bewilder outsiders. However, a Bomber told me about a 14-day free trial on it and invited me to it; I took a deep breath and dived in.

I decided to try a crazy path for this crazy game: mining. I would make my ISK by mining.

My initial two days were spent going through the tutorial missions & figuring out the basics. I was getting plenty of equipment and basic ships from them, but it was also boring. I wanted to get into the crazy parts of EVE. So I contacted KiteCo, the GiantBomb corp on EVE, and requested an invitation. I quickly got accepted and they invited me to their station in NullSec (the Wild West of EVE; bring your own protection).

"So, how do I get my stuff over there?"

"Don't; you're going to be blown up along the way. Just sell it for as much ISK as you can, set your clone respawn for the House of Pancakes, and blow yourself up."

On a whim, I decided to try flying my escape pod there instead, through two dozen low/no-security systems. Somehow, I made it in one piece.

KiteCo's House of Pancakes station is located on the border between our alliance (Brave Newbies) and the Northern Coalition, an EVE superpower who sees us as easy pickings. Hostiles fly through the system constantly and there's fights every other hour. Once I dock at the station, they start hammering home the survival tips:

"Don't fly what you can't lose. You will lose ships. You will lose a lot of ships. Some because you're new, some because of bad luck. Don't blow all your money on one ship. Don't fly what you can't lose. Got it?

"Always keep an eye on Local Chat. If there's a hostile in system, he'll always show up on Local Chat.

"The moment you see a hostile, run back to station and dock before you get blown up.

"Neutrals are hostile."

With that, I got to mining.

-----

There is no minimal level for zones in EVE. You can make a profit in the most dangerous NullSec sectors with a starter ship if you're careful. There's no experience grinding, either. Experience goes up as time passes, whether you're logged in or not. (It also encourages you to keep subscribing; you're still gaining experience from it even if you barely log on.) Money, or ISK, is the largest issue for beginners. Luckily, most of our alliance's members were willing or even eager to toss ISK at newbies for just about anything. "Lost a mining ship? Here, take 2mil and buy a replacement." "Need a logi ship for the assault tomorrow? Here, have 10mil."

I learned later they just had that much cash on them. "Once you get rolling, it's easy to make money in NullSec. It's rough getting started, though. We like to encourage newbies to stick around. Warm bodies are more valuable than ISK here."

-----

I lost my first mining frigate to a supercarrier. I was trying to pass through a warpgate when it warped on top of me and blew me to smithereens. When I posted the kill report to KiteCo, the others burst out laughing.

"Oh, that's amazing! You got killed by a supercarrier!"

"Why's that so funny?!"

"He must be bored. He probably spent more on ammo killing you than your ship was worth."

"I still don't find it very funny."

"Here, have some ISK for a new mining frigate."

"Alright, I can find it a bit funny now."

-----

"So, what's the easiest way to get back to HiSec space?" It had been days since I left the starting area in HiSec space for NullSec, and I wanted to head back to buy some new skill books for training. Unfortunately, that passed through a dozen hostile systems; I hadn't managed to get through them unscathed again.

"Simple: just set your clone respawn for there then blow yourself up. We call it the Pod Express."

A moment later, I left my ship at base, flew to the sun with my capsule / escape pod, and set the Self-Destruct.

I woke up back in HiSec, trained the skills I needed, then set my respawn for the House of Pancakes and blew myself up again. I've died more often fast-traveling than in actual combat. Doctor McCoy would have a fit.

-----

I saw the assault notification just a few hours before it started: KiteCo was blowing up abandoned enemy stations in a nearby sector to solidify Brave Newbies' control of the sector. I asked for a loan from the alliance to quickly put together a support ship for the assault; I got 5x as much ISK as I asked for. I quickly threw together a rough support build and waited for the assault to begin.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much need for support in a fight against abandoned stations. I ended up taking weak potshots at the station while everyone else bombed it. On the other hand, I was still participating in "endgame PvP" with dozens of other players. It didn't matter that I had a weak ship & almost no experience. "The more warm bodies, the better."

I had to leave halfway through it due to work, got ambushed by enemy campers on the other side of the stargate and had my new ship blown to smithereens. "Note to self: don't leave fleets early."

-----

That Sunday, our Alliance leaders held a "fireside chat" in our Mumble chat.about our conquest of the Catch region. The chat was preceded by this announcement:

"Attention all enemy spies! We are about to start an alliance chat in here; please leave before you are bored to death."

The big topic of the chat was our transition from invading & conquering to building up our infrastructure and securing Catch from the enemies constantly invading it to skirmish. Diplomatic relationships with other nearby alliances were discussed, a black ops corp was welcomed into the fold, and they said the minutes to a council meeting would be posted shortly.

Half of the items on the minutes were blacked out.

-----

A week after I joined, a mysterious short-notice assault alert popped up on the calendar. It looked like it would be a short PvP assault, so I signed up for it.

Instead, an hour later I had gathered up with over a hundred Brave Newbies and jumped over a dozen systems away from our home turf. They still hadn't explained exactly what we were going to do when our Fleet Commander spoke up:

"Alright! Before we continue further, please set these alliances to Blue status temporarily! Northern Coalition..."

I typed out in fleet chat to the other members: "Wait, aren't we always fighting them?"

"Yes, but not this time."

"Who do we hate enough to ally with NC against?"

"Guess."

A few minutes later, we leapt into the next system, where a NC titan was waiting to jump us to the next system...

...Where we grouped up with several other alliances, all with the same goal: destroy a Goonswarm-allied Titan under construction. "PREPARE TO MAKE CONTENT!"

I had to log out for the main combat, but when I returned there was a thousand ships running around in the same system, EVE's Time Dilation had dropped us to 75% of real-time to avoid melting the server, and we were wiping out a few disconnected enemies before calling a retreat. I learned I was the only surviving support ship in the fleet, thanks to missing the main battle.

As we warped back, we ran into a Goonswarm mop-up fleet that outnumbered us. A few ships managed to distract them long enough for the rest of us to escape to a nearby neutral station and hunker down, logging off for a half-hour to hope they got bored and left.

When I logged back in, I realized I was a few minutes too late; the rest of the fleet had already left and I was a dozen jumps behind enemy lines. I quickly charted an alternate route back home to avoid the main mop-up fleet and managed to outrun the few loners who tried to tackle me. Somehow, I made it back with my ship intact.

I had only been playing for a week, yet I had already gotten exposed to the politics of EVE and participated in two large assaults, including one that made the headlines of The Mittani. Although it takes months to gain the ISK and skills necessary to pilot the giant capital ships, EVE has the lowest barrier to endgame PvP content I've ever seen. All you need is a warm body and a frigate to participate.

"Just remember: don't fly what you can't afford to lose."