http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/12/15/Review-Dragon-Age-Inquisition

The author of this review is so bitter, outraged and jaded that you start laughing pretty early. His fixation and anger at the possibility of homosexual romance is a particular through-line of note.

Enjoy it if you have a sense of humour. If this fellow was actually writing satire of bitter reviewers he couldn't be more pitch perfect.

That was a good read and he's right as well :)

Personally I feel like this game had 180 artists working on the world design and graphics, 50 musicians on the score, 27 writers for the story, 2 guys working on the combat system and 1 intern handled the inventory system. I'm 30 hours in and I think I have the right to say "goddamn, that's some awful gameplay there". Never going to finish this one, I'm sure..

I too, found myself agreeing with a lot of the points made in that article. Having spent 60+ hours with it so far, I found the combat, with the removal of healing spells, to be rather lackluster, and restricted to having only 8 abilities available leads me to believe that it was designed specifically for consoles, and the entire game balanced around that restriction. The inventory system is very cumbersome and the loot to be incredibly bland and uninspiring, especially the rings.

The main character seemingly survives a disaster and is then suddenly revered as an almighty wise leader because you've accidentally obtained a mysterious ability.

The "single player MMO" pretty much sums it up for me, without the complexity of an MMO that is. I'm disappointed in this game to say the least. Absolutely no way is Dragon Age: Inquisition deserving of GOTY.

What the fuck is his problem with Rufus Wainwright? What kind of monster would you have to be to hate Rufus Wainwright?

@korlic: Anyone that says it's a single player MMO must have not played many MMO's in their life. Maybe you have, I don't know you of course, but from my experience DA:I offers way more story and individually crafted missions than an MMO I've ever played. I also never had to grind experience to gain levels. Collecting materials is the only part that is a bit lame and reminiscent of MMO's but after dozens of hours spent playing Destiny the resource gathering seen in Inquisition is nothing.

The combat is a bit shallow on normal, but once you go up to hard/Inquisitor, you have to be a bit more mindful about your abilities and placement. Inventory is a bit of a hassle yes, and the dumb decision to group research items with valuables so you accidentally sell all of them is pretty frustrating. I found that some of the loot from Dragons was pretty good, but the crafting system helps a lot with the deficiencies in the loot.

To be fair, in Mass Effect 1 Commander Shepard gets a mysterious ability on Eden Prime and suddenly Anderson is pushing for you to command the Normandy and find Saren/the reason for the visions.

I get the MMO thing to a degree, but the combat isn't the main reason I play that game. Is it the best game Bioware has ever made? No. Is it GOTY? Debatable for sure, but it's still a pretty solid game, and it's a step in the right direction after the mess that was Dragon Age II.

Shoutouts to Gerstmann with that score.

It's always weird to hear people say that minorities or lgbt characters are "shoehorned" into plots. It's like they're uncomfortable that a game even acknowledges our existence. Any character who isn't white and straight has to justify his/her existence in order to factor into the plot. But white, straight characters can just exist "because." It's a really silly thought process.

@lab392: Especially since the guy writing it is gay.

i actually really enjoyed reading this review,but i also disagree with almost every point he made about the game.i personally think its one of the best games ever,and its for sure the best game bioware has made since the ps3 and xbox 360 has been released.he also said that mass effect 2 wasnt very well received by gamers,but only critics.thats wrong because most people praise mass effect 2 to the heavens,while i thought mass effect as a series was just ok.in fact almost everything he said in this review is how i feel about the mass effect games,yet i dont see that with dragon age 3.dragon age 3 is the only game bioware has made that i feel deserves the praise its gotten imo.

I also find it hilarious that anyone could be upset that any of the LGBT characters or romances are somehow intruding on the game. Every single romance in DA: I has to be initiated by the player, you're never going to propositioned by anyone unless you select a romance dialogue choice (clearly marked as such by the UI), so the idea that anyone could be offended by something they won't ever see unless they specifically engage with it is ridiculous.

I'll admit, first time around when they did this in Dragon Age II, it wasn't so obvious you were engaging in flirting with someone, so I did accidentally do it a few times with Anders, but in DA:I it's so clearly marked that it's really not a problem if you want to be completely heterosexual. Not once did the game shove any LGBT romances/characters in my face unless I chose to interact with them in that way. The fact he's upset about this is completely ludicrous.

@ll_exile_ll: But like all things with their lot, just the existence of it bothers them. They could live on the other side of the world with no contact and it would still bother them.

Do people that review games in this manner actually enjoy playing video games? Or do they do this just to get hits because they know a negative review of a popular game will garner a lot of attention? Maybe I'm in the minority, but when I play a new game I like to look at what things the game does well, and it seems like the popular thing to do now is to just nitpick every little thing about a game until you are of the belief that it is a shitty game.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't enjoy playing video games. Before the gamergate stuff started he referred to gamers as "weirdos in yellowing underpants" (which he references in this review with the scores for some reason). For the last couple of months he's been pandering hard to that crowd though, so he wrote a review complaining about a game forcing you to see that people who aren't straight dudes exist (which is a little ironic since Milo's gay, but it won't stop him from hating everyone else who falls under the LGBT label).

Gee, do ya think this guy has an ulterior motive?

Ironically, writing a supposedly consumer facing review of game with preconceived prejudices, just to provide a platform for ad hominem attacks is pretty unethical.

Ironic that that crowd loves this guy so much even though he openly makes fun of them and doesn't even play games.

Also what's with the opening salvo against Canada? "Fuck Canada, am I right? Up top bro". Jesus this guy is a dick.

He shouldn't be reviewing the game in the first place since he isn't an avid gamer. It seems he got the talking points from friends/twitter. And they are right, its a poor game in many aspects. BioWare really has gotten worse after EA. I will be really disappointed if this game comes up as the GOTY at GB. They should know better.

Well he is very blunt ofc. and exaggerates some stuff but i mostly agree with him. Anyone is entitled to review games.

I like how maayybe 10% of this "review" is actually about the game.

That is a hilariously awful review of a game. Most of it was him complaining about satisfying the "media toadies" as he puts it (what the fuck is a media toady).

Is there something like a converse or corollary to Poe's Law? For views expressed seriously on the internet that double as satire of themselves? I mean, I have no love for Kotaku or most of the editors at Polygon, but nearly every criticism of the game is couched in some slight against one of those two websites - and not just their writing, but ad hominems too. There are some points to be made about dumbing-down combat and the game's overall glitchiness, but it is exceptionally pandering to present nearly every one of these as the result of BioWare catering to some nebulous concept of social justice that your audience is going to eat up.

Preach. If he really had a huge problem with it, he even has the option of literally kicking out every non-heterosexual party member. Also, playing the "younger gamers" card is super ridiculous on a game with an M-rating (or equivalent).

@tafae: Not that I agree with this review, but it's pretty hard to argue that M-rated games (like Call of Duty for example) aren't marketed towards young teenagers.

Problem is (knowing nothing about this guy besides what I read in this thread) ... even if you have some good points (and he does), if you put them into an article that is this mean spirited and blows stuff way out of proportion all your good points get lost. Well besides to the crowd that agrees with you in the first place.

Also: I will for the life of me never understand why people hate Sera that much.

It's clear that this isn't meant to be a serious review and anyone taking it as such is only making it more hilarious At least I hope it isn't a serious review.

It is weird to see him talk about the gameplay being dumbed down. What is he comparing that to if he doesn't play game? I'm guessing he just reads what other people who are hating on the game says about it and forms his opinion in that manner.

Not sure I would want to give breitbart page views. If you don't like what they do, I suggest not to visit.

He sure likes to talk about the lesbians. Which is funny since that is such a small part of the game and not really in your face at all. You might not even realize that sera is a lesbian if you didn't include her in your party or pursue a relationship with her. He brings up a valid point about the inventory system, it's really clunky. Overall he's just a small time troll. Chuckle and move on.

A: Because she doesn't look like the typical overly pretty elf maiden type which just makes them upset because every romance in a BioWare game has to be aesthetically pleasing like Liara or Miranda.

B: Because when you first meet her she talks in goofy silly riddles and 'I stole their pants isn't that wacky teehee' and that leaves a bad taste on their mouths

C: Because a character who uses humor as a deflecting method is clearly pandering to the 'lol randumb' crowd

D: Because they don't bother trying to learn about her and why she is how she is because of any combination of the above

E: All of the above

Take your pick.

@brandondryrock: I'm enjoying DA much more then I ever did Destiny but then again DA is a real game where Destiny was just a train wreck on so many levels.

I actually don't give a crap about the guys nonsense going on about forced gay/lesbian relationships, truth is in DA:I there is only one gay only and one lesbian only relationship and neither are in your face. So long as you don't choose "romance" choices with those people they will never make any gesture other than calling you a "friend".

However when he opens with things like calling the Baldur's Gate games "middling" (BG2 is the highest ranked PC RPG of all time on metacritic and ranked in the top 10 PC games of all time for all genres), then starts saying Mass Effect 2 did not resonate with "gamers" it becomes blatantly obvious he is just a retard who is completely full of himself.

Save yourself the time and trouble. The article is a joke, and not in the way the author intends. Don't get the guy or his site a hit he doesn't deserve.

I don't quite get MMO comparisons, if you make that comparison i'm assuming you have never played an MMO. The article however was a great comedy piece, this Breitbart could very well be the next Giantbomb.

In the sense that he believes everything that he wrote in that screed. So,yeah, I guess it is a serious review. A lot of his regular readers will also take it seriously (as much as their interest allows).

All you lamestreamers need to go back to Vox and Gawker.

(Did I use the nouns in that sentence right? I'm still not exactly sure what they mean.)

@brandondryrock: Id be willing to bet he never even played it at all and just formed an opinion based on things he read online. Dude's a joke.

The stunning flash of irony when he criticized Bioware for "pandering to it's audience" by "shoehorning in lesbian relationships" while simultaneously finding a way to relate Dragon Age 2 with Gamergate was so bright I was temporarily blinded.

I would use this link for any future viewing, if only for your own safety:

https://archive.today/Z3Mxz

Glad I used donotlink.com to read this one, not glad I read it all.

I try to keep an open mind about different perspectives, but it's hard to have anything but utter disgust for Breitbart and Nero and the worthless garbage they spew.

Well its pretty obvious after the first few paragraphs that the reviewer has never played a Bioware game before this one (if he even played DA:I). I have no idea how this guy became the face of any game related thing. I gave up after the first three paragraphs worth of ad hominem attacks and lies/misinformation. In related news, I have a pretty low tolerance for bullshit.

Damn I just gave a click to that Milo dipshit, didn't know he writes on breitbart.... now it all makes more sense.

I don't read Breitbart and I've no intent to start now.

Seriously.

Update: the human piece of shit Nero is involved in that review? I'd rather suck a tailpipe. I'd lose less brain cells.

Frankly, I refuse to give them the click.

@dasacant2: Depends on who you ask.

@dasacant2: "Wanting to kill and rape ladies" may be a bit of an overstatement but he's most certainly a shitty human being.

There's the part where he (pre-GamerGate) blamed the Elliott Rodger mass shooting on video games.

Or the one where he made fun of Brianna Wu's dead dog on the day it died.

Or the one where he called transgenderism a "horrible sickness."

That was some funny shit. Guys' a great writer and I agree with almost everything he says.

I don't know how you can run around in any of the static open world areas with your group of idiots in tow, fighting endless respawning trash mobs, picking up endless trash and doing endless wafer-thin-narrative fetch quests and still not get the MMO comparison. That there's a relatively poor Bioware game bolted on to the side of it doesn't make the other 90% of the game any less of an offline MMO.

@bonechompski: Gee, I think this review might be a little biased.

I feel confident calling this a "rant", not a review. Dude lambasts the game for such things as homosexual relationships (and not just that, but homosexual relationships where both partners are "cute") and talks about Kotaku and Polygon's opinions throughout, like he's personally affronted by them. The only semi-coherent thing he said was that the combat was a little tedious and mindless, even. I sort of agree with this, in that any RPG will probably feel like this at some point, unless the enemy variety is humongous. I think it makes up for it with characters and story, though. I sure hope that anyone saying they agree is speaking super-specifically, cause there's a lot in there I wouldn't want to be associated with, just on a moral level.

Fuck that dirtbag.