13th sign of the Zodiac, you might not be what you think you are

In some weird news today, it appears that thanks to the wobble of the Earth's axis we now have 13 signs of the Zodiac.  Ophiucus, AKA Serpentarius, has squeezed its way in between Scorpio and Sagittarius.  Whether this is going to be picked up by the astrological community at large or just "scientists" remains to be seen.  Check the list below to see what your new horoscope is.
 

• Capricorn: Jan 20-Feb 16
• Aquarius: Feb 16-Mar 11
• Pisces: Mar 11-Apr 18
• Aries: Apr 18-May 13
• Taurus: May 13-June 21
• Gemini: June 21-July 20
• Cancer: July 20-Aug 10
• Leo: Aug 10-Sep 16
• Virgo: Sep 16-Oct 30
• Libra: Oct 30-Nov 23
• Scorpio: Nov 23-Nov 29
• Ophiucus: Nov 29-Dec 17
• Sagittarius: Dec 17-Jan 20

Astrology has always been wrong. Ophiucus has always been there, but they decided to ignore it because 12 star signs was neater. And they realized that the earth's axis changed the dates years ago. But astrologers have continued to use the wrong zodiac calendar, and they'll continue to use it now.  
 
But it's not like any of this matters, astrology is bullshit anyway.

I am Leo now? Boss.

"But it's not like any of this matters, astrology is bullshit anyway. "

Man, I don't want to be a Scorpio.

It's only if you were born after 2009.

" astrology is bullshit anyway. "

" I am Leo now? Boss. "

Fuck that noise. Capricorn is lame - Aquarius is where it's at.

Libra? that sounds totally gay.  
 
I liked being a Sagittarius.  
 
Not that I actually care about any of that mumbo jumbo.

"

• Capricorn: Jan 21-Feb 16
• Aquarius: Feb 17-Mar 11
• Pisces: Mar 11-Apr 18
• Aries: Apr 19-May 13
• Taurus: May 14-June 21
• Gemini: June 22-July 20
• Cancer: July 21-Aug 10
• Leo: Aug 11-Sep 16
• Virgo: Sep 17-Oct 30
• Libra: Oct 31-Nov 23
• Scorpio: Nov 24-Nov 29
• Ophiucus: Nov 30-Dec 17
• Sagittarius: Dec 18-Jan 20

 
"

all i know is that i'm a dragon on the chinese restaurant placemat. and noone's telling me different.

"

It's only if you were born after 2009.

"

Awesome, I'm a Ophiucus, screw you guys I'm going to the new kids club. 

"

It's only if you were born after 2009.

"

" @Chabbs0 said:

"

It's only if you were born after 2009.

"

Excellent. Scorpio 4 lyfe motherfuckers! "

Oh hey I remember this from FFIX

" @eternitymemory said:

" @Chabbs0 said:

"

It's only if you were born after 2009.

"

Excellent. Scorpio 4 lyfe motherfuckers! "

"

Even on this site I have to see this Zodiac nonsense? 

" Oh hey I remember this from FFIX "

"

It's only if you were born after 2009.

"

Even though this zodiac stuff is all a bunch of crap, i cant help but like this one better. Hello Leo goodbye Virgo!

Fuck that shit. I'm not Aries. I'm fucking Taurus, bitch!

" @PixelPrinny said:

" Oh hey I remember this from FFIX "

Only there were still 12 stones, I think. Let me check. Wait, it was 13 in the game. I'm guessing that the Greeks who invented these signs collected all the stones, but forgot to turn them in because, shit, Kuja's got an ass that's begging to be kicked. "

" Fuck that noise. Capricorn is lame - Aquarius is where it's at. "

Yup, still a Virgo.

Astronomers have known this stuff for a long time now. It's the stupid astrologers that are just now deciding to take note.
 
I'm the same thing I always was: Someone who doesn't care about zodiac signs.

fuck yeah, im a scorpio

Still a Leo, no complaints.

I used to be an aquarius, now I'm a Zanussi with middle finger rising.

That stuff is for silly people.

Still a Leo, don't give a fuck.

Looks like I'm in this new sign. I'm cool with that, sounds more badass anyway.

...They can patch that shit in for Final Fantasy Tactics right?

No mention of Cancer or Gemini yet? My my... 
Anyway, once a Cancer, now a Gemini. I can live with that. 
 

LIES! I will never be Virgo! Viva la Libra! 

" @MauveForest said:

" I am Leo now? Boss. "

"

I give ZERO shits about astrology. ZERO.

You will have a good day. Oh shit man that horoscope was right!

NOW, I'm a Scorpio. crazy..

That newspaper crap, aka "you going to win the lottery on this date", is not real astrology. Before you completely dismiss something, why don't you do some damn research on it. Here is one recent study, and here is an article that references that study, as well as more on this topic.
 
edited for grammar.

Sweet! I'm no longer a disease, and am now a song by Brian Kahanek.

I heard about this 3 years ago in my Astrology class. My teacher had this whole big lecture about how everything is wrong.

No. I was born a Scorpio, I will die a Scorpio.

"

It's only if you were born after 2009.

"

That's fucking odd. So now my sigh is  Ophiucus and I according to the Chinese  calendar I was born in the year of the Fire Serpent and I do love snakes.