The Abyss
Spoilers:
The Abyss is a movie that I heard a lot of good things about. I heard it was gorgeous. I heard it was tense. I heard it brilliant. I heard the theatrical ending wasn’t as good as the director’s cut. It turns out only one of these things I actually agreed with. I still enjoyed the film, but not nearly as much as I expected.
I’d like to note that I had pretty high expectations. Some of that was definitely caused by the buzz, but some was a result of my history with other Cameron movies. I haven’t seen anything after True Lies, but I like The Terminator a lot and I really like Aliens. As a result, I was a bit bummed that The Abyss continues to explore a lot of the same themes as his earlier work.
The big one here is “evil/misguided authority.” It’s the same thing that provided thrust in Aliens: some self-centered authority/authoritarian power uses a bunch of good, honest, hard working people to achieve their own self-interested/greedy ends. That’s not a concept I mind seeing, but I thought it was handled a lot better in Aliens.
This time the evil authority comes in the form of Coffey, a navy seal trapped at the bottom of the sea with the rest of the good guys. While everyone else is figuring out how to contact the harmless, friendly aliens, he’s locked up in a room suffering from some hero complex delusion and plotting to blow everyone up for the good of mankind. There are a number of confrontations between him, his goons, and the rest of the crew that help build tension and even one particularly tense fight between he and main hero good guy Ed Harris. The problem is that none of this comes to a satisfying conclusion. By the end we really want to see this guy punished. That pay off is there – but it’s not as impactful as I would have liked.
Otherwise, I’d say this is just a boring movie. With a runtime of nearly 3 hours, it sure takes its time getting anywhere interesting. It’s not so much that any given scene is dispensable, but that these scenes need to happen faster. One moment early in the film has the crew scanning a downed submarine for radiation. They need to make sure it’s safe to explore. Because this happens in the first 15 minutes, we as the audience know it’s going to be fine. If it isn’t there’s no movie. But still it takes what feels like forever as they crawl along underwater in their mini-subs scanning the thing. That scene should have been thirty seconds long but it’s drawn out for at least five minutes. The movie is rife with instances like this; things that just needed to happen faster. With everything plodding along so slowly there’s very little dramatic tension.
At the very least, while things are taking forever to happen, there’s some real pretty sets to look at. All the design holds up pretty well, the cinematography is nice, and while the CGI is certainly outdated, it still looks pretty cool. I can see how that stuff would have easily blown audiences away in 1989.
But the worst thing about this movie for me is definitely the last 30 minutes. With so much time invested I was looking forward to a big pay off. What I got instead was…some corny bullshit about how human’s need to get along otherwise….alien’s will kill us with water? I don’t know. That whole ending fell completely flat for me.
With a title like The Abyss I feel like there are connotations of the power of “the unknown.” The fact that everything gets tied up so neatly at the end therefore seems out of place. I think a stronger film would actually not include aliens at all. A much more interesting film involves a conflict between the good guys and the bad guys over something that neither of them can really see or prove: whether there are aliens at the bottoms of the sea or Russian weapons. As the leading lady says at one point: “We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians.” Some understated message about faith and the unknown would have been much more in keeping with both the title and the Nietszche quote that pre-empts the first scene: “If you gaze long into an abyss the abyss will gaze back into you.” In retrospect, that quote comes across as pretentious nonsense.
6/10
TinTin and the Golden Fleece:
I should start by saying that I’m a massive TinTin fan. The comics I enjoyed as a child but in particular it’s the TV show, The Adventures of TinTin, which has followed me my entire life. About once a year I go back and re-watch if not the entire series then my favourite episodes. I like it that much. I had never seen any of the live action TinTin films though. This was my first. I chose it for two reasons. One: I heard it was an original story. And two: I heard it was one of the best.
For those who don’t know, TinTin is a French reporter who solves mysteries along with his faithful dog Snowy, the drunken and out-burst prone Captain Haddock, and the deaf but brilliant Professor Calculus. Each adventure features some combination of these characters, but always TinTin and his dog, traipsing off around the world to foil drug smugglers, thieves, and all around bad guys while also pursuing the occasional treasure or self-interested goal, like saving a kidnapped friend or successfully launching a rocket into outer space. It’s seriously awesome.
With that in mind, I came to this film as a fan of the series who understands that live-action films are rarely as good as their animated counterparts. I was not looking for something blind blowing from this film, but just something that adheres to the basic tropes, themes, and structures of the source material. In that regard I can’t say I’m at all disappointed. Those tropes, themes, and structures are all in place; and while the story itself isn’t all that interesting (it’s kind of a combination of two existing stories actually) it’s still engaging enough that I was never checking the time or wondering when it would all be over.
One aspect the filmmakers really nailed is the aesthetic. The costumes are spot on and the locations look like the kinds of places TinTin might find himself; a crowded foreign market place, a dingy prison cell, and a monastery atop a mountain in the middle of nowhere, just to name a few. All these settings are well realized thanks to detailed set design and clever camera work which makes every location feel bigger than it probably is but more importantly embedded in the world around it.
There’s not much to say about this one beyond that. If you’re a big fan of the comics/cartoon then check it out. If not, you’re probably best off staying away.
5/10 + 2 for excessive TinTin love = 7/10
Doom:
Gains a point for being functional at the most basic level.
Gains a point for involving a soldier who takes adderall to focus better on shooting.
Gains a point for having The Rock yell “Semper Fi Mother Fucker!”
Gains a point for having a relatively entertaining ‘final boss fight.’
Gains a point for having first-person chainsaw wielding action.
Gains a point for having a scientist named Carmack.
Gains a point for restraining itself to a sub-2 hour run time.
Gains a point for even attempting a first person sequence.
Gains a point for introducing us to the bad ass future weapon by having the camera circle around it.
Gains a point for having the Rock do wrestling moves.
Loses a point for across the board bad acting.
Loses a point for the creepy soldier who tries to strip search every woman he sees.
Loses a point for the religious soldier who cuts his wrist every time he uses the Lord’s name in vain.
Loses a point for the rookie kid who is so useless he might as well have not passed basic training.
Loses a point for having a bad first person sequence.
Loses a point for the Rock being a character who has to follows orders no matter what and then goes insane for no reason (to be fair he may have been insane all along).
Loses a point for bad monster design which is neither scary nor cool.
Overall: 3/10
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