Right. So I had this weird dream last night that I JUST woke up from and I wanted to write it down before the memory starts to fade. Even now I can feel it slipping away, so I may need to try and fill in the blanks. A friend of mine pops in at some point. For brevity's sake, he will be known only as DLR. I just needed a place to post it. I figured I'd post it here. Here goes.

It's a brisk morning in somewhere Ireland. (I'm originally from Canada, but my lineage traces back to the Irish. Still, I've never been there and I only know what it looks like from movies and pictures) My Dad was now living there and had a new job. (He and my Mom had split up for some reason) I was sitting around his house, bored. There was nothing to do in the surrounding area. (His house was surrounded by trees and a dirt road leading to the main road, I assume) I decided to go for a walk. (In this dream, Ireland is very small, enough to walk it in a day) The first thing I came across was this little shop; a tiny convenience store. It looked closed. (I remember how quaint it looked) I continued to walk.

[Flash forward]

After walking the entire day in the rolling, green hills of Ireland, I was on my way home and dark veil of night covered the scene. I walked up to small, elderly lady with grey, stringy, thin hair who was peering out over the ocean. She was sitting on a picnic table. (She kind of looks like you image what a woman who could see into the future would look like. Not a fortune teller, but someone who you have a feeling could tell you ominous things about the future. She couldn't, but you know)

I walked up to her.

"Hello," I said in an Irish accent I just discovered I now had.

She didn't say anything in return at first.

"Well, I better be off," I said with that same accent.

"You should brave the winds, lad. Tomorrow you should open the shop. People will appreciate it," She finally replied.

(Apparently the shop I came across was closed to due to wind. So, some pussy closed down due to wind and I'm tasked with re-opening it. Also, it was now windy. I also realized I was wearing a long, Harry Potter-type scarf. It, along with my long hair, was blowing in the wind. I was also dressed very handsome. {Picture a handsome man dressed in very stylish fall clothing. If you can't do that without feeling uncomfortable, maybe you should look into yourself as a human being. I'm very comfortable in my heterosexuality, so I can appreciate a handsome man without thinking I'm gay. Maybe you're gay! I digress} I was looking straight dreamy)

"I'll do that," I replied. (I wasn't going to do that)

I started walking in-land a bit and came across a small town. All the small houses and shops were dark and closed, except for one big building that had a light on in the window. I walked to it and peered inside. It was a bunch of old people playing bridge or something. It was adorable. I walked away and headed for home.

[Flash forward]

It was the next day. I was driving my see my friend DLR at his new job in Ireland. (Apparently he left his job in Texas for this. I shrug at this like it's a normal thing to do) I arrive at the job site and head inside. (It looks like a lumber yard from a cartoon or something, but the office building looked like just a big house) Inside, DLR and I hug and he asked me how my trip was. A few minutes later, his boss comes in. He lives in the house and owns the company. He was a real scowl on his face. I already didn't like this guy.

(Flash forward)

After some time passed, DLR and I were about to head out to the project site to see what he was doing here, the owner's wife entered. She had grey, curly perm-like hair. (You know, like as lot of old people have. Kind of like the Queen of England. Come to think of it, a LOT like the Queen of England. Holy shit, she might have been the Queen of England. Anyway) She seemed pleasant, that is, until she opened her mouth. DLR introduced my to his woman, and she continued to call me "She". (I assume because of the long hair, but my massive beard should prove otherwise)

"He's a man," her husband commented.

"She's a very pretty one at that," she replied.

(This bitch was stepping and shit was 'bout to get real if she didn't check herself)

So DLR takes me down to the job site. (It looked like a they were building a bunch of houses and stores. Kind of like building a movie set) Then, we went to his pickup truck. (3/4 ton for those coming along for the ride) We started driving but then forgot his dog. (His dog in real life is named Rachet, but this wasn't him. He referred to it as Chance. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure the dog in Homeward Bound was named Chance. It wasn't that Chance, because this one was big and fat and slobbery and adorable)

We went back to his job site to pick up Chance, but when we got there, the owner and his wife seems darker; scarier. The owner needed to talk with DLR, so they stepped aside, but he handed me a 3 ft length of hose.

"There's a power issue on site 3. Just go down there and throw this over the fence," the owner said. (That's exactly how he fucking said it. I couldn't forget that. I just realized how much fucking nonsense this all is. Jesus Christ)

Like a stupid child, I take his word for it and the hose and walk down to the job site. (This is were shit gets weird. More-so.) When I get down there, I realize...I don't know what the fuck "site 3" means, but I hold onto the hose. I walked back to the house and people are arguing. The wife is screaming and the owner looks like he is about to hit DLR. I run in and hit the owner with the hose like it's nunchuks. He gets pissed and comes at me. DLR and I bolt for his truck. He gets in and starts crying like a little baby. (I've known DLR for a while. I have never seen him or heard him cry and I don't remember him ever talking about crying. This was like a sobbing little baby. It didn't weird me out though.)

I open the passenger side door and move the raw ground beef to the dashboard so I could sit down. (I know) Once I was seated and buckled in, I consoled him. He then drove away forgetting Chance again. When we get back, there is a full blown gunfight between the workers and the Triads. (That's right, THE FUCKING TRIADS) We stopped near the house and Chance ran in through DLRs side of the truck. The Owner started shooting at us and DLR took off and drove us over a cliff. It seemed to tumble forever. When it finally hit the ground, we got out. We were fine, but unfortunately, Chance was dead. DLR started crying again. I consoled him.

It was now time for revenge. We got back in the still working truck and drove up to the scene of the gunfight. We got out and DLR ran up to the owner and started punching him in the face. I ran up to the Queen of England and started beating her with a hose until she died. When DLR came out of his rage, we realized I killed the owner's wife and we ran to the truck. We took off and suddenly the owner was in the back seat and tried to strangle DLR. Again, we drive off the cliff. Before the truck hits the ground, we both jump out leaving the owner in to die.

The truck hits and explodes. We landed safely due to all the trees surround the job site. (I don't even) DLR and I looked at each other. It was finally over. Before we knew it, the owner started to crawl out of the truck, but was stuck in it. (Very Terminator in his persistence) I saw some metal bundle strapping on the ground. (If you don't know, metal strapping is used to hold bundles or lumber together on a skid during transport. I've worked in a lumber warehouse off and on for the past 10 years. The metal kind is the best. Don't get me fucking started on the plastic shit) I took the strapping and wrapped it around his neck and started to saw through it like a tree. He was still calling me names the entire time I was sawing even when the head was seconds away from coming off.

When I finally cut through it, it was still talking. We decided this was finally over. We patted the fire on the truck out with our hands and drove away. (Because that truck was still working)

(Flash forward)

The last thing I remember seeing before waking up was DRL, myself and a big group of our friends sitting around my apartment (THE ONE I LIVE IN RIGHT NOW IN CANADA) playing PS4. (Which I don't own)

Fin

Now, there are a few things I took away from this dream.

1. Trucks are indestructible
2. The Queen of England is a BITCH
3. Ireland shifts from being big and small whenever it wants. I assume it has something to do with space-time or wormholes or something
4. Electrical/power issues are fixed with a hose
5. Old people are creepy
6. DLR cries like a stupid baby
7. I have really no idea what DLR does for a living
8. The Triad have beef with the Royal Family
9. I'm skilled with 3 ft of hose and a band of lumber strap
10. Video Games are pretty cool
11. Dreams are weird
12. I want a hamburger

I'm sorry.

-Ryan