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Avatar image for me3639
#1 Posted by me3639 (2006 posts) -

****Please note this is just for fun. I do not mean any harm, or hurt towards reviewers, readers of reviews or Titanfall itself. I'm just having stupid fun.******

Well, its almost time. No not the game, who cares about a game, please. I'm talking about the review! Yes, the review! I'm so excited to hear if Jeff will keep playing, or if IGN will continue to follow the money, and if that dastardly GameSpot keeps things interesting. Who cares about another online shooter with Mechs. Ok, well to be honest it is pretty cool, but seriously lets talk about the inevitable review. (really wish i could get into that review pool). So my formula for this goes as follows:

Former COD developers+Shooter*sticking it to Activison+Beta Love+non stop advertising for weeks+free copies for reviewers= 8.5-9.5 scores.

I have a feeling this is going to follow a very Nintendo like review which will contain the following, possible spoilers:

"Its very familiar, but fresh"

"There are a lot of memorable moments"

"If you were on the fence about buying an Xbox One, its time"

"The best shooter experience since COD 4"

"Left trigger to aim, right trigger to shoot"- Jeff Gerstamn, bank it.

"You have your standard TDM, and DM but also MDM, SDM, SNM and MOM all of which are AOK"

"Do you remember the first time you played COD 4 and were like Woa(Keanu reeves) and you kept playing and playing. Get ready to feel that way again"

"There is notable difference in the Xbox one version vs. PC, but not enough to lean one way or the other" - BS

"GOTY contender"

"Game changer"

"MS and Respawn gambling with only offering an online experience at full price, but it's worth every penny"

"Feels very Call of Duty, but with Mechs"

"Awesome!"

"Im committed to playing this online shooter for a long time"

Now its your turn GB community i want to see your ridiculous Titanfall review quotes. And maybe after reviews have hit we will look back and see just how ridiculous reviews really are.

BTW much respect for the team below.

Avatar image for themanwithnoplan
#2 Edited by TheManWithNoPlan (7006 posts) -

"Titanfall will be dropping into stores March 11!" Pretty easy one here.

"The smart pistol streamlines combat for casual gamers".

You've nailed a lot of really good ones already.

Avatar image for fatalbanana
#3 Edited by fatalbanana (530 posts) -

"It's a video game"

You're welcome.

Avatar image for andorski
#4 Edited by Andorski (5481 posts) -

"The first true next gen shooter" (although I think that has already been said in a preview)

"Titans are tough but balanced"

"This ain't your grand daddy's shooter"

"The weapon variety only includes the essentials"

"Stop, drop (a Titan), shut 'em down, open up a hardpoint" (If Jeff is a true DMX fan, something along this line must be in his review)

"Respawn has nailed single player set pieces in their multiplayer only game"

"All you do is shoot enemies" (If Brad does a second review)

"Titanfall lowers the barrier for non-FPS players"

Avatar image for benspyda
#5 Posted by benspyda (2129 posts) -

"If you want a single player FPS, this isn't the game for you."

Avatar image for chaser324
#6 Edited by Chaser324 (8080 posts) -

Titanfall drops the mic on first-person shooters

Also, I think the OP leaves this thread a bit too open ended. Maybe restrict it to just witty titles or pull-quotes. Everyone just dropping dozens of generic quotes could get overwhelming.

Moderator
Avatar image for video_game_king
#8 Edited by Video_Game_King (36564 posts) -

A real Titanfail.

Avatar image for fredchuckdave
#9 Posted by Fredchuckdave (10207 posts) -

Rocket Lawn Chair

Avatar image for andorski
#10 Edited by Andorski (5481 posts) -

There should be a betting pool on what Polygon's vaguely descriptive and highly pretentious review title will be.

Avatar image for random45
#11 Posted by Random45 (1726 posts) -

I foresee Gamespot giving it a 7/10 and the comments section going absolutely ape shit over it, because the overall average will be around the 8-9 range.

I'm not creative enough to come up with quotes though, sorry. :P

Avatar image for roboculus92
#12 Edited by roboculus92 (562 posts) -

"Blades will bleed and titans will fall on March 11"

"Do you like games that use the left trigger and right trigger a lot? Then boy do I have a game for you!"

Avatar image for weegieanawrench
#13 Posted by weegieanawrench (1965 posts) -

@fatalbanana: I could see Jeff saying this.

Titanfall deftly jumps, rockets, and falls its way into your heart.

Avatar image for coovee
#14 Posted by CooVee (153 posts) -

"Titanfall? More like Titanfun!" - Horrible Person

Avatar image for i_stay_puft
#15 Edited by I_Stay_Puft (5568 posts) -

"This ain't your grandma's Call of Duty!"

"You want a sandwich for lunch? Buy this game instead and you won't regret it!"

"Game comes with a free dousing of testosterone inside."

Avatar image for illuminosopher
#16 Edited by Illuminosopher (353 posts) -

"!"

Avatar image for vinny_says
#17 Posted by Vinny_Says (5914 posts) -

"expect a whole lot of Titanfall inspired shooters coming to your consoles and PCs from now on"

if anything is to be learned from COD4, because WW2 shooters sure as shit ain't coming back (RIP Brothers in Arms).

Avatar image for benspyda
#18 Edited by benspyda (2129 posts) -

"Prepare to be sworn at by 13 year olds all over again!"

Avatar image for Levius
#19 Posted by Levius (1357 posts) -

"Respawn has gone beyond the call of duty to create a truly modern warfare game"

Avatar image for meteora3255
#20 Posted by meteora3255 (465 posts) -

"Much like the original Modern Warfare, Titanfall sets the bar for the next generation of shooters; and that bar is set higher than your Titan's dropship."

Avatar image for mike
#21 Edited by Mike (17288 posts) -

When I first saw that picture something struck me as a little bit odd. Then it hit me, there are only two women out of a team of 80+.

Moderator Online
Avatar image for falserelic
#22 Posted by falserelic (5770 posts) -

''Don't let them through''

''humanity's last hope''

''The maneuver gear is a beast''

''They're COMING! RUN BITCH!''

''In order to stop a monster you must become one''

'' it's time for the Titans to fall''

Avatar image for bigjeffrey
#23 Posted by bigjeffrey (5282 posts) -

Rey Mysterio works at Respawn, WHO KNEW???

Avatar image for darji
#24 Edited by Darji (5412 posts) -

"Great fun everywhere except in South Africa "XD

Avatar image for thewonderwaffle
#25 Edited by thewonderwaffle (77 posts) -

"Titanfall is a better game than Battlefield 4 that puts Call of Duty: Ghosts to shame."

Back of box quote- if past EA releases are any indicator:

http://cdn2.gamefront.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/battlefield-4-box-marked.jpg
http://www.hkofferhouse.com/images/cover/ps3/Battlefield%20Bad%20Company%202%20(Ultimate%20Edition)%20-%20U.S%20Ver%20(PS3)%20cover%20back.jpg

Obviously making a bit of a leap that they would allow a disparaging quote about BF:4, but for humor's sake...

Avatar image for crusader8463
#26 Posted by crusader8463 (14757 posts) -

Titanfail

Avatar image for 1337w422102
#27 Posted by 1337W422102 (1204 posts) -
Avatar image for captain_insano
#28 Posted by Captain_Insano (2704 posts) -

If no review says: "Prepare for Titanfall", I'll be very disappointed

Avatar image for bobbyr
#29 Posted by Bobbyr (94 posts) -

"Titanfall falls into the category of multiplayer titans"

Avatar image for demoskinos
#30 Posted by Demoskinos (17325 posts) -
Avatar image for beachthunder
#31 Posted by BeachThunder (14576 posts) -

@mb: I'd consider the inverse of that to be odd...

Avatar image for extomar
#32 Posted by EXTomar (5047 posts) -

I was going to make an Attack On Titan joke but that may already be cliche.

Avatar image for irvandus
#33 Edited by Irvandus (3170 posts) -

"The next generation first person shooter has fallen"

"Giantbomb's Best of E3 2013 winner"

"Prepare for a Titan of a game"

"Titanfall would be a fantastic game... but what is with the lack of female titans?"

Avatar image for hippie_genocide
#34 Posted by Hippie_Genocide (1865 posts) -

@mb said:

When I first saw that picture something struck me as a little bit odd. Then it hit me, there are only two women out of a team of 80+.

and only one luchador.

Online
Avatar image for videogamewayne
#35 Posted by VideoGameWayne (4 posts) -

"It lives up to the hype."

(It doesn't)

Avatar image for crithon
#36 Posted by crithon (3979 posts) -

"it's a game ass game."

Avatar image for fattony12000
#37 Posted by Fattony12000 (8271 posts) -

"Left Trigger"

"Right Trigger"

Avatar image for vamino
#38 Posted by Vamino (252 posts) -

"The game that could make the Call of Duty titan... " etc.

Avatar image for twisted
#39 Posted by Twisted (305 posts) -

"Yo it's like Call of Duty, but with FUCKIN' ROBOTS!" - IGN

Avatar image for jz
#40 Posted by JZ (2343 posts) -

Robot handjobs!

Avatar image for nmc2008
#41 Posted by NMC2008 (1248 posts) -

There was no cheese or mustard in my refrigerator but Titanfall satisfied my hunger. *shrugs*

Avatar image for thatdutchguy
#42 Edited by thatdutchguy (1301 posts) -

"It's a piece of shit"

Avatar image for rmanthorp
#43 Posted by rmanthorp (4527 posts) -

"Titanfall blew me away."

Moderator
Avatar image for gerrid
#44 Posted by gerrid (545 posts) -

"Titanfall does for multiplayer FPS on next-gen what Modern Warfare did for the console shooter all those yeas ago" or some equally clumsy equivocation about how titanfall is the cod4 of gamechangers.

Finely tuned, time will tell, just so much fun being a mech, traversal.

Avatar image for hailinel
#45 Edited by Hailinel (25787 posts) -

It's a shooty-guns gun shooter with mechs that also use shooty-guns for gun-shooting.

Avatar image for spraynardtatum
#46 Posted by spraynardtatum (4368 posts) -

"It's official, Titanfall won Microsoft the console generation"

-Ryan McCaffrey

Avatar image for chiablo
#47 Edited by chiablo (1043 posts) -

I expect Polygon to spend more time coding a shiny HTML5-powered web page for the review than in writing the actual review.

Avatar image for extomar
#48 Posted by EXTomar (5047 posts) -

"Left Trigger"

"Right Trigger"

"The most elegant and beautiful left trigger I have ever experienced!"

"A right trigger so daring and bold I was knocked out of chair."

Avatar image for hippie_genocide
#49 Posted by Hippie_Genocide (1865 posts) -

@andorski said:

There should be a betting pool on what Polygon's vaguely descriptive and highly pretentious review title will be.

Who had "My Buddy"? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Online
Avatar image for gerrid
#50 Posted by gerrid (545 posts) -

@gerrid said:

"Titanfall does for multiplayer FPS on next-gen what Modern Warfare did for the console shooter all those yeas ago" or some equally clumsy equivocation about how titanfall is the cod4 of gamechangers.

from the Eurogamer review:

"Respawn has shaken up the FPS just as surely as Infinity Ward did with the original Modern Warfare"

bingo! bingo bingo bingo!