We round off the first week of this experiment by finishing my first shelf of NES games! See that one in the upper right in the header picture? Yeah, the one up there? That's it! We're done! Hooray!

Only seven more shelves to go of NES games! Hope you're all in it for the long haul.

Continuing the tradition of dropping youtube music references, this rendition of Frog's theme from Chrono Trigger is pretty great.

On with the reviews!

The Battle of Olympus

A little background

Is it weird that whenever I see a Borderbund logo on something I immediately think of Myst? Must be my PC days catching up to me.

Long before God of War mined Greek Mythology for its setting, we have The Battle of Olympus in

December of 1989. Playing as Orpheus (a musician/poet in real Greek mythology, and your starting Persona in Persona 3 because that's totally relevant to this review), you find out that your girlfriend was killed by Hades to be his bride. So off you go to kick some butt across many Greek worlds. Sounds like God of War NES to me!

First impressions last forever

This game is very much a knock off of Zelda II. The side-scrolling looks the same, when you get hit it looks the same, and you have a life bar that is also similar. The game looks quite good and the controls are solid, but it also has the Zelda II problem of not knowing where the crap to go.

But as I played further...

Despite the lack of direction, I love The Battle of Olympus. Despite wholesale ripping off Zelda II, there's still a good number of differences. The game is less of an action RPG and more of just an action game. You gain lots of cool gear like new weapons and abilities, and battle lots of creatures from Greek mythology. Again, God of War-esque, only without the rage and bad character development.

The music is phenomenal, as are the sound effects. Again, the only real knock is the issue where you can get lost or confused easily, even though the NPCs are much better translated than in Zelda II. I feel this game works best with Gamefaqs on speed-dial.

So what's the conclusion?

I'd go so far as to say The Battle of Olympus is a hidden gem. While it isn't quite as polished or refined as Zelda II, for a knock-off it does more than its fair share of carving its own path. While the initial while may be frustrating and turn off some players; don't let it. Use a guide if you have to, but still experience the game. It's good looking, good sounding, and offers a fun, meaty adventure for those willing to dive in.

Copies are usually under $10.

Bible Adventures

A little background

Oh boy, here we go.

Most people have heard of this game, but for those unenlightened, here's a little background.

Back in the NES days, Nintendo kept all its games on lockdown. That "Seal of Quality" on their carts actually meant something, because Nintendo had to hand-approve all games that were released on its console. That is, until Tengen showed up and started making their own carts without Nintendo's approval. Several other companies followed suite, the most infamous of them being Wisdom Tree and Color Dreams. We won't talk about Color Dreams, but Wisdom Tree was responsible for making many unlicensed christian religious games across multiple systems, though most remember them for Bible Adventures and Super Noah's Ark 3D.

On a personal note, I actually played this game a lot growing up. The cart came in two versions: the black which I own now, and the baby blue my friend had and we played on. I still don't know why we played it so much as kids (both my friend and I were raised christian, so I guess that might have contributed), but I think we really just liked throwing baby Moses around.

The game came out in 1990 and actually has three games on it. To be fair, the idea of making a game based off of the Old Testament is pretty badass. Lots of crazy stuff and wars happened then that could be easily exploited (how about a game where Elijah slaughters the 450 priests of Baal, Dynasty Warriors style?). So...did they make it good?

First impressions last forever

Three games in one! You get Noah's Ark, David and Goliath, and Baby Moses. You know, your classic Bible stories that could totally work as video games. Without digging into each one individually (yet), I'll say they all share the same awful "soundtrack," which is more like random beeps and blips popping out of my NES.

Also, this cart is more of a pain to put in and out than the Tengen ones, and it's also the pickiest game I own in terms of trying to get it to run. That isn't really related to an actual review, but I needed to vent somewhere.

But as I played further...

These games all follow a similar pattern: pick stuff up and toss it where it needs to go.

Noah's Ark it's obviously animals you're picking up, as Noah. First you have to find them on the map, and then haul them all to the ark. The crazy thing is he can pick up more than one at a time, leading to some awesome stacks like in the screenshot. It's kind of hilarious, in a weird way.

Different animals have some tricks to them. Monkeys you have to stun before they pick up, and oxen are heavy and are dropped when you jump. To be fair, this isn't a bad game I guess, but it's certainly tedious.

David and Goliath is the same thing but with freaking sheep. Because David took care of the sheep before smashing Goliath's face in, I guess. After getting them all you get to sling some Philistines, which I'm pretty sure wasn't in the Bible. Didn't he just kill Goliath first before being made king? Because the Philistines were like "We don't want to have bloodshed, so we'll just have two people fight?" Maybe I'm reading too deep into this; it's been a while.

But to be honest, the highlight of this package is Baby Moses. You play as Moses' mom who, rather than just putting Moses in the river like she actually did in the Bible, decided to use him as a projectile weapon to attack Egyptians! And throwing Moses in the water makes you lose. Wait, what?

All that aside, this is probably the funnest game, if only because it starts out with actual enemies. You can ditch baby Moses from the beginning and the Egyptians just ignore him for some reason (even though he is the one they want, not the mom) but you can't beat the level without the little tyke. You pick up stuff and beam it at Egyptians, while trying to figure out where the crap you left Baby Moses. This is the one we played most as a kid, because the idea of lobbing the future liberator of the Israelites at Egyptians like some sort of bomb (or Mario 2 turnip) is still hilarious. I don't know if they intended this to be sacrilegious, but it's certainly how they designed it.

All the games look mediocre but not too awful. The controls are tolerable but nothing to write home about. The main problem is the tedium in all but Baby Moses, and it's really just a one-note joke anyway.

So what's the conclusion?

I think everybody should have this game in their collection, but you probably won't ever play it. It's not a good game (though I honestly don't think it's as bad as people have made it out to be) but it certainly can provide a bit of entertainment. Considering how christian mythology seems only reserved for Castlevania games (and even games like Asura's Wrath manage to sneak a lot of Buddhism into it), it's kind of charming to see this game attempt to mix religion with an NES game. Charming, but not great.

If anything, being able to toss baby Moses around is worth the price of admission, which is usually $10.

Bionic Commando

A little background

Many people might not know this, but Bionic Commando is actually a spin-off of the Arcade/NES game Commando. Yeah, you didn't see that until right now, huh? I just blew your mind.

Anyway, Super Joe is the main dude in Commando, and he's been captured in Bionic Commando, so they send Nathan "Rad" Spencer off with his bionic arm (that's also his wife...oh wait, that's the other Bionic Commando game) to kick some not-Nazi trash and rescue the guy. Sounds awesome already!

Showing up in December of 1988, this game is probably most remembered for it's "Rearmed" version released on XBLA and PSN, as well as the somewhat mediocre-but-it-still-had-some-good-ideas reboot on modern consoles. It also has a super catchy theme song.

First impressions last forever

This is a great looking and sounding game, with really cool twists to its mechanics. Unlike 99% of other action platformers, Nathan (hey, that's my name!) actually can't jump, probably because his bionic arm weighs eighty trillion tons. Instead, you control the reach and grapple of the arm, which can fire in multiple directions (including diagonal). This makes even the first box a tutorial on how to use the arm, because you can't just jump over it.

Also, I like how it lets you pick your stages with the chopper, and man the music is sweet.

But as I played further...

Bionic Commando is still solid, even to this day. Is it tough? Yeah, especially since you have to learn a whole new control scheme with jumping removed and the bionic arm the only option. Is it punishing? Well, you start with a limited number of lives and one bullet takes you down...so I'd say yes. Even the enemies can take multiple hits. But is it fun? You bet it is!

With tons of stages to explore and master your bionic abilities, Bionic Commando's unique spin on the platformer is still fresh, even after all the remakes. The levels are designed to be taken slow and carefully, like how a real commando under enemy lines would act. While the game has a lack of bosses, it makes up for it with challenging regular enemies, and tons of crazy secrets.

I suck at this game, but I still love playing it. I've only ever beaten it once, and that was after a lot of deaths.

So what's the conclusion?

Bionic Commando is another one of those "necessary" games for any NES collector. It's got great music, sound, and completely unique gameplay. It's hard-as-nails but still feels fair, and with every level you beat you feel more and more like a badass. While the "Reloaded" game does improve on this original in nearly every way, there's still something to be said for the classic, 8-bit stylins of Nathan "Rad" Spencer.

Copies are usually under $10.