Here's a good one. I have recently been on the website OkCupid and now after being on there for some time again browsing and reading profiles as you do I have come up with the following. These assumptions are almost always correct.

If they have any of the following on their profiles:

Describe themselves as "bubbly."

Assumption: Loud, talkative or annoying. Usually all three.

Talk about how much of a “girl gamer” they are.

Assumption: Played Mario Kart a few times in the past. Possibly Wii Sports.

Claim they want to be treated like a “princess”.

Assumption: Doesn’t want to lift a finger in a relationship. Obsessed with Disney.

Talks about how “random” they are and how they have a “wicked” sense of humour.

Assumption: Not funny and will still find comments such as “full of win” relevant.

Loves Japan and is apparently learning Japanese.

Assumption: Watches Naruto, secretly loves Hentai of the tentacle kind and has Google Translate as their homepage.

Claims they are a bit of a “computer nerd”

Assumption: Knows how to download and install iTunes.

Couldn’t live without their iPhone.

Assumption: Could live without their iPhone as they never do anything requiring a smartphone. Possibly plays Angry Birds.

“Please don’t message me if you tlk lyk dis, you will just be wasting you’re time”

Assumption: Doesn’t like bad spelling but is apparently quite alright with bad grammar.

I think that just about covers it, I could have squeezed a few more out but these are the ones I see often enough and I didn’t want to just start clutching at straws, thanks for letting me express my cynical self guys! It was pretty funny writing this out.