I went to the game store today and picked up some crap. I have a cart at a certain chain that makes the majority of retro games $3, and it's hard to say no to $3 games! Also, this is why I have like 300 games on Steam.

Also, don't worry: I didn't get any NES games that come before "C." Because retroactively reviewing retro games seems redundant.

Whatever, on with the show! Oh right, youtube link. This one is Game of Thrones related, because I'm too tired to find one that isn't, and last night's show was quite good. Love me some GoT.

Disclaimer: Sorry of today's is a bit dull. I work a graveyard shift and, due to life events, was only able to get about three hours of sleep today. So I'm a bit loopy. :P

Caveman Games

A little background

Apparently "Jim" owned this game before me.

Caveman Games is another....*sigh*...Data East experience. It was originally made for Commodore 64 and DOS by Dynamix, who would later be acquired by Sierra and make the phenomenal Incredible Machine games as well as the famous Tribes.

The NES port was released in October of 1990, without the subtitle "Ugh-lympics." Yeah, You'll be saying "ugh" after you play this game, ha ha ha!

That was a sick burn, by the way. It's why they pay me the big bucks to do this every day.

First impressions last forever

So there's a lot of events, and man this game looks rotten on the NES. I seem to remember seeing the Commodore 64 version and it looking better, but it might just be because I was a wee lad back then. This game also bears a striking resemblance to Konami's Track and Field games, except with cavemen. Hey, I can get behind that.

But as I played further...

You have six events, all caveman and dinosaur themed, and all of them aren't really that great. They're the usual dexterous controller style games of the era, like early Mario Party games designed to destroy controllers so Nintendo could sell more.

Saber Race is a button-mashy racing game similar to the one in Track and Field, except you aren't just outrunning the other guy: you're outrunning a sabre tooth tiger. Shouldn't it be "Sabre Run" then?

Mate Toss is my favorite one. It's like hammer throw, except you throw your "mate" (basically spouse). Not sexist here, because as the girl olympian you throw a boy! So that makes it ok. The concept of this one amuses me for some reason, even if the animation is atrocious.

Firemaking is a pure button masher where you race to make fire. Next.

Clubbing is not what you think it is, as no alcohol or good times are involved. Instead, it's an American Gladiator style fighting game at the top of a large rock, where you try to bonk the other person off. Again, other games have done fighting better.

Dino Race is weirdly similar to Saber Race, except you are on the dinosaurs trying to dodge obstacles.

And Dino Vault is a pole vaulting competition, except you are vaulting over a T-Rex's mouth.

Out of all of them, I like Mate Toss and Dino Vault, because they're funny. But all in all, even with two players it isn't really much better than Track and Field. And the graphics are way worse.

So what's the conclusion?

My wife's family has some nostalgia for this game, which is fair, but I can't say I'm a huge fan. It's basically, again, Track and Field with a Caveman theme. Which would be more interesting than Track and Field, if the game was comparable. It's ugly, doesn't sound great, and only plays decently. I really can't recommend it, despite thinking the idea is funny.

Code Name: Viper

A little background

Hey, another Capcom game!

Code Name: Viper (the space is there in cover art!) was released in March of 1990, and is pretty much a big fat ripoff of Namco's 1986 arcade game (turned Tengen NES port), Rolling Thunder. Like, a total ripoff. Same looking sprites, same two-levels, one-shot deaths, hide in doorways...all of it. Total ripoff.

But if a ripoff does it better, then that's ok, right? Is Codename: Viper a good action platformer?

First impressions last forever

This is a really good looking game, with awesome music too. The premise is simple: you are sent to South America to bust up some drug cartels. With guns. The dialogue boxes look a bit like Bionic Commando, and when you shoot guys they literally disintegrate into dust.

You also die really easily. Two hits (or touches of an enemy) or a single bullet, and you're done.

But as I played further...

I really like Rolling Thunder, but I have to admit I like Codename: Viper better. The game feels a lot less picky than Rolling Thunder: you can actually shoot and jump in Viper, as well as change your jump trajectory mid-leap rather than having to completely commit. The game also looks way better, with the backgrounds being varied jungles and villages rather than the inside of some bunker.

I will say they could have tried to be less shameless about it. Everything here is the same. You have the two-levels of play (not unlike Bad Dudes) where pressing up and jump switches floors (or down and jump pops you back down). You die very easily and have to both conserve ammo and be very smart lest you'll kick the bucket. You can hide in doorways (in this game it's spinning, weird holes in the sides of rocks) and rescue people, or find more bullets for your weapons. Even the sprites are extra tall and skinny, just like Rolling Thunder. Namco should sue.

So what's the conclusion?

This is a fun, arcade-style NES game! I will admit it can be very frustrating if you keep dying, or think you are ducking under a bullet and it turns out you get shot right in the head. But the game has this good mix of twitch reaction combined with careful planning and plodding (as well as hiding from enemies) that keeps it challenging but also very engaging. You'll keep coming back for more, even as the game keeps kicking you back to checkpoints. Every enemies is a potential death, and you treat it as such.

Plus it's fast, the controls are extremely responsive, and the game looks phenomenal. I just wish you had more than three continues. Even on "Easy," this game can crush you.

Copies are usually around $3-5, and I'd suggest picking it up if you find it!

Commando

A little background

Oh, Commando, Capcom's arcade classic. And back before they modernized their label style and had that awesome, vector-laser grid in the backdrop that doesn't at all look dated. Fantastic.

Commando (or Wolf of the Battlefield in Japan, which sounds way more badass) is a well-remembered arcade game that hit the NES in May 1985. The game was a pretty faithful representation of the arcade experience (as good as the NES can be in that regard, anyway), complete with two-player and a large number of action-packed stages. This was the great grand-daddy of dual-stick shooters, back when you only had one stick and you had to move in a direction in order to shoot that way. Ah, old controls.

First impressions last forever

This game is still a lot of fun, even from the start, though it does suffer from a whole mess of slowdown and sprite flicker. While the game plays OK on the D-Pad, it's arcade games like these that make me bust out the ol' NES Advantage and play it like god intended: on an arcade stick. Plays a lot better, trust me.

But as I played further...

Commando is still a solid NES experience, even if it isn't as good as the arcade game. It's challenging, with bullets everywhere, and trying to stop and kill every enemy is actually not the best strategy. The game only has four levels before it cycles and you go through again, but it's fine because the second round is considerably harder.

As stated, the shooting feels solid, grenades are powerful and plentiful, and if you like modern dual-stick shooters, you'd probably enjoy this predecessor.

So what's the conclusion?

I like Commando, though I honestly usually play Jackel instead for my Capcom single-stick top-down shooter needs. And remember when I told you this was a prequel to Bionic Commando? Yep, it still is. Craaaaaaaaazy.

The slowdown and sprite flicker does get pretty bad, especially on the second round when there's a truckload of enemies and bullets, but I didn't think it was enough to ruin the experience. Commando is a lot of fun, especially with two people, and is probably an essential piece of history for any NES collector.

Copies are usually cheap as well, around $3-5.