How do you become a reviewer here?

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Balls

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#1  Edited By Balls

I'm wanting to be a writer here and get payed. Ive been out of highschool for like 10 years so I know my gaming. I also work at a gamestop and I'll move to Cali if needed. I'll put up a sample of my writing so you guys can see how good I am.

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jakob187

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#2  Edited By jakob187

WHEE-OOH!!!  WHEE-OOH!!!

YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!!! DO NOT ASK TO BE A REVIEWER AND DISPLAY POOR SPELLING!!! IT'S TIMEOUT FOR YOU, MR. BALLS!!!
YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!!! DO NOT ASK TO BE A REVIEWER AND DISPLAY POOR SPELLING!!! IT'S TIMEOUT FOR YOU, MR. BALLS!!!

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Balls

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#3  Edited By Balls

THis is a fanfic I wrote for the ScrewAttack forums:

 

A familiar sound crept into the room from the street. It was the high-pitched squeal of a loose serpentine belt in an old ‘76 Moskvitch.. James stood up from his bean bag and walked to the window tucked between the growing stacks of old video gaming consoles. He pulled the curtains aside and wasn’t surprised to see the pale, yellow, Ukranian built compact car of his friend, Craig. He was, though, surprised when his friend stepped out of the rusted gremlin completely naked with streaks of dried blood all over his skin, fully erect, and a viscous orange mixture falling from the corners of his mouth.

 

“Fuck me in the goat ass.” James muttered as he turned towards his front door.

 

His head ached as he walked down the narrow hallway. He could already see Craig’s face awkwardly pressed against the glass pane. There was a moment where he was unsure whether or not he could open the door but he did.

 

“Balls, Craig! Fuck nuts, shit fuck, donkey piss!” James blurted.

 

“I… I need helf”, Craig said weakly as he slumped forward. “I’f done some terrible fings and…” his voice was gurgled out and fresh blood poured from his lips.

 

“Jesus!” screamed James his eyes wide open in fear. He pried Craig’s mouth open and looked inside. More blood seeped onto the floor. “Fuck! Why did you diarrhea, balls chew your mother fucking anus tongue in bitch half?!?”

 

Craig just moaned and slumped to the floor. James was caught off guard and fell to the floor with him. Craig just lay there on his left side, knees buckled, naked, erect, nose to the carpet and blood flowing freely. James knelt over him his white shirt finely coated with smattered blood. Seeing his friend in such a state took its toll on him. He was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion.

 

“Crap, fisting, ass, dog shit, Craig…,” he whimpered. The words barely limped out but hung in the air and resonated. He reached out towards Craig’s head, shaking with sadness. His fingers combed through his friend’s blood stained hair.

 

Although Craig couldn’t see through his half-lidded eyes but he felt James fingers running through his hair. The moment took hold of him and he burst into tears.

 

“I’m freezing,” sputtered Craig, “I can’t feel my body.”

 

James heard this and from his 20+ years of experience playing video game and watching movies knew exactly what he had to do to help his friend’s hypothermia. He slowly but willingly removed his clothes and pressed his body to Craig’s. He pried his friend’s thighs apart which smacked as they opened having been adhered with saliva and Destin’s numerous other bodily fluids and tucked his head between them. Then he started open-mouthed breathing hot air trying to warm Craig’s perineum.

 

Craig’s erect manhood then fell against the nerd’s neck and James cradled it with his chin. He then stretched out his own muscular thighs and wrapped them around Craig’s head. He then tucked his knees to his chest trying to get Craig’s head as close to his core body as possible.

 

Craig was sobbing uncontrollably now and James could feel the warm tears trickling into his anus. James’ arms were now snug around Craig his hands slowly caressing his lower back in slow deliberate circles. He took care to not neglect any square inch of Craig’s sinewy back. His feet  arched back and were patting Craig’s head trying to console the crying man.

 

James begin thrusting his hips in order to warm Craig’s taut pecs. The soft slapping noises of James’ hips grinding into Craig’s rippling, muscle bound torso intensified as the situation became more grim. His technique wasn’t working. Craig was going into shock.

 

“Ass!” James yelled into Craig’s firm buttocks. Craig could only respond by grasping James’ hips and pulling him impossibly closer. His sobs were now being muffled by thick, firm, gluteus muscles. James could only hope that his friend would survive. Hope and grind his hips mercilessly into his friend’s chest and huff hot air into his anus.

 

 

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Origina1Penguin

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#4  Edited By Origina1Penguin

Best of luck to you, Mr. Balls.

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DualReaver

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#5  Edited By DualReaver

You remind me of me; I like you.

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Coltonio7

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#6  Edited By Coltonio7

'“Fuck me in the goat ass.” James muttered as he turned towards his front door.'

'Nuff said.

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jakob187

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#7  Edited By jakob187

NB4LOK!

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HandsomeDead

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#8  Edited By HandsomeDead

Trolls are so bland these days.

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Unreal_dro

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#9  Edited By Unreal_dro

You have to sleep with Vinny

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TheGTAvaccine

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#10  Edited By TheGTAvaccine

Uuuugh.

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Coltonio7

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#11  Edited By Coltonio7
Unreal_dro said:
"You have to sleep with Vinny"
 He....he lied to me....
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Hamz

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#12  Edited By Hamz

To be a reviewer here at GiantBomb i suggest you perhaps contact the Staff.