Something went wrong. Try again later

Giant Bomb News

124 Comments

Aperture Science Has An E3 Surprise

Another decisive victory for in-character press releases.

Just read it.

Dear Subject Name Here, 
 
Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word "surprise", of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you'd like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for <<RECORD SCRATCH!!!>>
 
PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

When I grow up, I want to be the CSO: Chief Surprise Officer.

124 Comments

Avatar image for mattbodega
mattbodega

2281

Forum Posts

34417

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 4

Edited By mattbodega

Just read it.

Dear Subject Name Here, 
 
Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word "surprise", of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you'd like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for <<RECORD SCRATCH!!!>>
 
PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

When I grow up, I want to be the CSO: Chief Surprise Officer.
Avatar image for garnsr
garnsr

254

Forum Posts

1

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By garnsr

Surprise!

Avatar image for ace829
Ace829

2106

Forum Posts

758

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 4

Edited By Ace829

Grrr

Avatar image for aaox
aaox

1674

Forum Posts

5623

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 5

Edited By aaox

Surprise, dude. 
That record scratch.

Avatar image for beachthunder
BeachThunder

15269

Forum Posts

318899

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 30

Edited By BeachThunder

I'm going to assume that the surprise is Portal 2 is actually now available on Steam - and for free too!!!
 

Avatar image for mistermouse
MisterMouse

3608

Forum Posts

272

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 5

User Lists: 5

Edited By MisterMouse

Haha I love Aperature Science and Co. the are pretty good with leaking things, and they are funny

Avatar image for mikemcn
mikemcn

8642

Forum Posts

4863

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 8

Edited By mikemcn

God I love Valve's style of news.

Avatar image for weegieanawrench
weegieanawrench

1974

Forum Posts

747

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 7

Edited By weegieanawrench

I love the humour for the Portal games. GlaDOS especially.

Avatar image for badfysh
Badfysh

40

Forum Posts

20

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 8

Edited By Badfysh

hopefully Valve will announce Half Life 3 and just forget about episode 3 been a long time since HL2, as much as i love Portal, a Half Life announcement would be awsome

Avatar image for olivaw
Olivaw

1309

Forum Posts

6

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By Olivaw

EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US.

Avatar image for phished0ne
Phished0ne

2969

Forum Posts

1841

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 7

Edited By Phished0ne

The surprise is that everyone in the building is going to be enlisted  in the Pilot tests for the new Aperture Science product 
 
"The Cake Gun"

Avatar image for eviltwin
EvilTwin

3313

Forum Posts

55

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By EvilTwin

That is a simply delightful press release to read.

Avatar image for brad
Brad

6955

Forum Posts

9601

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 4

Edited By Brad
@Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother.
Avatar image for bigchief
bigchief

513

Forum Posts

784

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 7

Edited By bigchief

Haha, that is the best release of information ever. Well played, Valve. Also, this had better be Episode 3 dammit!

Avatar image for cybexx
Cybexx

1697

Forum Posts

1458

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 9

Edited By Cybexx

So this pretty obviously says to me they are moving what they were going to show at that event to the Microsoft Press Conference. Maybe the Sony one if they have patched things up, maybe even the EA one since the retail release will probably be EA Partners, but nobody really watches the EA one except the press who are forced to attend.

Avatar image for mikemcn
mikemcn

8642

Forum Posts

4863

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 8

Edited By mikemcn
@Tarsier said:
" @Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
or how about just half life 3. do y'all really want another source engine game?  "
Why would they need to upgrade their engine? Left 4 Dead 2 is as technically impressive as any other game, a full source engine upgrade is years off.
Avatar image for demontium
demontium

5084

Forum Posts

1801

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 7

User Lists: 5

Edited By demontium
@Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
brad why are you bald?
Avatar image for arbitrarywater
ArbitraryWater

16105

Forum Posts

5585

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 8

User Lists: 66

Edited By ArbitraryWater
@Tarsier said:
" @Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
or how about just half life 3. do y'all really want another source engine game?  "
This. If Episode 3 was revealed to be yet another 4-6 hour minisode using the name and technology from a 6 year old game, I would be rather disappointed. Just make a full fledged Half Life 3 at this point with the successor to the Source engine. 
 
Oh, and this press release was pretty much the best thing ever.
Avatar image for august
august

4106

Forum Posts

332

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By august
@Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
The sad thing is I'm analyzing the crap out of your three word response to try to figure out if you know something we don't.
Avatar image for markwahlberg
MarkWahlberg

4713

Forum Posts

3782

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

Edited By MarkWahlberg

Portal 2 IS Episode 3! AAAAH MINDFUUCK

Avatar image for gorehorn
gorehorn

99

Forum Posts

45

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 1

Edited By gorehorn
@demontium:@demontium said:
" @Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
brad why are you bald? "
Seriously? 
 
It's a picture of J. Allard...
Avatar image for spaceturtle
spaceturtle

1660

Forum Posts

5299

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 6

Edited By spaceturtle

Dude, I fucking love surprises! Good golly, pleez god let this be a episode-3-surprise!

Avatar image for shirogane
shirogane

3647

Forum Posts

132

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 3

Edited By shirogane

Portal 2 got cancelled and instead they ending up developing a portal gun? I'd be fine with that.
Avatar image for edtwo
edtwo

487

Forum Posts

135

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 1

Edited By edtwo

I love Valve

Avatar image for gorehorn
gorehorn

99

Forum Posts

45

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 1

Edited By gorehorn

Anybody know, if this was sent out as an audio file with GLaDOS reading it out? Would be sooo fitting.

Avatar image for jackijinx
JackiJinx

3255

Forum Posts

23588

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 34

Edited By JackiJinx

The surprise is a lie.

Avatar image for drrandle
DrRandle

1390

Forum Posts

2197

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 20

User Lists: 6

Edited By DrRandle

Episode 3 probably won't be for a while. What with the it not making as much money for Valve. They are, *Gasp!* A business, after all.

Avatar image for kida
KidA

81

Forum Posts

15

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 3

Edited By KidA

Can't wait. I actually went back and finally finished HL2 and E1 recently, still hold up.

Avatar image for olivaw
Olivaw

1309

Forum Posts

6

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By Olivaw
@Mikemcn said:
" @Tarsier said:
" @Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
or how about just half life 3. do y'all really want another source engine game?  "
Why would they need to upgrade their engine? Left 4 Dead 2 is as technically impressive as any other game, a full source engine upgrade is years off. "
Seriously, anyone who says Source looks bad is a big dumbface with dumb opinions.
Avatar image for nkornek
nkornek

145

Forum Posts

497

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 6

Edited By nkornek

I love you Valve

Avatar image for demontium
demontium

5084

Forum Posts

1801

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 7

User Lists: 5

Edited By demontium
@Gorehorn said:
" @demontium:@demontium said:
" @Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
brad why are you bald? "
Seriously?   It's a picture of J. Allard... "
Seriously.... it was a joke.
Avatar image for jayross
Jayross

2647

Forum Posts

1791

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 11

User Lists: 6

Edited By Jayross

Ah... I love Aperture Science. 
 
Well, besides that time they tried to kill me.

Avatar image for orshick
orshick

195

Forum Posts

488

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 1

Edited By orshick
@ArbitraryWater said:
" @Tarsier said:
" @Brad said:
" @Olivaw said:
" EPISODE 3 YOU FUCKS. SHOW IT TO US. "
Preach it brother. "
or how about just half life 3. do y'all really want another source engine game?  "
This. If Episode 3 was revealed to be yet another 4-6 hour minisode using the name and technology from a 6 year old game, I would be rather disappointed. Just make a full fledged Half Life 3 at this point with the successor to the Source engine.   Oh, and this press release was pretty much the best thing ever. "
I disagree. Source engine games still look beautiful, and all the enhancements they've made to it over the years have certainly made it age more gracefully than many other game engines. They've invested a lot into source engine, and I think it diserves the proper send-off that was planned with episode 3. Afterall, id rather them just make the damn game with the existing tech--it takes them long enough this way, rather thwan wait for them to also make new engines.
Avatar image for theht
TheHT

15998

Forum Posts

1562

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 9

Edited By TheHT

coolio.
 
i`m really excited n all for portal 2 but today i just realized i really want episode 3.

Avatar image for rhombus_of_terror
Rhombus_Of_Terror

2544

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 3

They're going to smack us in the face with a massive Half Life 3 reveal and it'll be 1998 all over again...

Avatar image for contra
Contra

254

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 3

Edited By Contra

Valve... What?  You... what?
 
You are... what?
 
How many games are they working on?

Avatar image for milkman
Milkman

19372

Forum Posts

-1

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 3

Edited By Milkman

Episode 3
Episode 3
Episode 3
Episode 3
Episode 3
Episode 3
Episode 3

Avatar image for daveyo520
Daveyo520

7766

Forum Posts

624

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 12

Edited By Daveyo520

I want to know!!!!!!!!!

Avatar image for allaniceman
AllanIceman

1364

Forum Posts

67

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

Edited By AllanIceman

Nicely done Valve. Yet again.

Avatar image for subach
Subach

42

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By Subach

 Source still can be pushed quite a bit further, as can be seen with the effects and assets created for Black Mesa Source and the City 17 mod. I frankly wouldn't mind at all if they continue using Source. Half-Life 2 is still a beautiful game with better art design, animation, and character models than most games, even in 2010.
The only really dated thing I found in EP 2 was the sprited vegetation, and that can be forgiven as dynamic 3D vegetation is incredibly taxing performance wise.

Avatar image for tuggah
Tuggah

1093

Forum Posts

817

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 11

Edited By Tuggah
@EdTwo said:
" I love Valve "
dido
Avatar image for mothehawk
MoTheHawk

95

Forum Posts

151

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 3

Edited By MoTheHawk
@Olivaw: TF2 and both L4D games have been my absolute favorite games of the past five years, and I still play them to this very day.
 
Source looks bad.
Avatar image for randominternetuser
RandomInternetUser

6805

Forum Posts

769

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 2

Valve.. you so craaazy.

Avatar image for forcen
Forcen

2746

Forum Posts

29709

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 31

Edited By Forcen

This better be something surprising, a Portal 2 trailer is not surprising...

Avatar image for altdimension
altdimension

306

Forum Posts

1920

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 17

Edited By altdimension

Who is Matt Kessler? 

Avatar image for zdgro
zdgro

405

Forum Posts

39

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By zdgro

The surprise is that they are gonna release Portal 2 and Episode 3 together in one package. 
 
I hope...
 
Also a new counter-strike and a new day of defeat... that would be grand.

Avatar image for olivaw
Olivaw

1309

Forum Posts

6

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By Olivaw
@MoTheHawk said:
" @Olivaw: TF2 and both L4D games have been my absolute favorite games of the past five years, and I still play them to this very day.  Source looks bad. "
Nah.