I used to know a girl who would volunteer at a soup kitchen every Christmas morning, because her single mother didn't have the money to buy her or her brother fancy things; so she thought it would be a better use of her time to help others than to mope around feeling sorry for herself I guess. I truly admired that about her, but than we had a pretty nasty falling out; mostly because I let my hopes get the best of me, and I expected a lot more from our friendship than I should have, and she was pretty cold in how she crushed my expectations.. Anyways, that was off-topic. I really like Christmas, not really because of the gifts though, I actually find gifts pretty stressful because I never know what to get my family and I always worry too much about whether they'll like the gifts or not. But I really love the winter time, and seeing all those colorful lights up on everyone's house, and waking up early with my brother and sister and parents. It's all just so heart-wrenchingly nostalgic.
Hmm, wouldn't a precursor to social anxiety be a desire to socialize in the first place? Maybe that's why I don't get it. I get other kinds of anxiety, like worrying about future events that may or may not happen.
Not necessarily, I don't care much for socializing. For the most part I'm happy in the little bubble world I've built around myself; but even still I deal with social anxiety whenever I go out into the world. It's like a sensory overload or something. If I'm on a full bus for instance I'll start getting shortness of breath and feel like I'm suffocating, and then subsequently feel like I'm breathing too loud and everyone can hear me breathing, and they're all looking at me and judging me or something. It was like that in school as well. If I was sitting at the front of the class I'd feel everyone's eyes burning into my back and I'd start feeling claustrophobic and trapped in my chair -- which you essentially are since you can't get up and walk out without a good reason. Staring out the window sort of helped, imagining I was outside by myself.. I've always had a pretty severe case though, although I don't really tell anyone, I just play it off like I'm too cool to talk to anyone or to show any real emotion in public.
I've haven't been this rattled in a long time. Thanks for everything Ryan, your legacy will live on. my prayers and best wishes to all of his loved ones.
@maedhros925: I feel ya brotha, my first play through of dark souls was absolutely magical. I tried doing a 2nd but it just didn't feel the same. I think a game as epic and as tedious as DS should really only be played once; I don't say that because I have anything better to do, simply because I don't want to defile the wonderful memories I have of that game.
Glad to here you're alright. And you call yourself stupid but are a far better writer than I could ever hope to be. Maybe that could be a source of income even!
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